In The Friend Zone or Not

Jun 20th, 2014
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  1. The door opened and you walked in.
  2. “How are you feeling, Vinyl?” You asked your friend.
  3. She wiped her nose and sniffed a few times before responding in a stuffed up voice.
  4. “I'm feeling like a broken record. I keep sneezing all day.”
  5. “I could tell you didn't sound good on the phone. You sick? You sure I should be here?”
  6. “Oh your fine.” Vinyl sucked in air loudly through her nose again. “It's more or less my allergies.”
  7. You smiled. “Sounds dreadful.”
  8. She nodded her head as her eyes began to close. You could see the torment building inside her nose by the look on her face. You bit your lower lip, you didn't know how to react, but you did.
  9. “Uh, oh, uhhh... what are you working on?”
  10. Vinyl quickly bopped her nose and rubbed it, stopping the sneeze in the process.
  11. “Oh, I'm just working on a new track. Gotta keep my beats fresh.” The white mare responded. Her voice was slightly deeper, more nasally sounding then usual. You'd always really liked her, and enjoyed spending time with her. You could never take the step further and say you loved her, but whenever you witnessed her sneeze, you felt you could take that leap. You just assumed Vinyl only viewed you as a great friend she could trust with anything. I guess that would make you in the friend zone. No one seems to ever get out of that. But anyways, you had planned just to spend time with her today. You told her on the phone you wanted to help her with her new tracks, but deep down inside, part of the reasoning was to take in some of her glorious sneezes. Vinyl Scratch was one of the best sneezers in Ponyville, based on your standards. She just let them fly, unashamed, everywhere, in front of anyone. Her roommate Octavia was out of town for a concert series, so if was perfect to be what you wanted to be, instead of trying to always act a little more polish in front of Octavia, who you also really liked. It was a hard balancing act.
  12. “So does this sound good?” Your thoughts interrupted, you glanced over to Vinyl who was sitting in front of a large computer monitor screen. She pressed the play button and a brash of sound exploded out of the speakers. It was so loud you couldn't even hear yourself think. You looked at the smiling mare, who wasn't wearing her usual sunglasses . . . You just guessed she preferred wearing her sunglasses at night? She was rocking her head back and forth to the beat. You called out.
  13. “It sounds good! I like it.” She looked at you and nodded her head, but probably didn't hear a word you said. Finally the music stopped.
  14. “Here is another be . . . “ She paused as she raised her nose up. She pressed play, her eyes closed, and mouth opened. You watched, mesmerized as her nostrils flared and tongue pressed against her cheek. Her lower lip quivered, and she held this expression for a good ten seconds. You heart picked up pace. You just wanted to witness her sneezes already. Enough teasing. She finally lowered her snout, as the sneeze had vanished. Your heart returned to normal speed. The music shook the very foundations of the room, and you watched as her coffee cup kept bouncing ever closer to the edge of the table.
  15. The type of music Vinyl made and played wasn't your favorite. You actually preferred mellower stuff, like soft rock, maybe some pop, some country thrown in for good measure, but anything to spend a little time with her was all worth it. You pushed the coffee cup inward from the desks edge, then peered to Vinyl who was again in a pre-sneeze state. How did you miss this? Her ears flopped down, then she let loose a sneeze that you couldn't hear over the music. You just saw it. The low light of the room, with a spotlight peering right on her, lit of the spray as it spewed from her puckered lips and nostrils, right onto the floor below. She was kind enough to turn away from you . . . but you didn't mind. You mind raced, your heart beat, this is what you came for.
  16. You waited to see if another sneeze would come, but it appeared to be a quick one, as Vinyl just wiped her nose in a very rudimentary matter and started tapping buttons on the keyboard.
  17. You remembered some of the best sneezes you heard from Vinyl were ones you didn't actually see. You played this weird blocky computer game with her called, Hoofcraft. In the game, you guys conversed over a headset with a few other players. You guys always got mad at the player who didn't use a 'push to talk' function and instead just constantly streamed their voice, as well as everything else they did with no shame. Vinyl was one of the players who didn't like pressing a button to be heard, she just streamed everything. You could hear her dropping things, eating food, talking to Octavia in the background, and pretty much everything else she did. Heh heh . . . there was that time you heard the toilet flush . . . well, actually several times. But anyways, the point of this memory was that time she had the sneezing fit. Her sneezes were so loud and moist, and shooting out every few minutes or so. Sometimes as singles, sometimes in little groups. As you played the game, you really wanted to just see her sneezes. Everyone on the game complained saying for her to stop sneezing and turn down her microphone. You played along with everyone else, just to be a part of the crowd, but secretly hoped she wouldn't. Your heart sank when finally she said over the mic that she, “had to sneez . . . “ her mic cut out, and you could hear her dropping the mic, or covering it. She blocked her sneeze, and you didn't hear anymore sneezes from her that night. She began to cover the mic. Oh well. At least Lyra sometimes accidentally pressed the talk button while she sneezed, though it was rare.
