Stay Calm

Stay Calm

>”Well, it looks like your babies are going to be here just about any minute now. Remember what I told you.”
>”Nu cwy ow panic-uh!”
>”That’s right. Now, get ready.”
>you’re Anon, fluffy pony owner extraordinaire
>and your yellow and beige fluffy pony, Daisy, is minutes away from giving birth to a litter of foals
>ah, the miracle of birth
>watching horrible bloody creatures wriggle their way out of a vagina before plopping onto whatever object is before them
>”miracle” of birth
>anyways, everything is going as planned
>you have a small electric blanket underneath Daisy, so she’s nice and warm
>there’s a small towel laid out behind her, so that the foals won’t get amniotic fluid and blood all over the counter, plus it’s kinda fluffy, so it’ll feel safe
>you even laid out a heaping bowl filled to the brim with spaghetti
>these are just the necessary pre-cautions
>doing your research about how to handle a fluffy pony birth, you came across something that was a tad disturbing
>”Fluffsplosion”, as it’s commonly called
>Lutei Lanugo Disorder otherwise
>basically, if a fluffy enters a state of trauma while giving birth, it, well, explodes
>kinda self-explanatory
>the explanation for why is a bit complicated
>it has to do with a build-up of certain gases in the amniotic fluids
>they’re highly reactive to gases such as nitrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane
>many of these are…well, “released” in times of duress, especially with a fluffy pony
>when the fluids are exposed to air, such as when the water breaks, they begin to oxidize immediately
>all it needs then is a little bit of CO2, some methane, hydrogen, and some heat, usually produced by the natural body heat or subsequent release of the gases
>and then POOF
>fluffy explodes in a shower of gore and fluff
>the foals tend to make it out fine, somehow
>they occasionally get picked up by the resulting shockwave of the explosion and plastered on the walls
>and it’s your mission to make sure that doesn’t happen
>first things first, though
>you’ve gotta take the clippers to the fluff around where the foals are coming out
>it’ll make the whole process much easier and less painful for Daisy
>you give her a small pat on the head, pick up your scissors, and walk behind her
>”Daddeh? Wha’ doin’?”
>”I’ve just gotta give your fluff a little trim, honey. It’ll make-“
>”Take fwuff?!”
>oh fuck
>”No, no! Just take a deep breath. Nice and slow. Stay calm.”
>she does as you ask, and very slowly repeats her sentence
>”Take…fwuff…?”
>”Only a very tiny little bit. So the babies will be okay. That’s all.”
>Daisy breathes a sigh of relief and slumps down
>that was way too close
>you can’t have another episode like that, or else the worse is definitely going to go down
>carefully and deliberately, you trim the very smallest amount of fluff that you can while still lopping off enough for the foals to slide on out
>”Daisy cowd.”
>”I know, sweetie. But it’ll be over before you know it. Trust me.”
>”Otay, daddeh.”
>you wait around for nearly half a minute, wiping off your shears, when a cry erupts from Daisy
>”Daddeh! DADDEH! BIGGES’ POOPIES! BABBEH POOPIES!”
>fuck fuck fuck fuck
>”That’s a good thing! That’s good! Stay calm! That’s good!”
>she pants heavily, and looks at you with bleary eyes
>”Hewties. Buh nu cwy. ‘Tay cawm. Wite, daddeh?”
>”Right. That’s a good girl. Now, be sure to stay calm until your babies ar-“
>before you can finish, Daisy lets loose a shriek that could make a deaf man flinch
>”BABBEHS GIF DAISY HEWTIES! OUCHIES! EEEEEEEEEE!”
>as she screams, you notice something
>her voice is getting thicker, more slurred
>she’s bloating, too
>oh shit
>OH SHIT SHIT SHIT
>”No! Stop! Stay calm, remember! Stay calm!”
>it’s too late
>Daisy swells to twice her normal size
>then three times
>and four times
>her eyes are bulging, her hooves wiggling, and she’s desperately trying to scream further
>all of this, in just the span of a few seconds
>finally, the pressure becomes too much
>you can only watch in horror as Daisy explodes into a cloud of…
>confetti…?
>yeah, it’s confetti
>and she even burst with an audible pop
>what the hell?
>and where Daisy one was lies…
>Daisy
>what the fuck is even happening
>she’s slightly smaller than she was before
>in a flash, the tiny Daisy has exploded once more, this time in a shower of sparks and lights, leaving a faint smell of gunpowder
>and there’s an even smaller Daisy
>this one blows up into a slurry of gore, showering your kitchen in blood and guts
>far too many gallons of blood and feet of entrails for anything that small
>speaking of small, there’s another fucking Daisy in her place
>this one is no bigger than your thumbnail
>it disappears in a tiny puff of smoke
>and, sure enough, there’s an even smaller Daisy there
>she’s almost impossible to see, no bigger than a mosquito, but she’s there
>there’s the tiniest flash, and she’s gone
>the entire process is probably continuing on the microscopic scale
>looks like Daisy is going to have a little fluffy family no bigger than a qwark or two
>well, that’s fluffy pony
>you might just have to create a spaghetti molecule
>just so they’ve got a little treat way down there