Dear guys,

As you have noticed, I have not been okay. I have been hyperventilating, uncontrollably crying, and trouble breathing. Don't worry, this isn't your fault.

I have had horrible grades in Math, the subject that is most important to me. This has been worrying me too much. Mind you, it is a high school course, and will effect my grades in High School.

I've also been self-conscious about myself. I have wanted to bleach my blonde hair, cut it short, and lose weight. I have been uncontrollably eating, and have been trying to force myself to throw up (which, I realize is bad, but I'm putting an end to this habit) to not gain weight, and to exercise. But nothing is working.

I need to focus more on my life than Minecraft. I'm going to stay away from it for as long as possible.

Not only does it sidetrack my life, I'm bored of the repetitive nature of the game. This game has changed my life and made me meet amazing people. Thank you.

But I'm quitting. Not forever, and not completely. But it's too much for me.

I love you guys, but I need to focus more on my education. Maybe Summer?

I'm changing my whole life, starting with this change. I finally met someone who I need to live for, and I can't die for that.

Call me anything you want, but I have been suicidal. Façades are hard to keep, behind laughter and jokes lies a complete darkness in which I don't know anything about. Questions. Why?

Why are you alive?
Why do you exist?
Why do they ignore you?
Why do you escape reality into virtuality?

Questions that cloud my mind and make me laugh. Laugh so I don't feel pain. Laugh so I seem happy.

But then it chokes me, God, you don't understand how it feels. My body feels against me, and I nearly grab a knife from the kitchen, but I pause thinking that I need to stay happy.

Not all AFKs and BRBs are me being oki-doki.

I've never driven myself to the point of cutting, but God, I've gotten close. But I need to live for someone now.

I need to.

I love you guys. I'll still be on, but I'm limiting my online time. Thank you for keeping me alive.

Snow.