lili update 3

<center><b><font face="courier new"><font size="2"><a href="http://ataylor.insanejournal.com/668.html" style="text-decoration: none; color: #1f25aa;">one / #mentalillnessfeelslike</a></b></font></font><span style="display:none;"><lj-cut></span>
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<img src="https://i.imgur.com/nkf3919.png" width="165"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/4TFvdXv.png" width="165"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/Q22bpnF.png" width="165"><table width="501"><tr><td><p align="justify"></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#1f25aa"></td></tr><tr><td><p align="justify"><font size="2" style="text-transform: lowercase; text-decoration: none;">over the last few weeks, a funny thing has happened. i've found myself at the height of happiness career wise, yet on a slow decline to sadness emotionally. isn't it odd how those two things don't always correlate the way we think they should? i know this update is technically being done in june, but i'm going to take a few steps back to may. incase you didn't know, the month of may is mental health awareness month in the united states; however, i've noticed through social media that people from all over the world use the month to celebrate the highs, lows, and plateaus of mental health.

there aren't many of us out there who can say we've made it through life without a single inconsistency in our own mental awareness. when it comes to me personally, i've struggled with a variety of mental health issues for as long as i can remember. some come and go, while others lurk in the shadows on a day-to-day basis. my lurker is depression. keeping the light on when a cloud of darkness is constantly approaching, touching, or even suffocating is my everyday struggle. one that hit me hardest just a couple years ago. at eighteen, i thought i was finally reaching my dreams. after years of sending in auditions to pilots, movies, and musicals, i was getting enough roles to validate the move from bay village, ohio to los angeles, california. incase you're not familiar with bay village, the difference in population is about 3.9 million. it wasn't my first time to la. i'd filmed in los angeles, new york city, and other various big cities, but i know there are a few of you out there who know the overwhelming feeling of moving to a huge city. with my entire family on the other side of the country in ohio, and eventually north carolina, i had never felt so alone. i couldn't throw myself into my work, i couldn't throw myself into friends, and i couldn't run fast enough from the most smothering darkness i have ever felt in my life. eventually, i ran out of fight. i moved to north carolina where my family was and i had to put my well-being first. if you're reading this, then you can probably guess that it turned around. eventually, i gave it a second shot. i moved back to los angeles, i filmed a pilot based off of some old comics most of us picked up at the grocery store check lane, and before i knew it, after seven years i had become a steadily working actress for the first time <i>ever</i>.

i guess the ending to that story is what brings me to where i am now. that funny little thing i mentioned earlier. now, as someone with a steady job, the role of a lifetime, and immersed in more opportunities than i could have ever imagined before, i've found that the darkness is approaching again. why? i've been spending a lot of time asking myself that lately. why on earth should i feel this way? it would be ridiculous to ask for things to be better for me at this point in life, that's how well they're going. for a long time, i've blamed myself for my own mental illness. i think this is something people who suffer and don't suffer from mental illness both do. <i>"it's all in your head." "people have it worse than you." "what do you have to be sad about?"</i> it wasn't until very recently, i realized that there is no reason to ask why. it doesn't matter who you are, where you're at, or how things are going. it doesn't matter why it's happening. the only thing that matters is that <u>it is happening</u>. all you need to do is be aware. know that it's happening. whatever it may be, whatever your demons, your shadows, or your lurkers are, know that they're happening and that's all that matters. if someone asks you why? tell them or don't tell them. you are never obligated to answer why. that's the thing about mental illness. sometimes we will never be able to really answer why, not even to ourselves.

i think the most important thing about mental health awareness month should be the awareness. you don't have to have all the answers. you don't even have to have all the questions. all you have to do is be aware that something is there. that, for whatever reason, whether it's nature, nurture, or both, something is there. there are a lot of steps to take in getting help for your well-being, but step one is awareness. so that's what i'm going to leave you with. one way or another, become aware of your own mental illness. become aware of the mental illness of others around you. become aware of mental illness, because whether we like it or not, it is there.

i know. is depression the most interesting, fun, or entertaining topic to read about? no. as entertainers, there are certain aspects of life we're told to keep to ourselves. sexuality, politics, mental health... for some of us, even something as simple as saying you prefer marvel to dc can be a career scandal. i like to stay out of a lot of things (<i>i will never answer that dc versus marvel question, cw</i>), but mental health isn't one of them. i don't think people talk about mental health enough. so, now (if you want to) it's your turn:</p></td></tr></table><table width="400"><tr><td><p align="justify"></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#1f25aa"></td></tr><tr><td><p align="justify"><font size="1" style="text-transform: uppercase; text-decoration: none;"><b>✛</b> what was your first experience with mental illness? (either with yourself or someone else)
<b>✛</b> have you had your own experience with mental illness?
<b>✛</b> how do you cope with your mental illness?
<b>✛</b> have you ever faced backlash for expressing, or not expressing, mental health awareness?
<b>✛</b> what do you think we, as a society, can do to improve mental health awareness?
<b>✛</b> <a href="http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/feelslike" style="text-decoration: none; color: #1f25aa">http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/feelslike</a>