Thread 64: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/22086019/
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NC
>Applejack
"Twilight"
~~~~~

>Hey, twi? Got a question.

"...This isn't weird at all, why would it be?"

>What?

"Nothing, go on."

>What's it called when it's technically a parasite, but the parasite is stronger than the host?

"You mean when one species feeds off another, but is more physically capable and longer lasting than the other they require on for sustenance?"

>Yeah, that.

"It's just called the food chain, one species devours the other and uses them for food, why?"

>...

"...Applejack?"

>N-no reason... no reason at all...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spitfire
"Crystal Guards"
~~~~

>I would like to remind everyone that, no, hovering ten feet in the air does not constitute a 'sick move', and you will not get points for that.

*Stallion raises his hoof*

>No, fifteen feet does not count either.

*Another goes up*

>No amount of hovering at a height less than eight thousand will be counted.

"...I-inches?"

>No.

"..."

*Another stallion raises a hoof*

>No, Mayonnaise is not a flight move.

*Lowers it back down... before putting it back up*

>Pony radish isn't either.

"Are you using the metric system?"

>No.

"There's your problem!"

>Does anyone have a non-food related question?... You there.

"Can we go to lunch?"

>...

"...Technically, that's a travel related question, it's not related to the food. We're just asking if we can go to a certain area."

>...

"...I'll shut up now."

>I want to say you guys are getting smarter, but I dare not dream.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"Spike"
'Coco Pommel'
~~~~
Shots featuring Coco Pommel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpTpPmrbwvI

>If you're not armed ladies and gentlemen
>Get ready to get join up
>Let's do it, ha ha
>Di-mond Ti-ar-a
>You know what
>Lil Spike
>Yeah
>All of the gun nuts
>Where you at
>Let's go

"When I walk in the club
All eyes on me
I'm with the Royal Guard Crew
All food is free
We defend your block.
We love Patriots.
You know we rock.
C'mon join us"
>Let's go!

The guards aiming with their rifles and shooting off one by one.
[Chorus: x2]
>"Shots shots shots shots shots shots"
>"Shots shots shots shots shots"
>"Shots shots shots shots shots"
>Everypony

"The ladies and colts love us
When we aim our shots
We don't need an excuse
To keep guns cocked
We came to protect
How 'bout you?
Load em up
Let's fire round two"

Canons line up and fire.
[Chorus: x2]
>"Shots shots shots shots shots shots"
>"Shots shots shots shots shots"
>"Shots shots shots shots shots"
>Everypony!

>If you ain't getting geared then get out of the way!
>If you ain't making shots then get out of the way!
>If you ain't come to shoot then get out of the way!
>Now where my guards at? let me see ya guns up!
>What you armed with?

>Fire bombs
>Miniguns
>Battle Saddles
>Canister Shots
>Flame throwers
>Shock rods
>Forget that spit
>Get me some 'nades

"Shots
We got guards on duty and ready for some shots
There's action all around every time I'm making shots
The bandits hit the ground every time I give em shots
We're recruiting right now, so go on and take a shot."

>If you feeling hyped up put ya hooves in the air
>And If you want to join up put ya hooves in the air
>Now say I'm joining up "(I'm joining up)"
>I'm joining up "(I'm joining up)"
>I'm tryna join "(I'm tryna join)"
>I'm tryna join "(I'm tryna join)"

"Shots
We got guards on duty and ready for some shots
There's action all around every time I'm making shots
The bandits hit the ground every time I give em shots
We're recruiting right now, so go on and take a shot."

Face of a nervous Coco
'I'm joining uuuup?'

[Repeat: x8]
>"La da da da"
>"La da da da da da"

THIS DREAM COMMERCIAL WAS NOT PAID BY THE ROYAL GUARDS
CONTACT YOUR LOCAL GUARD TO GET MORE INFORMATION

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Non-canon
>Silver Spoon
"DT"
~~~~
>DT, that dream commercial...wow.

"Honestly, I don't remember half of it. I think I was really drunk with Spike at the time."

