Mulch- Into Fowl Manor

He opened the bum-flap on his tunnelling trousers.

  'Right. Stand back.'

  Root and the surrounding LEP officers rushed for cover, but Foaly, who had never actually seen a dwarf tunnelling, decided to stay for a peek.

  'Good luck, Mulch.'

  The dwarf unhinged his jaw.

  'Ank oo,' he mumbled, bending over for launch.

  The centaur looked around.

  'Where's everyone — '

  He never finished that statement, because a blob of recently swallowed and even more recently recycled clay whacked him in the face. By the time he'd cleared his eyes, Mulch had disappeared down a vibrating hole, and there was the sound of hearty laughter shaking the cherry trees.

  Mulch followed a loamy vein through a volcanic fold in the rock.

  Nice consistency, not too many loose stones. Plenty of insect life too.

  Vital for strong healthy teeth, a dwarf's most important attribute — the first thing a prospective mate looked at. Mulch went low to the limestone, his belly almost scraping the rock. The deeper the tunnel, the less chance of subsidence on the surface. You couldn't be too careful these days, not with motion sensors and landmines. Mud People went to extraordinary lengths to protect their valuables. With good reason, as it happened.

  Mulch felt a vibration cluster to his left. Rabbits. The dwarf fixed the location in his internal compass. Always useful to know where the local wildlife hung out. He skirted the warren, following the manor foundations around in a long north-westerly loop.

  Wine cellars were easy to locate. Over the centuries, residue seeped through the floor, infusing the land beneath with the wine's personality. This one was sombre, nothing cheeky here. A touch of fruit, but not enough to lighten the flavour. Definitely an occasion wine on the bottom rack. Mulch burped. That was good clay.

  The dwarf aimed his scything jaws skywards, punching through the floorboards. He hauled himself through the jagged hole, shaking the last of the recycled mud from his trousers.

-Artemis Fowl, Chapter 7