Thread 2: Stories 91-100

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>"..." AJ.
_..._ AJ42.
'...' AJ2.
"..." Chrysalis.
[...] Shining.
*...* Celestia.
/.../ Luna.

--------------

>"Ah'm walkin' on sunshine, wooo-aaah~ Ah'm walkin' on sun-- AGH!" AppleJack shouts, having bumped into something tall and black, now looming over her.

"Apologies, AppleJack. I didn't mean to knock you down." Chrysalis notions, offering a hoof to the fallen princess, who takes the hoof gratefully.

>"Chrysalis, yer speakin' proper. Ya had yer morning coffee?" She asks the chitinous Queen, who nods.

"Indeed." Chrysalis then looks around the area they're in. "Have you seen AppleJack 42 anywhere? I cannot seem to find her."

>"Ya don't plan on hurtin' her, d'ya?" AppleJack raises an eyebrow. "She's under protection of Canterlot, y'know."

"I would not dare. We're not in the hive." Chryssy replies.

Just then, Celestia walks around the corner, carrying AJ2 on her back, who's laughing like a filly while Celestia makes flying noises.

*Whoooooooshh! Mrrooooooown! Off to Saddle Arabia to bomb something iconic in revenge!!* She stops abruptly when seeing Chrysalis and AppleJack. *Oh, hello.*

'We're playing flying pegasises!' Two shouts happily.

*Pegasi, Two.* Celestia corrects.

'Yeah that.'

Celestia walks by AppleJack and Chrysalis, then continuing down the hall with AJ2.

AppleJack and Chryssy, walking together, go into the ballroom to look for 42. As usual, she is in the corner of the room, laying atop a tower of stacked tables covered in duvets. Other changelings bow to their Queen as she enters, 42 does not. Not that Chrysalis cares much.

"42, I have need of you." Chrysalis says to the schmooze-ing changeling.

_Not caring, my Queen._

>"Oh boy..."

"I command you, come to me."

_Noope. Aint got power over me here._

"..."

And then, Shining.

[I challenge you, 42! Come here and fight me!]

42 hops down, immediately crossing the distance and suckerpunching Shining through a wall. Coincidentally she stands next to Chrysalis.

_Meh, I'm here now. What did you want my Queen?_

"I need you to help with the planning of job distribution to my subjects here, including yourself. We shant lay about constantly."

_...Yeah, go on then. Aint got anything better to do._

"Luna may also be of assistance. She can do good work when she puts her mind to it."

Somewhere off in the distance, a voice can be hard shouting in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

/WE ARE GAMING, AND EATING OUR CAKE, LEAVE US BE OR SUFFER NIGHTMARES AT OUR HAND./

>"Guess that answers that one."
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>Shining
"AJ2"
~~~~~~

>HOW!?

"You know, I'd ask that myself, but I'm far too distracted by the preeeettttyyyy...."

>I just- YOU SET THE STADIUM ON FIRE!?

"In fairness to me, how was I supposed to know crystal was highly flammable?"

>IT ISN'T!

"...That's raising some unfortunate questions."

>I just, ugh.

"Thanks for bandaging me up! I'm bleeding from... a lot of places."

>Yeah, I noticed. How did you even get bite marks- is that my wedding ring!?

"Oh, yeah. Applejack 42 said she was hungry."

>Well, that explains the chew marks on it.

"I tried to tell him it was from the 'off-limits' box, but he just took it out anyway."

>I'll be honest, that probably encouraged him.

"So I kind of got into a fight with him. I won!"

>...What.

"Well, he wouldn't give it back, so..."

>So he bit you.

"Yeah! But it's okay, I bit him too!"

>I noticed the chunks in your teeth.

"We taste like mint toothpaste, turns out."

>...Thank you for getting my ring back.

"Course, Shiny! Can we go get some more waffles, now?"

>You know what? Sure. You've earned it.

"...We gonna deal with the fire?"

>Nah. My fire department can handle it.

"They can?"

>Lord no, but this is WAY funnier than me personally fighting it. C'mon, let's get some waffles.

"Yay!"
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>Twilight
"Applejack"
'Shining'
'"Chrysalis"'
Celestia
~~~~~~~~~

>I'm just saying, you are being way too needlessly hard on him.

