Valentine's Day One-Shot Extravaganza Special Edition Deluxe

>Day 306 in Equestria.
>”...and tell that jackass he can go to Tartarus for all I care!” a blue mare yells, holding back her tears.
>You put your hands in your pockets and walk down the path towards the street. Caramel leans against the cobblestone wall waiting for you.
>”How did she take it?” Caramel asks.
Not great, but it's understandable.
>You look back at the door.
That was Colgate, right?
>”Yeah,” he replies. “Townie. Her dad's a dentist. She started her own practice after he moved to Hoofington.”
Huh. Nice mare.
>”You ever feel sorry for them?”
Usually. Breakups aren't easy, you know?
>The two of you turn down the road.
...But it's gotta be done. Especially when it's not working out. Always worse to drag a mare along than it is to just break things off, Caramel. Who's next?
>Caramel produces a piece of parchment and scans down the lines.
>”Uh...Looks like...Flitter. Last one of the day.”
Where's her place?
>”Just off Mane Street near Sugar Cube Corner...right here.”
Gotcha.
>You head up the steps and quickly knock on the door. After some waiting, it opens and you clear your throat.
>”Can I help you?” Flitter asks.
Flitter. I've got a message for you from Snowflake. He wants you to know...
>You pull a paper from your pocket and read aloud.
...That “I'm real real sorry, but I just don't think it's working out. I'll come by tomorrow and pick up the dumbbells I lent you.”
>”Wha-- Is this a joke?” the mare cries.
I assure you it's not. Here's the note, signed by the client himself. If you'd like I ca--
>You're cut off by a hoof colliding with your chin, sending you crashing down the stairs.
1/

>A week later.
>Ponyville General is quiet. You can hear the faint sound of nurses talking at the far end of the hall.
>Your eye twitches involuntarily at the nagging itch beneath your leg bandage as you try to take your mind off it by flipping idly through a magazine.
>Just as you finally start to space out, you're jolted back to reality by a now-familiar voice. A sudden feeling of confidence fills your chest.
>”I see you're doing better today, Anon. How's the leg?”
>Redheart walks up to your bed, looking tired. You try to find a way to segue into asking her what you're about to ask.
Uh, yeah, yeah. Little itchy...
>You feel a knot of nervousness form in your gut. She doesn't look like her normal cheery self.
>”That's normal. Do you need anything?” she asks, as if annoyed.
No, thanks.
>”Alright. Let us know if you need something.” The nurse turns and starts to walk out of the room.
>You knot your brow. Something's not right.
>Suddenly you're overcome with determination.
No excuses, Anon...
>You look up at Redheart as she walks away.
Hey, wait up for a second?
>The nurse stops and turns her head to face you.
>”Hmm? What is it?” Her question briefly gives you pause, but you power through.
Well, er, I was thinking...
>She looks confused and turns all the way around.
>”Oh?”
Just...well I'm going to be up and about in a day or two, Doc said...so I was just wondering...
>Redheart raises an eyebrow.
...Are you doing anything Thursday night?
2/

>Her eyebrows fly up when she realizes you're serious.
>”Really? I'd-- wait... did Sweetheart put you up to this?”
Wha--
>”Thursday? Just coincidentally asking me out this Thursday?”
What's wrong with--
>”I get it! Ha ha! Go out with Redheart for Hearts and Hooves Day! What a laugh!” she yells loudly.
I don't--
>”Well you can forget it!” You see her lower lip start to tremble. “Nop0ny's making a fool out of me! Not this year!”
Redhear--
>”No, I don't want to hear your excuses! You can just tell Sweetheart her little plan failed! No mo--”
>You rub your temples roughly.
REDHEART.
>She stops mid-rant and blinks silently at you in surprise.
...What the hell is Hearts and Hooves day?
>”What do you mean? How can you not know?”
>You look at her blankly for a second.
>”Seriously?” she asks incredulously.
What, is it like Valentine's Da-- OH.
>You slap your forehead, realizing why you've been getting so much business recently. Redheart looks completely at a loss.
...Sorry, like a mushy “Isn't love magical?” kind of holiday? Why're you so up in arms about--
>RedHEART.
>The nurse sighs and walks back over to your bedside.
You get that every year, don't you?
>”Uh huh.”
It's not even that good a pun.
>”Nope...”
>She looks at you quietly for a minute before asking, “So you were serious earlier?”
Yeah. You seem like an interesting mare. Thought it'd be nice to get to know you where I'm not stuck in bed most of the day.
>”...Okay,” she says, some music returning to her voice, “Where?”
I was thinking dinner at that cafe down on Mane Street? Around eight?
>”Alright. I'll be there.”
Cool.
>”...Cool.”
>As she leaves your room you swear you hear her giggle excitedly.
3/

>Thursday. Eight-ish. That cafe down on Mane Street.
>Redheart is telling you about her days in medical school and you find yourself listening intently, ignoring your surroundings.
>”So what do you do?” she asks suddenly.
>You almost drop your fork.
Uh, what do I do? Like as a job?
>”Yeah.”
Well, I uh...I...help ponies...get through...awkward, sometimes even difficult parts of...relationshi--
>”You're a Delivery Stallion,” she interrupts flatly.
Wait, there's a name for that?
>”You didn't know there was a name for that?”
>There's a painfully long beat before both of you start laughing. More than a few ponies glare at you.
Man, I was afraid this was going to be an awkward conversation. Most mares don't like it.
>Redheart smirks. “It's a refreshing dose of honesty, actually. I mean, it's not the best line of work, but it's not like that's who you are.”
Right? I just provide a service to ponies who can't muster the heart to do the right thing.
>”Let's not get crazy, Anon,” she laughs.
>You sit back and smile to yourself.
Say, you want to get out of here? All these couples are starting to get to me. I think those two down the end of the row are going to start talking entirely in pet-names in a second.
>Redheart looks furtively at the ponies you're talking about.
>”Oh Celestia, I know that mare. She's a receptionist at the hospital. Let's get out while we can. I've had about all I can stomach of this Hearts and Hooves business. Where should we go?”
>You think for a second after flagging down the waiter.
The park? No, that'll be swarming with ponies... Ooh!
>You snap your fingers.
Ever been to the roof of Town Hall?
4/

>Thurdsay. Nine-ish. Town Hall balcony.
>Turns out ponies can't climb things. Who knew?
>The two of you ended up sneaking in through an open window and walking to the balcony.
>You take turns dropping fake spiders on passersby.
>”Why do you think Mayor Mare had all these in her desk?” Redheart asks after sending Cloudchaser screaming straight up into the clouds with a well-placed arachnid.
Not sure I want to know the answer to that one, honestly.
>A stallion shrieks like a little filly below you as Redheart leans back against the doorjamb.
>”You know, this is the first Hearts and Hooves Day I've enjoyed,” she muses, turning a spider over and over in her hooves.
Hey. Me too.
>”Thanks for taking me out tonight, Anon.”
Don't mention it. It's been a good night. Uhp! Quick! Teenagers at two o'clock!
>Redheart flicks a spider over the balcony railing, landing it squarely on some poor soul's snout.
>”Ah, young love...”
Nothing like it.
>You and Redheart sit on the balcony until security finds you and kicks you out.
End