Spirit of Winter 3: The Lady

Day 2 in Equestria
>You are in sheer bliss.
>  Oh god, sleeping in a warm house instead of a moldy yurt is so fucking awesome.
> Now after explaining yourself you are asleep on a couch in the home of a pony named Twilight Sparkle.
>After all the insanity you are currently sleeping a deep dark African sleep (amirite Louie?).  It feels like you've been sleeping for an eternity.
> But as life goes you have to wake up one way or another and that way happens to be a studious purple pony, with a cult like devotion to the pony Monarch and Goddess of the Sun Princess Celestia
>”Anon!....Anon! Come on you need to get up.”
*mumble mumble mumble*
>”Alright, have it your way...”
> You suddenly feel the sensation of being lifted in the air; which you assume is still the bliss of being asleep.  But then you feel the sensation of falling and the sobering feeling of hitting the ground.
*oof* what the fuck!
>”You weren't getting up, so I got you up myself.”
Terrific.
>”Alright, so Princess Celestia sent me a letter and she says she has important business in Fillydelphia and so she won’t be back for about a week.  So she also sent me a form I need to fill out so the scholars at Canterlot have a grip on exactly what you are”
*sigh* fine.
> “I also would not suggest you get dressed, I am going to need to make a sketch of you”
Why?
>”So the scholars at Canterlot know what you look like.”
Well alright.
>You spend the entire morning answering the questions on the form while Twilight asks and Spike fills out the paper.
> Next is the sketch.
>”So you’re going to need to stand like you’re making a “T” and you’re also going to need to strip down completely.”
I’d rather not.
>”Anon this is all for Science, you don’t have to worry.”
No I’m serious, I really don-
>Before you can finish Twilight has trotted over and has pulled down your underwear and is now face to face with: “THA THICKNESS!!”
>This makes her recoil and turn bright red.
>”I…I d-didn't know humans hung down that much!”
I tried to warn you
>Spike is now trying not to burst out laughing as Twilight quickly trots back over to where she was previously sitting.
> Twilight quickly orders Spike to begin sketching you.  Which means the agony of standing completely still has begun.
> It feels like ages before you are finally told you can finally relax and stretch out a little.
> “Alright anon now spread your legs apart and bring your arms up a little at an angle”
What? Why?
>”Because we need to get all aspects of you form.  Now do what I say.”
>You sight grudgingly and oblige to her request.  Now your cajones are hanging freely in the void.  This makes Twilight blush again slightly, but she remains professional
> The process this time is not as slow and Spike is done in a matter minutes.  You see a future in art for this little guy.
>Twilight tells you to turn around to get a good view of your back and repeats her instruction for the front sketch.
>”We're all done Anon, you can get that garment of yours back on.”
> You quickly take up you underwear and put them on like none other…. Is that a flash of disappointment you see in Twilights face?  You'd be disappointed too if the thickness left the room without a word.
>” What do you think anon?” Spike says tapping on your calve
>You take the paper and closely examine it.  It looks like Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man, only with your face on it.
Looks good little brother.
>”Thanks!  I sure am glad I don’t have a set up like yours” he replies giving you a joking nudge

>After eating a late breakfast/lunch you begin to wonder what you are going to have to do to assimilate into pony society.  You’re going to have to get a job, buy a home and so on and so forth.  You’re going to need Twilights help on this.
>”Hey Anon!” Twilight chirps “I have your clothes all fresh and clean for you, I hope they didn’t shrink”
> You take your clothes from twilight levitation grasp and immediately put them on.  For once in a long time your base layer, pants and Jacket all feel clean.  But before you can thank Twilight, you hear a knock at the door.
>”I’ll get it”
> You look over Twilight's shoulder to see who is there.
> Once again Twilight uses her magic to open door and she is then greeted by a gray mare which you can see is a Pegasus because of her wings.  You then notice she has a parcel in her mouth… mail pony?  You guess so.
> “Package for Mr. Anonymous!”
>The gray Pegasus has the package between her teeth and is wearing a huge smile.
>”Thank you Derpy”
> “Bye bye Twilight!”
>”Looks like you have mail Anon.”
>Twilight levitates the package over to you.
Who would send me a package?  I don’t know anyone at all.
>Inside the parcel is a hemp drawstring sack full of what sounds like coins and a note attached to it.  Who would send this to you?
>”What does the note say?
Uh... “Dear Mister Anonymous, it has been reported that you are a mythical creature of pony intelligence.  Therefore by Equestrian law, we have provided you with fifty bits, so you have enough money to buy food and a few new articles of clothing. With welcoming wishes, Princess Celestia.  ”
>”I have heard of that law, but I have never seen it being used” Twilight says.
Well I guess I am the only mythical creature that has ever assimilated into Pony society.
>”I guess you’re right... So what you going to do with money?”
I should probably get some new cloths… Know where I can get them?
>”Oh I know exactly where to get some new clothes”