>...I think you might be more fun drunk.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>S-sooooo, Chrysalis, ya' know how ya'll make plans, and they seem like they're workin' and then at the last minute they all jus' kinda fall apart? Well, me and ya'll have somethin' in common now!

"..."

>...Iffin' it makes ya' feel better, they probably ain't rapin' him.

"..."

>...Just gonna dissect him, prolly.

"......."

>...Yep....

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >18
"???"
~~~~

It was very, very hard to put her mood down right now.

If someone had told 18 that the world was going to burn tomorrow, she would have told them she would save the planet with all the chill she was in right now.

She still thought back to it, even now as she walked back to slog through hours upon hours of work, even now as she made her way to work herself to the bone. But none of it mattered but that memory. That wonderful, magical, majestic-

"UGGGHHHH!"

>...what in the...

There was a voice inside her office.

A familiar one.

"S-SO HARD! IT'S SO HARD!"

>...

"How can it be this big!? Fit in there!? As if it was ever going to... UGGHHHH! THIS IS TOO MUCH!"

>...

"Oh Celestia my eyes are crossing! I-I can't even think about it! I just have to focus on anything but... NGGGGHHH!"

>...

"TOO MUCH! IT'S JUST TOO MUCH! PULL OUT PULL OUT BEFORE I-"

SLAM!

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Cadence! You came to help me with the paperwork! Do you want me to-

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

She burst past, racing away while screaming at the top of her lungs.

"I NEED TO SEE AUNTIE CELESTIA NOOWWWWWWWwwww..."

>...

Alone, 18 just took a long, deep swig of her coffee.

>... is it good or bad I am really, really disappointed that wasn't what I thought it was?... Gonna go with good... man she can scream.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Who let you drink!? You are WAY too underage for that!

"TELL IT TO THE FUCKING ZOMBIES I COLDCLOCKED WITH TBDRLIATU'S SEXY ASS!"

>...

"...I think I'm a mean hangover type."

>Right, because that's obviously the cause.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Celestia”
____

It was perhaps one of the most gorgeous sunrises she’d ever seen. Not as bright as to hurt the eyes, but warm enough to draw strength from.

And boy howdy, would she need strength.

>Hey, ‘Tia?

The larger, more regal mare, who stood next to her, keep focus on the sun, smiling gently into the wind.

“Hm?”

>Ah gotta question.

“I’ll step the presses, this is groundbreaking news. You? A question? For me? Boggles the mind.”

>Hawh….

“But I tease. Tell me, before sanity overtakes serenity, what is your question?”

>…Ah know that is gonna sound odd, an’ considerin’ all mah earlier questions, that’d be a feat an’ a half, but… are there things y’all haven’t told me?

“How do you mean, dear?

>Like… things ‘bout Equestria? Stuff that, y’know… closed-doors stuff?

Celestia blinked.

Then her smiled deepened.

“Of course there are.”

>…Oh. Ah… Ah didn’t expect y’all to answer.

“And why not? It’s a reasonable answer for a curious mind. Yes, there are an abundance of things I’ve yet to tell you, and some of those things you’ll likely never know. And to parlay the following question, because it’s not your time, dear. I rule all of what you see out this window and beyond, and that means carrying information of a varying nature.”

>…Ah see.

A rather large white wing overshadowed the slightly frowning orange mare, squeezing her closer.

“If that news upsets you, I am sorry, but do not think it a slight against you. There are many things that Luna herself does not know, half of which she has openly declared she wants no part in. And Twilight is the same way. Except for me, no one pony will ever know every little secret, every little file, or every little operation that goes on in or out of Equestria.”

That statement only served to magnify what Applejack thought she knew of Princess Celestia and the weight on her shoulders.


Compared to what she knew, Applejack figured she was only privy to about twenty, maybe thirty percent. And even that was enough to give her migraines….

>But… why? Why won’t y’all tell me—tell us—more? We could help… Ah hope.

Never, not since leaving school, had Applejack felt so absolutely childish asking such a thing. She could feel her face igniting with embarrassment.

“Why? You ask why?”

Applejack’s foalish inquiry was met with a motherly smile from Celestia.

“Because I want you all to be free of mind and light of heart. Those matters are for me to bear, not you. It’s your job to handle the smaller things, dear, which, by the way, you are doing most splendidly.”

And that answer was the equivalent of receiving an A+ on a test paper.

“Do you understand?”

>Yes, princess.

“Good! Now, go get us some cake, would you? I thinking I might just blow off that meeting with ambassador Frostbite later today and gorge myself until I pass out. Would you care to join me?"

Staring incredulously for a few seconds, Applejack could only smile at that.

>Sure, ‘Tia. Whatever ya want.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Applejack"
'???'
~~~~

