Thread 24: Stories 46-60

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NON-CANON
>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~~

>HOW!?

"WHAT!?"

'WHY'

[YOU UNLEASHED AN OLD ONE!? DID YOU DO THIS FOR FUN!?]

>I didn't know! He just said come to this spot and push the button! HE JUST WANTED ME TO PUSH A BUTTON!

"You've unleashed a terror upon this planet! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!"

'The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie is not THAT GREAT AND POWERFUL!'

[Our battle must begin, and it is one we must all together win!]

>Zecora, I hope you packed my bubble walker.

[Indeed!]

>Good! Now... just to double check, we're telling Applejack thaaaatt....

"...All someone else's fault."

'Those non-descriptive bastards.'

[Truly they bring great shame, even though I do not know if they are male or dame.]

>Good... HAVE AT THE, BEAST FROM BEYOND THE GRANDEST FATHOMS!

"Oh hey, sexy talk and a sexy fight! My day is going great."

'...Glad someone's happy.'

>HAVE AT THEE!
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>Chrysalis
"18"
'42'
{Cadence}
~~~~

>FIRE BAD!

"Will you ever learn to let me cook? I'm a great cook, really."

'She is.'

>NO! I will get this right!

"At least stick to biscuits, you're good at those."

>I HATE THAT DAMN TUBE!

*SLAM!*

{WHERE THE FLIP WERE YOU GUYS!?}

>Specify the hour, we have lives to live.

"Numerous hours of such are spent doing YOUR job, in my case."

'Or keeping your army fully prepared for anything, in my case.'

>Or just being awesome, in my case.

{I meant last night!}

>Whoa, hey now, 2 may be sleeping over with Applejack but that doesn't mean-

{NOT LIKE THAT! I got stuck in the bed!}

>Now, see, you SAY not like that, but then you immediately-

{I mean that thing is freaking huge!}

"Well, yeah? It fits all of us."

'Plus Celestia.'

{I know! But it's so big I accidentally rolled into the center! I was lost in a sea of blankets and pillows since midnight, I JUST got out!}

'Told you getting us all our own blanket was going to come back to bite us.'

"I got sick of Chrysalis stealing mine."

>That's called "Royal acquisition", thank you.

'Still, I see her point. There must be, what, fourteen pillows there? Sixteen?

>I need my neck support.

{I thought I was going to suffocate!}

>It is a sacrifice all must make one day.

{NO IT ISN'T!}

>Well, what the hell do you want from us? You kept complaining about me in the bed.

{...}

"...Awwww, does widdle Caddy want some cuddle buddies while her Shiny Shiny is awaaaaay?"

{... Maybe.}

'Oh, well, in that case you should have asked. I would be happy to accompany you-'

>Moving in on Cadence while Shiny is gone? Damn, you work fast, 42.

'IT'S NOT LIKE THAT SHE JUST WANTS A CU- A FRIEND! SHE WANTS FRIEND! AND I AM FRIEND!'

>Well, whatever, fine. I hate the bed in the spare room anyway.

"Yeah, I hate my bed too."

{Good. So, uh... can I help coo-}

>"'NO!"'

{I'M GETTING BETTER!}
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~

>Hey, Tia? Had a question.

"You better also have a tiny changeling for me to snuggle, or we are going to have problems."

>We'll talk about that too, trust me, but ah' had ta' ask, do ya'll have other students? Ya' have a whole school fer' gifted unicorns, right? Where are they?

"...In school."

>Yer' not a teacher?

"What? No. That's stupid. Teaching one pony, okay simple enough, but how in my mothers name would I be expected to hold an entire semesters curriculum considering?"

>Considerin' the work ya' do? Ah' figured it would be easy.

"Ha. ha. You slay me."

>...So, wait, are ya'll registered as a teacher?

"No? I haven't been a professor in years, no way is my diploma from this century, let alone up to date."

>...So then, Twilight never graduated.

"..."

>...

"..I will give you one fourth of my cake allocation for this month if you swear to never breath a word of this to anyone."

>...make it a third.

"Deal."

>...She's gonna figure it out-

"We just had a deal, honor it."

>Alright...

"..."

>...Commin' this summer, she thought she was the perfect student, but she jus' got herself a shockin' discovery!

"...'I NEVER GRADUATED FIRST GRADE!?' "

>Join in on tha' laughs as she has ta' retake her whole scholastic life in one semester, or lose her crown!

"But when an evil student wants the crown for herself, the race is on to be the best student there ever was, and maybe find love along the way?"

>Commin' this summer, "Back ta' school, this time with feelin'!

"Rated PG!"

>...

"...PPFFFTTT"

>"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

"Ahhhh... good times."

>...This is all yer'

"I KNOW!"
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>Chitania
"Guard"
~~~~~

>YOU!

