Thread 100: Stories 76-90

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 >Celestia
"Past Celestia"
~~~~

"...Oh my..."

>Wait, how far back are you?

"I don't know, what would be a good indicator- IS THAT APPLEJACK WITH WINGS!?"

>..........

"Why are you staring at me like-"

>DON'T DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!

"Won't that wipe you out of existence-"

>WORTH IT!

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>Past Chrysalis
"Lavan"

>Okay, weird flaming face.

"Hi, I'm Lavan."

>Hi, I know, I'm mocking you.

"Yay."

>Riddle me this, why in the holy high hell is future me even associating with you?

"Oh! ...no clue!"

>Come on, there's got to be something. Some irresistable power I can leech off or something...I'm obviously not with you for your personality.

"You misunderstand, we aren't friends-"

>I'll say.

"-yet!"

>...do what now?

"We have had absolutely no interaction as of yet, which is a shame because she is my best friend."

>I don't...what!?

"Allow me to explain: Time is weird."

>Riiight...well as long as I don't waste a perfectly good monologue on you, I'm content.

"I will remember to tell you that the next time we meet for the first time."

>...my brain hurts.

"If mine had materialized, I'm sure mine would too!"

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
{Rarity}
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and I make sure the thread doesn't drop!

A hatch opens.
[At last. The ladder comes to an end.]

'Finally, if this was the real world, I think I would have lost 20 pounds while carrying TBDRLIATU.'

"Whoa, Rarity made your bathroom super luxurious."
The bathroom is as large as a hanger, full of statues, large bathtubs, a hot spring, Sauna, and Jacuzzi.

>...Actually she didn't do anything to my bathroom. Huh...I guess she likes it.

Rarity and Appledoll, pokes their heads out of a hot tub. Pinkie notices Rarity's coat is white.
{That I do darling. You have exquisite taste...}
She smiles and gingerly brushes some of Appledoll's wet mane off her face.
{...too bad you haven't been very good to our friends lately have you?}
Appledoll puts her hat on and gets out of the tub.

>You hijacked my sex dolls. That's not nice. You don't mess with another mare's toys without permission! Oh and I want Rarity back to normal.

{Oh, I'm afraid I can't-}

[LUNAR SMASH]
Luna dive bombs with a hammer, but Appledoll jumps up and counters with a high kick sending Luna splashing into a nearby tub.

{...do that.}
She chuckles to herself.
{You see, I rather like the new me. It's so...liberating and I do enjoy experiencing the spotlight for myself. You should be supportive like Applejack here.}
The hoof that Appledoll used to kick Luna shatters.
{What?!}

Luna gets out of the tub and shakes off the water.
[That was just what I needed. I feel cleaner already...now where was I?]

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 >18
"Past 18"
~~~~

>Wait, how far back are you?

"...Why do you look like a girl!? Do you want to get killed or something!?"

>....woooooooowwww...

"No, seriously, do you-"

>Sssshhhh shhh shhh shhhhh... shush.

"..."

>...This is my friend, and I would like you to meet him.

RAWWWGGGGG!

"IS THAT A GIANT LIVING PAPER THING!?"

>Don't you know he is my very best frieeeennnndddd...

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>SA
"Past SA"
~~~

>Oh, hey, you at least look pretty close.

"You reached Nightmare Night yet?"

>Well after that.

"So, future me... do we-"

>No.

"REALLY!?"

>Really.

"I'm MARRIED! Why is this so rare!?"

>I'm starting to think all those jokes everyone made were not, in fact, jokes. They were telling the truth, and they were just laughing at us for being naive.

"Bullshit! We've walked in on Mom and Dad so many times!"

>Maybe you have to unlock it with one successful kid? It's like a powerup that you get as an achievement?"

"That makes a disturbing amount of sense."

>I'm sad that I agree with you that it does...

"...So, uh, is the 18 situation-"

>Steadily improving, the REAL weird situation is with 42.

"WHAT!?"

>Not what you think.

"Oh, phew... don't scare me like that dude."

>Couldn't resist.

"But when you say 'improving'..."

>...Not quite that much.

"DAMN IT!"

>Uh-

"Oh no, don't give me that, Cadence said we could MARRY HER if we wanted, and she is pretty damn attractive. Come on."

>...Point.

"...sooo-"

>I'll call it a work in progress.

"As long as the only progress not working is 'this hoof', I'll take it."

>...

"..."

>...we're pretty sad.

"NO SHIT!"

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>SA
"AJ"
'Spike'
[???]
{???}
~~~

>You know the sad part is, I can't say I'm surprised.