  18. “Huh Choo!” You blinked and turned around from the golden record you were looking at on the wall. Vinyl had just sneezed and you missed it. Should you say something? Should you do something and act like nothing happened?
  19. “Bless you.” You said. Vinyl didn't respond.
  20. “So I was thinking this riff would go well after we drop the bass, just to surprise people.” Vinyl went on and you began to tune it out. You just watched her mouth move and hooves wave up and down at times. What a bust so far, you either can't hear her sneezes, or miss them all together.
  21. “I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick.” You finally say.
  22. “Yeah, yeah, okay.” She says as she lays down another beat.
  23. You walk down the hallway past Octavia's room, her door shut tight. You didn't really have to go to the bathroom, but Vinyl's room was getting quite stuffy and hot. She had all her windows and blinds closed, and was running a computer, it felt like 90 degrees. You washed yourself up a bit then headed back down the hallway to Vinyl's. You opened the door and . . .
  24. “Heeessshooo! Heetcchoo!” Vinyl bent down to her knees, while seated on her chair and let out to desperate sneezes. You got a perfect view, as she had turned away from her computer screen and blasted them towards the floor. She still sat there, looking at the floor when a delayed third sneeze blasted out. “Heeessshhhhh!” She didn't even try to cover. You couldn't see the spray, but you could sure imagine it. She slowly got up with a miserable expression on her face and wiped her nose with her hoof. Sure that was rather unclean of her, but you didn't care.
  25. She blinked and asked, “How was the bathroom?” Certainly a question only Vinyl would come up with.
  26. “It was a pretty good trip.” You said smiling.
  27. “Did you fall in?” She quipped.
  28. “I don't sit....”
  29. “Haaaa!!!!” She got up and punched me on the arm once, the same hoof she had just whipped her nose with. “I know, I know.”
  30. I smiled.
  31. “Ya hungry?” She asked me.
  32. “When am I not hungry?” I responded.
  33. “Probably when your dead... no wait, you'd be like a zombie eating brains or something, right?”
  34. I just nodded my head slowly with a quirky smile.
  35. She did a few rapid fire jabs at my stomach with her hooves, but in a playful manner. She stopped, turned from me as her eyes closed, and let out one more sneeze. “Heeeesshhhuuu!” You couldn't tell if the sneeze was lingering from the small fit before, but if it was, she did a good job at hiding it.
  36. “Nice one.” You said without thinking. Crud! Why did you say that? Who says that? Who says that other then some weirdo sneeze fetishist? A million thoughts ran through your mind but Vinyl didn't say nothing as she trotted by and headed for the kitchen. “Follow me.” She said.
  37. She opened the cupboard and pulled out a bag of chips. She poured it in a bowl, then slid to the fridge and grabbed literally a half block of cheese and dumped it in the bowl, some chips falling out. Note she hasn't washed her hands yet since I've been here . . . but that is Vinyl. She isn't dirty, just . . . just . . . different.
  38. “Thats a lot of cheese, isn't it?”
  39. “Phhhffft, naaawww.” She said as she slammed it in the microwave and turned it on high.
  40. You sat at the counter, swiveling in a stool back and forth. She ran over and hopped on one right beside me, but not before she gave me a little hip check.
  41. “So whats been going on with you?” She said in a nasally drone.
  42. You look over at her for a second before looking at the microwave.
  43. “Oh you know, the usual. Still single . . . “ You mention that hoping she might say something but she doesn't, then you carry on. “Been working a lot, and having fun with some of the newer games. I really like that new . . .” You turn over to see Vinyl in a pre-sneeze expression. Her nose tipped into the air, her eyes closed, nostrils shrunk down, then expanding. You pause and just watch her, you bite your lower lip.
  44. “Hhhhhexxccchhtt!” Her head shoots down into her lap as she stifles the sneeze, but lifts her head again and sneezes a second time, this time not stifling it. “Heeessshhhiiiitttttttttt-taki mushrooms!” She ends the sneeze with a word.
  45. “Shitaki mushrooms?” I question her.
  46. Rubbing her nose and sniffing she answers, “Yeah, Shitaki mushrooms.”
  47. “Your really random, and sneezy.” Blast! Why did you say that last part? It's like you are begging her to catch on!
  48. “You know what?” Vinyl says. You wait nervously. “I am sneezy! I'm freaking sneezy! I'm like that dwarf on that movie, uhhh . . . Achooey? Snotty?”
