/V/irgin In Equestria - Chapter 5

>“...Anon...”
>Is someone calling for you? Forget it: you are not getting up from this bed. To do so would be a travesty against being comfy.
>“Anon.”
>You're not imagining it: someone is calling you.
“Unless the castle is on fire, clear off.” You moan.
>Whoever it is is now right next to you.
>“He's as bad as Spike... Come on Anon, you need to get-”
>Before you even realise what's happened, a shrill shriek jolts you to full consciousness. You stare bleary eyed at Twilight who's completely red faced. The sheets you had been entangled in are now on the floor.
>What is she staring...
>HI BUDDY WHAT'S UP?
>You roll onto your front.
“OUT!” You yell at the unicorn, pointing at the door.
>She doesn't stop looking at you as she speeds out of the room and slams the door behind her. God damn it. Your second day here and already one of them has seen your little soldier. It wouldn't have been so bad if you weren't standing at attention too. Bloody Hell, it feels like its wrought from iron!
>“I-Is it fine for me to c-come back in?” You hear her stammer out from behind the door.
“NO.” You shout back.
>Seriously, hasn't that p0ny ever heard of knocking? You gather your clothes from off the floor.
>“I-it's just we have to leave Anon. You need to get ready.”
“Fine. Just give me a few minutes.”
>You look down.
You're going to get me into trouble one day, you know that?
>PENIS DOES WHAT PENIS WANTS.

>Once your 'at ease', you head to the bathroom. There was already water drawn up in the bath and surprisingly it was warm. Did Twilight do this for you? You're not sure whether to be thankful or weirded out. Regardless, time's a wasting. You grab one of the bars of soap and lather up. Smells like cranberries, which you're none too fond of. A quick dunk and you're clean, by your 'late-for-work' standards at least. Not so happy that you smell like fruit, you dry yourself off using a towel left for you by the staff. Nice to use one that doesn't feel like rubbing your skin with sandpaper, unlike the ones provided at some hotels you've frequented.
>As you wrap the towel around your waist, you see your face in the mirror and notice some stubble poking out. Shit, you don't have any razors with you. How could you forget those, you remembered your DS but not those? All your spares are back at your bedroom by the swamp and you don't fancy a trek there just to collect them. Not to mention you don't want to deal with whatever other ferocious creatures Equestria might contain. There might be harpies, sphinxes, chimeras, manticores and Zeus knows what else.
>Back in the bedroom, you open your rucksack and put on fresh underwear and a t-shirt, as well as your combat trousers and boots. You put the used garments in the bag and zip it up, not before taking out another of your chewable toothbrushes and munching on it. You also decide to fill up your empty bottle from yesterday with water from the bathroom sink. Never can be too careful.

>You come to the door with a frown on your face. Twilight is there, still blushing madly.
“You... Just... Forget it. We're not going to speak about this. Let's go.”
>The pair of you walk down the corridor, not looking at each other.
>“Why did you take your clothes off Anon?”
“I was hot during the night. Couldn't sleep. Needed to cool down.”
>You both walk down a set of stairs.
>“Has... that... happened before?”
>Ensign, Jimmie status report!
“Yes. Can you drop it please?”
>“Does it happen a lot?”
>Captain, Jimmies are at rustle factor nine!
“Twilight! Seriously! You do not ask a guy that!”
>She thankfully shuts up for the remainder of the trek. Both of you soon get to the entrance of the castle where Celestia and the other p0nies are waiting. So too are three chariots that are coupled onto pegasus guards, four assigned to each.
>“Is something the matter Anon?” Celestia asks when she sees your annoyed expression.
>Yes there is as a matter of fact. You prized pupil just invited herself into my room, stripped the covers off me, only to find me naked whilst having wood the likes of which have scarcely been experienced by man and probably never will from this point on. Then she has the nerve to ask questions about it!
“No Princess. Nothing is the matter. I haven't had my morning coffee yet, that's all.”
>“I see. Well Anon, it has been a privilege meeting you.”
“You too Celestia.”
>“Do you have all your belongings with you?”
>You tally up everything in your head.
“Yep. All here with me.” You say while twisting around to show her your backpack.
>“Very good. Twilight?”
>The purple unicorn steps in front of you.
>“I've sent a message ahead of your arrival. Do you remember what we discussed?”

>“Yes Princess.” Twilight responds, “I'll make sure events proceed as smoothly as possible.”
“What's going on?” You interrupt.
>“We're going to P0nyville.”
>You recall hearing that name before.
“That's the place all of you live at. Why?”
>“I feel it's a suitable location for you to get on your hooves, so to speak.” Celestia answers, “You'll be with p0nies you know, plus it will give you a better understanding into how our lives work rather than here in Canterlot.”
>You update your Equestrian geography with that snippet of information.
“If you say so your Highness.” You turn to Twilight, “How are we getting there? Aren't we taking the wagon back?”
>“No. It's best if we don't travel through Canterlot right now: the city is buzzing with the news of your arrival. There's hundreds of ponies at the main gate wanting to get a look at you and more keep arriving.”
>Talk about getting your fifteen minutes of fame.
“So those guys are gonna give us a ride?” You say, tilting your head towards the tethered pegasi.
>“They'll get us to P0nyville. You'll have to ride on your own though; they wouldn't be able to pull us if we all got onto one chariot.”
>You nod and turn back to Celestia, bowing to her.
“Thank you for letting me stay in your wonderful castle Princess. If I could, I would come here every night just to sleep in that bed.”
>She laughs, “I'm happy to hear you say so. You're more than welcome to visit whenever you wish.”
>She holds up a hoof and you shake it. After you do, Twilight says her farewells to the Princess and the two of you head to the chariots where the other p0nies are already on board.
>“Make sure you stay sitting down.” Twilight calls after you after pairing up with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.
>You give her a thumbs up over your shoulder.