"Me neither. Though Ah'm not so much findin' it sad as Ah' am likin' it."

'Hey guys, what're we looking at-whoa... uh, we going to step in there?'

"Nope. Just enjoy the show."

[YOU SKANK!]

{UGLY TROLLOP!}

[ASSLESS BITCH!]

{YOU HAVE THE SAME SIZE ASS AS I DO!}

[NUH UH! MINES BIGGER!]

{IT IS NOT!}

[LIKE YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THROUGH YOUR WHORE MASCARA!]

{YOU TAKE THAT BACK!}

'...not that I'm complaining, but why is Rarity trying to scrape out Rarity's eyes?'

"Ya' know, we don't know. They were discussin' fashion a second ago and now they're tryin' ta' kill each other."

>We just blinked and this suddenly happened.

'...huh...'

[TWO BIT WANNABE!]

{WANNA BE!? YOU WISH YOU COULD EVEN WANNA BE ME! YOU'RE NOT WORTHY TO WANT TO BE ME!}

[YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WORTH IF YOU GOT PAID FOR IT!]

{OH THAT IS IT!}

'...Which one is the past or future?'

>...

"..."

'...Huh.'

[{GRAAHHHHHH!}]

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>JJ
"PJJ"
[Acty]
{PActy}
~~~

>...WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE!

"What!?"

>What if we, you and me... what if we BOTH JUGGLED!?

"As in, you juggle, then if you drop them-"

>I catch them and we keep juggling!

"That is just crazy enough... TO KILL SOMEBODY!"

>...

"LET'S DO IT!'

>DADA DADAADADA- whoop! Fucking-

"NO! KEEP GOING! DA DA-"

>"DADADADAA DA DA DADADA-......FFFFFUCKING HOLES!"

[That sounds so weird in stereo.]

{Even weirder that somehow, they synced up the holes...}

[Well JJ is good at lining up holes.]

{Especially when balls are involved.}

[You guys wanna go again?]

>...No.

"Nahhh."

{Sigh. Always so short with these guys.}

>I'm gonna take a nap.

[Yep, that sounds about right.]

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>Mane-Iac
"PMane-Iac"
~~~~

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHH!"

>"AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

>....

"..."

>...Okay! So with that out of the way.

"Had to keep up with tradition."

>I know, I know.

"But spill! Anything interesting happen?"

>I FOUGHT A GIANT MONSTER!

"AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

>Also, we went out on a night with Poindexter. It's nice.

"Neat!"

>...Wanna mane wrestle?

"DO YOU EVEN NEED TO ASK!?"

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 >Jetset
"PJetset"
~~~

>...

"...I'm noticing something wrong."

>Training has recently increased dramatically.

"Necessary?"

>Around the second time Seven got the better of us, I decided things needed to change.

"...s-seven? Really? That... scrub?"

>You do not know the half of it.

"...Very well. For the Queen."

>For the Queen.

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>Discord
"Discord"
'???'
[???}
~~~~

>Well it's about time- wait.

"Oh dear.

>Well this is just inconsiderate, how are they supposed to tell which of us is which!?

"Indeed, past-me, how would they know?"

>Hm?

POP!

'That Discord is an impostor! I'M the Discord from the past!'

"GASP!"

DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!

>Oh no, no no no, I'm neither of course!

'Oh, how silly!'

"Now it all makes sense!"

>Well of course it does now.

'...wait, it makes sense, so I'm lost. Which Discord are you?'

>This one!

"Do try to keep up."

'But how can he be this one when he looks like that one? I'm still calling impostor and pulling out my Proton Pack™, which will be coming to you on the big screen soon in Ghostbusters!™'

"GASP! You sell out!"

'Well I need something to supplement my utter lack of screentime! I can't pay the bills this way!'

"Actually, I've been getting plenty of screentime here recently."

'Oh? How did you manage that?'

BRRRING!... BRRRING!

'What the-'

>Oh! Pardon me, my BBFF is ringing so we can go have some fun!

"Who?"

