notkickass222urmom

wai-wai pt 13

Jun 8th, 2016
146
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  1. So, some time in December 2014 (?), I decided to write up "Christmas gift" riff for the thread. And for some reason I never posted it.
  2. Turns out I actually made some notes dividing the riff into posts and linking the correct images. Loving past-me right now.
  3. Here we go:
  4.  
  5.  
  6.  
  7. I lived a good life. Uneventful, maybe, but still good. Then, one faithful day in May, I made a mistake that would forever hang over me as a Multicoloured Speedster hangs over John/Andre's cock. And I really thought I had been able to banish the demons spawned by Andre's masterpiece. But I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong.
  8. Merry Christmas everyone.
  9. Welcome to "Where am I? Who am I?".
  10. Chapter 26:
  11. The Rainbow Factory
  12.  
  13. >pic related
  14. And so it beings. Our journey to discovers what will happen when one horrible fanfiction becomes fanfiction of another piece of horrible fanfiction. Unfortunately, this section did originally include a few comics that Andre or one of his fans had made in MS Paint. However, at the time these pages were downloaded, Andre had managed to fuck up the hosting of those images, and they are apparently lost forever.
  15.  
  16. >Cloudstale, flying ponies, unicorns, magic, a city in the clouds, changelings, I´ve seen everything.
  17. I think we're Steve now. Steve the time-traveling International US Agent. While it originally seemed like Steve hated Andre's wish-fulfilment fantasy realm just as much as everyone who was forced to read it, it soon became apparent that he actually had no character besides being insane and the antagonist. He's about as deep as the puddle of drool found on Andre's keyboard when he wrote this.
  18.  
  19.  
  20.  
  21. >Rainbow Factory, the Area 51 of Equestria hm?
  22. Except it's open to tourists and everyone knows where it is and shit.
  23.  
  24. >I thought that. But it wasn´t true.
  25. Rainbow Factory don't real. Let's all go home.
  26.  
  27. >What shall coming next was the hell. The hell of Earth. I wasn't ready for this what should come.
  28. I'm really loving the grammar here. Totally Shakespearian. Though, we shouldn't expect any less from the great Andre.
  29.  
  30. >God their screams, their tears, their blood, it was so horrible, it was more horrible as any mission I done and film I´ve ever seen.
  31. Keep in mind that Steve is a veteran. Since Andre has never done anything real in his entire life, except writing fanfiction and giving money to Greece, he considers battle experience and spooky movies to be rather comparable when it comes to experiencing fear.
  32.  
  33. >pic related
  34. I wonder if this is what Wooden Toaster was expecting when he made music based off the Rainbow Factory. Maybe Andre hasn't even read the real fic, but rather only watched a music video?
  35.  
  36. >Steve went to the Rainbow Factory.
  37. Again we jump from first to third person without any clear reason. I could say I've missed this, but I'd be lying.
  38.  
  39. >Everything seems normally.
  40. Case closed everyone.
  41.  
  42. >"God kids and their fantasy."
  43. A non-angelic choir sang out, and down from not-heaven descended a black, stylish hat, which gently placed itself on Steve's now euphoric head. He was no longer a slave to any phony God.
  44.  
  45.  
  46.  
  47. >I went to a mare who is sitting on a chair, "Excuse me please I want to work in the Rainbow Factory."
  48. The large, skinless monkey walked over to a female horse. "Excuse me, dear lady, but I'm a alien monster from another time. Could I please work in this factory, which I assume you run since you just sit here, even though I'm completely unskilled? I also lack any official documents, or anything else you might need."
  49.  
  50. Or he might just be in horse-form. Because this is fucking Animorphs or some shit.
  51.  
  52. >She looked at me and said, "No problem, here your clothes, have fun."
  53. It's just like when my dad got his job in a Sovjet nuclear power plant!
  54.  
  55. >Weird.
  56. I prefer "Stupid."
  57.  
  58. >Connor got show everything of this factory.
  59. Corporate espionage must be easy as shit in Equestria.
  60.  
  61. >But then he saw a door.
  62. >The Pegasus answered, "No, it´s secret."
  63. Can you guess where the plot is going?
  64. Also, why wouldn't the Pegasus just say that it was off-limits?
  65.  
  66. >"RESTRICT AREA! DO NOT ENTER!"
  67. "THIS IS WHERE WE SLAUGHTER CHILDREN."
  68.  
  69.  
  70.  
  71. >Steve FOV:
  72. Steve... Field Of View?
  73. Why are you going to start announcing these shifts in perspective now, after 20+ chapters of ignoring it?
  74.  
  75. >I kicked the door. I went inside.
  76. Steve is so top-trained that he can batter down a door in the middle of a factory without being noticed.
  77.  
  78. >Water?
  79. >But what I see, shocked me.