"Oh sweet mercy not you again!"

>DON'T YOU FUCKING RUN!

"Alright! ALRIGHT DAMN! What!?"

>Were is everyone!?

"...This is... you're doing this to mess with me, aren't you? No matter what I say you're going to attack me and use super flimsy justification on it."

>Probably, but that's not important! I mean, where the hell are the pushers! Where the hell are the damn thugs! WHERE ARE THE FUCKING BROODERS!?

"I'm going to assume you mean drug dealers, mobsters and pimps, right?"

>Whatever this centuries damn terminology is! THEM!

"Uhh... don't know, haven't seen them in weeks. I know one mob leader is currently in an ICU and another fled the country, but I haven't arrested any pimps or drug dealers in a while."

>Where could they have gone!?

"...Just out of curiosity, did you ever, you know, meet them?"

>Yes! All the time! How else do you think I got your stupid currency? That's the problem! I need it now!

"Did you do it a lot, by any chance?"

>Probably? I wasn't keeping track.

"Enough that it would hurt their business?"

>HOW WOULD I KNOW!?

"And they couldn't... stop you..."

>Fucking obviously! What, you think a couple measly thugs or mages can handle CH-... uh.. me? You think they could handle ME!?

"Speaking from experience, probably not."

>So why even ask!?

"I'm just saying, you robbed them, you couldn't be stopped by them, you kept coming back..."

>...So!?

"..."

>UGH! YOU ARE SO USELESS! If I hear you arrested ANYONE before I get to them, I will beat it out of your hide!

"Lady, I haven't even arrested a purse snatcher in over a week."

>Well... keep doing that! OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU!

With that, she stomped off.

"...Wow, when it hits her, she is going to feel sooooo dumb."

Two days later, a brief thought flickered into Chitania's mind.

It left just as quickly, and never returned.
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>32
"Twi"
'Spike'
~~~
Morning

Another dreadful morning in this place

He had survived another day to his own chagrin

The sound of the dungeon doors opening made him groan

>Who is down here this early?

"Two friends."

>Friends? Hah! I don't have friends! Not anymore.

32 turns away in his bed, disdainfully as Twilight and Spike appear

'Okay, let's go Twilight, I guess he doesn't want to attend Pommel's funeral, which we had delayed until we could make sure he could attend!'

Spike shouts over his shoulder while trying to turn Twilight around and walk them away

32 suddenly slams against the bars

>A funeral? Pommel's funral?!

'Yes, it's a special kind of service ponies do for their dead where friends and loved ones-'

>I know what a funeral is you idiot! I want to-... I guess I forgot there would be one... Because I forgot there were others who cared about Pommel.

Spike opens is mouth

"Not now, please!"

Twilight approaches

"We didn't. No one did. Pommel's parents and sister have already had a private funeral, this will be the public one. Please, we want you to be there, he'd want you to be there."

>... Will She be there?

'Nope, Chrysalis is busy with... Something. We also have biscuit containers to pop in case she does show up. But 2 and Cadence plan to attend, as will 77, 42, PJ, Tiara, and Silver Spoon.'

>... Forget it, I have nothing, absolutely nothing to say to three traitors.

'Then maybe you can try saying something to Pommel. A 'goodbye', maybe? Try to at least have the decency to lie and tell him you're okay? Maybe say something to his little sister and parents who lost their damn brother and son?'

After a long silence, Spike shakes his head and he and Twilight begin to leave

>When is the service?

"Tomorrow morning, you've been authorized to be released, with escort, until after the funeral so we can get you something to wear."

>Thank you.

'Hey, Pommel was a good soldier, but an even better pony.'
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>SA
"Sombra"
'Pinkie!'

~~~~~

>And we're back in Canterlot!

'Woo!'

"Indeed."

>I am so glad we are out of that Faust forsaken land and back in familiar territory. So are we going to go see Twilight or Luna first?