>Oh, our new Boy Best Friend Forever. Unrelated to our BFF, Fluttershy, who ever remains our Best Friend Forever, but by process of elimination must be a girl, so adding the G just seems silly. After all, if she's not a boy she must be a girl!

"Oh, I hear the weeping of 'that' group even now from your words."

'The chaos... is good. But wait, I thought that ringing only works if you have a cutie mark?'

"We diverged from that."

'Still!'

>No no, he's right... I've just recently obtained one is all. Ta ta~!

He waved before he sauntered off, not even bothering to teleport out.

'...'

"...Hrmmm... OHHHH!"

'OHHHH! I get it now! He just got a... okay.'

"...Well I'll be. So that's how."

'...do you want to watch?'

"Obviously!'

'I'll bring the poporn!

POP!

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 >Pinkie
"PP"
'LNPP'
~~~

>...Wait, LNPP?

'Hi!'

>Oh, nevermind!

"What do you do?"

'Like, nintey percent of our screentime.'

>She's not wrong... if anything she's underselling it.

"That's unfortunate."

'Meh, we go on more adventures than most characters combined, it's cool.'

>Do wish I was more like you though..

'Er, no you don't... that uh... that goes badly sometimes.'

"How bad are we talking?"

'...I'm in AD.'

"AD?"

>Hiisssssooooo... nevermind.

'Yeah?'

"AD?"

>Long after your time. But still, that's not so bad.

'...It's not, uh... vanilla.'

>...

"..."

'...my arm kinda aches..'

>...

"...What."

'...SO! There's three of us, I think we know what needs to happnen."

>UHHHHHHH-

"I NEED AN ADU-"

'Who wants to sing!?"

>....Come on every pony smile smile smiiile~

>"'~Fill my heart up with sunshine sunshine!~"'


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>SA
"AJ"
'???'
~~~

>What are you even doing at this point?

"Shovin' past me back and seein' how this changes stuff. It don't stick, so Ah'm not worried."

>Huh... hows that going?

"Tell ya' in three... two... one."

SHOOM!

"Lemme guess, changelin' war?"

'How did you know!?'

"Did ya' win this one?"

'THIS ONE!?'

"Jus' tell me."

'Y-yeah, Ah' won... but the cost was-'

"Gotcha."

SHOOM!

>...

"That's us sixteen, them ten. We're awesome!"

>...what.

"Ah' said that's us with sixteen wins, and them-"

>WHY!?

"Ah' don't make'em do it, it just kinda happens."

>This... this is so...

"Yeah, little disappointin' we ain't gotta unbroken record."

>...

"...Let's see what happens iffin' Ah' remembered ta' build a jail cell this time."

SHOOOM!

>This is just so-

SHOOM!

'Oh hey! Future me!... Shiny, nice ta' see ya' doin' somethin' BESIDES fuckin' yer' wife all up and down mah' castle fer' ONCE.'

>...that one, go with that one.

"Hold up... what happened ta' the lings?"

'Killed 'em all.'

"Heh, still want-"

>NO!

"...Yer' supposed ta'-"

>NO NO NO NO NO!

"Why? But ya'... oh riiiiight."

>NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOI'MGONNAGOHUGHERNOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOOOOPE!

ZOOM!

"..."

'...'

"...So did ya' really kill all the changelings?"

'Nah, just the ones that fought us. Ya' know there was a little kid one that was disguised as an adult? She's cute as a button though.'

"...SHINY WAIT!"

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 >Daw
"Past Daw"

>Right, me, listen up!

"Aye?"

>You can prolly tell since I'm not gadding about in a harem dress, we win this little battle with our old friend.

"Aye."

>And the lad manages to steer us towards killing the whatsit in the gem.

"Aye."

>So lemme give ya an artifact that'll serve ye well in the future, one that'll make sure we live the life interprisin' pegasi like us deserve.

"What is it?"

>It's called a Sports Almanac, use it to cheat at gamblin'.

"...I don't know how I can ever repay ya."

>Make us rich, me. Make us rich.

>"..."

>So ya wanna...

"With myself? It'd be a wee bit odd, wouldn't it?"

>Possibly...possibly, but hey, no one around, aye?

"Eh, point. Lemme just...alright, ready."