"Ah' respect yer' opinion, but Ah' also think yer' full of it. Ah'm plenty hard on Celestia too."

>No, seriously Applejack. You keep making him fight stuff. For no reason. He's the prince of the empire, and I'm pretty sure we've established that being royalty does not mean you have to go toe to toe with giant monsters.

"It's fer' his own good."

>Is it... did he come on to you or something? Did he steal your cakes? Say he likes oranges better or something?

"Twi' Ah'm not that hard on him."

>Okay, what's the last thing you made him do?

"Clean the stadium after it got set on fire."

>Because?

"...Moral?"

>......

"Look, Ah' promise you, next time Ah' see him, Ah'll be nicer and more helpful, okay?"

*Door explosion sound*

'TWILIGHT HELP!'*runs past*

>...What the hell was that all about-

*Window explosion sound*

"'Get your shapely white ass back here! We are settling this once and for all! I AM NOT BAD IN BED! AND I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO RUT YOU INTO THE GROUND TO PROVE IT!" *Chases after him*

>SHINY NOOOO!


"....So, this is what it's like break yer' word deliberately. New experience. But honestly, there is not enough bits in all of Equestria ta' get me ta' stop it."

*Celestia flies past* CHRYSALIS NO! BAD BUG RAPIST!

"Not enough bits in the world..."
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>Applejack
‘Spike’
____

>What the… these figures ain’t addin’ up… But that’s not right, Ah done ran through this over thirty times! What’m Ah missin’...?

‘Hey, Applejack! I got those blueprints for the mayoral building that need your approval, along with a licensing agreement from A.K. Yearling to let Ponyville theatre use her material in a play.

>Right, right, jus’… uh, jus’ set ‘em over there with all the other buckin’ piles of forms that need lookin’ over. Ah’ll get to it eventually….

‘...Applejack?’

>What, Spike? Ah’m kinda busy here with- hold on. Where did those funds to this get to? They ain’t not even logged down in the ledgers! Does money jus’ vanish ‘round here?

‘Applejack, how long’s it been since you’ve slept?’

>Ah dunno. Couple days now? Maybe four? Lost track. Anyway, thanks fer the delivery, y’all can go now.

‘…’

>An’ now look at this! What kinda signature is that? Looks like a manticore wrote it, fer Celestia’s sake!

‘Oh, uh… Applejack, look what I just found, a special form directly from Celestia!’

>Aaagh, Spike… sweetie… they’re ALL from Celestia! It’s her buckin’ fault Ah’ve got a backlog of taxes and documents to sift through datin’ back a year ago! No wonder Equestria’s fallin’ apart at the seams!

‘Well, okay, yeah, but see… this one, um… this one she needs you to sign quickly. As in, right now. She said it’s of vital importa-’

>Jus’ gimme the darn thing already. … There, signed. Ah pray she don’t choke on it.

*Spike smiles*

‘Applejack? I need to stop for a second.’

>Spike, Ah really, really don’t have time fer ga-

‘Just shut up and read what you signed. Please.’

>Hey! Who’re y’all tellin’ to… to… Wait. What’s this say…?

‘Back in the olden times when Celestia and Luna actually used to work, funny thought, I know, they would push themselves to exhaustion. So Order 84 was put into motion for the princesses, a specially designed document that, once signed, ordered them to take a three day break to recuperate. And guess what you just signed.

>…B-but--

'But nothing.'

*Spike sweeps all the documents and folders to the floor with nary a care*

‘That can wait until after your break. For now? Just climb into your bed and I’ll go get you a piece of cake. You’ve earned it.’

*He proceeds to leave when a voice whispers out behind him*

>Um… can… can it be one’a those delicious apple cinnamon pastries...?

‘Of course, Princess Applejack. I’ll be back in a few.’

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There was a long defining silence as the various ponies stood in a half circle around a prone, unconscious Queen of the Changelings. It was an awkward, tense silence filled with eyes darting around, uncertain as to who should finally break the quiet.

Ever the one to take charge, it apparently fell on Applejack.

