قارئ الكتاب - Today at 12:54 AM
god dammit man
where did i go wrong
i thought i fit in
i felt like i fit in
it didnt feel like this
i cant believe its come to this
Charles - Today at 12:57 AM
not sure what to say
im all for you
but a lot of those people you had to convince to join originally
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 12:57 AM
why am i so fucking bad at making friends
Charles - Today at 12:57 AM
theyve gone back to what they originally thought
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 12:57 AM
i dont understand
they were afraid i was too serious and that i would flame people when things didnt go my way
i havent flamed anyone
i dont get it
i stopped blaming anyone and i started only blaming myself
why is it not good enough
i stopped talking to people, i did everything
i became a completely different person
just like people wanted me to
Charles - Today at 1:01 AM
well the blaming yourself part might not have been good either
like in in clans
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:01 AM
cmon man thats my business
Charles - Today at 1:02 AM
people dont like how you get upset and make it awkward
thats fair
im just saying thats what people think
and also you still had your moments i think
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:02 AM
is that really grounds to remove me?
Charles - Today at 1:02 AM
whered you say some "offensive" things
well idk what to say
i can say what they said
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:02 AM
i thought i was in on the joke i dont know
i wanted to be in on the joke
i dont dislike anyone, not even edison who totally hates me
well maybe a little
Charles - Today at 1:04 AM
not sure
think it came down to a lot of people trying to force themselves to like you(edited)
but they couldnt anymore i guess
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:05 AM
this is crazy
all because i fucking defended xeno
god dammit
Charles - Today at 1:05 AM
no no
thats not it
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:05 AM
i dont even fucking like xeno
what is it then? thats like the only time i ever talk
unless im just spewing shit
usually with you and tk
and jack
fuck this, who are these people that dont like me? king? surge? i dont fucking get it, i didnt say anything about anyone
Charles - Today at 1:07 AM
one thing ive heard
well conflicting things
so im confused
but this is what ive heard
but they say either "you try too hard to be someone else" or "youre too much... yourself"
so idk
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:07 AM
wtf they wanted me to be someone else
thats why i got back in
i said i would change the way i thought about things
and stop blaming others
and i did
Charles - Today at 1:08 AM
yeah i understand what you mean
im not sure
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:09 AM
fuck this, im so scared
i dont want to lose wZ again
i worked so hard to get back, i worked so hard to change myself, to try to fit in
all this and i fucking failed? i cant take it
Charles - Today at 1:10 AM
well
you shouldnt have to work hard to change it you need to make it natural
which i know is hard
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:10 AM
that doesnt make any sense
Charles - Today at 1:10 AM
idk how to say it
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:11 AM
i got kicked from wZ for acting natural
i was out of control completely
Charles - Today at 1:11 AM
yes
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:11 AM
all i did was reign myself in
i didnt like, become someone else entirely
Charles - Today at 1:11 AM
they want you to be normal and in control but not force yourself to need to control yourself
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:11 AM
i just control myself
Charles - Today at 1:11 AM
idk how else to put it
you would get better responses from those that dislike you
and would know what to say
about why they dislike you
cus idk what to say
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:12 AM
edison just told me he hates me because i told him to kill himself 3 years ago
i cant work with that
Charles - Today at 1:12 AM
hes said some other things too
im sure its more than that
than hes willing to say
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:12 AM
he says im fake
but he hated me for being "real"
it makes no sense
im still the same damn person, i just control myself better
i dont even control myself well
i still fly off the fucking deep end
but i put it all on myself
and that should be no ones business
Charles - Today at 1:17 AM
hmm
thats a good point
but i dont think they think that way
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:18 AM
who the hell is they? the people that left? the people who were willing to do that rather than stick it out? ive never once even considered leaving since i came back(edited)
and no one made me feel like i was unwanted
aside from edison
but thats what i expect from him
and his mind wont change and thats fine
Charles - Today at 1:19 AM
well there are others too
king
cool
yes the 3 that left (not jack but feysal and jas)
not sure who else
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:20 AM
i thought it was a joke with king
Charles - Today at 1:20 AM
nope
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:20 AM
im not even the one who gave him the worst of it
i just thought we were all joking
Charles - Today at 1:22 AM
well
king has a lot less to say than a few others
قارئ الكتاب - Today at 1:25 AM
this is rich, jas blocked me
he wont even talk to me
and people are siding with him when he wants to get rid of me
i never asked anyone to take sides, i never asked anyone to like me, i just wanted to fit in