Shigeru ran his fingers through his hair. He was anxious, impatient, irritated. It didn’t help that the television producers said that if there were no responses at the end of the day, they would cancel the whole show idea. Shigeru couldn’t take that. He was sure his idea for a reality game show was absolutely brilliant. Flawless. A masterpiece.
And so he made sure many posters were sent out, tons of adverts and more. Someone had to respond but he wasn’t getting anything. He didn’t get a single call or letter at all. “I don’t believe this! My concept is genius!” he spoke out loud to himself. Perhaps there was a mistake he’d overlooked? Was the form you’re required to fill out too tricky? He rushed to the computer and read it once more. “...No, no, the form’s fine...”
One of the workers at this TV Company entered Shigeru’s office with a sigh. “I don’t believe it but you finally got a response. I already read over it, still think it’s weird but well, damn the fact your grandfather’s famous, your show will be happening,” he informed the spikey-haired teenager, handing him the piece of paper. Shigeru accepted it with a grin. He loved his grandfather’s status, whatever it was. Shigeru never did pay enough attention to minor details like why the heck his grandfather was so famous that Shigeru could host his own show.
He read it over and kept repeating that this was perfect. Perfect for him. His show would be on the air after all! With only one response, he can only have one episode but maybe this episode will be such a hit that more people will sign up for it! Here’s hoping so.
Dear Shigeru Ookido!
I filled out the form after the show was suggested to me by a kind stranger who looks really good and would be a good match for my little brother who’s so very cute! He’s my beloved Tobari bro! <3 But yeah, the match up would be good except for the fact that my brother who is your age – isn’t that funny? Heehee. Anyway, the problem is that he won’t fall in love because he’s asexual. I don’t know what to do! He can’t fall in love if he’s an asexual!
And us Tobari bros are all about spreading the love! So I’m hoping your show will fix the one flaw my brother has. My mom never did explain why being asexual was a good thing. So I’m hoping my brother will learn to uh... I met a man who referred to it as lifting his discostick, I don’t understand! D: It reminds me of a Lady GaGa song!
Anyway, um um um form filled out below.
Anti-Asexual Activists!
The game show that can make anyone swing the romance way! Because Shigeru doesn’t believe that anyone can be asexual. Not after seeing how good looking he is! Have you seen him after a good ol’ shower? Wet hotness dripping off the body of a god. Yeah baby.
So what’s your name?
I’m Reiji, the older Tobari Bro! By the way, I didn’t know Shigeru-san had the body of the god. o:
Who are you entering for this show?
Shinji, the younger Tobari bro! Somebody told me he needs to lift his game. I think they were referring to Pokémon battles.
Why are you entering them in this show?
To stop that horrible asexuality that I don’t understand! =) Wait, what does it mean again?
What is so asexual about this person?
He is the only person in the family not to like the thought of Shirona-san in a swimsuit! Even my mommy likes it and I think that’s why she left dad when we were little. =(
What results would you like to get from the show?
Um, I want a soda pop. And Shinji can finally date and continue expanding the family tree so there can be Tobari babies! ^___^
Shigeru couldn’t help but wonder if this Reiji person was on sugar while filling out this form but no matter, he didn’t care, he finally had a contestant for his brilliant game show! People told him the concept was ridiculous, de-asexualising asexuals but Shigeru himself thought it was true and utter genius.
Where he got the inspiration for the show was amazing too. It was that very day when his sixth girlfriend that week confessed to him that she used to be asexual until she met him. It was inspirational. He realised that hey, he can make asexuals horny! Maybe a game show should be made with that concept in mind! And all those people who keep insisting they’re his best friend forever liked the idea – or maybe they were just saying that, he wasn’t quite sure – but who cares? The show can go on!
-
“You signed me up for WHAT?!” Shinji yelled out in shock. Reiji received a letter back saying that the show will be airing this Sunday and that Shinji couldn’t back out. He was absolutely fuming. Yes, he considered himself definitely asexual but now the fact he is one will be paraded all over TV in front of the world. And people will be trying to deny his sexuality too! “Why the hell would you do that?”
“Because I had a flashback to when daddy said that us as sons have to continue the legacy of our family! And have Tobari babies?” Reiji responded weakly. He wasn’t quite sure why he signed his brother up, now that he thought about it. Perhaps he was on sugar when the show idea came to his head. Also the fact he knew an asexual meant he could sign that asexual up against their will with pride.
“There’s two sons in the family, Reiji... You have to go have the... To...bari... babies...” Shinji wondered why Reiji had a thing of calling them the Tobari brothers and labelling everything as Tobari something. Especially since their family name wasn’t Tobari. It’s the name of the freaking city they live in!
Reiji put a finger to his lip. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Good going, jerk,” Shinji sighed. There were definitely those days where you wanted to chuck your brother off a cliff. There were those days indeed...
-
The TV studio was full of people, mostly those in the audience and the camera crew people and all that technical stuff that Shigeru forgot the names of and whatnot. It didn’t matter. Shigeru got everyone he needed. He got all the types of kinks and moe aspects required to bring a blush to any asexual’s cheeks. This Shinji person is going to get so unbelievably attracted to one of these people Shigeru’s brought in that nobody would have believed Shinji to have been asexual to begin with.