"Hey, Celestia?"

>Why yes, universe, I DO wish that the would would be set aflame, why do you ask?

"Ain't enough fire in the world ta' burn away all the problems we got. Fuckin' sun itself would take one look and go 'nope, ain't touchin' that."

>You have no idea how right you are...

"Anyway, got a-..."

>...Do you hear that?

"Ah... Ah' do hear that."

>...It's like... tittering?

"Is titterin' a word?"

>It's what it sounds like.

"Yeah, Ah' guess..."

>...It's getting louder.

"Should we do somethin'?"

>This is going to sound bad, but as I am still waiting for you to give to me your question, I am hoping whatever this is kills me.

"...Yer' a bit of a drama queen, ya' know that-"

In the blink of an eye, there was a CRASH! And Celestia was gone.

"TARNATION! HOLY... GUARDS! GUARDS WE NEED- oh right... WHELP! Guess Ah' gotta buck this problem mah'self-"

'AUNTIE I NEED HELP I NEED HELP I NEED HELP I NEED HELP-"

She would have defender her, really. On most any other day, someone assaulting Celestia was going to get Applebucked right into a wall. And through the wall after that... and after that... and after that...

But there was no motivation on this planet strong enough to make her want to get involved when she watched Cadence shake the everloving applesauce out of Celestia in the air.

'I NEEED HEEEELLLLPPP!'

While they hung there, Cadence catching her breath in deep, drawn out inhales and Celestia hanging limp in her surprisingly strong grip, Applejack wondered if she should ask what the problem was.

When Celestia very gently grabbed her, and pulled her to the balcony, she knew that she should not.

>...Shall we take this inside? Before you scream something incriminating to the paparazzi of the world.

Frantically, she nodded, allowing herself to be lead into Celestia's room.

"Ah' still have a question..."

She was silenced with a close of the door.

"...Well, buck you too, see if Ah' help next time."

>Alright, now... let's try this again, what, exactly, is your problem?

'I don't know how to do any of this!'

>...Wow, no wonder you don't have any babies yet. Okay, here's what you do-

SMACK!

'Not that you shining alabaster super-mare! NOT THAT!'

>...Conflicting compliments and stinging of cheek are warring, continue.

'I MEAN... I don't know how to do any of the paperwork! ANY OF IT! I can't write legislation, I can't allocate funds, I can't balance the books, I can't manage the public works, I CAN'T EVEN FILL OUT A PARKING CITATION! I don't know how to do any of it! I'm useless! If someone asked me to pass judgement on someone I would be flipping a coin between imprisonment and a fine because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THIS IS!'

She knew the problem had been bad... but she never expected it to be to THIS degree. Lazy, sure, she understood lazy, but not understanding any of it?

>...I spent, just... so many bits on tutors for you. I gave you a lifetime of preparation for this...

'I KNOWWW! I KNOWWHOHOHOOWWWWW! I know you gave me the best schooling! I know I had every advantage, but I didn't pay attention to any of it! I thought I was just going to be like cousin Blueblood and do nothing while I was here! He never did anything, why would I!? I wish I had known I was going to be RULING A KINGDOM OF CRYSTAL! I probably would have payed more attention instead of sneaking off to cuddle with Shiny under the bleachers! But I didn't! I didn't let any of it sink in! I did enough to pass the tests and then I just... went off! Off I went to go date Shiny and get married and then BOOM out of nowhere there's a giant castle and a bunch of ponies and I'm apparently supposed to deal with that! Do you know why I begged Twilight to come help me manage the meeting with the Equestrian Games representative? BECAUSE I KNOW JACK ALL ABOUT MANAGEMENT! What have I EVER done, in ANY action, that makes someone think I can do that!? And now, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOO!'

