another open mic write up

This is actually my first night attempting the comedy of standing up, or stand up comedy, if you prefer. Well, I don’t know if I can honestly say that it’s my first time doing stand up comedy because I spent 5 years playing trombone in a ska band and that was a pretty similar experience. I mean, I killed it out there. There was a ton of laughing. A little too much laughing, honestly. I don’t know what was so funny about a fat, intoxicated teenage boy in a cabby hat and pinstripe pants playing a trombone, which is decidedly the silliest of all instruments, on top of pop punk music. Oh; actually that is hilarious; I just visualized it in my head and it’s totally funny; I get it now. Now, if you don’t know what ska music is, that is totally fine; you do not need to know what it is. It’s basically just an inside joke of the music industry. (Gwen Stefani laughs the loudest.)

I prepared a lot in advance for tonight. In writing and practicing my stand up comedy material, I realized just how studious and dedicated and organized I am as a person. Except when it comes to finances, punctuality, eating healthy, and everything else other than writing jokes about vaginadactyls and poop racing; by the way I do not have any jokes for either of those phrases but I’m sure I’ll think of something with source material like that. I just know that I better figure out my finances before my girlfriend graduates from college and I can no longer borrow her loan refund whenever I fuck my money up. I should totally pay her back like super soon.


I feel like I’m in college right now; and not just because my girlfriend tricks me into writing half of her essays. Have you ever prepared a 5 minute speech for a class and you did all the proper research to determine how many words a speech must contain in order to average out at 5 minutes when delivered but then you’re in class and it’s your turn to deliver your speech and you go up in front of the class and then suddenly you are in a comedy club in (insert city here) and you’re totally killing? Thanks everybody.