I'm Alexander and I'm 23, living in Lake Worth for the past 22 years. My story is your average story about the same as everyone else with some differences. When I was little, my father went to jail for drugs and theft so my mom had to divorce him . Pretty much as a kid,  I had no real father figure besides my Dad who eventually came back into my life by visiting once a month. I never had the chance or like ability to do like sports or anything like that because of my mom not being able to take me since she was single for a long time. I was always kind of a big kid and I was a reoccuring victim to bullying until my late teens. I was always made fun of for my appearance, my hobbies, and just my family background. I struggled with weight problems for years where I stavrved myself to think I would look better or just got bigger after giving up. Eventually my family stabled out with my mom remarrying and my dad remarrying, I decided to live with my mom during the school years and live with my dad during the summer time.
When I was younger, I was a really bad person in my eyes; I stole, lied to people constantly, and did whatever I could to make it by easy. Eventually my actions caught up to me and I was forced to be an adult at the age of 13 having to repay my mom and stepdad about $1400 while having to work in my dad's sport bars for free and giving all my tips back home to pay back my parents. I told you before about me catfishing people online when I was a kid because I thought it was funny despite it was pretty fucked for what it was. I never really changed until some very rocky parts in my life where I was forced to changed or I would of succumbed to myself and probably be dead.
It took until my grandfather's passing to change me as a human being and being honest with myself to actually be me.  I went on a journey to Israel andlived homeless for a month trying to survive in the heat and sand to rid myself of my evils. It took until a near death experience on my final days there to finally cleanse myself spiritually where I was held at gun point until someone saved me out of sheer humanity. I knew that I had to change from that moment onward. I left behind my selfish ways, my greed, my lies, and most importantly my inner demons back in Israel and they were never going to come back.
Now I live my life being thankful and honest as I can be while being good spirited to everyone and everything around me in my life. I'm always super appreciative of my chance to change and I am always thankful for my experiences and things that I find meaningful to myself  hence my obnoxious level of saying thank you to to you. I try to live healthy and try to improve my body image for myself and myself only to be comfortable in my own skin while knowing well enough I will not be the definition of perfect to some people.
A truly dark point in my life and caused my rut was the outcome of a very poor decision I made in my life involving someone. I dated someone who was essentially the opposite of me. Our relationship was truly and vilely abusive on my end while for her it was a easy way out of her troubles. I dealt with lies, dishonesty, selfish gluttony, and the most toxic person I could of have probably have met. I was cheated on, stolen from, manipulated, and lost a lot because of her.
Despite how shitty things were when she decided to end it all, it devastated me. Even after the breakup, she would toy with me and fuck with my emotions. I am very emotional and very personal with people I choose so she took advtange of it. It landed me in a even worse spot where I was questioned my life and fell into a rut where I binged drank for a month to escape my feelings and my thoughts.
The songs you sent were basically my path out of the rut knowing there was going to be someone better out there and I can love someone without the hurt. That someone would accept me for me despite my past and what I've been through.
Now I'm in a point of my life where I'm pretty happy where I am. I have a good job, I have nice things, I have good friends around me who support me and love me, and I am in control of my life and my own path in it.
That is the story of me and my rut