>....

'...'

>...

'...'

>...Uh... um...

'...'

>...A-hem....

'...'

>...T-this might be... paaaartially my fault?

'...'

>...I mean, there were some signs that the Empire would return, and you were destined to rule it, but I assumed if Destiny put the Crystal Heart on your flank, you could probably handle it?

'...'

>Now, I admit, there is every chance that just means you're the most capable of WIELDING the Heart, which you are! You are for sure the best one suited to utilizing the unique magic within the Crystal Heart and bringing out it's full power! None else could even come close! You are, by far, the most powerful practitioner of love magic on the planet, bar none!

'...'

>...B-but maaayyyybeee.. I just sort of... assumed you could handle the... the non-Heart related things, and didn't exactly hover over your shoulder while you worked. Or looked all that closely at your grades. Or made sure you could do non-love related magic. Or... a lot of things...

'...'

>I just sort of assumed you would think "I'm an Alicorn, I'm going to be doing something important" and act accordingly. I mean, you were literally the only other one on the planet besides me, I just assumed you thought that meant you were special. You were chosen for a reason, after all.

'...'

>...That reason was, in fact, that you are the greatest user of love magic possibly in all of history, and not any great leadership skills or intelligence, but a reason!

'...'

>But I have every confidence in you! You can certainly rise to the challenge if you just apply yourself! You have time to get into the swing of things, and if you're willing we can make this happen! Now, I admit, there are some... challenges here. Mostly due to the fact you will be trying to cram a lifetime of learning into you well past your developmental years...

'...'

>... but that hasn't stopped anyone before! Take it from one who has lived through centuries, it's never too late to teach an old dog new tricks! Maybe what you need to do is-

'C-can you...'

That voice stopped her. That broken, almost empty sounding voice.

'...C-can you find someone else to do this? Can... Can I give Shiny my Alicorn magic? I'd like that. Can we do that? Can I just... just give it to him instead?'

It had been a long, long time since Celestia saw the filly that had inadvertently stumbled into her life when she achieved a magic unlike any other.

But looking at the tear stained, pink face and wibbling lower lips brought all of those memories back.

>Oh... oh Cadence, no, no you can't-

'He'd... he'd do a good job with it, and he's wanted it since... always. Can... can I just give him my wings instead?'

A soft, gentle hoof brought her in close, close enough that swan like neck could crane around her shaking form.

>Cadence... no. It doesn't work like that.

She choked, hurting her cheek as she buried herself into the golden necklace.

'W-why not?'

>Cadence... even if there was some way to give him your magic, it would be only that, magic. You were not granted wings. You were a pegasus. Even if you gave him everything it granted you... nothing would change. He would not have everything needed to become whole as an Alicorn. Your ability to wield magic was inside of you all along, the horn you were given was just a way to make use of it that you never would have been able to otherwise. You can't give him your wings, Cadence.

The choking intensified, as did the pressure driving into her chest.

'I-it's not fair.'

>I know... but seldom times is Destiny fair, to anyone. We must deal with what we are granted, not what we wish would happen instead. Regardless of what you feel right now, you were granted a way to make ponies lives better, and it is up to you to put it to good use. You were granted something... no other pony before you was. You need to earn it.

'I can't... I don't know any of this.'

She pulled her away, looking into her with stern, yet caring eyes.

>...Then you have to learn.

Glimmering, still crying eyes looked up to her, unsure and afraid, just as she had been all those year ago. Just as she had been so long ago...

But there was something else now, something... hungry inside of her. Something she wanted, no, NEEDED, right now.

'...C-can... can you teach me?'

