Lemy's Ark

>"Super Noah's Ark 3D?"
>Lemy knew it was going to be bad but this was a new echelon of crappy
>Two days ago Lyra had caught Loan playing DOOM 4 with him
>The "discussion" that followed set a new house record for outraged screaming
>"How could you show that to a little boy!?"
>"How do you get any enjoyment out using a spine as a weapon? It's vile!"
>"You really need to learn what is age appropriate Loan!"
>It seemed to go on hours until Lyra picked up her brother and left in a huff
>When she retreated back to their shared room she issued a new house rule
>No more non-Lyra approved games
>Since she was a firm believer in the ERSB that meant no more inappropriate games
>So that meant no action games, adventure games, fighting games, etc.
>If a game was actually fun it was banned
>He knew complaining about it would only make her stick to her guns
>She was his sister, it only made sense she shared his tenacity
>Besides that rule wouldn't last long
>There was no way Dad would let such a rule stand
>Loan had showed him some of his old favorites he played back in the day
>He just had to wait until Dad got back from his trip to the city
>He had to discuss the direction he wanted to take Ace Savvy with his coworkers

>That still meant he had another day or two of boredom
>Chasing Aunt Lynn and Lacy around the block in the summer heat wasn't very appealing
>Liby tried to convince him that tabletop games could be just as fun as their video counterparts
>The idea of a Blood God and Skull Throne hooked him immediately
>That sounded way cooler than the God Lyra told him about
>But the second he needed to utilize math to have fun he left
>Spending time with Lulu meant you either take care of a baby, chase a baby around the house when she slips her containment suit or being chased around by said baby when the suit comes off
>Lupa told him to buzz off and Loan was out of the question
>His meager friend pool didn't give him any options either
>Laika would be like Aunt Lynn but ten times worse
>Gwen was with Leia running rival lemonade stands out of town
>Bobby lived in the city and Gloom was visiting family that week
>For now he was left with Lyra's idea of "fun"

>"Oh, I've been waiting for this moment! Now I know what you're thinking, 'This is going to be lame' but I can assure you I've collected the most popular games for children your age."
>She certainly had
>A collection of various kid-friendly games stared back at him
>Some of them bored him to tears while the others had such vibrant colors in made his head hurt
>One game in particular stood out
>It was positively ancient, from a time before Dad was even born
>Lemy didn't want to know how Lyra acquired this game or pried Loan's precious SNES from her
>"Super Noah's Ark 3D?"
>"I knew that one would grab your eye. It's very similar to that disgu.. game you and Loan like so much."
>Well if it was like DOOM at all it couldn't be that bad, even with the obvious religious spin
>Could it?

>It was so much worse than he thought
>So, so much worse
>It didn't even start out promising
>"Carl the Camel? Is that from the bible?"
>"Well no, they have to make up some characters for the game. I'm not trying to make you sit through Bible studies Lemy, just try to have fun. I promise this can be just as fun as what you do with Loan."
>Lyra said similar statements many times over his life and every time she lied
>Lemy had seen his fair share of ancient or as Loan liked to say "retro" games but he was blown away by how awful it looked
>Just moving made him want to hurl
>"Uh, Sis? Why are there so many goats on the Ark? I thought it was just two of every animal?"
>"You're right Lemy. I'm proud you know at least know a little about your biblical stories. Stop over analyzing every little thing. Just have fun."
>That seemed like a tall order
>This was nothing like DOOM
>That had badass cyborg demons and exploding fountains of blood
>So far all he had done was shoot feed at some sheep which made them sleepy for some inexplicable reason
>Lemy knew he was done with this as soon as he defeated the (evil?) camel in 10 seconds
>While he was looking for the best way to tell Lyra her taste in games sucked a way out suddenly appeared
>In the extremely sweaty form of his aunt
>"Aunt Lynn? Why are you here?"
>"Lacy and I just wanted to get a refill on our water. It's a real scorcher out there."
>"But that just makes the run more fulfilling! 8 more miles to go! Either of you kids want to come along? You could both use the exercise."
>"No thanks Aunt Lynn, Lemy and were just.."  "Yes."
>"Alright! Come on kid, let's go use those noodle legs."
>"But Lemy, don't you want to know what happens to Carl?"
>"No, I really don't. Later!"
>And like that he started chasing after Lynn and Lacy
>"Dang it."
>"I knew I should have opened with Billy Graham's Bible Blaster."