Avengers vs X-Men, jump #55: The Shopping Trip for More Life

Drawbacks: Continuity, Spider Splooge, Hopeful Kid, Cosmic Bounty, Break Point, Summers Time, Dark Phoenix (2000)

Rolled Wakanda

Mutant-Asgardian hybrid, age 21 (1400)

Marvellous Wit (Free)
Cross Over Civilian (Free)
Psi Shielding (Free)
PsionicsX5 (200)
Self-Control (100)
Import: Elodie, Grail (0)
-Elodie: Asgardian: Truth, Oshtur (200), Iron Fist (0)
-Grail: Asgardian: God-Butchery, Cthon (200), Iron Fist (0)
Treasures: She-Hulk, Valkyrie, Psylocke,

The news was broadcast across the world, on every Latverian channel. The Avengers reacted predictably. The X-Men had not issued a statement.

>As the Phoenix Force streaks towards earth, a single ray of blue hurtles across the north american subcontinent. Ripples of telekinetic force speed it's journey, portals flicker and disappear in it's wake, every now and then it disappears and reappears frantically as if the only reason it hasn't already apparated is the sheer urgency of it's goal. As the crimson beam destroys planet after planet in it's way, the blue streak alights near Alpha Flight's base. Near an on-site pub, specifically.

And all I could think of, hurtling forever across the face of the Earth, was that if there was even an infinitesimal chance that what was coming could be prevented-then I'd pay any price. Be prepared to take any consequence. Because I was so young, and cocksure, and worst of all old enough to think I could just cheat the consequences.

>"EUGENE JUDD. I AM AN INTERDIMENSIONAL ANOMALY, AND I NEED YOUR HELP TO PREVENT AN IMMINENT CRISIS"
>"Damn, is it Tuesday already?"
>"YOU ARE AN IDEAL CONDUIT FOR A UNIQUE FORCE THAT I WIELD. TOGETHER, WE CAN PREVENT INSANITY AND DEATH ON A GLOBAL SCALE"
>"Fuck it, I'm drunk. What do you need?"
>"TO PICK YOU UP"

I can see myself picking up the issue of AVX: VS issue #6, where Squirrel Girl and Pixie are doing kid things with toys. The Thing walks in, and realises those toys are made of Puppet Master's mind control clay.

>In an otherwise unremarkable Avengers base, a message calls Ben Grimm to a Richards family meeting.

And there. There's the kicker (I tell myself as the swearing man in my arms has to be carried slow enough he doesn't burn up on impact)
The toys look like the X-Men and Avengers.
And the issue happens /a day before the main conflict of Avengers vs X-Men properly starts/

So even as my companions yelled for explainations a million miles away, I knew there was no time to waste. From Wakanda, to Alpha Flight, to America, There were too many defenses in an Avengers headquarters to handle in a short period of time, not least of all the Avengers living there-but with Eliatrope portals, I could bypass most of the regular kinds of forcefields. With apparation, I could find an ideal vantage point for both projectile firing and escape. With the additional telekinetic and interdimensional powers coursing through me, I could aim through vectors normally inaccessible to Hawkeye.

But the true key to avoiding one of Earth-616's biggest conflicts, was because of my advanced midgetkinesis.

>Squirrel Girl and Pixie are about to play
>Suddenly, Eugene Judd crashed through the ceiling, through the floor, up through the floor again and out a window, smashing apart the table in the process
>Squirrel Girl and Pixie look sadly for their missing toys, surprised they can't seem to find them
>As if a mysterious force that controlled midgets had been resonating within them and carried them away with the unidentified manlet object

And then, I kept those mind control toys in a bucket of ice water, and very VERY far away from each other.

And everything should have worked out just fine.

***

It didn't.

>"Breaking news! Mutant riots in New York follow counter-mutant riots in Texas!"
>"Avengers issue official statement: Mutantkind has to be registered, effective tomorrow!"
>"Scott Summer issues official statement on behalf of the X-Men, in an address to mutants persecuted by the reactionary violence following an attack on an Avengers outpost: "JEAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

The televisions is turned off. I've been in a Latverian registration centre for half an hour. I've been filling out the appropriate forms for my holiday leave; secure as it is from most global and cosmic conflicts Latveria has very strict paperwork. I am trying to remember which stage of depression comes after screaming FUCKING WHY at the uncaring blue sky for a while. As I finish, a man in grey armor and a green cloak approaches me, seemingly unnoticed by the staff and citizens. I am unable to tell if he is using magic, science or simple intimidation to avoid the usual bowing and scraping.