>Okay... so...

As always, she was a huge help.

"Please don't tell her I did that."

Nobody replied to Applejack 2 as she stood meekly in the corner, idly fidgeting with the giant chunk of floor with a distinct green streak across it. Nobody replied, because they felt that pretty much went without saying.

It was at this moment that, of course, Cadence finally arrived to see what all the screaming was about. She took one long, hard look around the room, and then flippantly turned away, only pausing briefly to call back a quick note that they were having roasted seaweed for dinner. Shining was unsurprised. A little exasperated that his wife was unconcerned, but not surprised.

Needless to say, Appleajack 2 got to sit at the table this time. And nobody ever spoke of the incident again.

Except to clarify to Chrysalis that it was totally Discord that hit her, and she should take all her frustrations out on him. She didn't even question them.
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>Applejack
"Luna"
'Celestia'
~~~~~~~~

"Oh, curse you sugar of the damned! Why must you be so sweet as to assuage all of mine thoughts and mind! Oh, but perhaps a single more bite will not hurt-"

>LUNA!

"WE HAVE NOT CHEATED OUR DIET! YOU DON'T KNOW!"

>Yer' cake hole is about ta' be filled with somethin' WAY less pleasant iffin' ya' don't explain this!

"What? It's a bill. Really, dear Applejack, We have finally begun to cater to your whims and accept our royal duties, and this is how you react?"

>Five seconds left.

"It was even done via comity with our niece, Cadence!"

>Three seconds.

"We honestly do not see the issue! Put that spear down!"

>....Do ya' really not get it?

"No! What on Equestria is the matter with you!?"

>This says Dragons can't live in Equestrian cities or towns iffin' they get bigger than a couple feet.

"Five foot eleven, to be precise. Cadence wanted it to be five foot five, We desired six feet, so we compromised! See, we can work together."

>......

"We do not see the problem, really. The only dragon you know is that little purple one, and he's fairly useless all things consider-WAIT NO!"

~~~~~~~
'Care to explain why my sister has to gave several wads of paper surgically removed from her larynx?'

>Nnnnope.

'Just double checking. Her bill is coming out of your coffers for this one.'

>Free healthcare.

'...Shoot, the one thing I DIDN'T mess up.'

>Still all yer' fault.

'I guess?'
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>Princess, Ah-

“You nothing. You got that? You nothing. Why don’t you ever bother my sister with Equestria’s supposed impending doom?”

>‘Cause she’s too busy tryin’ to shrink her plot to care ‘bout much else.

“Shrink her… ha, good luck, my sister. All those moonpies? Not a chance in Tartarus. Anyway, then go tell it to Cadance.”

>Tell it to Cadance. Who’s ruler of her own empire.

“Ruler? Really? If you said you were going to impeach her, she’d smile like an idiot and hold out a hoof for fruit.”

>...okay, fair enough. Point stands, though.

“Have Chrysalis take a look at it then!”

>She wouldn’t even be able to understand half the words on this thing!

“You’re just not going to go away until you get what you came here for, are you?”

>Well, Solar Ass, maybe if y'all spent less time roundin' out yer rear with cake and more time givin' yer co-rulers and subordinates proper trainin' and guidance, Ah might not have to come see ya every ten seconds.

“…”

>Yeah. Yer fault. Now sign this damn paper.
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>Applejack 2
“Shining”
‘Applejack’
_____

>Hey. Hey, Shiny! Shiny! Hey! Shiny, over here!

“…‘here’ would imply you’re out of my line of sight, AJ2. You’re sitting on the bed with me, less than five inches away, waving your arm back and forth. I see you.

>Oh. Just making sure!

“Well, did you need anything?”

>Yeah, I, uh… wanted to play rock, paper, scissors!

“...really?”

>Yeah! I heard it was a fun game, and you’re fun, so that’d be like, double the fun!

“Alright, then lets do it.”

>Yay!

“…”

>…

“You see why this isn’t working, right?”

>Huh… no, not really. We’ve got our hooves up, what’s the next step, Shiny?

“Nothing. There is no next step. This game is a prank on us ponies, and bug-ponies. We can’t make paper or scissors with just hooves.”