>"...DO WHAT YA WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE LIVES FREE! YOU ARE A PIRATE! YAR HAR FIDDLEDY DEE, BEING A PIRATE IS ALRIGHT TO BE! DO WHAT YE WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE LIVES FREE! YOU ARE A PIRATE!"

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>AJ
"PAJ
~~~

>Annnnd... SHOOP!

SHOOM!

>Whatever... so, how'd it go?

"Well, Ah' removed the changelings, and Ah'm pretty sure Ah'm up ta' you. Lavan just showed up, right?"

>Yep!

"Pretty close, anyway. Maybe a couple days behind."

>So... how're things goin'?

"...well, they're goin'."

>Huh?

"Not really great, but they're goin'."

>Oh, uh... what's wrong?

"Well fer' starters, mah' guard still sucks."

>Pommel ain't workin' on that over there?

"...who?"

>Pommel, he... oh, right. Who's yer' captain?

"Nobody. Nobody wants ta' take the job."

>Oh... well, uh, how's Canterlot lookin'?

"Looks fine, Ah' guess?"

>Ain't been wrecked 'er nothin'?

"Nope... well, Blueblood kinda fussed up the place a bit, but he uh... he didn't get a chance to go for long."

>Wha?

"We blew up his airship, is what Ah' mean."

>...WHAT!?

"Well, Ah' mean, Spike wanted ta' go in there, but Ah' sure as heck wasn't sendin' him in alone, just him and Twilight! Poor feller, he thinks he can fight... he really can't. Ah' just keep him in the office helpin' me or Twi with the paperwork. He's good at that!"

>Huh...

"So, we just blew it up. Weren't easy, but we sure as shootin' weren't gonna sit around while he was tearin' up the Empire. And he was, place got wrecked something nasty. So, we just kinda... ya' know."

>Eesh.

"After that, we had another gala... nothin' really interestin' happened."

>Uh... huh...

"Then a whole lotta nothin' went on till we went ta' partyland. And, well, long story short..."

>Oh mah stars...

"Now she ain't locked up, she's just gotta... live next ta' the tree. We're tryin' ta' figure out a way ta' help her learn ta' control it, but iffin' she gets too spooked she goes just crazy. So she just... lives there. We don't see her much. But hey, at least she's close ta' her animals.... Twi's workin' on a way ta' get her back, by the by, but it's slow goin'."

>...

"...We also almost got invaded by spore things, but luckily we eventually caught the changelin' tryin' ta' spread it. Turns out she was tryin' ta' find a way ta' jump over ta' ponies, but she just never managed it. Whew, lucky nobody tried ta' make anything ta' cross changelin' and pony species, right?"

>R-right...

"Turns out it was all the way in her brain, so we had ta'... 'deal' with that, weren't no way ta' save her. That was kinda hard, but it had ta' be done. Aside from that... meh. Nothin's happened."

>Nothin'?

"Well, Sunset came back and tried ta' get me ta' be her teacher, Ah' said no. Said Ah' ain't done anythin' worth teachin' in a year, and Ah'm still too busy tryin' ta' get that fence built."

>Huh... so, nothin' much happened?

"Nothin' much happened. Only real bright spots in mah' life is watchin' Shiny try anythin' ta' get his wife's attention or wings and constantly threatenin' ta' kill himself. It's pretty much the only thing that makes lookin' at the utter wreck that is his dang Empire worthwhioe. Ah' try not ta' laugh at it, but it's hard... Celly gets a laugh outta it too, which is good, every other time she's jumpin' off the side of the buildin' or tryin' ta' shoot herself in the head."

>They're still doin' that?

"When they ain't at each other's throats, yeah."

>...

"...Somethin' wrong?"

>Well... nope, Ah' guess not, that's objectively a better timeline, as far as avoidin' disasters is concerned.

"But?"

>....But Ah' guess Ah'm glad Ah'm stickin' with thissun.

"Huh... good luck?"

>Yep... hey, me?

"Hm?"

>Ya'll... uh, ya'll learn anythin' really important here recently?

"Nope. S'why she brought me in, after all."

>Oh, yeah... guess so. Ya'll take care now.

"You too."

MOOOHS

>...Well, at least it weren't borin'..

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 >56
"P56"
~~~

"...Still no?"

>Nope.

"ONE DAY, ME!"

>ONE DAY!

>"ONE DAY WE WILL SNUGGLE THE MEGAPLOT!"

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