Star vs the Forces of Arlen Ch. 1-3

Star Vs the Forces of Arlen
JustSagan
Summary:

    When a freak accident sends Hank, Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn to Mewni, only the power of friend ship can... HA HA HA! Just joking! Some crazy stuff is gonna happen in this story, and you gotta read it to find out what happens! This story was written by Boonaw and I. Also the cover pic was made by Boonaw. Show him some love!

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)
Chapter 1: My God Damn Neighbor
Summary:

    Some stuff is about to go down!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text

This is a story that my good friend Boonaw and I wrote together. Enjoy!

...

It was a nice normal American day in Arlen. Hank was cracking open a cold one with the boys. (No we didn't reference the meme, Hank was doing this WAY before it became a meme.) But what they didn't know was that a very angry Asian named Kahn was watching them from his house.

"Oh those damn rednecks drinking their cheap ass hillbilly beer" Kahn Soupho? Suphaapho? Supa? Fuck it, just Kahn, muttered as he walked angrily out of his house to teach those hillbillies a lesson!

Meanwhile, our four friendly neighborhood "rednecks" were doing what they do best. Drinking beer, talking, and subtly repressing their homosexual feelings for each other.

"Yep." Hank said.

"Yeeeup" Dale followed.

"Mmhmm" Boomhauer said as he started to sweat, while he stared at Bill.

"Yep..." Bill finally said as he glanced at Boomhauer's strange stare.

"Dango Bill… It's pretty dango hot out here. Dango you wanna take your dango shirt off Bill, dango… HOT!" Boomhauer suggested.

"I don't know why… But I feel like someone is trying to turn us into homosexuals~. Almost like someone's makin' a shitty fanfiction about us..." Dale implied.

"God dammit Boomhauer, stop trying to get Bill to take his shirt off." Hank shouted, while ignoring what Dale said previously.

"Uuugh, guys I-I think I've got Implosive ASS Diarrhea again! GUUH!" Bill moaned, as a portal began to suck his underwear and pants into his asshole!

"AAAHHH! IT'S THE END OF DAYS!" Dale screamed as he dropped to the ground, with his hands covering his head.

"Damn it Dale, stop being stupid, you know this happens once or twice a month!" Hank shouted, followed by a sigh.

"He ain't no d-dango woman..." Boomhauer replied, not really paying attention to what was happening.

"Wait, BILL'S A WOMAN!? AAAAAAHHHH" Dale screamed, misunderstanding what Boomhauer had said.

"Ga-God dammit Dale stand up! You know Bills just gotta take his medication!" Hank stated, as he lifted Dale up off of the ground.

Bill then ran to his house to get his meds while also sucking trash, random debris, and a kid that was riding his bike, up into his ass.

"Gees Hank, why are you so mad today?" Dale asked, in a kinda angry tone.

*Sigh... "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit annoyed with some former customers. They cancelled their propane orders because they decided that… Charcoal… Was better for grilling… Bastards."

The 3 of them stood there silently for a while, before Hank spoke up again.

"Well I gotta go send these propane tanks back to Strickland Propane, where we sell the best Propane and Propane accessories!"

"This ain't no dango Ad!" Boomhauer irritatedly said.

"Well… You guys wanna come take the propane back to Strickland where we sell the best Prop-"

"FOR GODS SAKES HANK, STOP STOP WE'LL COME WITH YOU!" Dale pleaded.

"Alright then, come on." Hank said.

Hank, Boomhauer, and Dale, then started to walk to Hanks red, purty truck, filled with nice, sexy, shiny, Strickland Propane. But as they walked up to it, they noticed that there was a problem.

"Ha! Look at what i'm doin you stupid hillbillies!" Kahn announced.

The three of them stood in shock as Kahn pulled out his micro penis, and began to piss all over Hank's Propane tanks.

"Ha Ha! Take that you stupid hillbilly rednecks!"

Hank stood there, his eye started to twitch, and then he let his anger out.

