Anon vs Hormones 1

>You are Anonymous the human.
>And currently you are running LUDICROUSLY FAST.
>Seriously, on a speed of 1 to Kenyans, you’re beating Usain Bolt.
>The reason for this is the horde of mares chasing you.
>Flashback to 20 minutes ago.
>It’s estrus, not to be confused with Easter as you originally thought.
>So your stupid ass stayed in town, where you were bringing eggs to your friends, the main 6.
>Upon entering P0nyville you noticed the lack of stallions.
>You saw Rainbro Dash up on a cloud above the town square.
>Her tail is hanging over the cloud, twitching back and forth.
>She’s... moaning?
“Hey bro! What’s going on? I have a present for you!”
>”IS IT YOUR COCK?”
>lolwut
>Hold on, brain. There’s got to be a reasonable explanation for this.
“Ha! Good one, bro. I have an Easter egg for you! Come down and get it!”
>She swoops down from her cloud perch. Perhaps a little too eagerly and gazes at you with a lustful gaze. You’ve never seen her like this before.
“Dash, are you ok?”
>”MIIIIIIIIIINE!”
>You wheel around just in time to see Rarity pounce out from Sugarcube corner, a deranged look in her eye.
>”BACK OFF I SAW HIM FIRST! HE’S –MY- BRO!”
>You duck, and Rainbow Dash leaps clean over you, turning around in mid air to buck Rarity as she lands.
>Rarity sails through the air and lands a good 6 feet away. Rainbow would make quite a good apple bucker, you’re sure.
>Rarity recovers quickly though. You didn’t know she was that tough.
>She tenses up, glaring daggers at Rainbow Dash, and snorting steam from her nostrils.
>”I NEED HIM NOW, DASH. WE ALL DO. HE’S THE ONLY ONE LEFT.”
>”Well you can’t have him, he’s mine!”
>With this, Rarity pounces, and a cartoon dustcloud appears, the sounds of fighting filling the town square.
>This attracts the ponies in their houses, and they come outside to see what the commotion is.
>Twilight Sparkle shouts, “THERE’S ONE LEFT, GIRLS! GET HIM AND WE CAN SHARE HIS COCK!”
>The ponies start advancing on you, nothing but looks of lust on their faces. Some of them are drooling.
>Derpy even has her eyes straight, looking at your crotch.
>Dude, they like, want to buck.
>Silly brain, we can’t buck ponies. We don’t have hooves!
>You know what, dude; I’ll give you one last smart piece of advice, then I’m out of here.
>Run.
>And with that your brain puts on his hat, picks up his suitcase and walks out of your ear.
>Great, now you’re on your own.
>And while the two mares are fighting you start to put all the clues together.
>Rainbow Dash doesn’t want an egg, she wants your cock.
>Twilight Sparkle wants your cock, and she implies that the rest of the mares want it too.
>The hamster in your head finally gets his ass off the floor and starts running in his wheel.
>They want to fuck.
>Upon this realisation you turn 360 degrees and start moonwalking away.
>The mares advance upon you. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.
>You turn an additional 180 degrees and high tail it out of there.
>This causes Rainbow Dash and Rarity to stop fighting, and focus on the prize.
>”GET HIM!” a raspy voice calls out behind you.
>Rainbow Dash is officially off the bro list.
>And that brings you to where you are now.
>You’ve got a good 100 metres between you and the mares, and you’re on the road heading to Sweet Apple Acres.
>You daren’t look back anymore.
>Last time you did, you saw Lyra, and that was terrifying.
>Unfortunately for you, you’re not as fit as you like to be, and adrenaline will only take you so far.
>You’re going to have to end this soon if you want any hopes of avoiding gang >rape.
>Your jimmies are pretty rustled at this point, and you’ve charged up your rustle gauge to limit break time.
>It’s time to end this.
>You slow down slightly, to close the gap between you and the mares. You spy a post up ahead on the side of the road.
>Twilight Sparkle is leading the pack, with Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash close behind.
>Damn that librarian can run when she wants to.
>When they’re about 10 metres away you release your rustled jimmies to give you one final burst of speed.
>You catch the post ahead with one hand and swing yourself round, landing your boot firmly into the side of Twilight’s face.
>K.O.
>Good job, dude. You took out the strongest magic user. Now you have about 60 other ponies to take down.
>Thanks, brain. Good to see you’re back with me.
>You... You know what? Go get them, tiger. Here, have some more adrenaline. It’s on the house.
>You prepare yourself for the oncoming pastel coloured wave of >rape.
>The mares file in around you, enclosing you.
>Fluttershy steps forward.
>”YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE ME!”
>With that she leaps towards your chest.
>You’ve just about had enough of this bitch. She’s been a constant annoyance with her traps, fetish games and >rape attempts EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>The thought of it alone rustles your jimmies up to level 2, and you hulk out at her.
“I’ve had enough of you!”
>You easily catch her as she collides with your chest.
>It’s at this time that you notice that these ponies are actually pretty light.
>Your hands are both full now, so you run with your first thought to try and end this bitch.
>You raise her flank to head height and bite down into her.
>She tastes of... marshmallows?
“I KNEW IT!” you exclaim, triumphantly.
>Fluttershy is now in shock though, so you toss her into the crowd, knocking over about 5 ponies who weren’t fast enough to move out the way.
>Next up is Rarity, who decides to use her magic to help her out.
>Her horn lights up and you decide to rush in to stop her casting her spell.
>It’s too late though, as a similar glow surrounds your body.
>Oh shit brain, what do we do?
>Do the counterspell!
“AUUUGHARRGHLEBA... huh?”
>Rarity is straining with her magic, her horn having several levels of overglow.
>You feel a slight tugging on your shirt sleeve.
>wat
>Is that it? Is that all she can do?
>This is just getting sad now. Twilight did mention once your weird alien magic cancelling abilities.
“HAHA! The counterspell worked!”
>Rarity collapses from her efforts, and you gloat in your relaxed victory.
>It’s short lived though, as Rainbow Dash flies up in your face.
>This ex-bro thinks she can take you on? You have rustled jimmies on your side.
>She pulls back her hoof, preparing to knock you out so she can have her way with your unconscious body.
>You flinch and close your eyes instinctively, and she throws her punch.
>*pomf*
>wat... again
>”ARRGH MY FRICKING HOOF!”
>She’s rolling around on the ground clutching the hoof that she punched you with.
>You guess that marshmallow isn’t a very good weapon against humans.
>With your victories against 4 of the main 6 under your belt, the rest of the crowd are looking pretty nervous.
>You decide to end this now.
“ABOOGAWOOGA!” you scream at them, taking a sudden step forward as you do so.
>The crowd disperses and flees, blind terror replacing their previous lust.
>You smile to yourself, safe in the knowledge that your pony virginity gets to survive another day.
>”Mah turn.” You hear from behind you.
>You wheel around to see a lasso coming straight for you.
>You’re not able to react fast enough, as it neatly sits itself around your elbows, pinning your arms to your sides.
>”It’s rodeo tahm!”
“No, Applejack, no!”
>With that, she uses her freakish strength to drag you back to Sweet Apple Acres, which it turns out you were just outside of when you had your brawl.
>Eventually Applejack gets sick of your screaming and knocks you out with a shovel.
>You wake up at night in a ditch, pants round your ankles and your crotch is covered in applesauce.
>Fucking Applejack.