[FR] Day Turnips

>Day You Reap What You Sow in Equestria.
>Eyeing the Squirrel from your spot, you take a deep breath, bringing the bow string back.
>”Anon...”
>Get the aim nice and right, nice aaaand tight...
>”Psst, Anon, hey buddy...”
>Ignore the open mouthed breathing from the turnip farmer right next to your face.
>”Anon, c'mon, I gotta whiz.”
“Then go...”
>Fucking Hayseed is messing you up.
>The bucktoothed stallion brushes his shirt.
>”All right.”
>He stands, causing some light crunching from the leaves.
>The Squirrel moved a bit, now you need to adjust.
>God dammit.
>You ease up, relaxing.
>After a moment, you start back up again.
>Bow string back.
>Nice and right, nice and tight.
“That's right, stay there little friend...”
>You give a small, silent thanks to the Squirrel.
>One...
>Two...
>”HOLY SHIT!”
>You release, arrow flying WAY under the branch.
>The fucking Squirrel just ran away!
>”Anon! Get over here!”
“Oh my fucking- WHAT?!”
>You force your foot down before standing up and making your way to Hayseed.
>Each step you take towards Hayseed is FILLED with rage.
>Rage filled stomps.
>Rage stomps.
>As you approach, you hear him chortling like a 'tard, his cap bouncing with.
>Moving past some bush, you see him smiling.
“What?!”
>He looks to you, then back to where he was staring.
>”Oh ho, Anon! Look at that turd!”
>You face palm.
>”I'm serious! It looks like one of those joke store ones, but HUGE!”
>Turning around, you start to make your way back to the forest.
>Hayseed quickly gallops next to you.
>”You think there's a big foot or something out here?”
>Rolling your eyes, you slow down, kneeling a bit.
“Probably a bear.”
>He snorts.
>”Like the one Fluttershy has?”
>You breath out, speaking softer.
“No, an actual bear. A 'maul you to death' kinda bear.”
>The stallion gulps, his buck teeth pressing against his lip.
>Pansy.
>If you're lucky, it is a bear.
>The last time you got one of them, you were eating bear jerky for a few weeks.
>”Damn... You think if we got mauled, Fluttershy would take care of us?”
>You internally groan.
>Now he's started.
>”Maybe Applejack would make us a nice pie? She makes the best damn pies around... has the best damn thighs too.”
>The only reason this fucker bothers you.
>”Man, Anon, you know, you're lucky. Getting to work with her all the time. Must be a nice view, huh?”
>You groan, ignoring him.
>”Anon?”
>The self proclaimed best friend, only interested in you to get to them.
>”C'mon, Anon, don't leave me hanging.”
>You stop, hearing some rustling.
>Looking up, you see a fat pheasant.
>It's walking back and forth.
>Jesus Christ, you can already taste the breasts on it.
>Pulling out an arrow, you take aim.
>”Sheeoot. Fine, maybe your prefer the flanks to the thighs. Fluttershy's nice and big. Even Twilight's getting one.”
>This fucking guy just needs to shut up for one second.
>Focus.
>Fooocuuuus...
>Pulling the string back, you feel a rough push, making you fire early.
>This arrow lands right in the branch.
>The pheasant flies off.
>”Anon!”
>You are going to strangle this piece of shit!
“WHAT?!”
>He looks up to you.
>”So, flank or thighs?”
>You just stare at him, the sounds of the forest the loudest they've been all day.
“I.”
>Stepping away, he follows.
“Don't.”
>You pull out your hatchet, getting a good grip on it.
“Like.”
>Making sure he is watching, you SLAM it into the tree.
“PONIES!”
>You bash the tree repeatedly, cutting the bark, chips flying off.
“I don't fucking like mares! Or stallions! I am not interested in fucking pony ass or legs or tits or anything! For fucks sake will you just let-”
>Pulling the hatchet back, you slice across the tree.
“-me-”
>Then again.
“HUNT!”
>You dig it into the tree.
>Panting, face flushed red, you feel the heat from your rage.
>”... Well, shit, fine. All ya had to do was ask.”
>Feeling a small shiver of uncontrolled anger run up your spine, you lean against the tree.
>Sap stains your shirt.
>”Tsk, now look. That nice shirt Rarity made you's all covered in dirt.”
>You rest your head against the tree.
“I just want to get my fucking meat. I don't to discuss your fucking crushes.”
>The stallions lets off a scoff, taking offense to that.
>HE is taking offense.
>To that.
>”What the-what?! Anon, c'mon! Shoot, don't go projecting your feelings on to me!”
>You could kill him.
>It'd be easy.
>No one would hear him scream.
>”If anything, you're the one who likes them.”
>So easy.
>Wouldn't even need to bury the body, just find the bear and toss the corpse.
>Sighing, you've calmed down enough.
>You take your hatchet and move deeper, Fuck-Face McBitchface the ass face following you.