>...Oooooh. Well, uh… w-well, we could play rock, rock, rock, right?

“On a scale of one to ten, how much planning went into this?”

>E-eight….

“And on a scale of one to ten, how badly did you want this to go perfectly?”

>E-eleven…

“Oh, jeez! No, don’t start crying- it’s alright, it’s alright!”

>N-no it’s not! All I wanted to do was p-play a game with my Shiny and--and that Gryphon t-told me about rock, p-paper, scissors and I just wanted to make you happy and laugh and then we’d play and--and--

*the door opens*

‘Shinin’! What’re y’all doin’ in here when ya need to be out there trainin’ those tro--’

“Look, no, it’s alright! I promise! Watch, watch, see? My hoofs up! We can just play rock, rock, rock, AJ2. It’ll still be fun and I’ll still be happy.”

>R-really…? You don’t mind…?

“Not at all. It’s more fun this way, too. We can make up our own rules as we go along. Come on, show me that smile! You gotta smile if you want to win!”

>Okay! Yeah! But don’t think I’ll go down easy, Shiny!

‘…’

“Oh, Applejack? Sorry, didn’t see you there. Did you need something?”

>Hey, AJ, princess version!

‘Yeah, but... On second thought, it can wait. Y’all two enjoy yer' game, alright? Ah’ll come back by later.’

*she backs out and closes the door*

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>Chrysalis
"Cadence."
_____

>In conclusion, the changelings would be a great strategic, economic and social benefit to the Crystal empire.

"No."

>What do you mean 'no'?!

>I just spent the past three hours, 5 cups of coffee and dozens of charts and slides explaining how much of an asset the changelings could make to your empire and your only response is an instantaneous refusal?!

>Why in equestria would you possibly refuse this without even thinking about it!

"I dont know, maybe it was because you attempted to take over equestria, almost entirely ruined my wedding day and raped the stallion i love."

>Okay two points.

>One, this was before i discovered coffee, i could barely think myself out of a paper bag back then and would have likely declared, and lost, a war with it.

>Two, no you dont.

"...Come again? I thought i just heard you say i dont love my husband."

>Thats what i said.

"How in tarturus did you come to that conclusion? Of course i love my shiny!"

>Dear, I'm a changeling, and a queen at that. I know love. What you have for your 'shiny', is barely enough to fill a teaspoon.

"You're lying! You have to be! T-this is all a trick!"

>Oh pray tell, what exactly would i have to gain from 'tricking you' here?

"Oooh Shiny!"

*Door slam*

>*Sips coffee*

>"Bad in bed" am i?
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>"Celestia-"

>"NOT TODAY, MOTHER-"

>"Cool yer jets, princess, Ah jus' wanted to know somethin' 'bout our technology level."

>"Whatever it is, it can't be my fault!"

>"O' fer land sakes... Look, Ah've jus' been acceptin' some patents on the progressively newer inventions Twi's been puttin' in, an' we discovered 'er latest doo-hickey already exists an' even been improved on to where we don' recognize it!"

>"You know, that is something that's bothered me for ages. We've had steel but didn't discover bronze until centuries later. We have combustion engines, but explosives were only used to propel projectile weapons- well, you were the one who saw to their deployment."

>Discord teleports in
>"Oh, I think I can answer this one mon petite fillie!"

>"... Alrigh', let's hear it."

>"See, ages ago, Ponies, Dragons, you all used to be so much more advanced, and you had no influence on nature. Which seemed pretty boring so I took the liberty of spicing up the laws of reality."
>As Discord explains this he begins showing pictures of 'anicient advanced ponies', his arrival, and eventually begins switching them out so fast it becomes a flipbook.

>"Then all of this is your fault?!"

>"Are you blaming moi?!"

>Celestia and Applejack glow with agitation
>"YES!"

>"Perfect! And I was worrying everyone was starting to forget my won role in making things interesting in Equestria. Now, if you'll pardon me, I froze Fluttershy in time during our tea party when my ears started burning."
>He gestures to his ears which are literally on fire
>"Too da loo!"
>Discord exit off the castle stage

>"I hate that guy..."

>"You an' me both..."
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