"BWWWWAAAAA! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

After that outburst, Hank ran up to Kahn, and was about to kick his ass. But then suddenly, Kahn's piss had made its way into one of the propane tanks through its loose valve, and caused a chain reaction that caused all of the propane tanks to blow up, knocking Hank, Boomhauer, and Dale back towards to road, while also sending Kahn flying straight up into the air, like a cum jet. But instead of killing them, most of the blast imploded into itself, ripping the universe a new asshole.

There was now a portal where the truck use to be. It was an ugly ass green and blue color that looked like someone had shit it out of there fat disgusting 500 pound ass.

"BAH! WHAT IS THIS?! AHH!" Kahn screamed, like a little bitch as he flew higher into the air.

"AHH IT'S THE END OF DAYS!" Dale yelled, right after he slammed into the ground, remarkably unhurt.

Hank wanted to disagree, but there was a fucking portal on the ground, how could he disagree?

"Dango Kahn's gonna dango die." Boomhauer stated, as Kahn started to fall back to the ground.

But instead of splattering on the ground, he went through the universe's gaping asshole.

"G-God damnit! Now we gotta go rescue Kahn! I'm still gonna kick his ass, but we gotta make sure he's okay first." Hank said as he ran up to the portal.

"Wait for us~!" Dale pleaded.

Hank then jumped into the portal, Dale and Boomhauer followed. A few moments after they went through, the portal collapsed.

Right after the portal closed, Bill came running outside in a panic.

"Guys help! I can't find my medication!"

But Bill then stopped when he saw all of the truck and propane debris littering the ground. He then noticed that no one else was around.

"Where did everybody go...?"
Notes:

    Thank you for reading! More to come!

Chapter 2: Welcome to Mewni, I tell you what
Summary:

    What could happen next?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text

EPIC NARRATOR!: "Last time on King of the Hill, our four heroes were doin' some shit, and then some weird shit happened, and even more weird shit happened! Now more shit is about to happen!"

...

"Oh god, I think I broke my head bone! Aaah my butt!" Kahn said disorientedly.

Shortly after, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer, came thru the portal.

"BWAA~ where are we? Where's Kahn!?" Hank said, fired up!

"Dango, Kahn right there, holding his dango butt." Boomhauer said, while staring at Kahn in a very strange way. (Ha! GAY!)

Hank, Boomhauer, and Dale, then noticed a noticeably large bump on Kahn's head.

"Hey Kahn you okay?" Hank said with concern.

"Yeah I think so... stupid hillbilly..."

"Good, good… DALE, BOOMHAUER, HOLD HIM DOWN!" Hank commanded!

Boomhauer and Dale like slaves did as the white man said, and tackled that Asian to the ground, holding him down.

"NOW I'M GONNA KICK YER ASS!" Hank shouted, as he pulled his fist back, and got ready to punch Kahn in his stupid face. But a strange lizard figure interrupted him.

"Oh please, no violence… I don't want to get blood on my new carpet."

"AAHH! IT'S A LIZARD MAN, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! ILLUMINATI~! " Dale shouted as the others fell silent in awe.

Hank wanted to call Dale an idiot, but there was literally a lizard man standing in front of them.

"Now, if you stop your slave from screaming, I'll introduce myself." The Lizard man said.
"Slave? I'm not his slave, I'm his friend." Dale said, mildly annoyed.

"Is that what he calls you… Well whatever the case, you have ceased your screaming, so allow me to introduce myself… I'm Toffee."

"What? You're not candy! What kinda stupid name is that?" Kahn said, in his typical ass hole tone.

This angered Toffee.

"I would be careful strange one, you are already on thin ice after you nearly destroyed my ceiling." Toffee passive aggressively said.

The four of them looked up at the ceiling and saw the huge dent and cracks that Kahn had left, then they looked back at Toffee, ready to speak again, but as they were about to speak, a chandelier fell down and nailed Dale right on the head.

"GUAAHHH, THE PAIN THE PAIN!" Dale screamed, as he fell to his knees!

"See? look what you've done..." Toffee said while giving a disappointed nod.

"I can help you fix that, I just gotta go home and get ma tools." Hank said, as he looked back, and noticed that the portal was gone.

"So uh, how do we get back anyway?"

Upon hearing that they didn't know how to get home, it gave Toffee the perfect idea.