  80. >"BLOOD!?" I said.
  81. For a moment, Steve forgot that water isn't usually thick and red.
  82.  
  83. >It was definitely blood. It was not many but ... it was blood. That was strange.
  84. Yes, it is definitely weird to find a fume hood of endless blood. Good detective work Steve.
  85.  
  86. >The door behind me closed loud.
  87. Didn't Steve beat down the door?
  88.  
  89. >*HUMAN*
  90. Is this a sound effect? Does Steve shout "HUMAN" whenever he changes shape?
  91.  
  92. >*Pegasus*
  93. *Why*
  94.  
  95. >I moved on. There stood a pony.
  96. Andre never describes anything, because he just assumes his readers will see the same sights he sees in his head.
  97.  
  98. >I asked him, "Hello sir, ehm can I help you? Is this the Rainbow Factory?"
  99. >The pony looked at me, "Yes of course, the rainbow factory, yes,..."
  100. An engaging conversation.
  101.  
  102.  
  103.  
  104. >I asked myself, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH HIM?" He doesn't look like as he comes out often here.
  105. Steve shouts to himself, standing right next to the person he's talking about.
  106.  
  107. >He went away.
  108. No wonder, Steve was being a ass.
  109.  
  110. >I hide me behind a box.
  111. I have no idea where we are. I only know that:
  112. 1. We're inside the Rainbow Factory.
  113. 2. There is a door here.
  114. 3. There is a box.
  115. We could be in in Blueblood's sex dungeon for all I know.
  116.  
  117. >The voices said, "Yes perfect, these ponies are ... wonderful specimens. We will do maybe the best rainbow all time hehehehe."
  118. >Another voice said, " Mr Woodentoaster with the new ponies we will make the best rainbows ever!"
  119. Isn't WT's OC female? Not that I would ever expect Andre to get any facts right?
  120.  
  121. >Mr Woodentoaster
  122. >pic related
  123. LOOK MOM, I MADE A PONY.
  124.  
  125.  
  126.  
  127. >pic related
  128. Violence and gore can be used in interesting ways.
  129. This is not one of them.
  130.  
  131. >Mr Woodentoaster said to me, "AAAAAAAAH the new guy, welcome I hope you enjoy your stay here hehehehe."
  132. Again, I'd like to ask Andre to do a reading of this.
  133.  
  134. >Mr Woodentoaster asked me, "What's your name you useless piece of shit!"
  135. I like how subtly we're slowly lead to believe that this character might not be a good person.
  136.  
  137.  
  138.  
  139. >Another pony said with a crazy laugh, "Maybe he will be the next one hahahahahahah!"
  140. >It was a blue Pegasus with a creepy laugh and smile.
  141.  
  142. >pic related
  143. You called him a Pegasus. He doesn't even having wings. What the actual fuck Andre?
  144. Anyway, I tried to find out who made this. The original is deleted, but I believe the maker might have been:
  145. http://connorsparda.deviantart.com/
  146.  
  147. >I said, "Steve Connor."
  148. >He said, "Oh my god what an ugly name but ok for an ugly Pegasus like you HAHAHAH. HEY I want to see your in the hall in 10 minutes I want to show you something ... really nice!"
  149. Somehow, Andre fails at writing even intentionally bad dialogue.
  150.  
  151. >(Info: Please listen to the song while you reading I don't know but it match, it´s German but with English lyrics. Mitternacht = Midnight)
  152. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1v9A3ymnR0 [Embed]
  153. lel no
  154.  
  155.  
  156.  
  157. >A Pegasus
  158. >GOD WHAT THE HELL! It started screaming, "AAAAAAAAH HUNGRY, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, BLOOOD!!! YOUR HEART IS MINE!!!!!"
  159. Zombies... Is Andre capable of even a single remotely original thought?
  160.  
  161. >pic related
  162. I'd like to note that despite the image of a Zombie Dash, the Cyan Cockwarmer isn't a zombie. Yet. I think.
  163.  
  164. >But that wasn't enough, whats coming next was bader, much bader
  165. You might even say it was Baden-Württemberg.
  166.  
  167. >That small "UUUUUUGH! WHAT THE HELL SMELLS SO UGLY, LIKE SOMEONE WOULD DECAY!"
  168. Just be glad it wasn't a big decay.
  169.  
  170. >Then I saw a balcon, I went outside then I saw the picture of hell.
  171. The Balcon is a rare animal. Half falcon, half balcony. It's almost extinct, since it's too fucking retarded to survive in the wild.
  172.  
  173. ---
  174.  
  175. That's all I have.
  176. Looking at chapter 26, I now remember why I never posted this. I never finished riffing the chapter, and I always liked to do entire chapters before I started posting. These eight posts worth of stupid represent less than 1000 words of this 3000 word chapter.
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