This is brilliant. Oh so brilliant.
“Good luck, bro!” Reiji gave his brother a quick hug before sitting in the studio audience. Shinji groaned, wishing he could shoot himself right there and then. Seriously, what was the point? He’s an asexual, nothing is going to turn him on and this Shigeru will look like a loser trying.
He also didn’t like his position on stage. It was on this bench and signs around it had arrows pointing to him and big bold text that said, ‘ASEXUAL’, ‘DOESN’T LIKE GIRLS’, ‘DOESN’T LIKE GUYS’, ‘DOESN’T LIKE ANYONE OR ANYTHING’, ‘SHOULD GET LAID’. Shinji sighed. These people have no idea what it means to be asexual. He felt like he was being ridiculed or something when really, it’s just the stupid idea of an egotistical teenage boy who obviously should never come up with ideas for game shows.
It’s like grabbing a lesbian and making her choose a man to date. It’s completely stupid. On the bright side, Shinji hadn’t been plonked in that ‘Paris Hilton’s New BFF’ show. If Reiji signed him up for that... oh, he would be so dead.
“Everyone, places! We’re going on the air!” the director yelled, as everyone rushed into position. Shinji could’ve fainted right then. On the air? Is this live? Oh my god, please no! That was all that was going through Shinji’s mind as lights were flicked on, blinding his eyes. Shigeru was onstage too and a whole group of giggly bikini girls surrounded Shinji. This must be the first attempt to turning him on.
But everyone should know by now that Shinji despises the swimsuit look. That’s why he lives in a beachless city, never goes swimming and doesn’t own a pair of swimming trunks. He couldn’t care less for the girls at all though he could see an audience member drooling already, the idiot. Oh snap, it’s Reiji.
Shigeru stared at Shinji for a moment. “That’s not working! Replace them with the male models!” he called out.
“We’re about to start filming!”
“It’s a quick change, just do it!” Only Shigeru could summon up some male models to the stage to replace the bikini girls on a mere whim. He wasn’t kidding when he managed to find every kind of kinky. Shinji rolled his eyes as shirtless men circled him, posing and doing whatever it is male models do. “Right, we’re ready!”
Shinji really wanted to shove one of the models away; he felt they were too close. Not in the way of ‘oh my god, he’s so hot, I feel like I’m going to faint having him so close to me’ but rather, ‘he smells too much like aftershave, get him away from me’.
The cameras began rolling and Shigeru turned on the show host charm instantly. “Hey there Shinou losers! Welcome to Anti-Asexual Activists, where we don’t believe that anyone can be not hormonal! I’m your host Shigeru Ookido, I’m the grandson of that dude who shares my last name but I don’t give a damn what he’s famous for! Somebody told me I look good in spandex today!” He turned to Shinji. “Hey you, think about me in spandex!”
“No.”
How quickly Shinji objected didn’t put Shigeru off, which only made him more irritating to the lavender haired boy. “Well, I guess we got a stubborn one here! This is Shinji from Tobari City who is so tired of being an asexual so we’re helping him out by finding his inner kink!” So. Not. True. But Shinji decided that no matter what he said, Shigeru would probably ignore him. “Now audience, chase him out of the room with your booing for not being attracted to the show host!”
“Is that my cue to leave?” Shinji asked hopefully amongst all the booing.
Shigeru continued with enthusiasm. “Now we’ll bring in the first kind of kink! Introducing Haruka!” Shinji tried to walk offstage but Shigeru yanked him back as a brunette girl in a bikini approached him. “Introducing the first kind of kink that always gets people raving!”
Shinji raised an eyebrow. “And that is?”
“A floating pair of chesticles!” Shigeru answered, pointing at Haruka’s chest. The male models all copied this action. “Look at them! Who wants to cop a feel?” The male models all cheered while Haruka glanced at her watch, wondering when this will be over with, as she had a date at eight.
Shinji’s left eye twitched. He watched as the deluded show host pulled Haruka over to him. Haruka started going bright red and began protesting as well. “Wait, you’re not going to actually-”
Shigeru kept a firm grip on Haruka and snatched Shinji’s arm with his free hand. He looked back and forth between Haruka’s chest and Shinji’s hand. Shigeru grinned at the camera. “Requesting a close-up here!”
“Wait, wha-” Shinji’s yell of shock got cut off as Shigeru made the connection. The audience all gasped and Haruka screamed while Shigeru exclaimed that Shinji couldn’t possibly be asexual after this. Shinji remained still. He didn’t bother taking his hand away; Shigeru had Shinji’s hand firmly planted on Haruka’s breast. He only had three words for this. “I. Hate. You.”
The brunette teenage show host pouted. “I see, I see. Step one has failed! Oh wait, is it because you dislike the swimsuit? Would you prefer groping Haruka if she were in something like a-”
“Am I going to get paid?” Haruka snapped.
Shigeru frowned. “Why should I pay you? You didn’t fulfil your task, which was to turn Shinji on with boob appeal. How can you possibly expect so much when you did so little? You should go on my friend Shuu’s show ‘You Need to Rethink Your Life’!” Only Shinji noticed the blatant plugging of that weird show of Shuu’s that only received ratings because Shuu appealed to fangirls.
“I’m not going on my boyfriend’s show!”