"Brain blast..." Toffee muttered to himself.

"Well I'm not exactly sure how you guys created the portal, but in our universe, to create portals we need a particular, type of wand, and I need you to get it for me."

"Well why don't you just go get it then?" Kahn pointed out.

"Well you see, I'm a lizard man, and I would more than like cause a panic, and would have no chance of getting my hands on that wand… Especially considering what I would have to do to get my hands on it in the first place."

"I'm not working for the Illuminati!" Dale stated as he recovered from the blow to the head.

"That's also part of it, some of the more paranoid humans would think I'm apart of this "Illuminati" organization, and would probably kill me on sight."

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! YYAAAAH!" Dale yelled as he pulled out his brand new CS:GO knife, and tried stabbing Toffee, but he was then held back by Boomhauer.

"Dango calm down Dale dango don't kill the dango man, he gonna dango get us home."

"Now JUST wait a minute… You said humans, we're humans too, couldn't you just send us back to Earth? You're describing Earth right?" Hank asked.

"No shit Hank Hill, man you're really stupid, dumb hillbilly." Kahn retorted.

"I don't think you understand. Your Earth is is different than the Earth I'm talking about. Your Earth is in a different reality." Toffee explained.

Hank then looked over at Kahn.

"Don't say a word Hank, let's just find out what we gotta do."

"Well glad you asked." Toffee happily said.

"Now here's the plan. There's a girl named Star Butterfly, she's 14, and has the wand we want. I will open a portal that will allow you to travel to her home town. You will also be near her too once you step through the portal. Oh and not to mention there's a boy named Marco, that's always around her, take him out. But don't underestimate him, he knows karate."

Toffee then pulled a picture out of his pocket.

"Here is what they look like. You should hold onto that." Toffee said, as he showed everyone the picture, and then handed it to Hank.

"Now wait just a minute. I have a couple questions… First, you can open up portals? Second, you want us to attack two 14 year old teens?" Hank asked, concerned, while staring at the photo.

"Dango I don't see a dango problem with that..." Boomhauer muttered to himself.

"Well to answer your questions... Hank is it? I can open portals, but they are not strong enough to open portals to other realities, that's why we need the wand. Also, I know it must be hard for you to go after two 14 year olds, but it's the only way." Toffee said, pretending to show sympathy.

"Dango would you dango hurry up already, i'm getting dango tired of holding dango holding off Dale!" Boomhauer announced.

"Oh absolutely!" Toffee said, as he opened a portal.

Hank looked at the portal sadly, as thought about what he would have to do.

"Oh quit being such a pussy Hank! Let's go!" Kahn said, as he walked into the portal."Dango ya Hank, let's get dango going." Boomhauer said, as he dragged Dale into the portal.

Hank was then about to walk into the portal, but was stopped by Toffee.

"Wait! I can tell that you are the smart one of the group, so I decided that I should tell you that Star Butterfly can use magic, and the wand is the source of her power. Be careful" Toffee said, as he went back to reading his newspaper.

Hank stared, surprised by what situation he's in right now.

"Yep..." Hank said trying to sound confident, before stepping through the portal.

Toffee watched as Hank walked through the closing portal. And for a last word of advice Toffee said:

"Keep those idiots in check…"
Notes:

    I wonder how these four will do? What do you think?

Chapter 3: Dango Plan One
Summary:

    What have they got them self's into...

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text

JustSagan: "So... Boonaw just informed me that we can no longer afford the epic narrator…

Sorry. We blew the budget on Chapter 2 and now we have to work out of our garages."

Boonaw: "Expensive bastard he was..."

…

Hank had stepped out of the portal, and was shocked to see Boomhauer with a strap of knives wrapped around his body, while Dale and Kahn were hiding in a bush.

"Boomhauer, why in the hell do you have knifes?" Hank asked.

"It's apart of the dango plan Hank" Boomhauer replied.

"Plan? We just got here! How in the hell do you guys already have a plan?"

"Stupid hillbilly, not all plans take a whole day to do!" Kahn shouted.

"Yeah Hank, let's not waste a whole chapter on a plan." Dale insisted, but no one seemed to have heard him… Again… :(

"Besides… Look at them, the two of them are there playing in the street! They're sitting ducks!" Kahn pointed out.