>You climb onto the last empty chariot. The pegasi that are towing you look anxious to go.
“Ready whenever you guys are. Let's bounce.”
>The other two chariots speed past you. Rainbow Dash is flying alone above them. Yours turns and follows after them, its speed soon matching theirs.
>It's at this point you realise you're not moving in the direction of the gatehouse with the drawbridge you entered the castle grounds by. Fair enough, there must be some sort of secret path only they know about.
>If by secret path, you mean the cliff that you and Luna had been lying down at last night, then yes. Though to call it a path would be a stretch. Maybe a magical road is about materialise.
“Hey guys! Want to clue me in?”
>If they heard you, they're ignoring you. The pegasi begin galloping faster.
“Seriously guys, what's going on?”
>The acceleration continues unabated. The magic road has yet to appear.
“Slow down! We're going to go over the edge!”
>Do these pegasi have a death wish? It's a sheer drop once the land stops! You look behind you. Screw jumping, you're going to break something if you hit the ground at this speed. But if you don't, you're going to end up splattered on some jagged rocks after a thousand foot plus fall!
>There is no magic road.
>Oh well, you've had a fun time here.
>The pegasi extend their wings...
“FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

>You're not falling.
>If anything, it feels like you're ascending.
>You take a peek behind you: Canterlot is now shrinking into the distance.
>You look over the side of the chariot: you're not catching up to the ground.
>You're flying.
>You're flying!
>Whooping loudly, you catch the attention of Rainbow Dash who sweeps towards you.
>“This your first time flying Anon?” She shouts over the roaring wind.
“Not like this I haven't! Ha-Ha!”
>This is crazy, you're soaring through the air and you're not even on a vehicle remotely resembling an aircraft. If you ever get back to Earth, you're going to start a business specialising in open top planes.
>Hey dude.
What is it brain? I'm having fun right now.
>I know, just wondering if you'd like some music.
...Anything in particular?
>Maybe. How's this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3h4emHL7V8
Good choice.
>As always. I'll leave you to your adrenaline rush.

>This feels fantastic. To be able to do this every day would be a dream come true.
>It must be the thin air but a mad thought enters into your head. You think the blue pegasus flying as a wingman is going to like this.
“Hey Dash! DASH!”
>“Yeah?”
“Wanna race?”
>“What?”
“I said, do you want to race?” You yell louder.
>“Yeah! Where to?”
“P0nyville! Loser buys the winner a drink!”
>Her face lights up as if you asked her to marry you, “You're on Anon!”
>You crawl up towards the front of the chariot.
“Hey guys! GUYS!” You shout at the pegasi, they all look at you, “You get me to P0nyville before Rainbow over there, she'll be getting all of us free drinks! Up for it?”
>They look at each other, then back to you.
>“We're game sir!” The one closest to you hollers, “Just give the signal!”
>You grin wildly, this is going to be a cakewalk. Four pegasi against one? You know what team you're betting on.

>You raise an arm.
“Ready!”
>You see Rainbow Dash tense up. Her determination is nearly palpable.
“Set!”
>You make sure you've got a tight grip on the chariot, the last thing you want to happen is to plummet to your death now of all times.
>You drop your arm.
“GO!”
>Instantly, the chariot hurtles forward. Those days you've spent playing lightgun shooters at arcades is all the forearm training you've ever gotten. You've got just enough grip strength to stop yourself from slipping off the back.
>Rainbow Dash, true to her name, has dashed ahead, leaving a rainbow in her wake and carving an impressive lead.
“God damn she's fast...” You say to yourself, “Get in her slipstream! We're gonna have to draft her to catch up!”
>The chariot manoeuvres itself in the pegasus' traversed path, the disturbed air helping somewhat. Bit by bit, your team reclaims the lost ground and soon, you and your crew is trying to overtake. You misjudged Rainbow: This is going to be a photo finish, if not an outright loss.
>The houses of P0nyville march ever closer.
>“Hey Anon! I like root beer floats just so you know!” Rainbow Dash cracks out before accelerating ahead.
>Bloody Hell, she must be going a few hundred miles an hour!

>“Sir! She's too quick for us!”
“I noticed, thanks!”
>What to do, what to do...
“Guys, pull up! We need to go higher”
>“That'll only slow us down!”
“I know, got a trick I hope will work!”
>The chariot increases in altitude.
“Higher!”
>They obey, but their uncertain looks make it clear they have no idea what you have in mind.
“That's good! Level out!”
>From this height, you can see out to about seventy miles in every direction. You can still see P0nyville and can make out a cyan blob leaving a colourful streak speeding towards it.
“Gotcha... Okay guys, we're going parabolic! Head straight down!”
>The feeling of weightlessness hits you almost instantly. Clouds zip pass as you and the pegasi plummet. You really hope these guys can pull up in time, the consequences of not doing so aren't worth thinking about.
>You briefly manage to spot Rainbow's look of surprise and horror as you and your chariot hurtle past her. You would have taken pleasure in that if you were going horizontal instead of near-vertical.
>Lifting your head up, you see the pegasi straining to level out. Ahead of them, you can just about make out separate branches on the trees they're flying towards.

