No one would ever know if a tree chirped like a bird,

One brick is good for attacking, but a lot of bricks are good for defending,

Being negative is great, you’re either always right or pleasantly surprised,

All dogs deserve a home, but not all homes deserve a dog,
Same goes for kids,

The rich used to be entertained by the poor, now the poor are entertained by the rich,
I entertain myself thank you very much,

Dogs probably destroy shoes because they see humans put them on before they leave the house,
Makes perfect sense,
My dog definitely recognizes that me putting on shoes either means we’re going for a walk or i’m leaving,

Telling people they’ve made your day will often result in you making their day,
Aw, my day just began but this has made my day, so far, wonderful thought,
This made my day,
This made my day,

Donkey from shrek is probably one of the boys from pinocchio that escaped from the coachman,
Knowing the chatter box he is, he would have definitely mentioned it, also, the happily ever after potion in shrek 2 would have turned him back to a boy or man,
The shrek wiki, what am i doing with my life, says the potion, gives one a more beautiful and comfortable form, maybe donkey was one of those kids, but this is just his ultimate form?,

Human thoughts before language must have been weird,
This makes me think about my dog, i have watched him laying on the couch, perk up, look around, then run off into the other room to grab a certain toy, and he knows right where he left it,
He is obviously having thoughts, probably just images and smells coming to him that remind him of that toy, it’s just cool to watch and try to imagine it from his perspective,
My favorite thing in the world is seeing my dog suddenly remember something like, oh shit, i forgot, and take off with purpose, it makes me so happy that he has things to do and that he takes them seriously,

You can put each letter of cube on the side of a square, and each letter of square on a side of a cube,
This is all i ever want from this sub, god damn it that was profound,
You have no idea how horrible new is on the sub reddit, full of shit posts, mocking ironic statements, and unoriginal overused thoughts, take me to hot with this post and i will forever be in your debt please i beg you,

A woman who has short hair her entire life will be stereotype as a tom boy, lesbian, bitchy soccer mom, normal old lady, in that order,
Yes karen too, jesus, i thought that bitchy soccer mom summed karen up enough to exclude it but apparently not,
Please 300 more people fill my inbox with karen references,
This must be really frustrating for old lady phase lesbians, getting mistaken for straight constantly,

If you describe trees as machines they sound totally sci fi, solar powered, self replicating machines, that produce breathable gas using toxic gas, sturdy building material, and food on a planetary scale,
Try that with any living creature, it’ll work,
Organic matter repurposing machine, intakes both dead and living plant mass and produces nitrogen rich waste material alongside highly nutritious and palatable food,

If you rob a store naked as a minor, no one could look at the security footage without committing a crime,
In the philippines, and probably elsewhere, burglars will go in naked and covered with oil so no one can grab or catch them,

When you buy batteries, you’re essentially buying canned electricity,
Perfect for cracking open a cold one with the droids,
Have some fake gold, this is genius,
Times two,

Porn hub comments are civil because everyone has had their hit of dopamine,
I don’t know, man, i see a lot of dicks on that site,
Don’t forget about all of the assholes,

Your body killing itself because of a nut allergy is a lot like burning a house down because of a spider,
I know people who would,
Spider inside?,
Gotta throw out the whole damn house now,
Gotta grab that home protection flamethrower friend,

Whoever created the tradition of not seeing the bride in the wedding dress beforehand saved countless husbands everywhere from hours of dress shopping and will forever be a hero to all men,
Damn, this got big,
I read that this tradition exists because in the past women were basically traded into a richer family by marriage, they were kept far away from the guy because the poorer family didn’t want to risk him not liking her looks and backing out,
That’s also essentially the origin of why brides wear veils,

When you’re a kid, you don’t realize you’re also watching your mom and dad grow up,
One of the hardest things about reaching adulthood is seeing your parents less and less, and seeing them age more and more each time you see them,
All right, i’m out, that was the last straw, this thread is hitting way too close to home,

Anxiety is like when video game combat music is playing but you can’t find any enemies,
You can’t sleep now, there are monsters nearby,
You can’t log off when in combat,
What combat?, who or what am i fighting?, my feelings?,

Being able to do well in high school without having to put in much effort is actually a big disadvantage later in life,
Tell me about it, i didn’t study at all and still got an a,
Tries music lessons,
Why don’t my fingers remember how to play this?, i studied two whole days,

Girls don’t compliment guys because they’re likely to take it non platonically, guys take it non platonically because it happens so infrequently they don’t know how to handle it,
The last compliment i had was after i shaved all my hair off and a woman said i had a nicely shaped head, that was about a year ago, still holding on to that one,
That would’ve made me super paranoid,

11 babies have been born in antarctica, and none of them died as infants, meaning antarctica has the lowest infant mortality rate at zero percent,
Guys this is definitely a shower though, it is a miniature epiphany that makes something mundane really cool and interesting,

The sentence, don’t objectify women, has women as the object of the sentence,
You have become the very thing you swore to destroy,
Don’t  lecture me obi wan,

Somebody at google was just like, yeah just have someone drive down every road on fucking earth,
And you know what?, they did it,
You know how many fucking roads there are?,
Fine, we’ll make the car drive itself,
Won’t the car run out of gas?,
Just make it run on electricity, duh,