My pen trembles, and not from fear. The muscles in the hand that hold it are coming undone. My head's swooning, I need to look the man talking to me in the eye and it feels like my face is ready to give up the ghost.

"You may have endangered international relations, thus thwarting some of my best kept plans" said Victor Von Doom, not bothering to conceal his voice. Or possibly creating some sort of forcefield around us. "And all to...inflict some property damage? Annoy the Avengers? Why?"

"It won't happen again"

"Answer the question and hear DOOM'S judgement. Avoid it, and know his wrath"

"I saw a war coming that didn't make any sense. One where every active participant escalated beyond all sense and reason. I found" I have to stop for a breath here "a shatterpoint, and I stopped it"

"Hmm. DOOM is aware of your...undisclosed capabilities, but has tolerated your citizenship as a gesture of Latverian hospitality". And as a potential asset against the Avengers, neither of us bothers to add. "Would you test your host with such recklessness?"

"I've lived here a decade. Have I done so? Would I do so without good, certain reasons? And besides, it-it didn't work. I thought it was so simple". I throw him one of the toys, the one shaped like Reed Richards. "These are Puppet Master's. I thought they were the only reasons things got out of hand. Now, they're...still getting out of hand, just slower. I didn't want this"

"Such naivete"

"Nah, I'm just ignorant. I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what?" he said. Now, the glowing sensors on his chest and wrist-I am almost certain they are there to detect any sign of dishonesty from me. "DOOM has done worse for lesser reasons. Do us both a favor and do not pretend yourself unaware of DOOM'S mighty proclivities. DOOM simply has a mandate, now that you have involved yourself. You are to be the first Latverian astronaut to pilot a faster than light vehicle in a week's time"

Several things went through my head at that point. Panic. Paranoia. Agitation. And as I worked the angles, the intellect I'd bought-relief. A potential solution. One I had to misrepresent at all costs lest it be exploited.

"That's-going to get a lot of bad press"

"The vehicle will launch at four in the morning, while the world is still confused. It will investigate the Phoenix Force anomaly. It will bring great glory and prestige to the nation"

"Huh. This is going down as the weirdest agricultural bureaucrat job in my diary"

He stared me down. He got in my face. I looked back and thought about England. "Such irreverence. Choose your words wisely, lest DOOM feel you mock the gravity of your situation"

"Hey, I like my job here. I like the peace, the separation from the world outside. I'm not going to jeopardize that over a little space exploration"

The mask frowned. He nodded "As expected of a loyal and dutiful son of Latveria" he said in a way that somehow managed to communicate "Are you fucking shitting me?", before turning on his heel and storming off. I was left alone in the centre, noticing at last the careful stares and steps as people amde sure not to get in Doom's way as he bust through a wall on the way out, exactly size inches away from the door.

If I listened closely, I could hear my stomach acid vaporising and melting through its protective lining.

***

Back at the commune, I was making hare stew with a beetroot garnish, with an onion soup and nettle salad on the side. The meal was heart, the fire crackled with the chatter of companions as I raised my glass and tapped it with my spoon to make an announcement: "Guys, don't panic but I'm dying". After the cold, dreaful certainty had set in I simply couldn't think of a better way to break the news-but in any case, there was a way out. It just counted on everyone being misdirected at just the right junctures.

"WHAT?!" screeched most of them.

"Holy shit, Anon's right!" screeched Gar, who could see into the future. "His psychic powers are so powerful, they're going to disintegrate him soon! It's a miracle he's lived this long, his history here must have been subconsciously suppressing them just to live longer than 19 years!"

"Holy shit, Anon's right!" shrieked Hel, who had the divine right to rule souls beyond death and from it forge world trees. "That creepy woman in the cloak's hiding in the cupboard! She's saying something about how he's going to crumble and disappear into light!"

