But I want to make a difference, waahhhhhh

Alexithymiaa: -After her less than pleasant check up with the doctor who set her up with her new physical therapist, Steph was now sitting on the floor in the living room with her brand new CPM machine. Her right leg was strapped into the device and it was very slowly bending her knee for her, which was insanely painful. Or so says my dad who had to do this after his surgery. The tv was on, but she wasnt paying any attention to it, her eyes set on her knee as she bit hard into her lower lip, her face strained as she watched the machine do its physical therapy thing.- ( http://medcomgroup.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/older-gent-on-cpm2.jpg )
Covet: Felix came in from mowing the lawn outside, he was all sweaty and smelled like grass. He'd taken his grungy shoes off outside by the door and was now pulling his socks off. He looked over at Steph who was clearly not enjoying this at all. "Do you want me to have your painpill ready for you when you're done?" He asked as he walked towards the kitchen tosisng his sock into the laundry room, then went about washing his hands and arms.
Covet: [That looks awful]
Alexithymiaa: (Ive seen my dad cry twice in my lifetime. Once was when his father died, and once was when he was strapped into that thing.)
Alexithymiaa: "Please?" She managed to squeak out, her hands turning to fists into the carpet she was sitting on, dipping her chin low. She bit down harder on her lip, finally actually drawing blood from herself.-
Covet: He finished cleaning himself up as much as he cared to right now, and went to grab her pain meds and a bottle of water. "Shit Red... turn it off, you're bleeding." He said with a frown setting the pill and bottle down next to her, before heading back to the kitcen to go het her a clean wet washcloth.
Alexithymiaa: -She exhaled the breath she didnt realize she'd been holding in, her hand moving to the little switch to flick it off. Blinking back the tears in her eyes, she reached for the pill and the water, tossing it back quickly and swallowing hard. "This is worse than that other exercise."-
Covet: "I'm sorry. They'll get easier, it's just a matter of slowly getting you used to the movement again, without ripping or tearing anything." He told her holding out the washcloth for her so she could wipe her lip off.
Alexithymiaa: -Setting the water down, she took the washcloth from him and pressed it to her lip, lifting her eyes to stare at his face. "The only way it's going to get easier if I work through this type of shit right now. And this type of shit... this feels worse than the actual tear did."-
Covet: "I'm sorry, just take it at your own pace though, you don't have to push yourself so hard you're making yourself bleed. Instead of one session, break it into two shorter sessions in the day. That sort of thing." He said with a bit of a frown."
Alexithymiaa: "They're short sessions enough as it is. Any shorter and it's not going to do anything." She pulled the washcloth away from her face, folding it in half in her hands. "I just want this to be over already..."-
Covet: Felix frowned, "Okay, but what is over doing to the point of hurting yourself otherwise going to do? Besides make you miserable. So long as you get the full amount of time in your'e suppose to each day, then it shouldn't matter how short they are should it?" Felix asked, trying to think semi logically.
Alexithymiaa: "I don't know...." She trailed off, giving a shrug and wiping her lip off again when she tasted blood. "I wasnt overdoing it though. I was doing exactly what he said to do."-
Covet: "Well then maybe we need to invest in a mouth gaurd for you while you're doing this for now." He said with a concerned look on his face.
Alexithymiaa: -She smirked, assuming he was kidding before shifting her gaze to his and realized he wasn't laughing. "Oh, you're serious. It's fine. I'm sure I'll get over it. Just like everything else..."-
Covet: "Well, I'm amused but yeah I'm serious, You can't jsut keep biting yourself each time you have to do this, You won't have a lip left, and I kind of like your lips." Felix said.
Alexithymiaa: -She gave a shrug, running her tongue over her lower lip. "I'll be careful." She paused, turning her eyes to him again. "Really?"-
Covet: "Really? do you Really need to ask that?" He asked her with a bit of a playful scoff. "You sure you don't want that mouthguard for these first few days at least?" He asked her lightly "We could find a cool one for you. They make glow in the dark ones now."
Alexithymiaa: (They also make glittery ones. Just... so you're aware.)
Covet: [Sweet!]
Alexithymiaa: -She jerked her shoulder, shifting a bit. "I don't know... we haven't been very.... coupley lately will all this crap going on. And I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with." She moved her hands, unstrapping her leg from the machine to free herself. "Do you really think I need one?"-
Covet: "It's been a little difficult yeah, and frustrating, but that doesn't mean I still don't love you, or all the parts of you." Felix told her furrowing his brow a bit then gave a soft smile, "I won't push it if you don't want it, but I don't like seeing you making yourself bleed because of the pain."
Alexithymiaa: "I know, I'm sorry... I'm not trying to frustrate you. I guess I'm just frustrated with myself." She slipped her hands underneath her leg, wincing as she lifted it out of the machine to set it down on the floor. "I guess if you can find one that doesn't suck, I'd consider wearing it..."-
Covet: "I forgive you, at leat you recognize that you've been difficult." Felix told her helping move the machine out of the way for her. " I can probably do that. By the way, do remember us talking about you finding a different job before all this shit hit the fan?" He asked her.