Boomhauer was about to get up to execute the plan, but was stopped!

"Hold on Boomhauer, now just h'what is this plan?" Hank asked.

"I'm gonna dango walk up to her, dango finesse her"

"H'what!?" Hank said in shock.

"OH GOOD! Then you can stab her and take the wand!" Dale exclaimed!

"Oooh I like this plan" Kahn approved, with a shit eating grin.

"Dango ya." Boomhauer agreed.

"I thought you had a plan already!" Hank stated.

"We didn't have time to come up with a plan!" Dale said.

"Stupid hillbilly, let's not waste a whole chapter on a stupid plan." Kahn muttered.

"Wait what did I just say?" Kahn asked to himself.

Boomhauer then hastily walked off before Hank could even respond. Boomhauer then walked up to Star Butterfly and Marco Mexican.

"Hey, that dango blond hair is quite pretty young lady." Boomhauer said, trying not to sound creepy.

"Aww! Thank you stranger!" Star said, with smile on her face.

Marco on the other hand was quite disturbed by this.

"Pst… Star! Star! We should get out of here! This 50 year old man literally has knives strapped to his body!" Marco whispered, but Star wanted to continue talking to Boomhauer.

"Silly Marco! There's nothing wrong with a 50 year old man, with knives, complementing a girl with pretty hair!" Star said loudly.

Marco didn't want this... Dumb bitch wasn't supposed to say that. Star then continued to talk with Jeff- I mean Boomhauer!

Hank, and the other two were stalking Jeff- (I mean Boomhauer, FUCK!) Star, and Marco. Everything seemed to be going well, but then Hank remembered something VERY important.

"Uh guys, did I tell you that the Star girl is able to use magic?"

Upon hearing this, Dale and Kahn looked back at Hank with vacant looks on their faces.

"What! Why the hell didn't you tell us this while we were making the plan? stupid hillbilly!"

"Ya Hank! This would have been very good information to know!"

Hank was quite peeved by this.

"You guys didn't give me a goddamn chance to tell you guys!"

The three then started to bicker with each other for a while. But then they all remembered the next step in Boomhauer's plan, and looked over at him!

Star and Boomhauer were both laughing together, while Marco looked unimpressed, and sad. But then...

"Haahaha dango you know what else is dango funny!?" Boomhauer said.

"What is!?" Star said trying to contain her laughter.

"MY DANGO KNIFE IN YOUR DANGO FACE!" he exclaimed as he pulled off a knife from the strap and was about to stab her in the FUCKING face!

Star with the reflexes of a ninja, pulled her wand out, and narwhal blasted Boomhauer in the FUCKING crotch! Boomhauer was sent flying back a couple of meters, and collided with a tree. As he fell to the ground, he gripped his obliterated nuts.

"Dango…. dango…. nuts… dango~..." Boomhauer said with his last breath, as he shit himself.

Hank and the other two were about to go and help Boomhauer, but then they saw a cop roll up on his pimped tricycle.

"Oh shit! Run!" Kahn said, as he tried to run, but got his pants stuck on some thorns in the bush.

Hank and Dale quickly grabbed Kahn, and pulled him out. Unfortunately, his pants didn't survive.

"Nooo! My pants!"

"Leave them you idiot!" Dale screamed.

The three managed to make it out of there, but Boomhauer was not so lucky.

The cop (who looked more like a bodybuilding Drill Sergeant, and sounded like Sergeant Hartman) stepped off of his tricycle, and then looked at Star and Marco.

"What happened here, and why is there a 50 year old man with knives strapped to his body, holding his nuts?" The cop said, in a VERY stern tone.

"Sir! THIS MAN TRIED TO KILL US! H-H-HE~ PULLED A KNIFE OUT AND TRIED TO STAB MY FRIEND IN THE FACE! And then and then and then..." Marco started to hyperventilate, so Star stepped in.

"And then I hit him in the nuts!" she proudly said.

The cop looked at Boomhauer, and looked back at Star.

"You did the right thing little girl! And don't worry, I'll take care of this freek!"