>Hey dude.
Not now brain, I'm going to die.
>You remember the crash landing at the beginning of Pitch Black? Sort of like this, isn't it?
Nice of you to make that comparison, now of all times.
>Remember how the flight navigator avoided slamming into the planet?
If I answer this, will you leave me alone?
>Maybe.
She jettisoned the rear sections of the ship because its centre of gravity was off, she couldn't get the nose down.
>Right. Only difference is your craft needs to get its nose up. So...
>You ponder on this.
You're a genius brain.
>I have my moments.

>Okay, you need to redistribute the weight. How are you going to do that?
>You can't get rid of the chariot, otherwise you'll need to learn how to fly in the next thirty seconds.
>That leaves only one option.
>You release your hold on the chariot. True to plan, you slide backwards but a buffet of air rocks the vehicle, knocking you away.
“Shit!”
>Panicking, you flail for something to grab onto. No such luck.
>Free of the chariot, you wonder if this is what a chick feels like when the mother bird pushes it out of the nest in an effort to make it fly. If that's the case, birds suck.
>There's a sudden yank on your leg. Miraculously, one of your boots has gotten wedged on the façade of the chariot. Hyperventilating, you pray that your laces don't come undone.
>You're counting down the distance. Three hundred metres, two fifty, two hundred...
>This is going to hurt...
>Hang on, you can feel the wind changing direction... it worked! The pegasi are pulling up!
>Summoning all the strength you can muster, you try to pull yourself up but you can forget it: your body has completely turned to jelly. The tree tops are low enough to avoid you having your arms ripped off but you're going to have to do something soon before you land.
>The buildings of P0nyville are rushing into sight thanks to your trick and the pegasi are lining up with a dirt track below you, using it as a runway.
“Guys! Wait a second!” You yell, “I'm not on board!”
>They can't hear you.
>Well it looks like you're going to have to make do with out your head.

>All of a sudden, you feel something pressing against you. You turn your head to see Rainbow Dash below you straining to support your weight.
>“You okay Anon?” She says once you're safe on board once more.
“Yeah, never better!” You say as your heart tries to bust out of your chest.
>“Good, I'll see you at the finish line then!” She cackles and flies off.
>That pegasus man, that pegasus.
>“What now sir?” The pegasus closest to you asks, oblivious to what just happened.
“Forget it. She's won.” You say, dejected, “You did your best guys, just take us down.”
>There's a hard bump as the chariot hits the ground and the clopping of hooves takes over from the flapping of wings. The pegasi gradually bring themselves to a halt in front of a celebrating Rainbow Dash who's looping and pirouetting in the air.
“Showoff!” You shout up at her, while jumping off the chariot.
>You've never been happier to be on solid ground.
>Rainbow zooms down and lands in front of you.
>“Hard luck Anon. I did say I was the fastest pegasus in Equestria.”
“Yeah you weren't kidding. A deal's a deal though: loser buys the winner a drink.”
>You get your wallet out and open it.
>You've only got money from back home.
“Ah, problem. You don't have an exchange bureau around here, do you?”
>“A what?”
“Never mind. I'll owe it to you.” You say, pocketing the wallet.

>The other two chariots carrying the rest of the p0nies arrive a few minutes later. Twilight hops off and makes a beeline for you. You don't like the look of that scowl she's sporting.
>“What do you think you're doing?” She asks, none too pleased.
“Just having a bit of harmless fun.”
>“It didn't look like fun when you were hanging on for your life!”
“I'm still here aren't I?”
>“Relax Twilight.” Rainbow says in your defence, “Anon here was just doing his best not to end up too far behind me when I won.”
>You don't think cocky is a strong enough word for how Rainbow is acting right now. You let her continue to do so anyway, she's earned it.
>She turns to you again, “Where'd you learn that move Anon? You sure you're not a pegasus in disguise?”
You chuckle, “Nah, just a manoeuvre I picked up a while back. Good for bombing runs at Wake Island.”
>The two p0nies look a little confused.
>“What's a bombing run?” They ask.
>What was it the Princess wanted you to do? Not tell them that humans go around killing each other? That was it. Better come up with an excuse, sharpish.

“A bombing run... is... a... game. Yeah, it's a game.” You pray they'll buy your twist of the truth.
>“A game?” Twilight asks, not too convinced.
“Yes.”
>“What sort of game?”
“A team game, you have some bombs and you use them to hit a player on the other team to... disqualify them. You win when the other team is all out. Simple.”
>“Like a water balloon fight?” Rainbow dash points out.
“Yeah exactly like that, except we play it on those computers I told you about yesterday.”
>“Ohh.”
>That actually worked. You breathe a sigh of relief.
>“Well just don't do it again.” The unicorn suggests, “The last thing I want is you ending up in the hospital.”
“You're beginning to sound like my mum, you know that?”
Twilight huffs, clearly not used to someone talking back to her.
>Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy come over. They gabble about the display you just put on, Pinkie supplementing the sound effects.
>“Come on everyp0ny, the Mayor's waiting for us.” Twilight soon interrupts, “She wants to meet Anon since he'll be staying with us for the time being.”