It was an odd thing to hear, coming from her. She had always been the type to go off and do her own thing run her own way and live her own life as it was, not how she thought she was supposed to. She never asked for the ability to learn, not normally, only if someone else more capable could handle it for her.

'...Please? Just... just to try.'

...It was a good change.

>...I suppose... I might have enough for one more student in me.

Celestia had long since wondered if she even should be a teacher anymore, if her time long since passed and neglect had rendered her... less capable.

But seeing Cadence, at last, smile again, believe again she could be a princess... changed all that.

Cadence's face absolutely lit up... for about half a second. Just long enough for a MASSIVE tome to be plopped down in front of her. One that was almost as tall as she was.

>First things first, we're going to learn how to manage taxes and GDP!

Slowly, her face bled away into a look of sheer, unbridled, horror.

All the same, she reached out, and opened the first page.

'...What's GDP stand for?'

Celestia sighed.

It was going to be a long... long... looong... decade... filled century.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >77
"32"
~~~

>YOU LEFT HER ALONE!?

"I was having an emotional moment!"

>I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS! THIS IS THE MOST THICK HEADED, STUPID, MORONIC, IDIOTIC THING YOU'VE EVER DONE!

"...A part of me missed when you were all ranty like this. You've mostly mellowed out. I missed this-"

>ENOUGH! We are going to search EVERY FUCKING CORNER OF THIS CASTLE and we are going to FIND her and then we are going to NOT LOSE HER AGAIN AFTER YOU BEG FOR FORGIVENESS!

"..."

>...

"...Can we stop for a bathroom break along the way? I drank a lot at the restaurant-"

>HOLD IT IN!

"Fine... fine."

>...

"...Sorry?"

>I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE!

"Oh please, like you could-OW! HOLEY FUCK!"

>DID I STUTTER!?

"...Let us resume our search."

>GOOD!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"Steam Gauge"
'Quicksilver Sash'
~~~~

~In the Simulator~
>1st team, provide cover! 2nd team, move up! Move move move!

Steam Gauge and Quicksilver move up and take cover behind a wall.
"Can you believe we're doing this?"

'Yeah, we haven't gotten shot.'

"That too, but I mean-"
A stuffed animal has taken control of a mounted machine gun and is defending the kitchen full of cakes. It peppers their position with bullets.
"I mean, we're taking orders from a kid."

'Not that much different from Spike.'

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

>C'mon you dolts! You want to live forever? 2nd team provide cover fire and 1st team move up!
Steam and quicksilver pop up and fire at the machine gunner's position. The toy gets shredded, but another plushy takes it's place. The 1st team manages to get into position.

"It's just that she's not on the A-team any more right? She doesn't actually have authority, so she's a civilian."

'You mean like Coco Pommel?'
A few more plushies bring out guns and yell in squeaks.

>Fix bayonets! Wait for them to empty their rounds.

"Speaking of Coco, what happened to her?"

'Diamond Tiara pressed her into enlisting. She's going to be joining our ranks as a recruit soon.'

"Aw that's too bad. I guess she'll be suffering with us. I wish she was still our sergeant."

'To tell you the truth, I like Diamond Tiara.'

"You liked getting a bomb strapped to you?"

'Well no, but I can shoot a lot better because of it and we are getting an influx of new recruits because of her. Shining was a terrible captain and it seems like no one wants to commit to the guards. 77 retired. Coco was too soft. Spike is on and off, but Diamond Tiara puts in a lot of effort and I like her zeal.'

"...okay I guess she is kind of refreshing from the others and...wait they stopped firing."

>Drop the smoke grenades!
Smoke grenades are tossed and the plushies squeak in panic.
>RUSH!!!


"'RAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'"
They charge in over the wall stabbing and shredding the plushies. When the smoke clears, stuffing can be seen flung everywhere.

"Did we do it?"

Quicksilver looks around.
'I think we did.'

>Congratulations! You managed to save the princess' cakes. Did you get the special character I put in?

"What special ch- what the hell!?"
A doll in blue overalls with a knife stabs him in the leg as it squeaks maniacally.
"AHHHHH!!! Get it off!"

