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unreadabullshit

a guest Sep 11th, 2019 137 Never
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  1. sans undertale was feeling a little rebellious that day. she wasn't feeling like playing along with society's stupid rules (not that she ever wanted to do so, of course.) after stripping sensually out of her mcdonald's uniform that was tight in all the right places, she walked into the locker room, which was really the cold storage at mcdonald's but nobody gave a shit because who needs working conditions. sans' stroncc, calcium-filled bones glistened with sweat, and she thrusted her pelvis back and forth as she walked, creating quite the erotic sight. the johnny test theme song blasted at 400 decibels in the background, apparently due to the fact that the mcdonald's sans worked at was hosting a four year old's birthday party, but sans didn't particularly care. sans did not have ears, after all. 
  2.  
  3. slowly approaching her locker, sans undertale smirked with a smirk. her smirk grew even larger when she picked up her clothes with her bony hand. it wa s a sexy cop halloween outfit that she had prepared specifically for this occasion. hearing the sound of sirens fast approaching, sans smirked again. the smirking made all of her teeth fall out, so she stopped smirking and her teeth grew back. she quickly zipped herself into the tacky costume. tonight was gonna be a fun night, sans undertale thought to herself.
  4.  
  5. the police had arrived promptly at the mcdonald's due to reports of a skeleton flashing literally everyone and traumatizing multiple children for life. besides the incompetent imbecile with a badge stapled onto her uniform stood a very sexy very cool mommy in a ugly ass beige trench coat. must be a detective, sans thought. how intriguing.
  6.  
  7. menacingly, the detective walked towards sans undertale. "name's hana," she said, mumbling a yeehaw under her breath. "miri and I heard word from the precinct about a rather intriguing case of sexual assault," she said. "you wouldn't have anything to do with this, now, would you?"
  8.  
  9. sans undertale looked to be deep in thought for a moment. then she said "no" and hana responded "oh ok understandable ma'am thank you for your help" and fucked off inside the mcdonald's. miri still stood outside, staring suspiciously at sans undertale. sans undertale strode up to miri confidently, smirking a smirk that made miri's teeth fall out. miri scrambled to pick up all her teeth and quickly drove off for the dentist, abandoning her mission to protect and serve. 
  10.  
  11. okay, so the costume was fucking pointless, sans undertale thought. didn't know the police force was so incompetent. but sans undertale wouldn't let her plan go to waste so easily. no, she would not go down without a fight.
  12.  
  13. sans undertale strode into mcdonalds with a sexy gaunt, finding that hana was interviewing her long-time coworker, kai. "freeze motherfuckers, this is the police" sans said, holding up her fake sheriff badge. hana and kai complied. "holy shit i've only played ace attorney like once and i fucked up the tutorial case somebody help," babbled hana. "also rip mia fey," declared hana. 
  14.  
  15. kai was pissed. "bitch i dont have any weed on me i'm clean and also why the fuck do you look like san-" 
  16.  
  17. "shut up thot" declared sans undertale, not wanting to be exposed so quickly.
  18.  
  19. "ok" said kai.
  20.  
  21. "minimum wage cuck, get over here rn, i'm conducting an investigation on your bones. i have reasonable suspicion that you are illegally possessing bones," sans said. kai didn't budge because she was going into shock from too many illegally possessed bones, of course.
  22.  
  23. "holy shit" said hana as sans blasted kai's ass from across the room with a gaster blaster. sans was now within arm's reach distance of kai, but kai didn't gouge sans undertale's eyes out because kai never took women's self defense classes like a scrub. kai just lay in sans' bony arms and stared into those soullessly black eyes. 
  24.  
  25. all remained silent for a while until kai suddenly began to scream because sans took her left femur out of her body. hana's ears imploded, and she struggled to remain standing, even though her left femur was intact.
  26.  
  27. the screeching became louder when sans removed her own left femur and inserted it into kai's leg. "holy shit that's rape" declared hana. 
  28.  
  29. sans continued to replace kai's bones with her own. kai's voice eventually gave out, and she fainted soon after. strangely, kai didn't bleed much during the ordeal. sans continued swapping out her bones with kai's until sans had nothing left but her skull and a neat pile of bloody bones. sans smiled a sad smile, and rolled herself over to hana. staring hana in the eye, sans opened her mouth. the most vile combination of noise that could ever be formulated came out of her throatless mouthhole.
  30.  
  31. "so i boned her." sans undertale declared, smiling sadly. 
  32.  
  33.  immediately after the god forsaken words were uttered, hana exploded into forty boxes of chicken nuggets arranged into an elaborate pentagram. the mcdonald's burned to the ground as the morning star lucifer was summoned into the human realm. and lucifer said "yeah y'all need jesus" and left.
  34.  
  35. the end
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