Learning Control

Having grown frustrated after witnessing the exchange between Undiyne and Tillion, the way it reminded him of the battles Zo himself had had against the illusionist. The defeats he'd had at Tillion's hands.

The first time Zo had faced the snake, their fight had been close. Zo had been moments from victory before he'd lost track of which Tillion was the real one and which the fake. The second time however? Tillion had defeated Zo without question, trouncing the young boy utterly. Tillion was entirely too fast and adept at using the shadow-copies he utilized, and his growth seemed to outpace Zo's own... at least, up until now.

But before, Zo hadn't been truly focused. His resolve had been there, but it had been unformed, without true direction. He'd simply wanted to be 'Strong Enough' never thinking about the how of it, or the why of it.

Once, he'd said it was to protect the future he didn't have yet.
In a way, that was true.
But now he understood more... His ambition had a purpose. Not just to be Strong Enough to protect the future he didn't have yet. No, he would become Strong Enough to choose whatever future he wanted, and take it. He would become the Strongest, so that no one could deny him that.

Not Tillion.

Not Enkelados.

Not even The Titan.

No one, ally or enemy would be able to tell him he couldn't have what he wanted. Be who he wanted. Do what he wanted. Such was his ambition, such was his resolve, such was his Pride.
(Zo)

With these stormy thoughts spinning like a hurricane around Zo's mind, the boy knew he needed to regain his focus; to tame the frustration that had his blood pumping more violently in his veins. He wouldn't let his anger rule him, he wouldn't let it make himself reckless and uncomposed. No... He couldn't be compromising, not even with his own emotions.

If he let his feelings rule him, how could he expect to refuse the rule of others in his day to day life?

Instead, he would learn to rule himself, learn to wield his anger like a blade, learn to turn his frustration into focus, learn to make what had been recklessness before into control.

He'd already learned to start pursuing this goal, working on controlling his breathing and using it to hone his concentration. He'd used it before to filter out the noise of the square when it began to overwhelm him. He'd used it to help him run faster, and fight harder, and work longer.

Now, he'd use it again, repurposing it to tame the storm within him.

Drawing his blade, he'd hold it in front of him and open his mouth, gritting his teeth as he inhales through his nose and raises the blade up above his head. Holding it there, he'd swing it down as he exhales steadily, not quite letting his lungs empty completely.

Again, and again, he'd raise the blade and let it fall. Again, and again, he'd let his breath build in his lungs. Slowly the tide of emotions inside his head would begin to calm, the gale of thoughts drowning out the sounds of the world around him beginning to fade.

It was far from an instant change... But gradually, the young boy honed his self control a little more, bit by bit. Until finally, he could hear the breeze around him, the ebb and flow of the river, the rustle of the leaves on the trees. He could taste the fragrance of the flowers on his tongue with each breath, the aroma intoxicating and calming.
(Zo)

As his concerns faded and new distractions arose, Zo felt a surge of frustration returning. But he wouldn't let that primal part of him win out... No. He was better than that. He HAD to be better than that. He'd redouble his focus on his breathing, slowing the movement of his sword and drawing out each breath even longer now.

His lungs were burning in his chest, the muscles in his neck and shoulders were screaming their protests at swinging that oversized blade in such a steady, repetitive way, his arms felt like they were turning into rubber...

But he forces himself to keep going. Forces himself to maintain that concentration until only one thought remained.

'I have to be stronger. I have to be Strong Enough. I have to be The Strongest.'

Again and again, he'd repeat this mantra until he couldn't hear anything but his pulse in his ears and he could almost visualize every vein as it pumped the oxygen throughout his body.

He felt like he was going to drop his blade, his hands growing sweaty and even the cloth around it's handle not enough to soak it all up. He felt like his knees would give out as they quaked beneath him. He'd never done something like this before... Never tried to practice this much control over both his mind and body.

But he couldn't let go. He couldn't give up.

Not yet.

Finally, he has the faintest spark of what he's hoping to achieve. He feels a sense of total control set over him as the exterior world fades away and his awareness becomes completely internalized.

For but a moment, he can see the ebb and flow of not only his lifeblood, but his lifeforce too, the very Mana which made him a Magi.

No sooner does he visualize those circuits, before not only his external world becomes black but also his internal world. In the next instant his sword falls from his hands and his knees give out as the young boy collapses to the ground from hyperventilation and exhaustion...

But as he lay there unconscious, there is a small smile across his lips.
(Zo)