FML

Okay so I was 15 my mother started to send me to a school that only met on thursdays, everyone knew who I was (for much the same reason everyone knows me online, I'm loud tend to be a douchebag but somewhere under there is a charming fellow), and I didn't know anyone. a year goes by, make some new friends and suddenly this guy tells me that there's this girl who liked me last year and he forgot to tell me, and I'm like holy shit who is it, cuz I was almost 15, I had no idea how to even really land a relationship that meant anything.

A week later there's a letter in my backpack with her number in it and it says "hey text me, I couldn't do this myself so I had a friend do it" and I'm like waaaaaat okay, I didn't have a phone so I spent the next two days freaking out cuz I had no idea how to text this girl, had no clue what she looked like didn't know what she sounded like or if she still even liked me. I find an online app to text with it's good it's cool we text back and forth for the next two weeks. I started freaking out cuz I was like what if she doesn't like me anymore and I ask her out and she just turns me down,. what its too soon what if I waited too long what if I'm already friendzoned.
Then outta nowhere fb friend request from the girl whose name I still didn't have a face for, she's pretty, almost as tall as I was at the time and only really wore baggy clothing... I was like fuuuuuuuuuck idk what she looks like, at that point I'd been talking to her for two and a half months over text and I'd never even talked to her in person because our classes were on a different schedule and we didn't have a free period together. we're still talking though and I get to put a name to a face, brain is going "holy fuck facebook friend request do I ask her out now, what the fuck do I do pls fucking what the hell do I do".

another two weeks pass and suddenly I've dragged her into this space cart racing game that I loved playing, we're chatting over it and I pulled the massive "do I send it do I not send it do I not send it do I send it do I not send it" and finally grew a pair and asked her if she liked me, she doesn't respond, and suddenly her cart logs off and I start freaking out completely, I'm terrified I fucked up cuz not only had I grown to like her I enjoyed talking to her because she listened to what I had to say and helped me think through stuff before I just went ahead and did it.
She logs back in a few minutes later and apologizes for parent aggro, cuz parent aggro OP, then she doesn't say anything for a while and I freak out because I think I've completely fucked up butchered a friendship and lost a chance at something gucci, I get a text and she tells me she likes me too, three months pass and there isn't a moment where we  aren't texting eachother or telling eachother how our day went, then January 14th 2014 at four AM in the morning I asked her out pms the entire time cuz we did it on facetime and she said yes.

Fast forward a month or two and we meet face to face for the first time because semester switched classes around and we had a free period together, got to hug her for the first time ever after I'd been talking with her for nearly 8 months, a couple weeks later first kiss yadda yadda yadda,   happy couple stuff here and there, we spent late nights out at the beach cuddled under the stars in the back of my car did all kinds of stuff. Then suddenly her parents become angry with my existence because I kissed their daughter infront of them and it goes down hill, we'd dated for two and a half years, written letters to eachother  back and forth (DO I LOOK LIKE A NIGGA WHO TAKE THE TIME TO PUT PEN TO PAPER, NO AS FUCK) and would randomly show up at her house to pick her up to go get food early in the morning cuz I loved her and wanted to be around her....
Her parents angry with my existence take her phone, her computer and then I don't get to talk to her for 2 months, it was like drug withdrawals but worse, heart constantly ached, I couldn't sleep cuz I was always worried if she was okay or not, and didn't know how to exist without being able to message her throughout the day or even call her because she couldn't do that either... Then suddenly I get a text from her one day and she asks me if I wanna take her to the beach, we go to the beach she sobs, I'm like wtf do I do, the only person who gets me in this world can't talk to me and she's depressed cuz she can't talk to me and I'm fucked up because I can't keep her from being upset cuz man genes (HAVE TO DO A PROTEC),

Fast forward two weeks and we're both freaking out cuz her parents let her have her phone for two weeks and then suddenly she can't have it anymore, then two weeks later we get to talk again and then it's off and on for two months and we're freaking out because we can't continually talk. We start talking about breaking up and then my dumbass accidentally broke up with her the day before her birthday and then suddenly I'm pmsing because I feel like a dick I feel worse than I ever had, heart wouldn't stop fucking hurting and I actually cried for once in my life cuz I felt like I completely fucked up the only really, truly nice person/thing i had going for me.
Her birthday comes up the next day and I'm like "Holy shit I still love you but we know we can't do this but here's your birthday present because I still love you and oh my god fuck me i hate this" and we cried and then continued to talk but less and less often and I slowly felt like part of me was dying, then suddenly she just completely stopped texting me and talking to me at all, and then I find out that she's got another boyfriend fiveish months after we broke up and I'm like that's cool that's good for you. fast forward a year or two and she's completely blocked me from everything because her boyfriend is this super freaky controling fuck and I'm like "w/e it's cool as long as she's happy, I still ahve her number she can text me if she needs help and I have her number I can still occasionally check up on her like I have for the past two years"

Fast forward to this past tuesday, I can't keep a solid relationship, I get cheated on every time I get in one, I hemorage money to the girl(s) and get no emotional support or fidelity in return for my time or investment, and she's happy as can be with her boyfriend, then suddenly I'm driving to buy some pants for work cuz I'm a dipshit and I like to fucking swim in chlorine so I needed new pants and yknow, I make it to the store, finally having a good day where I don't want kill myself, and her dad calls me, he's sobbing, i'm like what the fuck dude step off me I haven't been with your daughter in like nearly 3 and a half years
So I can't get him off the phone and then he just breaks out hardcore old man "holy shit my kid is dead" kind of sobbing and he tells me "I'm so sorry that I was a complete ass to you and her, if I hadn't, you'd still be dating her, I'd have grandkids by now, and my daughter would be alive and happy" and I'm like holy fuck what happened and then boom massive bomb day down the fucking drain only person I've ever been able to really truly care about is dead, her boyfriend got fed up with her parents and decided that if he couldn't have her no-one could, shot her, shot himself and I'm just dead on the inside cuz I was waiting for them to break up so we could get back together