"Luna. If we don't get permission first it would be pointless to ask your sister for assistance."

>Right, gotcha. So are you going to need me right now? I just thought I'd check up on things.

"Go right ahead. You too, Pinkie."

'Oh yay, I wanted to check in with the cakes before we left again!'

As the two went off on their own Sombra turned to look up at the Tower of the Moon and frowned.

"This is going to be tricky."
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>Suckerpunch
"41"
'Various Guards'
-Various Changelings-

>"OH YOU ARE KIDDING ME!"

'Hahaha, no fucking way!'

-You guys too!?-

'Yup!'

-Small world!-

>Are you...how...are we here for the same reason!?

"I'm here to kick these guys' asses because they said they could beat you easy-"

>-and through the blah de blah property-

"-they could beat ME easy."

-Not so great minds think alike!-

'I know, right?'

>Look, I...this...nnnnngh...I call dibs, I go first!

"What!?"

>I call dibs, I'm fighting my guys first to prove you can beat them!

"No, I'M fighting MY guys first!"

-This really feels counter-productive to the whole 'Changeling vs Guard' thing...-

>"SHADDUP!"

>I'm not backing down on this!

"Neither am I!

'Heeeeere we go.'

-Three...two...one...-

>You wanna go!?

"Do I!? C'mere, I'll beat you to a pulp!"

SMACK! WHAM! POW!

'Aaaaand-'

CLONK! Whump!

-Double headbutt! It's all over folks, the game's still tied nothing to nothing!-

'...heh...look how they fell.'

-Aw, it's kinda cute, all hugged up to each other like that.-

'You guys wanna order some pizzas and wait for the freak out when they wake up?'

-Do we!?-
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Non Canon

>Spike
"Hippy!32"

>Okay. Seriously, what the hell?

32 is hanging upside down off the side of his bed. Looking as though he is trying to meditate and having quite a time of it.

"Tree lined hills and blue skies! No! No...that's cliche...

>Are you-

"A bird in flight! No! Even worse! Ugh..."

>Hey, look over here! Hey! I need to talk to you!

"Lil Drag, when we talk about freedom, why do we constrain ourselves so? It breaks my heart man, it's a hypocrisy, noooot copacetic."

>Look, I just need to get some facts rechecked with you for Twi-

"I wanna talk about freedom like...like a drum set being thrown down a hill! Yeah...yeah like opening a book and water just gushin' from the pages, man! It flows and flows until this dungeon is a lake and I swim away!"

>Uh...

32 springs up and presses against the bars.

"Or that bird in flight! But...but with all the reliance on energy and wind and merciless gravity that it all really impliiiiessss..."

>That stuff you started smoking is really making me miss the old you. I'll come back when you come down.

"But I was so down to start with, Lil Drag, oh so down...it's why I got high! It all evens out in the end~"

Spike rolls his eyes and leaves. 32 is alone. The changeling sways and dances in his cell, slipping over to his stash and examining it.

The brick of plant matter is still there. Untouched.

He smiles, placidly. He liked to think of freedom sometimes, think about its expansive and lovely possibilities. But that's gone now, it's all gone. They locked him in here.

So he locked them out there.

He hadn't so much as nudged the brick or the lighter or the paper. But it offered him the escape he wanted so badly, and everyone accepted it because they accepted his madness. He was in a paradise of his own creation, a garden of self-imposed stupidity.

Feigned ignorance was truly bliss.
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Non-canon
>Twi/Twi recording
"Chrysalis"
~~~
"Sooo..."

>Sooo?

"Think you could look into some of the projects you listed in this old recording and that I found... A few of them did sound pretty cool?"

>I make a lot of recordings, mind, specifying?

Chrysalis flips the switch

>Changeling Research Entry number thirty six. I cannot begin to say how happy I am Chrysalis did calm down and Applejack allowing them to live in Canterlot, examining these blood never stops yielding results. At the moment, they would be strictly regulated to changelings, being the only ones able to use them, I consider 42 the best candidate. But the first application I can see is the ability to gain an adaptive armor-

Click!

"So... yeah, that sounds kind of cool."

>And can you imagine if Chitania got her hands on that? Suddenly she's not just super resilient but could even heal or draw energy from attacks, not just love beams?

Chrysalis is silent for a moment, then drops the old recording and smashes it

Then sets it on fire

>Yeah, me too. Besides, I think fiddling around too much with you guys could lead to cancer.

"To be fair, all forms of magic cause cancer."

>The research for that is highly debatable, bias, and only done by Griffons! Pure propaganda!

"Well how the hell else did Star Swirl become the first to ever suffer from Beard Cancer?"
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>SA
"Twilight"
~~~~~~~

>...Something... is very off here...