----------

>You are met with the familiar sight of beautiful white snow blanketing the ground.  The roofs of the houses and shops are covered with snow and icicles are hang from the door arches. It is cold, just the way you like it
Winter *sigh* it’s so beautiful don’t you think?
>”It is… but it’s SO COLD!!” Twilight says with a shiver.
It’s not that cold.  It’s rather balmy I think.
>”Well if I was wearing that heavy I coat I don’t think I would mind.”
Well why don’t you take it?
>Before Twilight can say anything in protest you have your wool coat draped over her, with the arms tied in a knot so as not to trip.
>"....”
Well what do you think? Are you warm?
>”...IT’S SO TOASTY!! What is it made of?”
>You give Twilight wink, a grin and in an exaggerated Russian accent you say
Is made from Ural Sheep wool!! Best wool in all of Russia my Pony comrade!
>”Russia?”
Never mind.
>You both walk for a few minutes while Twilight asks about Russia until you come to a building.  From what you can gather this is the “Carousel Boutique”, Ponyville’s most distinguished tailor shop, where all ponies get their clothing from. Yet for some reason the sign on the door says closed.
It’s closed?  But it’s almost noon.
>”Hmmmm... I am guessing Applejack couldn't convince Rarity that you weren't going to eat her”
Well that’s a shame
>Twilight proceeds to bang on the door calling for Rarity to open the door.  She does this for a few minutes until she receives a reply.
>”Go away I’m not going to open the doors until the Canterlot guard takes that horrid beast far away from here”
>Twilight gives you a wink.
>”Rarity the guard came during the night to take the monster back to the wastelands.  I’m sure it’s far away from here”
>This is met with silence.
>”Rarity you need to open the door, I have a stallion out here who is in the midst of a fashion emergency!”
>In the blink of an eye the door to the boutique opens and you are met with a white unicorn with purple mane... sonofabitch she’s gorgeous... NO!! You’re not a horse fucker…. You haven’t seen a woman in about a year..You do have your needs…. But you have your dignity…You’ll mull this over later

>”Oh darling!  Why didn’t you say so!! Now where is the poor thing?”
> Rarity looks around for a while before her eyes meet you.  To which you give your trademark smile and wave.
>”Oh... Well aren't you... A tall one... Well I am Rarity…”
>She says before limply lifting her hoof.
>Your first impulse is to shake her hoof.
>But instead your gentlemanly instincts kick in and you see this as an opportunity to score a few points with a pony you don’t know.  You then respond by getting onto your knee and taking her hoof into your hand and kissing it.
Anonymous Trollolololololovich Legionstev, pleased to make the acquaintance of such a dashing lady
>This gesture seems to do the trick as Rarity facial expression loosens up.
>”Such a Gentlecolt! Nopony here has ever addressed me in such a refined manner!”
Well it was so clear!  You are obviously a refined and elegant lady and you must be greeted as such.
>Rarity giggles slightly when she hears this, Twilight simply rolls her eyes.
>”Alright Anon, Rarity will take care of you, I need to go get some groceries, here’s your coat, I’ll meet you back here in about two hours”
Keep it; you seem to need it more than I do

>Now inside the Carousel boutique you stand shoe less in front of a mirror once again striped down to your undergarments and caught looking at your bony but strangely tone form.
Are you sure this I necessary?
>”Of course dear, I am going to need precise measurements for a Gentlecolt such as yourself.”
Well alright then...
>Rarity then begins the process of measuring.  Her measuring tape fly’s around you occasionally straightening out.  All the while Rarity is humming and taking notes.
>”Alright darling, I am done taking your measurements, you can get dressed.”
>You almost reflexively grab your cloths and put them on at a breakneck speed.
>”My! Aren't you limber”
>Rarity gives a ligh sigh.
> Did you just hear?... No I couldn't have been... all you can do right now is smile sheepishly
>”So darling, what did you have in mind?”
Well I was hoping you could just make me some pants a little like these, and a plain black button down
>”Oh no! I Simply will not allow it! A Gentlecolt like you needs something more refined than that!”
I prefer simplicity, I would rather let my mannerisms speak for me.
>”Oh darling! Please let me put together something more refined!”
Well how could I say no?  My only request is that you use slightly darker colors, I feel they look better on me.
>”Oh of course dear, I have an idea for the design.”

