Thread 109: Stories 1-15

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia'
~~~

>Tia? Got a question.

"And I have the hunger. For a cake... MADE OF PONIES!"

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

>...M'kay, just try not ta' get any bones in there, ya' might choke.

"I want you to choke on something alright."

>But mah' question is, is that two headed dog related ta' Cerberus?

"Is... is the what?"

>The two headed dog.

"There's a dog with TWO HEADS!?"

>..Ya' can't be serious.

"That is so weird!"

>Really?

"I've never seen anything like that, never! I can't even fathom it! Is it big, small, middle sized?"

>Little bit taller than a pony?

"Marvelous!"

>Only reason Ah' bring it up is Ah' think we need ta' be regulating magical pets-

"I have to see this! A two headed dog! A TWO HEADED DOG!"

>Oh, uh... have fun?

"I have to see this!"

GONE!

>...Hope she has fun with tha-WAIT A GADDANG MINUTE!... DANG IT CELESTIA GET BACK HERE!

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>Crystal Pony
"Cp2"
~~~~~

>I just feel so... Betrayed, you know?

"Right?"

>My trust is just gone.

"Completely gone."

>I'm questioning so many things.

"Big, life defining questions."

>Like, was I ever really masterbating to her, or just the changeling her? Which one was I getting going for?

"..."

>...

"..."

>... You know?

"... I think we should see other ponies."

>We're not dating.

"I know."