The lab was... normal. It was a normal looking lab. No strange beakers, or contained monsters, or weird machines. It was just a lab.

This is doubly disturbing when there were also no posters, streamers, pink adornments of any kind or any sign of the insanity he had left behind. It just looked... like a lab.

"H-hey, Shiny..."

He almost dropped the tiny little box he had been holding when he whirled around to come face to face with his sister. She looked... she looked...

>T-twili?

Slowly, she sadly smiled at him.

"Yeah... it's me."

Whatever was in that box hopefully wasn't too fragile, as it was carelessly tossed aside in his rush to embrace her as tightly as he could.

>You're... you! You're back! You're Twili again!

She paid no mind to the 'liquid pride' freely flowing down her neck as she returned the hug, tightly pulling him into her.

"I-I'm sorry for acting like that-"

He hushed her, just content to nuzzle against her.

>You're back, my LSBFF is back, that's all that matters...

Through the tears in her eyes, she could just barely make out the thing he had dropped.

"D-did you seriously get me a rock polishing kit?"

>I saw it at the gift shop, and I figured since it had 'polish' in the name and had science...

She just chuckled weakly.

"I see the logic."

>But you didn't need me...

Took everything she had not to get choked up at that.

>I'm so sorry I let you get like that, Twi.. I-I promise, not going to happen again. I'm not going to let it happen again. I can't...

"It's not your fault. I was running. I was scared."

>Twilight... what big brothers are supposed to be there when their little sisters are scared.

The parted, just enough to look each other in the eye.

>And I promise you... I promise you... from now on, I will be.

Slowly, a warm smile crept onto her face.

"I know you will... and hey! You... you won't have to do it alone. You, uh, you've got a 'keep Twilight sane' buddy."

It didn't take long for the confusion to seep in.

>Spike?

"No..."

>Celestia?

"Nu-uh."

>Applejack?

"Nope..."

>Twilight, you have a loooong list here, could I get a clue?

"..."

>...No... way...

"You are never going to believe what happened."

To anyone who walked past the hallway, they would be sure that the lab was, as always, deathly silent.

At least, until the silence was promptly and loudly shattered by an ear splitting

>WHAT!?
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NOOOOON-Canon
>Cadence
"Celestia"
'SA'
~~~~~

>So then I said "No! Of course not!" And he said-

"Of course it was."

>How did you know!?

"Tenth time you told me this, Cadence."

>Oh, well I... Shiny! You're ba- HEY!

A magical grip hefted her into the air, and Shining Armor briskly walked past.

'Celly, I'm using your spare bedroom. Tell the maids to get ready, it's going to be a mess in there.'

>Shiny wha-

'Shhhh, shush my love, for you see, I am so very, very happy, and that happy is going to be made more happy in the lower regions. We are doing this. Doing it allllll over this. You've been a very, very, veeeeeery good girl, and I am very proud and I am going to show you how proud I am over a bunch of surfaces.'

>O-Oh my!

Celestia couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as they went into the room, and slammed the door. She let out a sigh as she heard his tell-tale soundproof bubble go up, and the creaking sounds begin.

"That's my bedroom, guys..."
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>Chrysalis
"42"
'SA'
~~~~~~

>I'm just saying, we're coming up on another record, so we should probably get another cake.

"Majesty, you can just come outright and say you are happy your subjects are doing well."

>I hide nothing, thank you, I...

He was walking fairly slowly, all things considered. No rush, no real sense of urgency, as casual as can be.

>Well, look who's back! You missed all sorts of stuff, Shiny. You would never-

Any words, nay, the very breath in her lungs, froze when he suddenly snapped up, and wrapped his forelegs around her neck.

'You did good.'

42 would forever be thankful there was nobody else in this hallway. She would thank her luck everyday for the fact none could see as her Queen's face took on an indescribable air.

>S-shouldn't you be thanking your wife? She...

'You did good.'

Three little words, every bit as devastating as the first time.

>I... I don't need you to tell me that! I'm amazing you know...

'I'm glad I trusted you.'