>The six p0nies take you on a roundabout route though town, Twilight's reason for doing so a way to avoid as much of a disturbance of the peace as possible due to your presence.
>You all come to what looks like the town square, with a single building occupying the space. You guess that it must be the Mayor's residence or the town hall or both.
>You also notice the multitude of p0nies wandering about.
“How exactly are we supposed to get from here to there without causing a stampede?”
>“We'll just have to deal with it. Come on.”
“Deal with it she says. Marvellous...”
>As you and the gang step into the open, p0nies stop and stare at the spectacle of a strange creature calmly walking about their town. You're used to the attention by now but a certain mint green unicorn in the crowd catches your eye, its face one of pleasant surprise than terrified wonder. It's freaking you out a bit.
“Hi folks, nice day isn't it?”
>Some of the p0nies nod in response while others shy away, not expecting you to address them directly. How they managed to build their civilisation when there's all manner of beasts ready and willing to eat them, you have no idea.
>You also think you've worked out how to tell the difference between males and females, save for lifting up their tails to get a look at the plumbing though you determine that wouldn't be appropriate. Stallions have squarer frames and more muscular builds compared to mares, which appear more slender and have rounder faces. Coat colour and the markings on their flanks don't seem to play a role. You've developed a theory regarding those marks in that they might be some sort of tribal identification. A dark blue pegasus nearby has the Orion constellation on his body the same as that white unicorn you saw on your way into Canterlot yesterday.

>Once you reach the building, Twilight knocks on the front door. A grey earth p0ny with a dark brown mane tied into a bun answers it.
>“Good, you're here.” The mare says without so much as a 'Hello,' “We received your message an hour ago, the Mayor's waiting for you. She has much to discuss.”
>“Thanks.”
>She steps aside, allowing Twilight and the others to walk in. You take a look over your shoulder. The other p0nies are still watching you tentatively.
>“Anon, come on.”
>You have to crouch down to enter and you can't stand up straight inside without hitting your head on a crossbeam. You have a rush of familiarity as you follow Twilight: the interior is reminiscent of a number of government facilities you've visited before back on Earth, bureaucracy emanating from every filing cabinet, desk and potted plant. The only things that are missing are the bad motivational posters and security cameras at every junction.
>The p0nies stop at a closed door. A framed bronze insignia next to it reads in p0ny-glyphs 'Mayor's Office.' Twilight raps a hoof on the door.
>“Enter.” A muffled voice responds.
>“I'll try to be quick. Wait here everyp0ny.” Twilight says before going in.

>The ticking of a nearby clock rounds off the mood perfectly. You and the other five p0nies are bored, very bored. Rainbow Dash is buzzing around incessantly, not liking the enclosed space. Fluttershy is fixated on a fern, watching a spider weave a web between the leaves. Applejack is leaning against a wall and has tipped her hat, probably to take a nap. Rarity is examining her hooves the same way one would check their nails. Pinkie Pie... well you can't tell what she's doing. Her eyes are all over the place. If you didn't know better, you'd think she was counting the bricks in the walls.
>You pull out your phone. Might as well listen to some music.
>The battery symbol in the top left corner of the screen has '37%' flashing next to it.
>It rolls over to 36%.
>A sickly feeling comes over you. Why haven't you switched off your phone at all since coming here? It's not like you're expecting a call. You've got no way to recharge it here either.
>“Problem Anon?” Applejack pipes up.
“Not yet.” You sigh, contemplating your stupidity and putting your phone back.
>You briefly wonder what passes for music around here. You doubt breakbeat, drum and bass and electro house are on their version of the charts.

>You glance at the clock down the hall.
>1:26.
>Where does the day go?
>...
“1:26?”
>You get up and walk over to the clock to get a better look at it. Yep, it's a clock all right.
>“Is something the matter Anon?” Rarity asks.
“No...” You say a little amused, “Is that the time?”
“Mmhmm.” Pinkie Pie hums, “A teeny-weeny bit fast, but it's close enough.”
>You count the divisions on the clock. Twelve.
“Stupid question but I've got to ask. Is there twenty-four hours in a day here?”
>“Of course.” Rarity answers.
“Sixty minutes in an hour? Sixty seconds in a minute?”
>“Yes.”
“Huh.” You tap your foot. Might as well adjust the time on your phone, you think, “How many days in a week?”
>“Seven, silly.” Pinkie Pie responds.
“And there's how many months in a year?” You ask, expecting the correct answer.
>“Twelve. Is that unusual?”
“Not at all Rarity. Just a huge coincidence. Let me guess: 365 days in a year? 366 every leap year?”
>There's a pause.
>“Close but not quite Anon.”

>“What in tarnation's a leap year?” Applejack queries.
>“Ooh! Is it a year where you have to jump around all the time? Because I do that every day already!”
>Pinkie Pie is now hopping around the space, vaulting over Fluttershy repeatedly.
“How many days are there in a year then?”
>“360, Anon.” Rainbow answers, “Twelve months of thirty days, everyp0ny knows that. You really have 365 days in a year on Earth?”
“365 and a quarter to be accurate. We add up the extra time and have an extra day every four years. We call that year a leap year, don't ask me why.”
>“Weird.”
>Before the conversation can continue, the Mayor's door opens and Twilight sticks her head out.
>“Anon, come here. The Mayor's ready to see you now.”
“Got it. Wish me luck everyone.”