College students don’t want to go to graduation ceremonies, but they go to please their relatives, while relatives don’t want to go but go to support the students,
We should all just be honest and skip that ceremony and go out for pizza,
Bro no, my parents helped me pay for my education and i told my mom i didn’t want to walk at my graduation and just have it sent in the mail or whatever and she was like, you will march your ass up on there and smile nice a big while i get pictures, this shit was not cheap and you’ll stay up there until i have a good picture from every angle, i don’t give a shit if you do a backflip up there or cry or shit your pants but you’re walking,

Apparently, a lemon is not naturally occuring and is a hybrid developed by crossbreeding a bitter orange and a citron, life never gave us lemons, we invented them all by ourselves,
So what you’re saying is that instead of life giving us lemons, we gave lemons life,
Detroit, become lemon,
You gave us life, and now the time has come for you to give us freedom,

Being 35 and not wanting to work in the field for which you’ve prepared is like being half way through a r p g and realizing you’ve built out your skill tree all wrong and you can’t respect and you can’t make a new character and there will never be another video game again,
43 here and i haven’t even started the main quest, i keep getting distracted by side quests and farming,
Which one is the main quest though?, this game just seems to be a bunch of sidequests,

It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly,
Edit, apparently, people have a lot of feelings on fidget spinners, strong feelings,
I have a theory about this fidget spinner failure phenomenon,
I never even wanted one or asked for one, and i have two in my possession, maybe everyone in the world has what they need as far as this commodity is concerned,

A guy named weird al has had a 40 plus year long career with no allegations of sexual impropriety,
One of my favorite stories i’ve heard about weird al was when the moment he realized he had finally made it,
This was in the early 80s, he had been invited to a music industry party and wasn’t really sure if he would go or not, he didn’t think anyone knew about him or cared,
When he got to the party, he heard someone yell from across the room, holy shit, its weird al, weird al is here,
He looked over and saw it was actually paul mccartney who yelled it,

The olympics is the only time when you hear, great execution by north korea, and it seems okay,
Edit, thanks for the gold, seems fitting for an olympics shower thought,
They’ve really isolated themselves from the rest of the competition, dave,
Darryl, they have just starved the competition of medals,

If we look back, porn hub has been one of the most innovative video sharing websites, they have had permanent dark mode for years, they popularized the preview setting where you can watch the video without starting it, and still are one of the few to have like and dislike percentage on display,
Also i love that you can see where people watch the video the most, skip to the interesting stuff easier,

Avatar, the highest grossing film of all time, seems to have made zero impact on culture, no one references the movie and no one really talks about it since it was released 10 years ago,
Loved the special effects but the only line i remember is,
You gon’ get your legs back,
Don’t play with that, you’ll go blind,

Since there are 3600 seconds in an hour, and most people make less than 36 dollars per hour, their time is worth less than a penny per second, it’s literally worth your time to pick up a penny from the ground,
In junior high there was a math teacher who swore by this to the point where kids would roll coins on the ground to watch him pick it up,
Jokes on the kids, literally throwing money to the teacher,

Security level of an airport is absolutely ridiculous, until you get to the baggage claim, then it’s just like take whatever bag you want,
I wonder how often lost luggage is simply stolen at the baggage claim?,

In the anime, ash ketchum was supposed to be a huge pokemon fan before he left on his journey, but everytime he sees any kind of pokemon, he has to pull out his pokedex because he doesn’t know what it is,
Ash ketchum was a poser before he left on his journey,
Internet reviewer suede pointed this out in a recent review of a pokemon episode, the fact that ash actually remembers what a lapras is a huge anomaly,

It would be cool if after you died you could see the top 5 times you almost died,
And a kill cam,
If you die of old age is it just a first person cam of the grim reaper coming up behind you and just touching you?,
Edit, thanks everyone for clarifying, i used old age as a generic term, yes i am aware of all the various ways people can die and the technical reasons behind it, thank you,

This spring forward thing would be a lot more popular if we moved the clocks ahead at 2 p m on a monday,
I work a night shift,
Watching the clock go from 2 a m to 3 a m during working hours last night was glorious,
We worked an hour less, and still get paid for that lost hour,
Haven’t worked night shift in a while, but yeah, spring was awesome, fall turning the clock back?, sucked,

Stan lee’s funeral is going to be a reverse cameo where all the superheroes appear in the background of his story,
I feel like an artist could make a really good picture out of this thought,
Like when disney sent a drawing of mickey consoling kermit when henson died,

The syllables in, on your mark, get set, go, are a countdown,
You’ve just peeled another layer off the english language onion i didn’t know existed,
Guess i’m an ogre,

The spiders that live in buckingham palace now are probably the descendants of the spiders that lived there during victorian times, its a whole parallel royal family but with spiders,
Am i right?,
Spiders?, w t f are you talking about?,
Buckingham palace cleaning staff,

The internet both almost killed off the postal service with email and then made it more needed than ever with online delivery,
I worked for royal mail for 5 years, and management kept saying that we used to be a letters company that also delivered parcels, but we were not a parcels company that also delivered letters,
As someone working in a post office, can confirm,

Coffee makes you hyper, but coffee shops are designed for people to chill, whereas alcohol is a depressant but bars and clubs are designed for people to be energetic,
These places are designed for how you feel when you want to go there, not when you leave,
I d k about you, but i don’t show up to a bar sober,

One of the most frustrating feelings in the world is being smart enough to know there’s a better way to do something but not smart enough to invent a way to do it,
There’s got to be a better way,
Another way, always another way,
There’s always a bigger fish,