'Holy crap he's got a big knife.'
The plushy runs off and the able guards chase after it.

"Why would you put that in!?!"

>Be honest, do you have any doubts that a psychotic doll with a knife exists somewhere in Equestria?

"...*sighs*"

>Didn't think so.
As she goes off to shut down the simulator.
>Still rough around the edges, but they're improving.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

It was just one of those mornings, he guessed.

Just one of those days when he would walk away from his breakfast after his wife tore her flat little ass off into the world, his daughter was sent off to school to no doubt drive the teacher wild, his punchbug was off to beat whatever tiny amount of non-muscle remained on his soldiers, the smoke monster was off to work on his secret project, the supervillain was going to see if she could thwart some evil via punching it, and his... whatever 18 was now was off to handle the mountain of paperwork which occasionally became sentient and tried to destroy them all.

He had a weird life.

But, all this aside, he noticed there was one more thing missing. One certain individual who was nonetheless always there to drive him bonkers.

And low and behold, with a swing of his door she was revealed! The changeling Queen in all her majesty, her glorious splendor of power and magic! All of it open to the eye as she lay across his desk on her back and rocked from side to side like a bored puppy.

He did not even bother to ask. He just walked up, sat down, and grabbed what he could from her when she wiggled around his grasp.

>...One of those days?

"Mmmhmmm."

She sounded far less content than he expected. Normally, this cheered her up something amazing, but this action seemed only to stave off the ever encroaching feeling of dread she was experiencing.

>Want to talk about it?

"Nah, you'd get mad at me."

>Does it involve violence?

"Nope."

>At this point, I am trying really hard to think of a non-violent way you can make me actually surprised, let alone angry. By all means, give it your best shot.

She stopped wagging, freezing with all legs in the air pointed out comically in every direction.

"I've been slipping in little add-ons to a whole bunch of bills to cover changeling stuff past Applejack without telling her."

SLAM!

The desk and poor Shining's head at this point have become like longtime friends. Why, it was far weirder that it had been so long since they met, really, than the fact he banged his head against it now.

"Told you so."

A few lifts and some repeated shots did nothing for his mood.

>Why? Oh dear Celestia's mother above, why. Do you just like making Applejack mad? Is this a sexual thing? Are you so devoted to this minor thrill you make your life worse? Are you secretly getting off on this?... Please tell me, my management has wondered about several papers that you have rocked on, and their benefit of the doubt is slowly slipping past my grasp.

"It was necessary."

>Sure it was. Whelp, tell me what you did so I can gauge if I need to tell the guard to rearm... or the cleaning staff to get the stuff that gets green out of the carpet.

"Well, this PARTICULAR one was in case I needed some fast charity cash and didn't want to deal with them being racist dicks."

>...Explain.

"It's just an addendum that says if we think they're not going to donate any money because they're racist, we don't have to tell them it's for non-ponies, specifically."

>...That it?

"Well, I also added in a line that said it had to all go to whomever they were donating to regardless, and that they had to actually be in need of it, just so it didn't break the law so that anyone can just lie about everything."

Huh. Strangely, his headbang felt less... necessary.

>...Huh... okay, well, I admit, that's not a bad idea at it's core. I mean, preventing racial discrimination just sounds like a good idea.... loootttaa holes in there, though.

"It's how I roll."

>Just saying, she probably could have ironed out the details if you just told her.

"Yeah, except every time I ask her for anything, it never works. She just does not want me to have stuff."

>And who's fault is that miss "I slip in stupid stuff all the time"?... I mean, admittedly, you never got in something that was actually passed before, but still. You haven't exactly given her a reason to be your buddy... well, okay, except for the whole... world saving thing... and the Fluttershy thing...

She rolled over onto her stomach, resting her entire body on her folded in legs. Her neck craned upwards, just enough she could look down her nose at him.

A look that was no longer possible the instant she plopped her chin forwards, right atop his head.

"Pffttttplplplplp."

>Were you hoping in any way surprises me? It does not.

"...I wish I could just bring them over here."

