HarpyHomeTheater 1993: The Return of Godzilla

Brandon Carter: now

Brandon Carter: we must begin

Brandon Carter: the new words

Brandon Carter: the new testament

Brandon Carter: and since i'm in space chat i can make stupid lewd jokes

Brandon Carter: like

Brandon Carter: *glares at torrent still at 99.5%* GIVE ME

Brandon Carter: YOUR SEED

Brandon Carter: in the meantime tho time to watch return of godzilla and dodge responsibility.

Brandon Carter: thats some top tier ominious music

Brandon Carter: the kind you wanna hold someone to

Brandon Carter: >three months after the eruption of daikoku

Brandon Carter: dun dun.

Brandon Carter: SLAP THAT SOUNDBOARD LIKE YOU MEAN IT

Brandon Carter: (also hello godzilla did you have a nice nap)

Brandon Carter: oh no this nerd looks kinda cute

Brandon Carter: jury's out on whether he's hot

Brandon Carter: well that's... spoopy.

Brandon Carter: no wait

Brandon Carter: this guy has balls

Brandon Carter: just finding a random ship, getting on it, exploring and finding dead people inside for no reason other than curiousity

Brandon Carter: our JRPG protags everyone

Brandon Carter: WOAH GEEZ I CAN GUESS WHAT THAT iS AND I DON'T LIKE IT

Brandon Carter: okay hold up, amongst all the gore and gruesome shit in here

Brandon Carter: did i just spot a picture of a gal with her ass out

Brandon Carter: i don't think mind control and mass hysteria is a part of godzilla's powerset

Brandon Carter: whAT HTE UFCK IS THAT

Brandon Carter: okay nvm hiroshi's hotter

Brandon Carter: i have great priorities.

Brandon Carter: "a bluish-white ray"

Brandon Carter: sounds like a trademark move also i torrented the bluray version of this

Brandon Carter: so this is unnecessarily funny to me

Brandon Carter: "it couldn't see it all, it was so big"

Brandon Carter: something most men would wish women would say about their dicks

Brandon Carter: fdjkljsdgoijd

Brandon Carter: SORRY NERD GIRL CUTEST

Brandon Carter: >major scoop

Brandon Carter: *flashbacks to GMK*

Brandon Carter: "NOBODY BELIEVES ME" "well no shit but..." just drops a fuckin stack of godzilla pictures

Brandon Carter: "Gojira-desu?"

Brandon Carter: "if news got out, the panic would be unstoppable"

Brandon Carter: okay, i follow-

Brandon Carter: "stocks would plunge, and there might be a political uprising"

Brandon Carter: now would be a great time for godzilla to- oh. election day is over. damn it.

Brandon Carter: also suddenly the thing i thought was badass made sense: guy's a fookin reporter

Brandon Carter: >professor lost parents to godzilla attack 30 years ago

Brandon Carter: jesus its been that long

Brandon Carter: "mankind created godzilla, and we are far more monsterous"

Brandon Carter: i agree, i say as i continue to eat frosting right out of the jar.

Brandon Carter: "GODZILLA IS IMMORTAL"

Brandon Carter: with all these movies fuck yeah he's immortal- oh.

Brandon Carter: >soviet nuclear power sub

Brandon Carter: again the russians make things worse

Brandon Carter: AGH THE JPEG GODZILLA

Brandon Carter: AAAAAAAAAA

Brandon Carter: "GODZILLA LIVES*

Brandon Carter: sonia busts in with a Godzilla suit

Brandon Carter: "GODZILLA IS ALIVE!"

Brandon Carter: "GODZILLA IS MAKING EVERYONE CRAZY" "i misunderstood u, reporter"

Brandon Carter: i'm suddenly confused as to what the conflict is

Brandon Carter: please direct my attention to the nearest godzilla attack

Brandon Carter: the super X is great for godzilla

Brandon Carter: uh

Brandon Carter: how?

Brandon Carter: "oh... you know... ; )"

Brandon Carter: godzilla ate that sub because energy source

Brandon Carter: so... i guess he ate at subway, huh

Brandon Carter: WHO NEEDS FIVE DOLLARS FOR A FOOT LONG WHEN YOU'RE GODZILLA

Brandon Carter: also that akward moment when you hear a neat army song and your brain automatically converts it into an orchestral remix of a game song.

Brandon Carter: very unnecessary, especially since i can't compose worth a damn

Brandon Carter: *HEAVILY DISTRACTED BY NANCY DREW GAME DOWNFALL PLEASE HOLD*

Brandon Carter: GODZILLA DOES NOT APPRECIATE THIS CROTCHSHOT

Brandon Carter: also thats a nice looking godzilla

Brandon Carter: definitely not mr. dopey turt or "i pray for another adventure!" godzilla

Brandon Carter: still can't get over that.

Brandon Carter: READY TO SNORT SOME NUKES

Brandon Carter: Local Kaiju Annoyed By Birds

Brandon Carter: jesus mt mihara looks like something out of a mothra movie

Brandon Carter: *ANNOYING BIRD NOISES INTENSIFY*

Brandon Carter: worst part of the movie right here

Brandon Carter: "leave godzilla to the army" *EXTREME ZOOM IN ON PROFESSOR'S FACE*

Brandon Carter: internally he's going "BAKA BAKA! BAKA BAKA! BAKA BAKA!"