>You enter the office. Sitting at a desk is an older looking mare sporting a light brown coat, grey mane and half-moon glasses. She reminds you of your head teacher back at junior school, the only thing missing is the pervasive smell of nicotine.
>“Sit down please.” She points a hoof at a green cushion at your feet.
>You oblige. Getting comfortable proves a bit tricky, the cushion most likely having been sat on by p0nies for many years and not having its stuffing replaced since it was purchased has left it stiff in places.
>“Twilight Sparkle was just informing me about yourself... Anon isn't it?”
“That's right.” You say, still fidgeting.
>“I have to say the reports don't do you justice.”
“What reports?”
>“There were rumours spreading around P0nyville yesterday of an bizarre creature tied up in the back of a cart being taken in the direction of the capitol, as well as a disturbance at Miss Fluttershy's abode by the Everfree Forest. I didn't believe them myself until the letter from Princess Celestia arrived this morning.”
“I'm glad to have exceeded your expectations. Two days ago, I wouldn't have believed p0nies like you existed either.”
>“It looks like we'll have a lot to learn from each other, you'll have lots of time to do so.”
“Anyone care to fill me in on what's going on?”
>Twilight levitates a scroll towards you. It drops onto your lap.
“What's this?”
>“A decree from Princess Celestia.” The unicorn responds.
“Sounds important. What's it about?”
>“You. Open it.”
>You unfurl the scroll and read its contents.

>To the Mayor of P0nyville,
>Today, I come to you with an atypical request. Two nights ago, a being by the name of Anonymous (though he prefers to be called Anon) was transported to our world by unknown means. He refers to himself as a human, not a species any of Canterlot's historians and archaeologists are familiar with, neither are they mentioned in any book in the Repository of Knowledge.
>After some time interacting with Anon, I have determined him not to be a threat to Equestria or P0nykind, though he has not been here for long enough to warrant that as hard fact. Therefore, whilst the researchers at the Ministry of Magic devise a way to send Anon back to his own world (called Earth), he will be staying in P0nyville under the supervision of Twilight Sparkle and the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony until such a time that he is able to leave. Accommodation is to be made available to him, as well as a temporary monthly stipend of Two Hundred Bits a month until he is able to support himself. These costs will be provided by the Royal Treasury.
>Please pass on this information to Anon when he arrives. I wish for his stay to be as pleasant as possible. When and if he does return to his home, I only want Anon to have happy memories of his time here.
>Princess Celestia.

>You reread the scroll to make sure you haven't misunderstood anything. The ornate wax seal at the bottom adds to the authenticity.
>Looks like your settling down here. Also: DOSH
“Do I get to pick where my house goes?” You say, pocketing the document.
>The Mayor laughs, “Sorry but that's already been decided ahead of time. Don't worry, it's within the boundaries of P0nyville so you don't feel excluded.”
“As long as it's not next to a factory or a railway line, I'm not complaining.”
>“Okay Anon, we've got to get going.” Twilight says, “You'll be staying with me until the builders finish your house... which reminds me, I have to tell them to make it larger than normal so you can walk around without hitting your head.”
“Thanks, the last thing I want is a concussion.”
>“One more item of business Anon.” The Mayor says as you get up, “I'll be holding a town meeting later today so we can formally introduce you to the town.”
>There a rapid series of knocks on the door before the grey p0ny from earlier bursts in, flustered and panting.
>“Mayor! There's...” She says before gasping for air.
>“What's wrong Nimblina?” The Mayor says, getting up from her desk.
>“Every...” She gasps again, “Everyp0ny is outside, the whole town! They've heard about Anonymous, they want know what's going on!”
>“Oh my, this is a predicament.”
“So much for that town meeting later.”
>“Not at all Anon. We'll just have it now. One aspect of politics I learnt early on is to be flexible.”
>The Mayor exits and you, Twilight and Nimblina follow. The other p0nies still waiting in the foyer get up and tag along. There is a discernible noise coming from outside, p0nies worriedly talking to each other.

>“I'll go out first and try to calm them down. Once I've got them settled, I'll call for you to come outside. Do you understand Anon?”
“Crystal clear Mayor.”
>You watch the situation from behind a set of blinds. The rabble increases in volume as the Mayor makes her way to a lectern on the podium outside.
>“Citizen of P0nyville, please calm down.” She says, raising a hoof.
>“Where is it?” One of the p0nies in the crowd calls out.
>“Is it dangerous?”
>“Why is it here? It could be one of those changelings!”
>“Doesn't Celestia care about our safety?”
>The incessant questions begin to drown out one another. The Mayor is distraught. She clearly hasn't dealt with a situation like this before.
“She's dying out there.”
>“I know it looks bad Anon, but just wait until she calls for you.” Twilight says.
>You stand away from the window, thinking.
Any ideas brain?
>Nope. You're on your own dude.
Gee thanks.
>You pace around, trying to come up with a plan.
“Screw it.” You say and reach for the doorknob.
>“Anon, wait!” Twilight tries to stop you but you easily shrug her off. The door swings open and there's a collective gasp once you step outside. All eyes are on you.
“It's all right Mayor,” You assure the mare, “I've got this.”
>She sidesteps out of the way to give you access to the stand. It barely comes up to your waist, not that it matters since you don't have any notes.
“Okay listen up everyone. Don't get angry at the Mayor over here. It's not her fault I'm here. If any of you have got a problem with me, now is your chance to voice it. Questions?”
>All the p0nies begin shouting over one another again.
“Bloody Hell, one at a time!”