>”Always spending time with them and letting them flirt with you, eating their food. Tsk, it's a crying shame, all that affection wasted on a guy whose, leading them on.”
>The only reason you let him live is because you aren't that cynical.
>As you walk, FFMcBFtAF continuing to mouth off, you hear a roar.
“The bear...”
>You listen carefully.
>Hayseed has yet to shut up.
>Turning back to him, you bring your finger to your lips, angrily spitting as you blow.
“SHHH!”
>He stops, face covered in spit.
>As he wipes it off, you listen.
>The bear is...
>Being attacked by something.
>There is a constant noise.
>Noises, many of them.
>All coming from where the bear is.
>It's roaring, but it's getting softer.
>Eventually it goes silent, but the noises continue.
>Almost like a giggling chant.
>They suddenly go silent.
>Standing silent, you turn back.
“It's time for us to go.”
>Walking, Hayseed follows.
>”You aren't even gonna apologize? That was right one my face.”
>Now to play the ignoring game while you get the fuck out of the forest.
>Hearing a snap, you stop.
>Turning back, you see nothing.
“Ooooh, no.”
>You walk faster, Hayseed galloping to catch up.
>”Uh, Anon, that was a lil bunny or something, right?”
>Focusing on where you are going, you don't answer.
>”You can handle it, right?!”
>As you walk, the giggling chanting comes back.
>Fuck this, you're running.
>Before you can start, you see Pinkie Pie in the distance, covered in shadow.
>Confused, you notice the chanting has stopped again.
>Sighing, you look around.
>Nothing, just forest, Hayseed, and Pinkie.
>Looking to the mare, you furrow your brow.
“Was that you making that noise?”
>She just quirks her head.
“Pinkie, was that you?”
>She giggles, like one of those chanting voices.
>You let off a groan, starting to walk towards her.
“God dammit. Why are you even-”
>Pausing, you see Fluttershy and Twilight.
“Oh, great. Was this some sort of prank? Who else is involved?”
>From the trees next to the mares comes Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash...
>Another Applejack.
>Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Twilight...
>Stepping back once, you hear them all giggle.
>”Anon...”
>Oh, that's not good for you.
“What in the-”
>One of the Fluttershys comes running for you.
>Her eyes are glowing pink and her body is covered in a purpley mist!
>The mare is smiling wide, giggling like an excited little girl
>”Anon! Anon!”
>Reaching for your hatchet, she pounces you.
>It goes flying, the mare on top of you.
“What the hell are you-”
>You are silenced by the purpley Fluttershy's lips locking with yours, soon followed by her tongue in your mouth.
“MRRRH?!”
>Her tongue spastically explores your mouth.
>Pushing her off, you see Hayseed smiling, walking to the large group ahead of him.
>”Whoa, I think these are some sort of pleasure clones. Maybe I'll just-”
>They hiss, eyes turning to him.
>Hayseed stops, stepping back.
>”Oookay, they don't like me.”
>After a few moments of silence, the Fluttershy you pushed off runs back to you.
>”ANON!”
>She clings to you, kissing up your neck.
>You try pushing her off.
“Gah!”
>The other mares giggle, speaking in near unison.
>”Anon!”
>They comes charging at you, shaking the forest's floor.
>Before you know it, more of them are leaping at you, clinging to your various limbs.
>Your head is forced down, looking to Hayseed.
“AH! Hayseed! Help me!”
>He is hesitant, leaning a hoof towards you.
>All of the mares hiss, looking at him.
>”... Uh, I don't think that's a good idea.”
>Pulling his hoof back, the mares start working you over again.
>One of them is pulling at your belt.
“Whoa- hey!”
>You push at it with your hand, barely even moving whoever it is.
“God dammit! Stop being a pussy and help me!”
>He lets off an elongated *uuuh* before stepping back.
>”Sorry Anon, no can do.”
“Oh, no you fucking don't!”
>He takes a bow.
>”I'll always remember you.”
“Remember me now, you asshole!”
>He turns away to run, the mares getting more antsy.
>You now have to struggle just to move, to keep them from stripping you.
>”I'll make sure to name one of me and Rainbow Dash's kids after you!”
“You and-WHAT?!”
>He keeps running, voice getting quiet.
>”You're right, probably me and Applejaaaaaacks...”
>And he's gone, as are your pants.
>The mares all squeal, liquid splashing around.
>Spitting it out, you REALLY hope this isn't what you think it is.
>As you continue to spit, you see a Zecora clone.
>Great!
>Now you can have Jungle Pony Fever!


>Knocking on Twilight Sparkle's door, you hope you have your story straight.
>Straight enough to believe, at least.
>The pretty purple mare opens the door.
>”Hayseed?”
>You nod, lowering your cap.
“Twilight, if I can come in, I have some bad news.”
>She gives you a confused look.
>”Uh, kinda have company.”