>You've pretty much hit it off with Rarity.
>You're thankful that you took a few things away from that snotty high society boarding school before you spiked everyone's drinks with LSD and ecstasy.
>... That was a really fun day.
>You chat with Rarity for what seems like only a few moments until your conversation is interrupted with the jingle of the bell over the entrance.  The familiar voice of Twilight soon follows.
>Yet this time she is not alone, you hear two additional voices, one is slightly raspy but feminine, and the other is high-pitched and rather cheery.
>”So where’s the Monster?”
>”Dash, he’s not a monster, if he was then you’d be able to hear Raritys screams from Cloudsdale”
>I wonder what it looks like.  I hear he’s got a pink face like me!”
> You look into the mirror after hearing this.
>You’re not pink... Holy shit you have the color of a cadaver... you need to eat more pal... later
>”Woah! He does look weird, wow he’s rough looking too”
>Hey! He’s not pink! He looks like gray vanilla frosting!”

>You turn you head to see a cyan pony with rainbow mane hovering next to a pink pony with pink frizzy mane.
Well living in the wild will drain the life from you and it will give you some awesome 5o’ clock shadow
Now who are you two?
>”Hah! Isn't it obvious?! I’m the one and only Rainbow dash! Expert flyer and future Wonderbolt!  But then again a big scruffy monster like you probably hasn't heard of me, so I’ll cut you some slack.”
> This appears to send Rarity over the edge, which is apparent by her now pulling Rainbow Dash to the ground and standing eye to eye with her.
>”Rainbow Dash!  Stop calling him a monster! This ‘monster’ happens to be the most courteous, kind and attentive Gentlecolt in all of Ponyville!  So I would appreciate it if you refrained from calling him a monster!  He could teach you a few things about having some courtesy!”
>”Jeez Rarity.  Alright I won’t call him a monster.  What you got a crush on him or something?”
>This comment makes her blush and recoil.
> Yet none of these events seem to have put a dent in the Pink Ponies smile, who is now vigorously shaking your hand.
>”Hi I’m Pinkie Pie!! I like cake, parties and cake!  You should come to the welcoming party I have put together for you after Winter Wrap-up!!”
> Your whole body is now vibrating from Pinkies vigorous handshake.
H~h~h~h~h~i~i~i~i~i~P~i~n~k~i~e~p~i~e~i~a~m~A~n~o~n~y~m~o~u~s~~~~U~h~W~h~a~t~s~w~i~n~t~e~r~w~r~a~p~u~p?

>Your vibrating gets to a point where the floor of the Boutique Is starting to shake.  So expectedly Twilight intervenes.
>“Okay Pinkie I think he gets  the point”
>”Okie dokie lokie!”
>”As for your question, winter wrap up is an event where all the Ponies in Ponyville get together and begin the process of transitioning from winter to spring.  Essentially all the Pegasi clear away clouds while Earth Ponies and Unicorns plant seeds for harvest and wake up hibernating animals in the area.”
>Wat..
Aaalrighty then
>”We will also need you’re help”
Will I get paid?
>”No, Winter Wrap up is obligatory for all citizens of Ponyville”
>Shit.

----------

>It's started to snow again.  While you and Twilight are walking back the Library.
>"Jeez what's going on with the weather team?  There wasn't suppose to be any snow after last weekend."
Uh- What?
>"They said they'd keep the skies clear for Winter Wrap up."
Whaaaat?  Pffft like they have any control over it.
>Twilight looks at you quizzical look.
>"Uh, yeah they do.  The Pegasai in Ponyville are responsible for the weather.
>You look up to see if Twilight is being serious.  The clouds are too dark for you to see anything high up.
>Suddenly you see a pair of hooves shoot through one of the clouds.
>This place is weird.
>"Don't you have a weather team in Alakakasa.  I mean aren't there some kind of pegasus human that make clouds and then use them for rain?"
Alaska.  And yes, except our weather teams just monitored the weather, humans can't control the weather.
>"So Earth is like the Everfree forest?  How do you manage on earth without a weather team that waters everything?"
Uh... No, er yes, I mean there aren't any humans with wings, those are called angels, but they're suppose to be these beings that are extremely pure, and extremely kind to humans.  Other than that farmers just use irrigation for their crops.  We just invent machines to make things easier.
>"Must be really hard.  I don't know how I could even mange without half the spells I know, much less without magic entirely.
>"Just be happy, things here are way better than on earth."
>While you're walking your stomach groans with hunger.
Is there anywhere to get something to eat?  I'm kinda hungry.
>"Mmmmm... Sugar Cube Corner is a few minutes away from the library there, if you're in the mood for something sweet.
Alright, I just need a bite.