  49. “Sneezy?” You say. You hate even saying the word sneeze, but you do as if to not seem out of place.
  50. Vinyl points to you. “Yeah! That's the one! Sneezy! I'm like Sneezy from the seven dwarves!”
  51. Not knowing how to respond crack a smile.
  52. “Does that make me Dopey?”
  53. “You do drugs?” Vinyl says a bit concerned.
  54. “Not that kind of dope!”
  55. “Oh, yeah! Heh heh! Yeah, you can be Dopey.” Vinyl chuckles.
  56. The microwave bings and the smell of melty cheese on overcooked chips fills the kitchen air.
  57. “I got it.” You get up to get the chips, and you pulls them out of the microwave. The bowl burns your hands and you quickly slide it on the counter towards Vinyl who scoops it up closer to her and starts eatings chips.
  58. You sit beside her again. Her tail brushed up and whaps you on the butt, and you look over at her eating. Did she mean to do that? Was that a sign? Is that a hint that she likes me? Do I like her like I should like her? Is this love? Why am I thinking so much?
  59. You get out of your trance again and grab a few chips. You want to bring up sneezing and go back to your dwarves talk to see what you can get out of her, but you don't want to push it. You can only bring up sneezing so many times in a conversation before people begin to wonder, or at least you think. Maybe you over think and are being overly critical? Maybe no one notices this stuff? Maybe it is only you?
  60. “I'm gonna snee-heee-heeee . . . “ Again your thoughts are interrupted and you see Vinyl in a pre-sneeze expression. Her mouth is open, chest puffed out, and nostrils expanding as she sucks in air. Right beneath her is the bowl of chips, and to save the chips from her sneeze, you swoop up a wad of napkins and do the unthinkable. . . you slam them right up to Vinyl's nose. You can feel her nostrils expanding and the breath being sucked into her mouth. You've never done this before. You don't even know what you are doing. Finally he hitching stops. Will Vinyl hate you for doing this? Will she think you are strange? Not knowing what to do, you still hold the napkins over her nose. She didn't attempt to grab the napkins from you, you are just holding them there, Vinyl in a pre-sneeze lock. Then finally she released, and you've never experienced such euphoria before in your life.
  61. “Hhhhhaaasssshhhhhhh!!!!” Her head bobs down and the force of the sneeze collects into the napkin and presses against the palm of your hand. Moisture builds and seeps through the napkin onto your naked skin. Her head tilts back for another go, your index finger slips slightly and presses the napkin and your finger into her right nostril. You can feel it shaking, moving, growing, growing, then shrinking as she bolts her head forward again for the release. “Hhhhheeeesshhhhhhhh!!” The paper again presses to the palm of your hand, and the wetness increases upon your skin. You think the napkin may have torn, as the wind from the sneezes continues to hurricane against the thin napkins and your palm.
  62. Vinyl finally and lazily slumps back and the napkins, seeping wet, drop from your hand and onto her lap.
  63. “Wooooooo.....” Vinyl says as she sucks in some mucus and then slowly looks at you.
  64. “Thanks.” She says.
  65. You turn red, and not knowing again what to do, you pull your hand away. Upon your palm is pieces of wet napkin, as well as Vinyl spit misted upon liberally. Do you wash your hands? Do you sit her stupidly looking at her not saying a word? You just felt more of your friend then you ever thought you would feel. You just experienced a weird intimate moment with this mares nose, even tapping into her nostril, and she just says, thanks? What is going on?
  66. “I didn't expect those.” Vinyl picks up a chip and offers it to you, cheese oozing off it.
  67. You look at the chip, you think a moment, then using your right hand, the same hand you just blocked her sneeze with, you grab the chip, bring it close to your mouth . . . then . . . eat it.
  68. BAM! In your mind, it was like some sort of offering, or toast, or some weird sneeze fetish ritual. You just felt this mares sneeze, then with that same wet hand, you ate a chip this mare just gave you. You already passed the threshold. Just wipe that hand on your pants, to forever have a piece of Vinyl on, and just carry on. No washing of hands needed now.
  69. “Hey, I got this wild new mix I want you to here.” Vinyl said with a smile, not realizing all the thoughts that went through my head.
  70. “Uhhh . . . yeah, sure.” I say, whipping my hands on my pants leg.
  71. “Come on, lets go!” She grabs the bowl of chips and runs to her room. I follow slowly. This was going to be a wild night, and hopefully one of many to come. You'd always really liked her, and enjoyed spending time with her. You could never take the step further and say you loved her, but whenever you witnessed her sneeze, you felt you could take that leap. You just assumed Vinyl only viewed you as a great friend she could trust with anything. I guess that would make you in the friend zone. No one seems to ever get out of that. But maybe this time it was different. I mean . . . she did just sneeze on me.
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