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 >Spike
"Canterlot Citizens"
~~~

>Alright, everybody calm down!

"Oh sweet Celestia we're all going to be put into pony pods!"

"I don't want to be a sex slave!... Mostly!"

>I said CALM DOWN!

"Don't eat me! Eat my kid instead, they're more tender!"

"Honey!"

"Survival of the fittest, Leonard!"

>I SAID CALM DOWN!

"What are we going to do!?"

"Will fire help?"

"How could it possibly-"

BLAMLBLAMBLAMBLAM!

"""""""....""""""""

>I. Said. CALM. DOWN.

"...OH DEAR FAUST THAT DRAGON HAS A GUN!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

>...This did not go as planned.

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OOCO
>Spike
‘Chrysalis’
“Twilight”
(Shiny)
{77}
-Celly-
In a wave of fire they reappeared in the bathroom they had left from finding it occupied by a number of concerned ponies.

(There you two are! Finally! We were getting worried.)

Spike grunted and burped up the banner balling it up and chucking it at 77.

>Catch.

{Ah…Thank you. It has been so long…}

>Well, patience is a virtue and all that. Now if you’ll excuse me.

He made to brush past the assembled ponies at the door only to be stopped by shining armor.

(Whoa there buddy! Why don’t you tell us a little of what happened down there…all we got was a hastily written SOS and then silence for some time after we sent the reply.)

>Sigh…Look, things went bad, we nearly died a few times, we barely managed to survive and through pure dumb luck stumbled on the banner because SOMEONE…

His eyes cut over to 77

>Didn’t think to ask their brother who lived down there FOR MONTHS if he might have collected their banner and used it for a memorial. Near the morlocks. Where the caves are actually rather civilized.

{…oops?}

Spike face clawed.

>Oops he says. In any case, I want a nap. So…

His brother didn’t budge.

(So…that’s all? Nothing…nothing elsel?)

Spike gave him his best dead eyed glare.

>…I’m sorry shiny. We forgot to pick you up anything at the gift shop in the hell cave. But if you like, I know a great place to get monster goop if want some!

“I want some!”

A purple hoof shot into the air and all eyes locked on her. Most in disbelief. Some in weary acceptance.

She blushed as her hoof slowly lowered

“Well…I do…”

>I know twi…I know…Look, can I go now? I’m exhausted!

(Sigh…ok.)

The stallion moved to the side while spike brushed past him.

(guess that plan was a bust)

It was a whisper. So quiet if the dragon hadn’t been next to him he would have missed it…but he was.

>Plan?

He turned to look at the stallion a dangerous look in his eye.

(…What?)

>You said this plan was a bust. What plan?

(Er…no I didn’t. I said this PLANT was a MUST. I mean have you seen celly’s bushes? Gorgeous! Need to get a few for the empire…heheh)

>No. No you did not. What. Plan.

(…there is not plan! You’re being paranoid buddy! C’mo-)

‘Shining Armor’

The voice was sweet. The green flame radiating around the queen who had finally broken her strange silence…

less so.

‘I think you should answer the question.’

(Well….)

‘Now.’

(The plan to get you and spike to bury the hatchet by sending you down there?)

>’WHAT!?’

~It was Twilight’s idea!~

“TRAITOR!”

~I can’t let them kill bubble horse! He isn’t immortal like us!~

“STILL!”

>’ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?’

‘THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST ASININE’

>STUPID

‘INSANE’

>RIDICULOUS

‘POORLY PLANNED’

>NEEDLESSLY DANGEROUS

‘NEGLIGENT’

>SORRY EXCUSE FOR A PLAN I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!

‘SCREW YOU, SCREW YOU, SCREW YOU, and ESPECIALLY SCREW YOU SPARKLE!’

>Chrysalis, get us out of here!

A wave of green, and they were gone.

(…well that could have gone better)

~Says the blabblermouth!~

“Really BBBFF, whatever they do to me for this? You’re paying for it”

{I just want you to know, she’s most likely going to execute me. I was going to get married…now I’m going to die. Thanks.}

The others all stomped out of room leaving the stallion alone.

(…could have gone better)
***
Two voices conversed in low whispers

>Ok so when I said out of here…

‘What? We’re out.’

>Right, but…five feet outside just past the back wall wasn’t what I had in mind…

‘You weren’t specific!’

>Oh crap! They’re coming out, be quiet!

They were silent a moment as the figures passed.

>…ok, look. I know a place. C’mon and follow me.
***
In a quiet booth in the back of pony joe’s an unlikely pair vented to each other.

>I mean really, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

‘I dunno, I just. Don’t. know.’

>hey, two of our friends are fighting! Let’s throw them down the murder hole! That’ll fix it!

‘I mean even *I* can see the flaws in this one. ME. Poster child of ‘Plans Gone Wrong Inc.’

>To be fair your plans are actually pretty good. You just get blindsided near the end because they rely too heavily on everything going ‘just as planned’. You need more flexibility.

‘Oh I assure you, I have plenty of…flexibility…’

>…not touching that with a 10 foot pole.

‘HAH! 10 foot? Maybe in 900 years kiddo!’

>I…that is..y’know…sigh…

His head thumped on the table.

>I concede. You win. You win the innuendo. You winuendo.

‘Winuendo...I like that one.’

She pulls out her dictionary and begins flipping through it.

‘Wa…we…wi…’

His head popped back up.

>I made that one up!

‘What!? Oh screw you! You know I have a problem!’

>…you’re ridiculous.

‘And you’re one to talk?’

>Fair enough…so…

A more somber mood settled over them.

>About what I said back in the morlock village…

‘Forget it.’

>Just like that?

‘You were tired, drained, and just seen the graves. It’s understandable.’

>Well yeah but…

‘Spike? The murder hole was apparently their plan A. Do you really want to see their plan B?’

A shiver ran through them both.

>Ok, so. Yeah…maybe forgiveness is a good plan after all. Still…

‘Look. I f you want to make it up to me, get me another one of these things…’

She rattled her glass.

>heh. No problem. Hey Joe! Another Decaff mochachino on my tab!

+Comin’ up+

Moments later the beverage was deposited on the table.

+Order up+

>Thanks joe.

‘Sweet love what is in this stuff…It’s like crack!’

>The stallion loves his job.

‘He must. Pretty sure I could feed my hive in this place if Shiny ever changes his mind. It’s just…so dense!

+Heh, I don’t just love my job. I’m MARRIED to my job!+

>And a very understanding mare on 34th and main

+You promised not to tell!+

>Noooo you ASKED me to promise not to tell. Which is silly, because she’s amazing.

+But the customers might think I’m losing my dedication!+

>Or that you’re certifiable for thinking that is something any of us worry about.