>Looking inside, you see all six mares are together.
“Oh good, you'll all wanna hear this.”
>Her confused look turns to one of concern.
>Stepping in, you clear your throat, all six beautiful mares' eyes on you.
“Ahem. I have some terrible news...”
>You give a dramatic pause.
>Pausing...
>Pausing...
>Paaaausiii-
>Rainbow Dash coughs.
>”Which iiiis?”
“Oh, Anon, he, uh, he checked out.”
>The pretty farm filly raises an eyebrow.
>”Checked outta where?”
>Your raise a hoof.
“Checked out of life.”
>The room is filled with gasps and exclamations from the poor mares.
>Rarity steps forward.
>”Wha-What do you mean?”
>You place your cap back on.
“He is no more.”
>She shakes her head.
>”What do you mean?!”
>You look her dead in the eyes.
“Some things happened, now he is no more.”
>Fluttershy grabs you by the collar of your shirt, staring directly at you.
>”What. Happened?”
>Fear fills you, eyes wide as you speak.
“Anon and I were in the forest hunting when we got jumped by some strange clone mares that are now more than likely raping him to death.”
>What the hell was that?!
>She lets go of you, grabbing her mouth with her hooves.
>Catching yourself, you see Twilight comforting Fluttershy.
>You are grabbed again, this time by Applejack.
>”What didja say?!”
>You break free of her hold, looking at her.
“Just that. A bunch of yous just suddenly came out of the woodworks and grabbed Anon.”
>The farm filly's expression turns to sorrow.
>”Ya... Saw 'im get finished?”
>You click your tongue.
“Weeell, not technically. See, he told me to run for it after they took him down.”
>Pinkie Pie jumps in front of you.
>”So Nonny could still be alive?!”
>You shake your head.
“Nah, he's dead. Gotta be. I say we take a moment of silence to remember him fondly.”
>Taking your cap off once more, you bring it to your chest.
>Rainbow Dash smacks your hat away.
“He-Hey! Why'd you go and do that?!”
>She grabs the sides of your head, lifting you in the air.
>”Where did you ditch him?!”
“Now, he told me to-”
>”WHERE?!”
>Yelping, you pull your body close.
“Outside the Everfree Forest!”
>She lets go, dropping you.
>The mare flies to the door, her friends following.
“I'm telling you, Anon is-”
>The door flings open.
“-alive?!”
>Anon is standing there, hatchet in hand.
>He is pants-less, covered in a weird purpley goo that looks covered in sparkles.
>Looking at his face, he is maaad.
“Anon! Buddy!”
>He walks up to you, dropping his hatchet.
“We were just-”
>His fist meets your face.
>Then again.
>And again...
>And-


>-Again.
>One more time for good measure.
>Good, he's blacked out.
>You spit on his face, then stomp him in the balls.
“Remember me now?! Piece of shit!”
>You then kick him in the sides, Zecora walking in.
>”I understand that you are very mad, but your revenge should not be had.”
>Sighing, you nod...
>Then you kick him again.
“Just needed to get that out of my system.”
>Clapping your hands, you turn to the mares, who will probably take your place kicking this pile of pony garbage's ass in a second.
“So! Who likes being illegally cloned for some guy's sexual fantasy?”
>All six victims look to you as if you are crazy.
“No one? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but...”
>You step to the side.
“THIS PIECE OF SHIT DID IT TO YOU ALL!”
>Twilight seems to be the only one who believes and/or understands you.
>”What? How?!”
>Oh goody, she's as mad as you.
>You present Zecora than give her some jazz hands.
“Turns out he told our friend here that he was growing MAGIC turnips!”
>She looks to you, annoyed.
>”You may not believe this, but magic turnips are a legitimate vegetable. Though, I admit, my aid in his plans were regrettable.”
>The zebra sighs.
>”He promised that his intent was pure, but it turned out much more obscure.”
>No patience for her rhyming right now.
“He took samples of all of your DNA and mixed them with turnips and a potion he got from her.”
>Rarity seems to be catching on.
>”Exactly how did he acquire these samples?”
>You grin, possibly so mad that you've come full circle.
“Ha haaaa. You know your garbage cans?”
>All six mares' cheeks begin to redden.
“You know how you throw away certain papers you use to clean certain wet messes?”
>Penny is in the air...
>You watch as each of them react in their own way.
>And penny hits the floor!
>Stepping to the side, it only takes a moment before Rainbow Dash lunges at the bastard, punching the unconscious body.
>Soon Applejack, who doesn't look you in the eye, joins in.
>Three, four, five, six mares all beating up a dirty sad stallion!
>The sight brings a tear to your eye.
>Humming, you begin to walk to the police, Zecora following you.
>You should be thankful he did this, because now he'll never bother you again.
>But in that same sense, it's because of him you came close to... eugh...
>Fucking moist turnip clones.
>So moist....
>So sticky.