I waved a fork airily. "It's cool guys, I've got this". I did not have this. But a good leader always pretends until he does.

"NO YOU DON'T! WE NEED TO FIND A WIZARD!" came the retort.

"And do what, drink a healing potion for psionic disintegration? No, I've strained my precognition and divine senses, and if I'm going to save myself from an untimely demise the cure must AT LEAST be as insane as the ailment. And that's why I'm going to let Dr. Doom put me into a rocket, and fire me at the Phoenix Force. Hair of the dog, and all that shit"

They stared at me in the uncomfortable silence of people who expected me to disappear into a portal the next day.

***

They were wrong. I went out and put on the Latverian national astronaut uniform, ran through a series of chests, gave a thumb up to Ethelinda (who was normally a shepherd) and Tomas (who was normally the son of a shepherd) in mission control. The rocket was a sleak, silvery-grey affair with green thins and glowing lines that somehow managed to communicate the idea of Doom's costume into an exploratory vessel.

I strapped myself into the rocket and waited for the thrum of engines. It was only then one of the monitors turned on, and I found Doom addressing me again. "Last night, your proportionate mass increased to more than an elephant's, decreased three times in quick succession, and then after an hour returned to human mass. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Only that the guidance of Doom is the strength of the nation and the heart of the working man" I answered smartly, having memorised the latest propaganda booklets.

"Your flippancy avails you not. I know"

"You know?"

"I know your know"

"About the thing"

"Yes, that thing. You know"

"I know the thing"

"Yes, I know"

"I know you know I know the thing"

"Enough prevarication. I drove Wanda Maximoff insane, yes. I am responsible for M-day. I don't know how, but I know you have an insight into this events based on information collected by a series of exchanges in which you apparently underestimated Doom's sensor technology"

I smiled politely. "Oh, so this is an execution then"

The monitor flashed green. I don't know why I was surprised Dr. Doom would program his monitors to express frustration. "Yes. And yet, no. Doom remembers more than you presume. A record kept in an extradimensional nexus states clearly that there are two missing male boarders in your residence, and two extra female ones. It also provides a profile of your capabilities and extradimensional energies, which were FAR less impressive than what I have gleaned. In either that record or the present one, I have gleaned little-but enough to note a difference. Which means either my equipment is faulty...or you have invested extremes of effort and skill into concealment spells"

"And yet" he said, more screens flickering on to reveal Doom's visage "And yet...you remain perfectly calm, even serene. Facing DOOM with none of your artifacts of power or resources. Do not think Doom has not noticed your exchanges all take place at a very specific sensor"

"What do you mean, and yet no?" I asked.

"Because I am not a fool. Because right at this moment, as your companions beg Doom's lenience, my sensors indicate you are still on Earth in three separate coordinates. My sensors can see SOULS. So no, Doom does not think this is an execution so much as a little test of your capabilities-and an opportunity to secure his kingdom. You value your life in Latveria"

"Yes"

"You hold intentions towards the Phoenix Force. Do not lie to Doom"

"Yes"

"I surmise your goals will protect Latveria from an imminent crisis. I think that it is folly to toy with such fundamental forces while you are in the process of dying, but one way or another you will resolve the issue of your own initiative. Once you have done this, I will be happy to welcome you back as a hero of Latveria. Or commemorated as such"

"And you expect me to trust a man who's sent me at a universal force of creation and destruction?"

"You have lived here for ten years, before your most recent dimensional disruption. You know I am a man of my word, and that I didn't need to negotiate like this at all. We may discuss more...lenient terms for your residence upon your return"

I sat back as the screen turned off, and the cheery orange glow of a bird-shaped mass of energy loomed outside the windows. I smiled. He wasn't even wrong. I toyed with the throbbing, pulsing thing that hung around my neck on chains of blessed silver marked with runes that spilled onto it's surface. I smiled. The Phoenix was close enough my skin was starting to smoulder. I smiled, and smiled, as it came peeling off me in wisps to reveal the metal endoskeleton beneath.


