COTE V10 SS5 - Neighbour

Neighbor

He walked through my side, stopped his footstep in front of Kōenji-kun and whispered to say something. But I couldn’t hear clearly the content of what they said.
Watching his figure left the classroom, I myself also couldn’t tell something in my heart that spontaneously arisen.
Back to my wits, I already stood up from my chair and faced to his back── and chased after Ayanokōji-kun from behind.
His pace wasn’t fast at all, but it seemed for me that I always couldn’t catch up to him. I couldn’t help being anxious and pulled his arm.
Somehow I have no confidence in my heart, I could just make him to stop his footsteps by words only.
There’s nothing inside those pair of eyes that turned around and looked at me. All the time, his eyes just never revealed a gleam of happiness or anger, sadness or joyful emotions.
I have been with him for a year, I couldn’t see anything.
“Ayanokōji-kun. Actually…… since when did you started to see through the situation? And also you have seen through it to which step?”
I asked what I wanted to know the most and also need to know right now.
Ayanokōji-kun immediately replied to me with calm expression.
“I have already said it, right? I didn’t explicitly participate in this exam at all.”
No matter how I knocked on his heart, as always, I also couldn’t afford a slight ripple.
So recently I deliberately started to widen the distance with him. Because the closer I’m to him, I will feel frightened even more.
“……But……”
I can’t understand. I can’t see through this person, Ayanokōji-kun at all.
“Then I’m going back.”
To the words that he said, I already couldn’t hold him to stay anymore. I couldn’t do anything but staring blankly at his back that gradually walked away.
Through the exam this time, I felt that I have growth a bit. But even so, I still couldn’t draw closer to him in the end.
“I say.”
I heard that someone supposed to talk to me from behind, I couldn’t help being shocked and turned around to see.
I found out it was my classmate Karuizawa-san.
“……What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I’m just thinking of what you guys just said.”
“We didn’t say anything important. He won’t let me to earn his trust.”
“Humph〜”
Karuizawa-san was also just like me a moment ago, looked once toward Ayanokōji-kun’s figure.
“Compared to me, you seem to be more trusted by him.”
“Why do you think like that?”
Of course, I also have no real basis. But, I only need to look at Karuizawa-san’s eyes then I know.
“Probably because I saw that you seemed to trust him very much. However, in my case, although it’s not very serious, but there’s always a corner in my heart that I can’t trust him.”
That was the only answer I can give.
She listened to my answer, and a moment later she said something.
“Trusting someone who has no confidence in herself? How can that be possible.”
“……What.”
Listened to her words that beyond my expectation but it was extremely accurate, it even can be said a rational answer, I have been timid.
“If you really trust him…… sooner or later you will encounter a painful experience someday. Perhaps he will betray you.”
“Oh, really? I already have nothing to fear, so I don’t quite understand.”
Karuizawa-san looked as if she has no fear of these situations at all.
“Yesterday, I thought that Horikita-san is really amazing. Watching your appearance as you stepped forward bravely alone for the class, it slightly ignited my respect feeling. However, if related to Kiyotaka-kun, I just don’t think so. If you would afraid even on that matter, then nothing can be initiated between you and that guy.”
After Karuizawa-san saying these words, she immediately joined her friends and went back together.
And her words always linger in my mind. Together with the invisible neighbor.