a guest Jul 19th, 2019 69 Never
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- "What is this ? Where am I ?" I say as I try to get up of this bed. "Stay down Mr. Jones" said someone with a female voice. As I lay back down, I ask "Am I in heaven ? Is this what God's voice sounds like ?" I get a reply "Not quite. You're in a hospital bed. You attempted suicide. My name's Alexa, by the way." Said the same female voice. I start seeing a bit more clearly and the female voice actually was a what seemed to be a nurse. "What ? I didn't die ?! That's absurd ! How did I manage to get here then ?" I asked. "Someone by the name of Evan Heigler called the ambulance. He saw the whole event." She answered. "Here's some backstory: I was diagnosed with severe depression back in 2014 and even with meds, a psychologist and a few close friends, I still managed to feel sad and depressed. 2 days ago, I decided it was time to do it. I went up to the top floor of a car park. I sat up on the edge for about 15 minutes. I texted everyone "Have a good life. Love you, Michael." and then jumped off and so that's why I'm in a hospital. "But I thought I landed head first on the concrete. That should've been it..." I said to the nurse. Se replies with "Well.. You landed on your back. That's what we've been told. Anyways, why did you do it ?" Asked the nurse. "Nobody understands me, nobody seems like they can help me, they might be trying, but it's just not enough." I say while starting to cry." I haven't felt good in years now and I just couldn't bare with it anymore." I said to the nurse. She replied with "If nobody understands you, tell them who you are. Here, tell me. Who are you ?" "I'm not the same kind of person you would think I am. I'm a person who needs a lot of attention, affection and love. I'm literally the definition of a 5 year old kid's needs. I always feel like I'm messing things up, because when someone rejects me or decides not to talk to me, in my head, it means that I've done something wrong. Why is that, you may ask. Well, it's the way I've been born and how I've been raised. I always need someone next to me, because I can break down at any moment. I'm jealous.. Of.. Everything. Someone's happy ? I'm jealous. Someone's not feeling good but they have people helping them, I'm jealous. Just sometimes seeing other people happy can make me cry worse then a newborn. I just simply hate my life. I feel like it's worthless. Especially since I'm alone now. Everyone seems to have left me. I guess I might just not be made for this world. Life's going too fast, and I can't even be close to keeping up with it. And it goes on and on and on.. Sorry you had to hear this Alexa..." I said. "I see... But hey, It's fine ! I could listen to you all day and all night, as long as you tell me everything. After all, I want you to feel happy and I believe that you also want to get out of this miserable pain. I've been there with you. I've almost attempted suicide about 25 years ago, but with the help of people, I managed to get out of it, and I think that with the right people, you can also get out of it."
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