***


"I really owe Tomas one" I admitted as somewhere else at this very moment, I was following with Elodie at a safe distance in my own spacefaring vessel. Owning an old republic-era starfighter was an asset on a planet which, while surprisingly advanced, had most of that advancement confined to a few sanctioned labs and supervillains. Having a co-pilot who was a powerful illusionist was an even bigger asset.

"You really do" she agreed, gently slowing down as right on cue the avian radiance started to shrink and dim, pulled down as if by a vacuum towards a single point. "I always wondered where old, broken down doombots go. Stands to reason Doom wouldn't even let his junk end up somewhere someone else could get his hands on it. Even someone with your little scrap-metal trick would've taken ages to get one up and going"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's one upside of these-you know" I said, stretching out uncomfortably, "Maybe I'm not too ambitious, but I don't think linking memories aross the multiverse or dragging the Astral Plane along with me would help right now. But. Reality warping your own brain to be smarter, why don't more people do that eh? You'd think, ahaha, think, I'm babbling"

I coughed violently. Spat astral energy.

Not long now.

Elodie gulped, and wordlessly dabbed at the spillover with a tissue. "A-anyway so, Tomas lets you in all night with that garage full of broken Doombots yeah? And you finangle one out of enough working parts, and you put part of your soul on it in a magical way that makes it basically a YOUbot. You do more things to it with lyrium runes so it's resonance lets it fool Doom's technology, and you arm it with a sword carved from your ribs that makes the most implausible outcome materialise. And a refined chunk of your heart fashioned in the image of Ymir's, cursed to reintegrate and absorb aspects of reality. With you so far"

"That's the plan, yeah" I said, gently slumping over in my seat.

"How is any of this going to stop you from dying?!" Elodie demanded.

"I'm working on it" I groaned. My stomach hurt.

"HOW are you even dying? You have amazing powers! Fix yourself!"

"That's just it" I mumbled. "The powers, they're-a little TOO good. I think I've figured it out. Everything I do uses astral energy, or turns me into astral energy a little more right? Well, it's a kind of psionic oxidation. I'm turning into astral energy faster than my ego can either maintain cohesion or stabilise me into a more inert form of matter"

"And the Benefactor just-let you take this? WHY did you take this?!"

I stared at the controls. "I just..."

"You just what?! You said Thor's powers were on offer! Scarlet Witch's! Doctor Strange's!"

"Fuck man, I just wanted the one power I could fix everything with if my hunch didn't work out. And it hasn't" I whispered. Elodie didn't say anything, but put a hand on my shoulder. She looked like she wanted to say a lot more things, but had just started to realise pushing her way onto what was supposed to be a one-man mission left her amidst stakes too high to ignore any longer.

A gentle warmth suffused me. Not the grand blaze of the approaching cosmic fire, but a soothing breeze. Elodie looked at me, and for the first time I locked eyes with someone who looked as helpless to stop events out of their control as I felt. She spluttered, wrung her hands and finally said "Is this doing anything?"

"I think my lungs aren't melting quite as quickly. Thank you". Space had become as bright as high noon, the heat reaching through the window.

"That's great. I'm glad I got Charlotte to show me how to heal". A rolling shockwave of force heralded the approach of something the entire universe bent before. "I just, maybe you know, I wish you'd bought me something that would let me fix. You". I smiled bitterly, and tiredly. The shakes weren't as bad, and not just because of the healing in my veins.

Then there was a gentle tapping at the window, and I saw myself emanating the Phoenix Force. Well, it was me more or less. The chips of Doombot gears flaking away at the cheeks and hands was a giveaway. (Can you tank space? Best if you get out here and re-integrate as quickly as possible!) Space-me said by telepathy.

"Damn right, don't you go anywhere" I said, preparing to open a portal.

"Holy shit. I know you told me you built a robot clone of yourself, but seeing's way different from believing"

"More importantly, Marvel clones inevitably go insane, try to kill you and steal your life, or both, and as something quite like a clone but not exactly we'd both like to get this over with before one of us gets the wrong idea"

(Damn right. There's no future in being a split soul, so let's get this done before I change my mind) agreed Doombot-me.

The chill bit me, and I felt the grip of the vacuum even as I reached out. My fingertips brush robot ones. There was a flash of light that sent my spaceships reeling and echoed across the stars, and-we were one.