He might as well have punched right through her chest and into her heart.

He gave her one last squeeze, and then he let go. Continuing to trot off down the hall, going who knows where.

'I've got some more stuff I have to help Sombra with, but we'll do something fun soon, okay?'

Her mouth flapped uselessly, no words forming within it. She couldn't do anything but gawk openly and stare right ahead. Even long after he was gone.

"...Majesty? Are you..."

As if she had woken from a dream, she found herself blinking rapidly and looking in every direction. None too subtly, a burst of green fire covered her, and a much more composed looking Chrysalis stood out.

>...Course I'm okay. See? Knew he would thank me. All part of the plan. Guy will be eating out of my hoof in no time.

The soldier did not comment on her words, nor on her wobbling walk as she headed in the opposite direction Shining Armor had gone.

She merely smiled.

"You did do good, Chrysalis."

No response...

None needed.
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>Pinkie
"Dash"
~~~~~

>WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAAAAAAT!?

"Yep."

>C-CADENCE!?

"Uhhhh huh."

>CADENCE.

"Love-horse."

>CADENCE GOT ALL UP IN CHRYSALIS'S FACE AND SAVED THE DAY!

"As sure as there is a shiny on her flank."

>That's non-canon!

"What?"

>...Oh! You meant the... the heart thing, right. Her cutie mark. Seriously though, WOW. WOOOOOOWWWW.

"Took the words right out of my mouth."

>...We need to do another group hug.

"What?"

>Group hug, 2.0. We need to do it. And I need to be there.

"Uh... okay?"

>No, not okay, there was no group hug for Pinkie, and my daddy thinks I want to marry Shiny.

"..."

>...Looooong story. Shiny punched daddy in the face.

"Uh... huh..."

>So Daddy uppercutted him into a mountain.

"Right..."

>And then Shiny through the mountain at him.

"Because of course he would."

>You don't seem surprised.

"Pinkie, at this point if you pulled off your face and revealed yourself to be my mother wearing a very clever disguise, I wouldn't even blink."

>...

"...Don't you dare."

>Fiiiiiine.
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NON-CANON!
>Pinkie
"???"
'Dash'
~~~~

>So then he took out the pictures and-

'PINKIE LOOK OUT!'

*PAAAAWNCH!*

'CHRYSALIS WHAT THE HELL!?'

"FUCK YOU! I have enough competition as it is! I swear to my mothers SOUL if you try getting in on the Shinystuff I will beat you within an inch of your life!"

>It's just a humorous misunderstanding! Don't you know anything about comedy!?

"No! I don't! I don't read funnybooks, I read romance!"

>I don't want Shiny at all!... though, I admit, I would probably get WAY more screentime... like, a lot lot....

*PAAAAAAWNCH!*

"I SAID NO!"

'Stop hitting her!'

"Don't you tell me how to live!"

>Dashie, it's okay, we're not even going to remember this when it stops.

"You damn well better!"

>I'm just saying, I don't have nearly the development, backstory or scenes with Shiny to make it a believable addition! It would be like me suddenly being all hot and heavy for Luna!

"...So... agree?"

>Yeah, obviously.

"Good... good..."

>...You know, while we're in this space, I can tell you Shiny is probably ROCKING that Pink bo-

"CUT TO BLA
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>12
"???"
'???'
~~~~~

>Ugggghhhh... if I have to see one more fucking pastry I am going to kill myself.

Slowly, he looked to the heavens.

>Is there anyone who has it any worse than me?

As if to answer him, a massive eruption of floor and stone went off beside him.

>...

"...O-ow..."

'NINEY!'

On the drift of a parachute, the Mayor of Ponyville slowly set down next to him.

'ARE YOU OKAY!?'

"...N-noooo..."

'WHY!? Why did he break your parachute!?'

"He... ACK!... Turns out he wanted it to be... like his funny comics... Ta daaaaa..."

A bright flash exploded next to him.

'...Oh! Uh, yay!'

"Yaaayy..."

'...You really should at least get paid for this.'

"Find me someone who will pay me, and I will gladly accept."

'Point, but still... whelp, uh, guess we're goin' to Zecora's for a patch up! C'mon, Niney!'

Dragging him along the ground, she made her way to the train station.

>...

Slowly, he didn't know why, but his heart grew four times lighter that day.

>Couldn't happen to a better guy.
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