Alexithymiaa: -She raised her brows, tipping her head to the side. "Yeah..... why? Did you do something?"-
Covet: "No, well I did what I told you I was going to do." Felix said correcting himself. "I have been keeping my eyes open and feelers out to people and places and I might have found something that's right up your alley." He told her with a smug grin.
Alexithymiaa: "....What is it?" She asked unsurely, furrowing her brows at him and leaning back against the foot of the couch behind her.-
Covet: "I found this art gallery. That's looking for someone to be an assistant to schedule events and check guest lists, send emails out, etc. I came across them when I was seeking out a couple of venues for future projects a while back, and I shot them an email after overhearing them when I went down there to check it out. Not for myself, but I might have talked you up a bit, since you have an eye for art and photography yourself, plus you tend to be pretty well organized. Plus, half the work you could do away from the place, at home, or the library, park...wherever." Felix told her.
Alexithymiaa: "You already talked to them?" She asked, pursing her lips. "I mean... I guess it could be okay. Do you know what they're willing to pay?"-
Covet: "Yeah, I've been on correspondence with them for about a month now, mostly talking photography stuff, and a possible collab with them at the end of the summer. I dont yet, but I wanted to ask you how much you were making from the gym before I asked that question." Felix asked her.
Covet: *been in
Alexithymiaa: "The gym paid me sixteen an hour. And twenty two an hour for any traveling or after hours type of stuff. Do you think they'd be able to match that?" She asked with a wince, kind of reluctant to give up on the gym just yet.-
Covet: "Possibly, I'll check in with them and find out." Felix said seeing her wince, "What's up?" He asked tilting his head.
Alexithymiaa: "I don't know... I liked my job coaching. I know we talked about the possibility of finding something else that worked out better for me, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy what I did." She looked down at her hands away from his face, taking a deep breath. "It's just a lot of change all at once, I guess."-
Covet: "Of course you enjoyed it, but I guess I was mistaken that we'd agreed on it. It's nothing that's going to happen immediately. Nor do you have to accept it I guess. I just don't understand what about that coaching job keeps you so attached. You have to drive an hour to get there in the morning, to do a job that right now you can't even physically help them at, you'd basically be a glorified baby sitter for them. Which is going to make you feel like crap, and that's not even figuring in how the other events you have to travel to that also make you feel like crap. Just because you enjoy it, doesn't mean you have to hold onto it forever." He said with a shrug as he looked at her.
Alexithymiaa: "Well that's why I took time off. Because I can't even get there right now, but once I'm able to walk again? I don't have to be able to do the skills to coach them. I rarely ever did to begin with. I guess it's a nice feeling to be able to help those kids work towards achieving their dreams. It was really satisfying. It felt like I was making a difference in their lives."-
Covet: "At the expenese of your own happiness? I mean, I'm sure things have changed for you in those regards too, I dunno.. I guess.. I'm just nervous and concerned you're going to slip back into your old habbits if you go back to those things that ended you up in this place." Felix said biting the inside of his cheek. " It's not exactly fair for me to sit here and try to dictate everything for you though, so I guess I'll just leave this with, You have options, options that could be better financially as well, as round out some of your other many talents."
Alexithymiaa: "It wasn't at the expense of my own happiness though. I enjoyed being there and coaching. I always have..." She trailed off, tugging at the bottom of her shirt, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over her. "I really don't think you need to be concerned about that. And I wouldn't consider organization a talent, but I guess I'll take what I can get at this point. Speaking of which, Liz is coming tomorrow to demo the song so this conversation might not even be relevant if things go well with her."-
Covet: "Really? That's why I got upset texts from you at the last event you got to go with them to?" Felix said then shook his head, "Well regardless if you think I should or shouldn't be, I'm going to be. I can't help it, it's what happens when you love and care about someone, deal with it." He said then added, "I didn't mean that organization was the talent...I was thinking more of your art and photography. This could give you a chance to maybe do some smaller showcases of your own. It's not like you don't have plenty of art that you could show off, or maybe even sell." Felix said then nodded, "True, and I really hope that is the case, I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for it, because I'd much rather see you doing something for you. It's nice that you like helping everyone else out, but I think investing this time in you, could really help you with a lot of the other insecurities and stuff." He said.
Alexithymiaa: "My work is pure amateur. It's really not good enough to sell in any capacity, but I appreciate you saying as much." She forced a smile, putting her hands out toward him. "I just want to get to bed. Between the therapy and the paid meds, my head is just... eh."-
Covet: "Excuse you don't you dare talk about my girlfriend's art like that. Just because you think it's amateur, doesn't mean that someone else will think it's the perfect piece to hang above their mantle." Felix said all dramatic like then he went about helping her to bed, "I'm sorry. I'll get you tucked in then I need to catch a quick shower so I don't make the bed smell like lawnmower gas and grass clippings."
Covet: *won't think
Alexithymiaa: "To be fair, I like the smell of grass clippings. Unfortunately you smell more like BO than grass clippings though." She started to laugh, getting into bed when he helped her and sinking down into the fluffiness. She was exhausted. Therapy is tough.-