>Now in hind sight, coming here was probably a mistake. You didn't know that Pinkie worked there until it was too late.
>It's not that Pinkie wasn't a nice mare and all, but she juuuust talked and talked and talked.  You're convinced her vocal cords were as thick as dick from all the talking she must do.
>"So what's your twelfth favorite cake?"
I- I don't know Pinkie, please jus-
>"My twelfth favorite cake is peanutbutter cake it's be my third favorite  but you have to put peanut butter frosting on it and that stuff can get stuck to the top of your mouth and then you can't get it off and then you have to talk all funny all day and that's funny until you have something really really really really important to tell somepony then it's not so fun becuase-"
>You need to stop this.
Hey Pinkie.
Yeah Anon!?
I'd love to talk about cake all afternoon, but there's a question that's been bugging me for a long tim.
>"Oooh!  What is it!?"
Alright, let's say that won an oven in a contest an-
>"What kind of contest?"
Er, well it doesn't really matter I-
>"Is it the kind of contest where you have to sign a bunch of tick-
Shush.  Now let's say you really love that oven.  And you use it every single day.
>"But I do love my oven, I don't have to pretend I love it."
Fuck it.  Hey Pinkie I hear that mare over there doesn't like cupcakes.
>You point over at some innocent bystander effectively bringing down the pink cures on her.
>Your really don't care to see how Pinkie reacts.  For now you just want your coffee cake.

Hoooly fuck.
>"Something wrong?"
That was.... Eugh...
>"Pinkie does take some getting used to."
You don't say...
>"She's really nice to everypony and I can't think of anyp0ny not liking her.  But she can be annoying.  Took me a while to get used to her"
Well the fact that you're friends with her, must mean you're an absolute angel.
>Twilight looks down and take a bite of cake using her magic.
I don't think that'll ever stop amazing me.
>"What?"
That magic.  When I say I've never seen anything like it, I mean it, there is nothing like magic on earth.
>"Really?  Not even some sort of passive magic?  You have to have something like it."
Nothing what so ever.  Humans have had to invent things to do anything near what could be called magic.  Planes to fly like a pegasus, chemical fertilizers to grow things like earth ponies, but we haven't even come close to what you or other unicorns are doing."
>Twilight levitates her fork to take another bite of cake before replying.
>Out of the corner of your eye you see something yellow flying in your direction.
The fuck?
>Two sugar packets come flying across the room; one landing in your coffee and another hitting twiligt in the cheek causing her to drop her fork onto the floor.
>"Hey!... Oh pony feathers."
>As twilight hops off her chair to get her fork you look over to see who the culprit is.
>Just as you expected, the same pony who you pawned Pinkie off on is now glaring at you.  To which you respond to by flipping her off.
>Twilight comes back up looking completely flustered.
>"Sorry."
Don't worry it wasn't your fault, probably shouldn't have sent Pinkie after that mare.
>Twilight's horn glows and you see steam start to come off her fork.
What are you-
>"Just a quick steam charm."
>Holy dick they have a spell for everything.
>Twilight looks back over at you and tries to talk before you interrupt her.
You ah- got a little something on your cheek.
>"Oh!  I- Er where did my napkin go?"
I got it.
>You reach over the table with your napkin wrapped around your hand.
>Twilight's face turns bright red as you wipe the bit of chocolate frosting.
>She's absolutely the cutest thing you've ever seen.
>Erk, In a platonic way you mean.  Yes.
>Twilight proceeds to shovel down her cake while still beet red.
>You take the liberty to pay and get the fuck out before Pinkie catches you.
>"Thanks for uhm..."
Don't worry about it, it's just thanks for letting me stay with you.  I'll have to start looking at getting  a house or something, I can't just mooch of you forever.
>"O-oh okay..."