The cop then flexed his mighty muscles, pulled out a rope and lassoed Boomhauer by the neck, like a noose.

"Yer comin' with me! I WANNA SEE YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!"

He then attached the lasso to the back of his big ass tricycle, and started to ride off.

"Dango help! help Hank! HELP! Dango help! *cough" Boomhauer pleaded as he slid against the hot cement, choking.

Star was quite relieved, but Marco was still kinda scared.

"Did you hear that Star? He called for someone named Hank! He wasn't alone!"

Marco seemed like was about to start hyperventilating again, but Star calmed him down.

"Marco, I hit him super hard in the nuts, i'm pretty sure he was just hallucinating or something."

This kinda calmed Marco down, but he was still a little paranoid, so they decided to go home.

Hank, Dale, and Kahn watched as the two walked away.

"We have to follow them!" Kahn urged.

"You can't go anywhere without your pants dumbass!" Hank replied.

"Shit! Wait here you stupid rednecks."

"Where are you going!?" Dale asked.

"To go get my pants!"

Kahn stepped out into the open, revealing his way too tighty whities and various wet stains by his tiny bulge. Kahn, once half way across the street, noticed a woman in a nearby house, looking at him and getting ready to dial 911.

"I've gotta do this quick" Kahn thought to himself.

But just as he was about to move again, Star and Marco walked out of the house.

"Aw SHIT!" Kahn said, as he ran behind the nearest tree.

"Hey Marco! I forgot to show you this new spell!" Star said, as she pointed her wand towards the bush that Kahn's pants were in.

Star then incinerated the bush, completely destroying it, and also destroying the pants.

"Hey that was pretty cool! But please don't burn the house down." Marco said.

"Oh don't worry Marco! The house would be completely destroyed before you could even see any fire!" Star said, while happily skipping back into the house while Marco just stared at the destruction Star caused.

Kahn then walked out from behind the Tree.

"NOOOOO! My pants!"

Kahn was about ready to cry, but he then noticed that girl in the house was talking on the phone while looking at him.

"Oh shit! I gotta get out of here!"

Kahn then began to run back to the guys, while also trying to hold back his tears. All the good times he had with those pants, so many nut busts… Experience… All gone now, because some white bitch decided to incinerate them.

"Well that was weird..." Marco said as he walked back into his house.

As Kahn made it back to Hank and Dale, while trying not to cry.

"So Kahn where's your pants?" Dale asked.

"That stupid bitch incinerated them!"

"Incinerated..." Hank murmured.

"What type of world is this!? TELL US! TEELLL UUUSSSS!" Dale screamed into the sky, waiting for an answer.

"Dale get serious. We know h'what type of power this girl has, we gotta make a plan. A REAL PLAN!" Hank emphasised.

"Yeah we don't wanna end up like Boomhauer." Dale said, sadly.

"Or my pants!" Kahn stated.

"Okay, well it's getting dark, we better go rent a nearby motel, get some food, and get Kahn some goddamn pants!" Hank explained.

"How much money do we have anyway, because I left my wallet with Nancy." Dale said.

"Well let me check my- goddamn it!" Hank yelled as he felt nothing in his pocket.

"Don't tell me you don't have your wallet either!" Kahn criticized.

Hank said nothing.

"Well unlike you rednecks I never forget my wallet!" Kahn said, as he started to laugh.

"Now let me just grab it out of my…" Kahn stopped talking after he realised he wasn't wearing his pants, and that he was only reaching into his soiled underwear.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kahn screamed as he fell to his knees and started to cry.

"Those 2 are going to pay for what they did to my pants!" Kahn shouted, as he hit the ground with his fist.

"Well, looks like we'll have to find somewhere to sleep, somewhere close to their house, so we can try and get some information on them." Hank said.

"Come on Kahn...You'll get new pants..." Dale said, trying to cheer him up.

The three then walked off, out of the neighborhood, by the nearby park.

Once there, Hank turned around and looked at the street.

"Why is there a trail of shit on the road?" Hank said.
Notes:

    Bye bye Boomhauer...

Notes:

    This is the first of many chapters! Stay tuned for more!