Brandon Carter: "THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT GODZILLA IS TO USE NUCLEAR WEAPONS"

Brandon Carter: why do you sound so

Brandon Carter: excited

Brandon Carter: also that's gonna turn a KO into an OK! sir, no
Brandon Carter: the one thing russia and america can agree on

Brandon Carter: and its fuckin nuking godzilla

Brandon Carter: great job breaking it

Brandon Carter: "YOU MUST AGREE TO LET US USE NUKES IF HE SHOWS UP AGAIN"

Brandon Carter: guys

Brandon Carter: i just

Brandon Carter: i love the expressions on the japanese like

Brandon Carter: "not this shitto again"

Brandon Carter: can't even believe what they're hearing

Brandon Carter: "HE'S RIGHT"

Brandon Carter: thats so goddamn jarring

Brandon Carter: i can't handle this

Brandon Carter: looking at pastebin sears my eyes, where's my night mode

Brandon Carter: an hour left to go and i'm dealing with this stupid

Brandon Carter: man

Brandon Carter: i can't wait to get to the other outings where godzilla gets to suplex things

Brandon Carter: hold up woah bitches slow down

Brandon Carter: i'm sorry did you guys just suggest they actually maybe bomb tokyo with godzilla in it?

Brandon Carter: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUHM

Brandon Carter: *softly*

Brandon Carter: don't.

Brandon Carter: "FUCK PRINCIPLES" "VENGEANCE"

Brandon Carter: this is why you guys would die in a godzilla attack

Brandon Carter: "if us standing by our principle is egotism, so be it. but you trying to force such on us... isn't that also egotism?"

Brandon Carter: i love that guy who just

Brandon Carter: shrugs at this

Brandon Carter: OH NO GODZILLA LIKES EATING HELICOPTERS TOO

Brandon Carter: oh no

Brandon Carter: the nukes are gonna happen anyway

Brandon Carter: >bandai namco

Brandon Carter: >DELISH CURRY

Brandon Carter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Brandon Carter: ...wow

Brandon Carter: in case of godzilla attack, steal food

Brandon Carter: this guy's got guts

Brandon Carter: th

Brandon Carter: this ufocuiopigujgf

Brandon Carter: THIS FUCKING SCENE

Brandon Carter: FUCKIN SASS GODZILLA OF ALL PEOPLE

Brandon Carter: WHILE YOU'

Brandon Carter: RE STEALING FOOD

Brandon Carter: WOA

Brandon Carter: brain machine broke

Brandon Carter: uh

Brandon Carter: are you really going to carry that

Brandon Carter: um okay i guess

Brandon Carter: for tokyo, it was the worst idea day of their lives

Brandon Carter: but for the defense forces

Brandon Carter: it was just Thursday.

Brandon Carter: ...don't ask me why i see the Super X and immediately compare it to a disgaea char.

Brandon Carter: I'm tired.

Brandon Carter: thats gross

Brandon Carter: that heartbeat's also gross

Brandon Carter: i'm completely grossed out- LKSGDioghfuobfhosdjg THE FUCKIN

Brandon Carter: NUKE

Brandon Carter: godzilla stoned out of his goddamn mind right now

Brandon Carter: this romantic subplot is weird

Brandon Carter: is this even a subplot?

Brandon Carter: i feel no love, no joy

Brandon Carter: no chemistry

Brandon Carter: man i'd normally make fun of this cheesy "oh no we might die" "no man it's gonna be okay we got countermeasures, chin up"

Brandon Carter: but uh, considering my brain is currently going maximum overdepressed and ivel is dealing with that

Brandon Carter: um

Brandon Carter: i can say naoko is me and mako is ivel

Brandon Carter: except they have less chemistry than us, jesus

Brandon Carter: "THIS ISN'T LIKE YOU"

Brandon Carter: i'm sorry i don't know who she is either

Brandon Carter: and neither do you

Brandon Carter: she's only been here for a couple of cutscenes and she doesn't even talk much!

Brandon Carter: AWKWARD ROMAAANCE SUBPLOOOT

Brandon Carter: INTERRUPTING A PERFECTLY GOOD KAIJU MOOOVIE

Brandon Carter: i bet 20 bucks they're gonna kiss by the end of this.

Brandon Carter: HE LIIIIVES AGAAAAIN

Brandon Carter: SIN

Brandon Carter: this isn't very triumphant music

Brandon Carter: like we're going through a breakup with godzilla or something

Brandon Carter: in the middle of a kaiju-themed soap opera

Brandon Carter: "I-I'm sorry, Godzilla, but my heart... belongs to Mothra!"

Brandon Carter: *someone slams those sad godzilla soundboard effects*

Brandon Carter: no kiss? i'm okay with this.

Brandon Carter: okay so uh, not as much to make fun of, which is probably a good thing (although i can't fucking believe i cracked up towards the end, what the fuck is wrong with me)

Brandon Carter: it did a good job at cheering me up i guess?

Brandon Carter: either way i think i enjoy godzilla fighting some other asshole more than him just being on a stroll

Brandon Carter: also weird romantic subplot is weird!

Brandon Carter: 7/10

Brandon Carter: good watch, good at being serious, snaggletooth godzilla is good, but didn't capture my heart like mothra did

Brandon Carter: nobody will

Brandon Carter: ...except ivel