He sighed, shifting his head slightly so her cheek wasn't pressing up so painfully against his horn. With that, he got back to filling out whatever paper was in front of him.

>I know... to tell the truth, while I know Cadence is kind of... against the idea, I kind of wish we could too. Seems like we'd just be more accepting due to the lack of fear from your invasion. Maybe give them a better life. But...

"I know."

>It wouldn't even be so bad, but the number of pregnant mares in the city is... a lot.

"I know."

>Because apparently when you survive after a thousand years of torment and get your life back, the first thing you want to do is just go at it like it was your last day on earth.

"I know."

>And of course, expanding is a nightmare since none of the experimental outer rim shields last very long against a particularly bad blizzard. Any attempt at a settlement would be endangered by just one bad storm... which happens a lot.

"I know."

>Don't even get me started on the crop growing rates, or lack of fertile soil.

"I know."

>Sorry... we just can't hold them.

"...I know..."

She leaned slightly, once more uncomfortably pressing her cheek against his horn. In response, he just let out a slow breath, and continued his paperwork.

>You're just going to have to make it work in Canterlot, or just strike it out on your own.

"Latter isn't an option. It would be too hard to get to you for their food source. Former... I'm working on."

>...Oh?

"Let's just say Applejack wasn't mad when I left... but I don't know if she's listening to a possibility."

>Want to run it by me? See if I can help you out?

"...Nah, this one's up to her."

>Understandable, I guess.

"...Shiny?"

>Mmmhmm?

"Thanks."

>Yep.

And so, he got back to work, focusing entirely on form after form, only occasionally making her shift her body to pull some crumpled work out from under her.

>...hey, Chrysalis?

"Mmmhmm?"

>...Still miss when you were Cadence?

"...Only sometimes."

She pressed down harder on the top of his head, relaxing her body and letting out a slow wisp from her nostrils.

He didn't mind.

"...only sometimes..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CD
>AJ
"Twilight"
'Rarity'
-Spike-
~Coltsly~
=Primrose=

>Righ', now that's four of us, just got to get the others.

'I don't understand why exactly you're bringing me of all ponies to opine on the guard situation, Applejack.'

>Ah need to cover every possible angle on this, from you ta Dash ta Twi here, this is a big decision and ah can't make it lightly.

-Well here's my answer: Don't trust evil bug monsters with your army.-

"Is she really evil though, honestly?"

-I'm just saying my piece, if the two choices are guys who are going through a rough patch or bugs that have miraculously not burned the city down, I'm going with the first one.-

"They've been going through a rough patch a really really long time though."

>How about we keep the debate until I get everyone in here?

~Why wait? It appears to me like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.~

The three ponies and one dragon blink and turn to the audience side of the audience chamber, where a unicorn mare in a sharp suit had been seated, a large robot standing beside her.

>...how long have ya been there?

~Oh, not too long, the chamber was empty when I entered, so I decided it best to wait my turn.~

=ELAPSED TIME, TWO HOURS.=

-Why didn't you say anything until now?-

The unicorn blushed a bit.

~I...kind of fell asleep. You really spared no expense on these benches.~

=COMFORT MEASURE 8.8/10=

~Quite.~

>Well...can we help you, Ms...

~Coltsly, E. Coltsly, owner of Coltsly Security Solutions.~

The mare stood, approaching the four with an amiable smile.

~I understand you've been having a certain amount of issues with the royal guard.~

-Yeah, because you were eavesdropping.-

~Actually the eavesdropping only revealed that my intention to offer a new option isn't necessarily an original idea. Though little has changed for me, now I just have to dissuade you from taking two other inadvisable courses of action rather than just one.~

Spike's hand absentmindedly went for Charity, leading the robot to fix him with a stare.

=HEIGHTENED-=

~Primrose, volume to forty percent, please.~

=Heightened Fight Or Flight Impulses Detected In Dragon Designate: Spike.=

"Spike, don't."

Spike glared at the droid, lowering his hand.