>You search for a face that doesn't look like they're about to ask you something wacky.
“You, the lime-green mare.” You say, pointing.
>“Stallion.”
“Stallion sorry, what's your question?”
>“Who and what are you?”
“That's two questions. I'm a human, a guy, and my name is Anonymous, Anon to my friends. Next question.”
>Hooves are waving in the air. It's like a junior school assembly where the kids are being asked if they want their favourite lunches every day of the week.
“The orange unicorn, you're up.”
>“Um hi.”
“Yes... hello. Ask away or I'm choosing someone else.”
>“Oh yes! Um...”
“Do you even have a question?”
>The p0ny giggles nervously, “Um... not exactly...”
“Right, thanks for that. You next to her. I hope you've got enough neurons to formulate a sentence.”
>“Are you the one that killed that Hydra by Fluttershy's place?
“I am and I'll tell you now it wasn't easy.”
>The pony looks ecstatic. Seems like someone just won a bet.
“Okay.” You scratch your chin, “You, the brown pony with the spiky mane. What's your question?”
>“What is a human exactly?”
>He walked right into that one.
"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!"
>The ponies flinch at your last words and the roar you added at the end. You crack up laughing.
“Sorry, I couldn't resist.” You say, still chuckling, “A human is a human, the same way a p0ny's a p0ny. That's the best answer you're going to get. Next.”

>That mint-green unicorn from earlier is straining to get your attention.
“What's your question?” You gesture towards her. You're pretty confident it is a 'she.'
>“Are you going to be staying in P0nyville?”
“I am. Got a Royal Edict from Celestia herself saying so.” You get it out and wave it around so everyone can see. There's a number of oohs from the audience.
>“How long for?” Another p0ny shouts out.
“I don't know. It could be as short a week, it could be forever. Either way, I'll be living here from now on. I'm nice enough once you get to know me. Just give me a while to get up to speed on your customs, that's all I ask. There's a lot we can learn from each other. As long as you all respect my privacy, we'll get along fine.”
>Everyone seems to have settled down. You feel like quite the diplomat now.
“I'll take one last question. You, the one with the hat.”
>“Are you after our mares?” The p0ny asks with a ragged voice.
>Shit, you let your guard down with this one.
“No, no I'm not.” You respond flatly.
>“You want the stallions then?” He replies, distraught.
Brain, did he just say what I think he did?
>Yes he did dude. You'd better say something before he asks whether you prefer to pitch or catch.
“I've only been here two days, I'm not that desperate. If it's not on two legs, then I'm not interested.”
>“I'm not hearing a no...”
“Okay, that's it. The Q&A is over. Thanks for your time.”
>You walk off, shaking your head.

>Letting out a loud groan, you collapse onto the floor after you go back inside the Mayor's residence. The p0nies stand over you, watching you mumble to yourself about that last question for a minute.
>“I have to say, you handled that quite well.” The Mayor points out, “Ever considered a career in politics?”
“Once but I prefer not being in charge of decisions that could affect other peoples' lives. You have to be good at... at...” You huff and click your fingers trying to find the right word.
>“Knowing what's best for everyp0ny?” Twilight suggests.
“No, putting on a show. We've got a saying back home: 'politics is just acting for ugly folk.'”
>Hey dude, your brain here. You want to go over what you just said?
…
Balls.
“Err... No offence meant to you Miss Mayor or to the Princesses.” You hastily add, “It's a human thing, it doesn't apply to you p0nies. Everything works here for a start.”
>She smirks at you, “You'd make a fine bureaucrat in that case.”
>BUSTED.
>“Well, it was nice meeting with you Anon. I hope you'll enjoy your stay with us.”
“A pleasure to meet you too.” You say as sincerely as possible, “I will, trust me.”
>You get up, shake the Mayor's hoof and leave the building. Thankfully, the crowd has dispersed and the few p0nies that are still around are busy doing whatever it is they're doing. Your entourage joins you shortly afterwards.

“What's the plan now?” You ask.
>“You'll be coming with me Anon.” Twilight replies.
“And the others?”
>“Ah've gotta be gettin' back teh the farm, Big Mac's probably suffrin' without me.” Applejack remarks.
>“I need to go back home. Angel and the others will need feeding.” Fluttershy says at a volume barely above a whisper.
>You immediately think of the Hydra's corpse that's probably beginning to get bloated after being in the Sun for so long, not to mention the ravens that were already pecking at it yesterday. You don't think Fluttershy's already fragile persona could take a beating in the form of an exploding rotten dead body. Not matter how disgusting it'll be, you're going to deal with that.
>“Mr and Mrs Cake will need me back at Sugarcube Corner, have to get those cupcakes out lickety split!” Pinkie Pie grins.
>“Got weather duty later but right now there's a cloud up there with my name on it.” Rainbow Dash points a hoof skywards.
>You look up. Yep, those are clouds in the sky. You wonder what she means.
“That just leaves you Rarity. Anything interesting in store for the rest of the day?”
>She sighs, “I have a list of orders I need to work my way though.” Rarity says with a hint of despondency, “I'm going to be hard pressed accomplishing them on time.”
>Oh, way to make the situation awkward.
“I get the impression that's due to me, isn't it Rarity?”
>“It's not your fault Anon, I was behind schedule before you even arrived in Equestria.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
>“Not really, unless you can slow the passage of time.”
You laugh a little, “Sorry, can't do that unfortunately. Wish I could though.”

