swearing

You're the only man I know who could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking a dick-
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake-
If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off-
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel-
Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke-
Your kid is so ugly, he makes his Happy Meal cry-
You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail-
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying-
Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.-
Your face makes onions cry-
It’s impossible to underestimate you.-
Your teeth are so bad you could eat an apple through a fence.-
Did your mother get a fine for littering when she dropped you off at daycare?-
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.-
You bring everyone so much joy, when you leave the room.-
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.-
You are the human version of period cramps.-
You are like a cloud. When you disappear it’s a beautiful day.-
I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?-
If I ever wanted to kill myself I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level-
If stupidity would accelerate you, you'd have to brake uphill-
I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you have brought none-
You think you're cooler than me? Then I must be hotter than you-
I've been called worse things by better people-
I hope you fall with your hands in your pockets-
You look like a young old man-
The Jerk store called. They're running out of you-
As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?-
I have nothing but respect for you, and not much of that either-
I wish we could become better strangers-
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed-
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle-
Whoever told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice.-
You have an impeccable grasp of the obvious-
You are nothing but a hole in the air-
You haven't been yourself lately. We've all noticed the improvement-
You're the reason why tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them.-
I’ve seen more meat on a lettuce-
If you were any more inbred, he’d be a sandwich-
Did your barber die?-
I like what you tried to do with your hair-
I envy everyone who hasn't met you-
I like you better the more I see you less-
Your smell so bad the flies chipped in and bought you a screen door-
You're like the first slice of bread in the packet,everyone touches you but no one wants you-
If you were a spice, you'd be flour-
You may not be the dumbest person on Earth, but you better hope he doesn't die-
Are you a professional moron? Or just a gifted amateur?-
I bet your parents try to change the subject when their friends ask how you’re doing.-
Why are you playing so hard to get when you're already hard to want-
I never forget a face, but I'll make an exception just for you-
You're a complete tool but not half as useful-
I expected nothing and I'm still disappointed-
You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel-
Your family tree is a straight line-
Your family tree is a cactus. A straight line and full of pricks-
I'd be surprised if you can count to 20 with your shoes on-
Face like a slapped arse-
Face like a dropped pie-
Face like a worn out boot-
Face like a smashed crab-
Face only a mother could love-
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a more intelligent answer-
You're not handsome enough to be that stupid-
If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards-
You look like 10 pounds of shit in a five pound sack.-
You’re so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped yo momma!-
If you were any dumber we’d have to water you twice per week.-
You look like you were drawn with my left hand-