Quotes

“Look at her John;  you can tell she’s hungry – like a wolf.”
	-Bjorn in reference to one of John’s “prospects.”


“Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.”
	-Frizzo offering his opinion on his friend’s dating life.


“She was like a Chinese vampire trying to suck out my soul.”
	-Allister relaying the talents of his new female friend.


“That’s right, and that’s why I stole it from you, you fucking bitch.”
-John after a computer controlled driver in Grand Theft Auto III told him that he    had a better car than John.


“Yeah…they’re like fleas.”
-Dustin comparing black basketball players’ jumping abilities to those of a flea.


“Ah yes, the often talked about but seldom seen bean-eyed corn-back rattler.”
	-Bjorn referring to the mythical un-flushable poop.


“I’ll hit anything right now. ANYTHING.”
	-John explaining how desperate times lead to desperate standards.

“Now we’re back at her house, post Indian restaurant. Farts are like proximity mines: You don’t want to get too close to one, and more importantly, they don’t mix well with fire.”
	-Allister on the importance of keeping matches handy.

“See the problem with these racing slicks is that they don’t generate enough heat on these neighborhood streets.”
-Bjorn contemplating whether or not to ride his non street-legal supermoto race bike around our suburban neighborhood.  He did it anyways, cold tires and all.


“I just thought of the funniest story while peeing in your driveway.”
	-Dylan.


“When I turned on the lights, it looked like I’d killed a small child.”
	-Christian realizing that the next time the river runs red, you take the dirt road.


“I’d click one off on her.”
	-Bjorn.


“No way, she was rode hard and put away wet.”
	-Dustin talking a roommate out of something he’d regret.


“My little sister loves the BBC.  It’s weird dude.  And the first time I met him, she told me that he was kind of scared of meeting me.  I don’t know what he was scared of… the guy was huge… 6’4”… 225.”
-Bjorn explaining his younger sibling’s obsession with the African American genitalia.


“Let’s go to Boogie Nights and pick up some cougars.  I’d love a cougar right about now.”
	-John in dire straits.


“Take ’er easy, and if she easy…take ’er twice.”
	-Frizzo.  No explanation needed.


“I’m going to L.A.  I want to fuck Americans.  Hammer some sense into them.”
	-Allister’s Canadian, by the way.

“Dylan and I are going to have a drinking competition tonight, but I gave blood today and we're going to see if he can out-drink me.  I figure I'll be able to drink even more because I've got less blood which means more space for alcohol.”
	-Billy’s post-blood donation festivities.


“Fat girls give the best head, because you know if they don’t…they’re not getting anything else.  Well, that and they’re just hungry all the time anyways.”
	-Dustin telling a friend that a sub-standard excursion might be worth the trouble.


“Nice Strut.  Where’d you learn that?”
	-John’s successful pick-up line for his new girlfriend.


“He broke his collar bone?  Well no shit.  We’ve all seen Justin drunk.  In fact, I’ve seen him flip two tables and I rarely get to drink with you guys.”
	-Bart not surprised Justin got lost and fell trying to find his own house.



“…first one to get a full frontal Mel wins the ‘2005 King of Internet’ prize.”
	-Allister.



“I’d hit it if she lost…maybe twenty more pounds.  Ehhh, make it fifty.”
	-Bjorn weighing his options.  Pun intended.




“…takes some serious mexican to fuck you up to the point where you lay a rattler.”
	-Dustin explaining the bean-eyed corn-back rattler to Mr. Saunders.


“The last time I was at an open bar my family had to leave early from a wedding.  What?  You can’t pass that shit up.  I’m a bad person.”
	-Ben trying to justify being an alcoholic.


“I was talking to Helen today and she says ‘I really, really need sex, but I'll get emotionally attached.’  Fucking emotions, they should have an on/off switch behind their ear.”
	-Allister.


"I got head while watching star wars... it was probably the highest point of my life.  It was actually during the ‘Return of the Jedi’ -- the best one, and when I saw the ewok I climaxed.”
	-Justin.


"I think you should adopt a child… you could take him drinking and shit."
	-Justin explaining to Krivak why he should adopt a child instead of a dog.


“So they are going to take Cheez-Its out of the vending machines at work because ‘they aren't Abercrombie.’  Now that may be, but denying a man his Cheez-Its is straight-up fascist.”
	-Mackey ranting about the choice cuisine at his work.


“Is it cold in here or what?  I’m freezing.  Well, I guess I could put on some pants…”
	-Bjorn.


Allister: “She wants me to go watch R.E.N.T. with her.  What’s ‘I’d rather die 1000 times’ in Greek?”
Dustin:  “Fuck that.”
Allister:  “I think you’re right.”


“He got into the corner too deep and ran out of talent."
	-Dustin


“That just hit you like surprise butt sex... you didn't see it coming and it hurt like hell.”
	-Frizzo.



“Yeah we should make weight classes.  Like in boxing.”
	-Allister’s categorization methods for women.

 “So I just found out that the website for dick's sporting goods is not ‘www.dicks.com.’”
	-Billy’s new revelation.


“She really wants to commit herself to the guy, and I can respect that. She also wants to have sex one last time before doing so. I can also respect that.”
	-Allister, on midnight visits from exes.

“So today was a good day for receiving mail... I got $10.00 gift certificate to Buca di Beppo and an offer for 12 Playboys for $12.00 + a bonus DVD.  I don’t think I can go wrong.  Good old sexy nude coeds.”
	-John.


“There have been a few forgettables on my list.  15 was forgettable.  She was that bad.  When she was giving head, she looks at me and winks:  ‘Don’t worry I’m really, really good at this.’  Fifteen minutes later -- still nothing.  Luckily she was on the pill and I just fucked her brains out for my sake.”
	-Allister’s memoirs.




“I don’t like being that lubed up.”
	-Chelsey.  Pretty much self-explanatory, right?


“Check out these chicken nuggets under this seat.  I think these are dark meat nuggets, before they even had white meat chicken nuggets.  These are throwbacks.”
	-Heath in the midst of detailing a car.

“I think there comes a time in every man’s life where he has to lay down his pride, take one for the team, and fuck a Five.”
	-Allister contemplates his high standards.

“I woke up, and there she was, lying right next to me without calling or even ringing the door bell. Most people would call that breaking-and-entering. I call it breakfast.”
	-Allister