I have recently started watching foreign gay films.

The ones I end up watching are just whatever catches my eye,

some skinny guys acting cute,

produced in some foreign country where they speak some fascinating language,

sure let's watch it.

I haven't before watched films seriously.

I consumed probably less then 3 films a year for the first 18 years of my life.

They just didn't interest me,

they all seemed so fake and distant.

And then these films just jump out and punch me across the fucking face and I'm just sitting,

trying to make sense of how this film affected me.

Yeah, they're still distant and fake at times,

but they still produce envy and other shitty self-loathe-inducing feelings,

along with a sense of inadequacy.

It kind of sucks.

But then you just think about it the next day,

realize it's a bunch of actors,

the love was false,

null yourself,

faggot.