>You say your goodbyes to the p0nies as they go their separate ways. Tightening the straps on your rucksack, you walk alongside Twilight, heading for her home. Some small talk helps the time to go by.
“What is it Rarity does for a living exactly?”
>“She designs and makes clothes for p0nies.”
>You weren't expecting that for an answer.
“Clothes?”
>“Something wrong Anon?”
“It's nothing, it's just... clothes you said?”
>“Is that strange?” Twilight says, puzzled.
“A little. You're not wearing anything right now, almost no other pony is and when they are, it's usually just a hat or a jacket. Not even Celestia or Luna wore anything. Clothes are kind of superfluous if you spend most of your time naked don't you think?”
>“That doesn't mean we shouldn't dress up if the occasion calls for it.”
>As if that makes any sense whatsoever. A wedding? I'll just wear a tie, that'll be enough. A funeral? A pair of socks might be overdoing it, don't want to attract the wrong sort of attention, never mind that my tackle will be swinging free in the breeze for all to admire.
“Right, and here I was thinking I looked a mess. I must wearing the equivalent of a tuxedo to you lot.”
>“No no, you completely need to smarten yourself up. You wouldn't even be allowed into Canterlot looking like that.”
“And here I was thinking that p0nies were above such trivial things.”
>Both of you share a laugh.

>“Anon, did you say you spoke with Princess Luna?”
“Yeah.”
>“When was that? I thought you went straight to bed after I left you at your room last night.”
You wonder where she's going with this line of inquiry, “I couldn't sleep. Had to tire myself out a bit so I went for a walk. Ended up bumping into her.”
>“You bumped into her?” The disbelief was audible.
“More like she thought I was a thief. Once I told her Celestia was letting me stay at the castle she let me go. By the way, if those Element things are as important as Luna made them out to be, security at the castle really needs to be stepped up. I pretty much just walked into the... what did she call it? The Chamber of Elements, that's it. No guards or anything, I just walked in without any resistance whatsoever.”
>“I'll be sure to tell Celestia in my next report. What happened afterwards?”
“Not much, she took me outside which is where I wanted to be anyway. We went to this cliff that overlooked the valley. Great view, you could even see P0nyville from that point. We had a bit of an argument about whether or not she could raise the Moon. She won of course. Then we just sat there and talked every now and then while looking at the stars for couple of hours.”
>“What did she say?”
“Mostly that she feels under-appreciated. I know how that goes: you work yourself to death some days and you don't get some much as a 'thank you' or a 'well done' from anyone.”
>There's an uncomfortable silence.
>“Anon, there's something you need to know about Luna.”
“Ah ah.” You interrupt, raising a hand, “I already got the feeling from her that there was something she didn't want me knowing about. Something that happened recently, right? Either she'll tell me or I'll find out on my own. You don't need to complicate things.”

>You and Twilight continue the journey until the path comes to an end. Standing tall and proud in front of you is a massive oak tree. Its trunk is much wider than any tree you've seen back on Earth. Maybe that's why someone went to the effort to build their home inside it, even to the point of adding balconies and a roof with a telescope. You're just glad it's still alive.
>“Here we are.” She says, with a smile.
“You live inside a giant tree?”
>“Primarily it's the town library. It only became my home when I moved to P0nyville a while ago.”
>You let out a hearty chortle.
>“What's so funny?”
“Nothing, just that it suits you perfectly.”
>“Ha ha. Go on in, I'll be with you in a minute.”
>You walk up to the front door and open it. Immediately, you're hit by the smell of old paper, a fragrance only bettered by 'new game wrapped in cellophane with a thick manual.' Thankfully, you can stand up inside without hitting your head. Definitely a library in here though much cleaner than any you've been to before: There are desks where p0nies can sit and read at; The walls are lined with shelves, or rather the shelves are carved into the walls; A staircase above the shelves leads to a door, most likely Twilight's personal space; Each section is full of books, all of them alphabetically ordered (by the pony alphabet of course). Whether it was always so or if Twilight made some improvements since her arrival is a mystery that doesn't need solving: The major lack of empty spaces on the shelves suggests the locals don't frequent the establishment often.
“Quaint.”