+Bah! One more like that and your tabs cut off!+

‘WHOAWHOAWHOA Let’s not get crazy! I intend to exploit that tab!’

>…somehow not even surprised. Don’t you have money?

‘And? How exactly would I Keep my money if I Spent it?’

>…sigh…

+Don’t worry spike, I’ll keep her honest

>pretty sure you’d be the first

+Heh.’Scuse me. Other customers+

Chrysalis stirred her drink before taking hearty slug

‘So…what now?’

>I dunno. Sleep? I’m thinking sleep sounds good. Maybe even hibernation.

‘I meant in terms of revenge. We can’t let them get away with this’

>…Actually? I can. I really can.

<PBTBTBTTBTBB!>

‘What!?’

>And now I’m all sticky. Thanks for that. JOE? WE NEED ANOTHER.

‘What do you mean you can!? They nearly got us killed! Oh thanks’

+Welcome+

>Honestly? It’s kind of an improvement for me.

‘…How.’

>Used to be they just ignored me half the time. At least now they care enough to try something crazy that nearly gets me killed. Eh, I figure I’ll let them find their own ways to make it up to me.

‘…Are you sure? We could tag team them, a one two punch sort of thing. It could be a team building exercise!’

>…by attacking the other members of said team.

‘…Yes?’

>Last, best, and most successful of the changeling queen’s everyone. “Let’s build the team through internal strife!”

‘Said the one of the only civilized dragons in Equestria who still managed to succumb to his own greed and nearly flatten his home town. How’s that glass house?’

>…a little broken now. A little broken…

The night wound on as the pair talked themselves down from their ordeal

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OOCO
>Spike
‘Celestia’

Following Shining Armor’s…faux pas the various ponies involved in the deception were doing what they could to make things up to the pair after how wrong they had gone.
Currently, it was Celestia’s turn with Spike and they were doing that which she loved best…that she was willing to admit to…having cake.

‘Oh my yes, triple fudge was an excellent choice…shall we try the seven flavor rainbow spice next?’

The dragon sighed.

>…sure, I guess.

‘…What troubles you my little dragon?’

>Nothing. Don’t worry about it.

‘Ahem. Let’s try that again. What is troubling you?’

The smile on her face said compassion, but her eyes told him this was not the face of mercy.

>…I screwed up.

‘Oh?’

>Princess you’ve heard from both me and chrysalis by now what happened down there, I nearly got us killed!

‘My understanding is that you were not exactly alone in that.’

>It was my use of the grenades that brought the cave down on us.

‘And her pettiness to call out a horde.’

>I was being a dick!

‘Because she’s never done anything like that?’

>It doesn’t excuse it. I screwed up. I keep screwing up. I lost to flash on the airship, I let my pride nearly get my team killed when Chitania attacked, I provoked her on the train…

‘You brought my nephew back alive and eventually started him on the path of rehabilitation when no one else even tried. You fought well at partyland.

>WITHOUT my team. DT wound up leading them.

‘Against what was essentially just one more giant chaos monster while you were running interference for the team dealing with the actual SOURCE of the threat.’

>Well that’s a nice bit of spin. And what about Cordyceps? I attacked seven! He was trying to help!

‘Which no one bothered to tell you despite your…animosity with the queen. You were suspicious of her agent. Hardly imprudent.’

>But handled wrong. Like so many other situations, and it led to me being one of the biggest threats at that time.

>…I just keep messing up.
‘…’
‘Spike…are you under the impression that you need to be perfect? I hate to burst your bubble but I’ve yet to meet a perfect anything yet…I mean have you SEEN the rest of us? Luna never does anything outside her own narrow realm, Applejack is stubborn to the point of madness, I don’t think I need to elaborate on Rarity’s mistakes, Twilight went mad with ‘Twience’ doing whatever she could without questioning if she should, Shiny was an awful guard captain and only became a decent prince with help from 42 and 18, Chrysalis can’t stop plotting to save her life, and all of us have brought terrible danger down on Equestria at one time or another. Except shiny. I think. Maybe he’s just better at hiding it…’

>…what about you?

‘…I’m perfect. Of course.’

>Snrk!

‘My point is that you are in good company when it comes to making mistakes. Living for over 1000 years does give one the benefit of experience, and believe me when I tell you it is less about whether you make mistakes, and more about whether you learn from them.’

>But have I learned from them?

‘You improved your combat prowess by orders of magnitude after losing to flash.’

>But I keep flying off the handle. Against Chitania, Seven, and the horde down below…

‘Well then…what are you going to do about it?’

>I don’t know. That’s the problem.

‘Hmm…do you want me to tell you what to do?’

>…Sure.

‘Too bad.’

>…What!?

‘Like I said, I have been doing this for over a millennium Spike. I’ve seen a lot of promising young ponies come and go. I’ve learned that talent needs training but sometimes…it needs experience instead. I’m afraid you’ll have to find your own answer on this one.’

>Then why even offer!?

‘To get you to start thinking about it. You’ve recognized a problem, what’s the solution? What other problems are there?’

The dragon slumped in his chair.

>Well that’s a comforting thought…

‘Hm, some advice though? Stop being so hard on yourself. Accept that you will make those mistakes to learn from, and if it goes too pear shaped, you have a lot of ponies willing to help. Punishing yourself won’t resolve anything. Besides, I believe in you.’

>…

‘Oh, and do start working on your hand to hand a bit more hm? That served far better against Chitania than our guns did.’

>…That was the combined knowledge of dozens if not hundreds of masters….

‘If only you had thousands to years to learn it all. If. Only.’

>…

‘Also would it kill you to wash a little more thoroughly behind your ears? I swear you’re trying to start a diamond mine back there.’

>…

‘And maybe you could-‘

>That’s enough of that, ENGARDE!

Leaping on to the table with a cake knife held like a rapier the dragon challenged the princess.

‘…So. It has come to this…’

She levitated a cake knife of her own in golden magic.

‘I should warn you. I am quite skilled in the ways of the cake knife.’

>I should warn you…I am not left clawed.

‘…Doesn’t that come after the fighting starts?’

>…uhh…ENGARDE!

And thus was battle joined.

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OOCO
>AJ
"???"
~~~