-Smart for a tin can.-

~Aggression detection, one of many new features. Primrose here is one of Fawntaine Industries latest advances in robotics, custom made for the task of keeping the peace in a metropolitan area.~

=Protection Of Equestrian Citizens Is Top Priority.=

'Well that's all nice, but you can understand how we'd be hesitant to take you up on that offer.'

-Considering robots tried to take over the entire country!-

~Robots did not try to take over country, Mr. The Dragon, Prince Blueblood did. The robots under his command were merely tools with which he attempted to achieve his goals. As I understand it, the Prince has been released and now works as a servant in this castle, does he not?~

>What're you gettin' at?

~Is Equestria in the habit of forgiving its assailant but not their weapon? Even when that weapon has been reforged into a tool that asks only to be useful, just like the Prince? If you'll remember, Princesses, it was not Fawntaine that even built the robots that invaded Equestria in the first place.~

-No, you just supplied the metal.-

~Mr. Fawntaine's indiscretions are what informed the current head of our company, Ms. Pennydrop, that moving into legitimate business was the correct move. The goal of Fawntaine Industries is to move Equestria and the rest of the world into a time of order and peace.~

"You say that, but I remind you of what happened in Moscolt a few weeks ago."

~Ah...yes, that...~

-Setback?-

~Atrocity.~

A shift had come over the mare, a cold anger beneath her eyes.

~Moscolt was the perversion of our ideals by a group we were conned into believing had the best interests of Stalliongrad at heart. While certain fail-safes we implanted into our exported models kept them from actively targeting the Equestrian refugees that were in the city awaiting transport back to our country, the casualties on the side of Hooviet partisans and innocent civilians were unacceptable. Fawntaine is in the process of reacquiring and re-purposing the assets the Bullsheviks bought from us. With a full refund, of course, they will receive everything they are owed.~

"O...kay..."

In an instant, the amiable attitude was back.

~But our admitted bungling of foreign affairs does not change our willingness to assist at home. Primrose and the many others of his kind are the first step towards an Equestria policed by a truly efficient source, one that does not discriminate based on income, creed, or race, but on a simple basis of whether or not an individual has committed a crime."

>Ya understand that this is going to be a hard sell for the public, right?

~Sales figures on my end seem to disagree. But might I offer a compromise?~

>Ahm listenin'.

Coltsly patted at Primrose's casing.

~Take Primrose here as a free sample. Give him any orders you wish and watch his complete efficiency at any task. If you have any doubts to the status of the deal I'm certain Princess Sparkle is more than capable of rooting out any protocols you find unacceptable.~

>...

~Well?~

>...alrigh', we'll try him out, but if we ain't satisfied, ya'll'll know about it.

~All I ask. Primrose?~

=Input Orders.=

~Engage transfer of ownership protocol. New Master: The Equestrian Princesses.~

=Acknowledged.=

The robot trotted away from the suited mare to stand before the Princesses.

=Orders Required.=

>Er...

"Enter standby mode in that corner over there until otherwise ordered."

=Acknowledged. Engaging.=

~Thank you for your time, I'll leave you to your business.~

>Have a good'un.

~I already am.~

With a busness-like trot, she was gone.

-...so can I use it for target practice?-

>"'NO!'"

-Spoil sports.-

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cranky"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm in an interrupting mood! Now for our main guest...CRANKY!!!

"Pinkie, why did you make me-"

>It sure has been a while. Do you think the writers forget that donkeys exist?

"What are you babbling abou-"

>and that's all folks!

"Did you just want to waste my time?"

>No, I was wondering how was your night.
Cranky wakes up in bed with Matilda

"...pretty damn good."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Now if someone said "Let's make Chitania the captain!"


>"Oh look another invasion. CHARGE!"

"...Yeah, you got this."

"All on you, captain."

"Just gonna get comfortable."

"...Wow."

"Yep."

"Does she even notice we don't do anything?"

>"AHAH! WE DESTROYED THEM ALL WITHOUT A SINGLE CASUALTY ON OUR SIDE! Good work, soldiers!"

"...Gonna go with no."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________