>“Twilight, is that you? Where have you been?” Comes a muffled voice from behind the upstairs door.
>It opens and standing there is a... small pile of books? No wait, you can see a pair of hands holding them. The pile turns to reveal a small... purple dragon with green spikes. How about that. Not that it shocks you, just another creature to add to the mythological beasts made real list. It closes the door behind it before turning back to the pile of books.
>“Are you just gonna stand their Twi? I could do with some help...”
>It looks straight at you. You stare straight back. It drops the books and yelps in fright.
>“W-W-Who are you? Where's Twilight?” It asks. It sounds like a young boy.
“Be cool little guy. Hey Twilight!” You yell out, “There's a little dragon here that wants you.”
>The purple unicorn comes in and sees the dragon pressed up against the wall.
>“Spike it's okay. Anon won't hurt you. He's going to be living with us for a while.”
>The dragon relaxes and runs down to meet her, giving her a hug.
>“Where have you been Twi?” The dragon asks, “You just ran off without telling me what was going on, just something about Fluttershy and a Hydra. Is she okay? Did you have to fight it?”
>“She's fine Spike. We didn't do anything, Anon here dealt with it.”
>He looks at you and you shrug.
“Wasn't really a big deal.” You say coolly.

>The dragon looks at you with awe, “You fought a Hydra? On your own?”
“Seems that's becoming my claim to fame around these parts.” You reply.
>”That's amazing! You must be really strong!”
>You raise your left arm to flex a bicep. There's barely any movement under the skin.
“Not really.”
>“Did you use magic? You must have some really cool powers!”
>You try your best to do Force Lightning.
“Nope, can't use any.”
>The little dragon stares at you, disbelief written on his face.
>“How did you do it?”
“Quick thinking and a lot of luck. You can overcome anything if you just use your head.”
>“Wow.” He clears his throat, “Well if you're friends with Twilight, you're friends with me. Name's Spike.”
>The dragon holds out a clawed hand. He's so short you have to squat down in order to shake it.
“Anonymous, you can call me Anon.”
>“Anon huh? That's a weird name. Where are you from?”
>Looks like it's time to go over your story yet again...

“...And that's everything up to now.”
>“Wow.” The dragon was sitting in front of you, propping his head up with his hands and completely enraptured with your recounting of events.
You let out a yawn, “I don't know about you Spike but I need some sleep.”
>“It isn't even late.” He points out.
“I know. I wish I didn't have to but I had to be up early today. My schedule has been totally thrown off since I got here.” You rub your temples, “At least it's not as bad as jet lag.”
>“Jet lag?” Twilight asks. She had been listening to your storytelling as well.
“I'll... tell you tomorrow.” You don't really want to tell her the history of human flight right now.
>“Fair enough. Follow me, I'll show you where you'll sleep.”
“Thanks Twilight.” You stand up, “Stay cool Spike.”
>“You too Anon. Sleep tight.”
>You follow Twilight up the stairs and go through the door, closing it behind you.
“Nice enough little guy.” You say, “When did the two of you meet?”
>“I've looked after Spike since he was a baby. He helps me with my studies.”
“What does that make him, your assistant?”
>“He's my friend first and foremost.”
“Fair enough.”
>“I have to say, your story was... interesting.” She says with a hint of sarcasm, cocking her head.
“Interesting?” You parrot.
>“I really liked the part where you single-handedly over powered the six of us and if it wasn't for your sense of honour, you wouldn't have surrendered yourself as an act of humility.”
“So I twisted some parts. I did it for his sake, you saw how he was enjoying it.”
>She huffs. There's a stepladder that she climbs and you follow her up. Up here, you immediately see a large double bed, complete with a quilt and thick pillows. A miniature bunk with 'SPIKE' adorned on the side sits next to the bed.

“Is that where I'm sleeping?”
>“No, that's my bed. Yours is over there.” She points a hoof at another double bed hidden behind a wall, similarly adorned.
“Why do you have two beds?” You say while testing the mattress.
>“I have sleepovers here on occasion. Don't worry, the sheets are clean.”
“That's not what I'm worried about.”
>“What's that supposed to mean?” She says, getting annoyed.
“You taking hair and skin samples off me while I'm asleep, that's what I mean.”
>“That is unbelievably creepy.” She says, disgusted at the thought, “You aren't as fascinating as you make yourself out to be.”
“Yeah yeah, you need to learn how to lie better Twilight.”
>She groans, “If you need the bathroom, it's through that door and on your left.” She points to a door concealed by two bookshelves, “The kitchen is further down if you want a snack. Try not to empty my fridge.”
“Will do.”
>Twilight is about leave but stops, “Oh, can you please keep your clothes on tonight? I think it would be best after what happened this morning.”
>You had gladly forgotten about that encounter, she might as well have pulled your fingernails out by bringing that back up.
“I thought we agreed not to talk about that.” You sigh, “I can't help it if I get hot during the night. Can we agree on my shorts being the bare minimum?”
>You show her the elastic of your underwear.
>“Fine. I've got some work to catch up on. I'll try not to wake you when I come up.”
“Thanks.” You say as you take your bag off, “Don't overdo it Twilight.”

>There's a murmur of acknowledgement as the door closes behind her. You toss your rucksack into a corner and lie down on the bed. It's big enough for you to sprawl out on without any part of you leaving its borders. You don't count on it being as insanely comfy as the bed back at the castle in Canterlot but you're hopeful this one will come a close second.
>You move over to the window and peer outside. The view is partially obscured by a low hanging branch but the scene of a park and p0nies enjoying themselves is a pretty portrait. You might go have a run around out there tomorrow.
>Right now though, the need to sleep overrides all other priorities.
>You untie your laces and the boots come off, sweet freedom.
>The odour reaches your nose in no time at all. If you didn't know better, you would have said a portal to Hell has been opened in the vicinity.
>You hope Twilight won't mind the stench too much.