"I love the outfit change, but can you maybe tone down the brightness?!" yelled Elodie over the rush of cosmic energies from my merger.

"Uh, the outfit wasn't my idea" I admitted looked down at the formfitting red and gold garment "but now that I think about it-maybe you can help with this part. I need you to think about March 1957, real hard"

"Er, March 1957?"

"Yeah, anything to do with the year, the era, the date. Gimme something to work with, the Astral Plane's flexible but you can't get something from nobody's mind"

"Wait, why do you need to know this date?"

"Well...don't panic, but there's a small chance what I did will make me die faster"

"WHAT"

"OKAY, okay I'm not quite sure but the Phoenix is a force of rebirth AND destruction right? And it makes mutant powers strong? What I'm saying is, I don't know if the sudden fever and high is me getting BETTER or about to explode. But there's a certain time and place I can pick up something to even the odds. Listen, I've been right about the terrain and the general layout even if I didn't stop everyone from going tooth and nail right? Trust me a little more?"

"Huh. I'll, I'll do my best!"

And she did. And it was perfect-all that projection and illusion training with her native style of magic gave me the opening I need. The cosmic flames coursing through my very powers, I slipped into a planck length and drew it around the ship and it's pilot. That was the easy part. The HARD part was then factoring in the planet's rotation, the quantum entanglement and the loss of inertia needed to go from near where Mars was to a nameless lab somewhere. Ah. A little too far behind. A jump forward, and-no, a little too far ahead. Back, then. There we were.

There was a drug addict prowling the premesis, but with a quick illusion from Elodie he was off on his way again chasing an enticing brown bag. Nobody was around to see the portal between the hand and the street, or the hand reaching through it.

"Well. There it is. There's my cure" I said, fondly. "Ain't that a beauty? All this time and it turns out the only difference between the world's most powerful super and some bum on the street, is being at the right place to raid the right lab"

"You seem...unusually calm for someone who was just on the verge of dying" said Elodie slowly.

"Ah. Yes well, you see taking this serum with unresolved mental issues can have...inconvenient consequences"

"Oh no. Where is this going?"

"Those Doombots are marvelous you know, preprogramed somatic gestures-the last thing I preprogrammed mine with was a psionic pattern to turn off any part of my brain that produces negative emotion. Not constantly, of course! Periodically. Briefly, right when say-I'm about to raise a bottle to my lips. Or argue with a man in a mask"

Elodie stood there, brow knitted in concentration. "I...can we talk about this? I mean that's BETTER than just lobotimising yourself, but. It still sounds a lot like you're poking fundamental parts of yourself with forces you don't fully understand. Which are slowly killing you"

"Not to put too fine a point on it, but I AM dying and stuff..."

"...right. Yeah, that's. Sorry"

I raised the glass to my lips. I smiled again. I poured it down my throat. I felt the power of a million exploding suns grace my stomach, ricochet out of every nerve in my body, scour the alleyway with noonday sun and knew at once I could do anything, BE anything, go anywhere, take everything-

-except, apparently, the concern from my young sidekick's eyes. "It's going to be fine now. See? Not dying anymore. It's gonna take a little more to bring me down now more than one cosmic energy's propping me up, and they're both feeling the brunt of the Phoenix making them adapt to survive."

"Not dying anymore, right. That's a GOOD thing" she agreed. I smiled. I was happy she agreed.

"So, and I'm sorry if I'm overthinking it but I'll never have any peace as long as I'm stuck on this-just so we're clear, you didn't buy a power that you knew would slowly kill you. To prove to yourself you could beat impossible odds like the ones in Ravenloft. And you haven't been using a telepathic power to emotionally numb yourself to avoid dealing with survivor's guilt right?"

I smiled-
-no. No, you couldn't call what was on my face a smile then. It didn't have the right-everything was FINE. Everything was supposed to be FINE, now that the power of creation flowed through my veins and my mind could reach out to warp the world and the only limits were the ones my searing will believed in.
I was fine.
I had to be.

