a guest Feb 20th, 2019 62 Never
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- Seems i checked my email in good timing. (i check every 2-3 hours since admittedly, im a desperate person) If you dont have the longest attention span in the world, try to break this reading up so you can read it at high quality attention. (I know that sounds selfish and all, but i feel its really important to be able to effectivly absorb all this data). Be that as it may, you still seem to be a very unique individual, who voluntarily took interest in my plight, (and who also seems similar.) Ill admit i have some extreme ideas but i have actually thought about this for a long time, and i feel my reaction matches the situation. I was trying to be as unbiased as possible, and looked at my situation from a distant, rational viewpoint. After logically processing what possible options i had, i felt the plan i currently have is, incredibly, the most effective, AND appropriate action for me as an individual. Now, about who i seek vengeance on, let me give you the lowdown. In pre-K the teachers put me on time out and i cried and said am i going to be here forever? They ignored me. Sounds like a joke, but when your 4, its not really. from kindergarden to 3rd grade i was completely alone, and didnt know how to really engage (even in a negative way). Im not saying im the smoothest sailor in the world right now, but back then i TRULY was unable to really interact in any way without choking on my scrotum. Consequently, i was either ignored, or was talked meanly to, and some people didnt let me play, while others said im not there friend, and while that may seem childish to us adults, it traumatizes a 7-10 year old. So if given the oppurtunity to verify their locations, id gladly ruin their lives, but SLOWLY start with very small nuances, while gradually getting more and more extreme, as you get to know the "target", and can predict their reactions. (People tend to have a somewhat predictable pattern to the mind ONLY once you have had enough experiences with them). We also had 5th grade buddies, in kindergarden and they never played with me. Then i got a new buddy but she just made games that were designed for her to win and for me to just be a sitting duck. The other buddies also forced me to eat popcorn when i didnt want to. It sounds like a negligible problem but at that age, when your little, things like what im talking about in this email can really shape you. Now in 4th grade, i at first was playing basketball with a large group of people, until they all got mad at me for constantly fouling people, and while not DIRECTLY proven, i could more than tell that my supposed friendship with these nuts was down the rabbit hole. They took my reputation, joy, niche, "family", and hobby away from me. Now i want to take just as many precious things away from them, and make them mentally suffer. Again im more towards mental torture because while physical torture would feel great (at first) That usually only gives short term pleasure AND you are far more liable to get arrested. In 5th grade, AGAIN i found a group of younger kids because my peers wouldnt have it, and for a while it was going (5/10) Until they found out i was in special ed, and abandoned me. I wish to make them feel as they made me feel, by taking someone from them (again indirectly, so no killing unfortunatly, albeit that would give me the rush of joy...) Now, in middle school, i was at first playing butts up (retarded name i know but its where you throw a tennis ball at the wall, while the other person tgries to catch it, and if you touch it or miss the wall, you have to touch the wall before someone throws the ball at the wall. I was doing this game, but was being used by the other people and i put up with it sinc ei was so desperate, but they all started treating me like garbage, so i just gave up on them. I was alone a long time after until VERY GRADUALLY i started to become a target for acting out (due to stress), and it gradually became worse. They all called me mr donkey and i got furious and acted out, (because i didnt know HOW i should act), so i just snapped, like a switch went off. In 7th grade, this only got worse by everyone racing me to door because i always (when going to my next class) do an all out sprint to try to get their first, and others take shortcuts, or use teamwork to block me from the door, and i exploded each time. It may seem comidical in hindsight, but in the moment. It was true torture. Now do you see why i was so extreme in the previous email? This feeling of craving the act of inflicting mental trauma on others is a NATURAL REACTION, to what i went through. And it only gets worse. They still called me mr. donkey and all. Now, in 8th grade, I was still in a mad dash to the door, in AND out of class and the whole class ganged up on me all year, using teamwork, which tormenting me to death. You can see why i despise teamwork now...Again, NATURAL REACTION... They also tried saying they love me, and i screamed and ran away, again, i knew this was inappropriate, but it made me really uncomfortable, and i didnt know how to respond so i just exploded each time. They also said hi and i did it as well (since they said it in a "scary" way each time). They also always said, first to "so, and so, wins! And i went in a mad dash. Later in the year, people baited me into being racist to blacks, and all year people expected me to do what they wanted, and ii was scared theyd be mean to me (im super sensative) if i didnt do it, so everytime i saw a black, i would either scream, or yell something like, (this is extreme, but bare with me,) NIGGER! CRAWL IN THE FIELDS AND LICK THE COTTON!!! ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND DOG SHIT IS THAT THE SHIT EVENTUALLY TURNS WHITE AND STOPS SMELLING!!! ILL RIP THOSE FAT LIPS RIGHT OFF YOU!! KISS THE WHIP YOU EAST AFRICAN APE! STOP ROLLING IN THE MUD, AND BEING A MAGNET FOR SHIT, YOU FUCKING BLACK HOLE!!!!!!!!! Now, keep in mind these guys were tormenting me to, so in this case, it was justified. Later in the year, (Keep in mind all these new ways they are tormenting me stack with the old ones, so it becomes more and more of a nightmare), they assigned me things to say for certain equations they gave me. For example, if they said 5+4, i had to say, i fuck african retards. There were about 12 equations in total, and they kept switching what i had to say. I did it because i didnt know how else to react. Social drama stumped me. Still does. One last thing that happened in the last 2-3 months of the year (along with everything else), was that if someone told me "so and so" knew everything, i had to run up and slap thier backside relativly hard. Also, on april fools i was tense and agry and had anxiety due to all these social settings, and on saint patricks day, i went up to a girl i didnt like who wasnt wearing green, and i gave her a tiny pinch as hard as i could, then cheerfully said: Happy saint patricks day! On days with a sub, i took advantage of the innocent woman by pouncing on this oppurtunity, to let out my nervous energy, and anxiety by acting utterly insane in class. (even more than usual). People also had me go up to girls and ask them if they masturbate yet. They also alot of times had me pretend i was sucking a penis. Finally, lots of times people would tell me they were getting a drink, and since they had trained me to go psycho when they did that i utterly flipped out in class. They also used their finger to shoot me and i would fall dead in class. The teachers all say them racing to the door, shooting me, and giving me letters but they wouldnt help. Even the "normally nice" kids would tease me. Former aquantences (not friends though), turned on me constantly. I was suprised and hurt. One last thing they did both inside and outside of class was give me letters. For example, one of them said: Oh no! You read the restricted letter! Now a mountain lion will eat you alive! I then dropped to my knees and fell down, and squirmed while making all kinds of wailing noises. The teachers in class nor the students outside ever helped me. So as you can see, i seek pain to deliver to everyone in that school. It was much the same in highschool, (Even though it was a new set of people, the same tricks popped up) except the school psychologist gave me an accomodation to do pushups in class when i was over excited and nervous. Much like how i spent much of my time in 3rd grade in another room where i could act out with the aid, who was very easy going. On a field trip in my special ed class, i rubbed my snot on the teachers car, without her looking because i was housing much resentment. So of course everyone in highschool as well, including the adults in middle and highschool. I then became homeschooled in 11 grade. Those are the people in real life i seek vengeance on. I have a psychiatrist, and psychologist, but they think i should act normal, and im thinking: "what a joke..." So as for online people, there are a myriad of those who make fun of me, and shun me, but there are 3 instances that particularly haunt me, and where i WILL achieve vengeance someday, after much planning, and growing. The first case is with a girl name koraline. She looked intriguing, so i decided to give me my letter. She replied with, TLDR. Petrified, i though of a plan of action where i could pressure her into feeling humiliated that she didnt accept my letter. I kept contacting her on different social media, and one of her good friends threatened to call the police on me. Unmoved, i continued my rampage. I kept using trial and error, but met with so much resistance, and threats, i had a hard time navigating the situation. I eventually gave up, as every strategy i employed netted the same result. The other case is Nyan (IRL name: paul). We met on maplestory, and i was going around the world for weeks spamming L>LOVE I HAVE AUTISM AND AM DESPERATE! He made fun of me and turned everyone against me, even more than they were. I then saw him on a maplestory discord and let everyone know it was ME, and i got banned. I then stalked him relentlessly in maple, and after a month i was banned for 6th months. a few month later, i pm spammed him and harrased his online gf. He contacted discord but to no avail. i did this for a few weeks 6 hours per day usually. Finally, we have lewddolphin. He was into ff13, a game i really like. he mentioned in one of his streams that he was an introvert, and had lost faith in mankind. I left a comment on his youtube asking about that and telling him i felt the same. I waited a few days, but no reply. I then entered his stream and i said "Hi!" and he very unenthusiastically replied, "hi tom how are you"? I then brought up the topic i spoke with you about, and after a while, he got sick of it, and banned me. Now, i, being who i am, took offense to that, and made a mass supply of twitch alts in an attempt too make him give up. For days on end, hepersistantly continued to ban me, and said some nasty stuff about me whnen i wasnt there. And, well, from there, i just did what i told you about. Mass emailed him, facebook crap, twitter stalking, while making new alts, and even giving bad reports on his teacher ratings. I snuck into his discord, which i got banned from, and i currently have access to a server they think im banned from so i can spy on them what they have in the tom section. I wish them all true agony. I will prevail in my plight for justice. I hope you can join me.
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