So I said "Right! Right, I'm fine-more than fine! I'm not some crazy arrogant hero or anything, I'm going to take it easy and make sure I'm stable not just jump into the fray and get pounded by the Avengers and the X-men and the Skrulls coming for me! Maybe I'll do some eco-repair work, poop out renewable energy, increase agriculture yields with my cosmic energy. That sort of thing!"

"Alright. That's, that's great to hear!" said Elodie, clapping her hands together. "Because I mean geeze, that other guy turns into a shadow monster and he just had schizophrenia, I can't imagine what kind of unholy terrors it would bring out in someone tampering with their own psyche using psionic energy!"

"I KNOW RIGHT?! EXCELSIOR!!!" I roared, dramatically posing with my fist to the sky.

After an awkward silence, I noticed there was one more full dose left in the apparatus I'd stolen. Elodie was wistfully eying it, as if caution and moritified amazement were warring with the natural inclination of anyone who'd just seen someone turn into a superhero by drinking a formula. I guess Scout had to come from somewhere.

"Hey" I said gently, "hey, if I'm doing Golden Age shit from now on. I'm gonna need a sidekick, you feel me?"

"I-wow. I don't know, this is way beyond great responsibility"

"C'mon! There's probably like, Time Cops watching us, you wanna regret never figuring out whether your ideal self glows gold or pink?"

And as it turns out, Sentry!Elodie does glow pink.


***

I was almost stabilised. I needed something-more malleable to ensure no cosmic event would destabilise what was within me. We had one last stop to make: The centre of the universe, and the purest nexus of creation's primal light. It was in Hewlett Harbour, Long Island.

"I have brought" said Azura pompouly "the original tapestry depicting one of Idunn's apples of immortality. Said to be the treasure of the so-called Asgardian deities. What kind of deity needs an apple a day to keep mortality away?"

"A health conscious one?" suggested Blaize, shifting restlessly. "So Gar kind of jedi mind tricked everyone at a museum to look the other way while I borrowed a security guard uniform and made off with the whole Scroll of Thoth replica. Hope that does it"

"I couldn't even find an expo for the-the fancy hindu god cup" admitted Aqua "so I just borrowed this Hindu mythology book from the library. Hope this helps?"

"Perfect! You've all done great!". And my companions watched as I put everything on the scrap-buggy I'd kitbashed together out of a junkyard on the way and prepared to open the door. It was glorious. It was the touch of spring's first dawn after a grim winter, and the floodlights of Hollywood. It was what the Sun could be if people could stare at it without going blind. It was light, and life, and creation. It threw us all back, and even with the forces within me it was like walking into an incredible gale.

I drove into the light. There was peace and wholeness of a quality I hadn't felt in weeks. Also the scratching of a pencil for some reason. Gently, each record of information transformed with minimal mystic energy into the actual artifacts they represented. It was like being in a dream, the ritualistic pouring and squeezing of reagents in potentiality so brilliant I couldn't help but feel how petty the reason I was trying to become the God of Gods was.

I took a last look at the house. It was truly a beautiful place. And then I left it, felt the night wind on my face, found the pavement beneath my feet in what felt like an instant compared to the strain of walking into the house, and almost missed all my companions trying to tackle Deadpool out of the way and failing as he got in my face and pulled the trigger.

The last thing I heard before everything went black, was Deadpool saying "The things I do for love. No hard feelings buddy, we'll have some good times in the future but the missus has me on contract!"

The last thing I SAW, was Blaize throwing the pokeball that held my second 'norted Doombot who was jumping out already swinging a frying pan.

***

Oh. It's dark. I think I see stars in the distance.

Of all the things I expected from death, I didn't foresee the slow version of one of those falling dreams.

***

Well, this isn't so bad.

***

"Well, there you have it" said Death, sitting in her throne. "I had to check to be sure, but it seems you really aren't one of mine"

"Huh. I feel I should be more upset but...honestly I'm surprisingly relaxed the inevitable has come to pass"

There was someone else sitting in a chair next to her. It was me. With everything hidden in shadow and glowing red eyes. "I told you. I told you, I'd work everything out and become what I was meant to be. Heh, you really thought you could just get rid of all the bad vibes with a psychic lobotomy kiddo? I'm hurt. I'm gonna have to have it out with you when I'm good and ready. You never thought messing with the astral plane, it might just...transform and escape to a jump you haven't been to yet?"

"My own evil clone, after all. I guess it was inevitable, the way life's been lately. What's your excuse?" I said.

"My excuse? My EXCUSE is that even if I'm weak. Even if I'm made of doubt and despair and guilt. I dared to become everything we're meant to be!" he shouted, suddenly angry. "You're here, sitting on your ass playing side character, when NYARLATHOTEP IS STILL OUT THERE and I'm here working out! Getting it done!! Becoming an aspect of Oblivion, so we can end this nightmare forever!!!"

"This audience is over" said Death, to him.

"Say that to my face like you can do something about it, I dare you. Whatever. I've seen enough" said Asshole Void Me, getting up and stretching. With a flick of his wrist, a dark scar into the yawning void appeared before him. As he walked into it, he added "You're right about one thing, you waste of psionic potential. I...am...inevitable". I glared at him, trying to put what he said out of mind. Dopplegangers always bullshit you, right?

She doesn't quite smile, but she tilts her head in a way that seems as if she's trying hard not to. "Ha. Did you see that? You somehow thought you could come into HIS house, and not have him build through your hands"

"Look, he's a dumb twat and I'm a dead man. I've seen what heroes do in this world. I don't want any part of it. So if this is how it ends, I guess things could be worse"

"You dread your destiny. You run from it. And yet, it still awaits"

"I'll fight it, then. When this-if some bullshit brings me back, I'll dig my heels in and not let go. Why are you even here? I don't think most people see the bone woman, and I'm damn sure I wasn't horny when your boyfriend sent me here"

She shifts. It's very quick, the play of light and shadows changes and suddenly I am staring at a goth woman wearing what looks like it was made by a leatherworker trying to make a bikini. "To make a point. Your destiny's what you make of it. Did I ever say that upstart was your destiny? The gift you've been given, to transition your nature as easily as you transition between dimensions while retaining absolution of self-you can't begin to imagine the events it can set in motion. And...to ask that you think kindly on those of us who are shackled to their natures. You see, you aren't dying. You're becoming one with the Phoenix Force through the necessary cruicible of rebirth"

***

I awoke deified in ways I hadn't expected. Experimentally, I flexed and peered at the Council of Godheads; there was something different about the nature of my powers even if they operated on the approximate scale I'd hoped for, and it took noticing how they didn't seem to see me peering at them to realise while no more powerful it was as if I was shaping them through the lens of a different perspective.

Deadpool was thrown in the trash, with every limb broken, surrendering, and declaring he was quite happy to be in the trash now his client had apparently withdrawn her powers to signify her contentment with the contract. We wordlessly decided to leave him there without caring whether he got compacted or not.

***

Not a day later, I was farming in Latveria again. The scent of ripened garlic around me, the weight of the basketfull of apples, the sigh of wheat in the wind in the distance-these were some of my favourite things. Well, that and the news outlet confusion over the alleged Phoenix force suddenly no longer being an imminent threat to civilisation. People had bought me a round of free drinks here in Latveria, but officially I was just a successful astronaut and had nothing to do with the flashes of gold and pink sometimes seen over the horizon terraforming deserts and preventing natural disasters.

As I headed home to drop off the pumpkins at the depot, a Doombot approached me.

"Bob Reynolds just left a convention on drug addiction recovery" it said bluntly.

"Good for him" I said.

"Another alteration to the timeline"

"Some good samaritan must've led him into one of the few '50s shelters that didn't leave you worse off than you entered"

"Indeed"

"I'm going to be upfront here. Is this the part where you haul me up to the dissection table and carve out my liver?"

"You amuse Doom. Not least because without the hero known as the Sentry's protection Richards has suffered several...accidents he is still trying to figure out. Bah, Richards. I am sure you are aware I will study and harness the nature of your powers in private but to be blunt, it is a long term project even for Doom. Enjoy your life here, citizen. Latveria protects it's own"

And with that, the Doombot flew off as I headed home for the day. Above us, a flash of pink caught a falling airliner and gently guided it towards the ground.

>FIN