>FINALLY! Mah' bathroom all ta' mahself! Just gonna sit down in mah tub and...

dunnuhnuhnuh...

>...And just enjoy...

Dunnuhnuhnuh....

>...There ain't no way.

Nuh nuh nunnuh.

>No... friggen...

Dundundundunnuhhhnuhhhhnuuuhhhhh!

>GAD DANG IT

DUNDUNDUNDUN-

SPLASH!

"RAWR! AH'M A SHARK! NOM!"

>....Two, why are ya' in mah tub?

"Shunuh auhn auhite-"

>Without a chunk o' mah hoof, please.

"PTOOO! Shiny and Auntielestia are in mah tub and Mommy said I needed a bath and Shiny and Auntielestia like it so much over here so done!"

>...

"..."

>...Airtight logic.

"Ah'm a shark."

>That you are.

"...Can I keep being a shark?"

>Do you want me ta' die?

"I wasn't gonna eat all o' ya'!"

>...Not the bite that was gonna kill me.

"Soooo..."

>...Dunnuh...

"EEE!"

SPLASH!

>...Friggen heartattack will get to me first.

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>42
"Soldiers"
~~~~

>Now, as I'm sure you all know, there has been a... Reveal.

"We know, we were all there."

>I understand if this has shaken some of your confidence.

"Not really, we actually had a betting pool when this was going to get revealed."

"I won ten bits!"

>This information might be... Troubling to some.

"Sure, anyone not in the know, whatever."

>I'll understand if there are some... Suspicions.

"Yeah, we're super suspicious of that one white pony."

"This all seems too perfect, right?"

"I'm watching her."

"Or at least a part of her."

>Notably, I'll understand if you worry of certain... Loyalties.

"If by that meaning if you're loyal to CE Uni or CE state, sure."

"Go glim broncos!"

"TRAITOR!"

>I'll understand if you want a... Sabbatical, from my training.

"Dear holy crystal do we."

"My hooves still hurt. They never stopped hurting."

>If any trust has been shaken... I'm sorry.

"Huh. Didn't know she could actually say that."

"Expected explosions, yeah."

>Not that it means anything coming from me, your guest instructor, but you are dismissed... And I wish you well. Good day.

"....... So did she just forget we knew, have known, and don't give a fuck?"

"All about the drama, that mare."

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 >Spike
"???"
~~~

>Okay, Spike, THINK!... I know! I need to assemble the A-team! I just need to get Forty Two- wait, shit, Empire, and likely dealing with just as big a headache... okay! Seventy Seven, that guy is-... Clear down in Ponyville, dealing with a headache of Ponyville proportions, because those guys are crazy.... I know! Seven! Seven's... probably still off banging that one mare, actually... PJ? I mean, she's not in the A-team, but I'll accept... thaaaaat she is with Applejack, isn't she? Or is she? I have no idea... Uhhhhh...

"Say it."

>Look... Applejack is kind of insisting on...

"Saayyyyy it."

>And it would be really undermining her authority if I...

"Saayyyyyy it."

>Not to mention all the collateral damage that it could cause, and she does a lot of that...

"Buuuuuuuutttttt...."

>...but she is really, really damn good at getting ponies to listen to her.

"Annnnd..."

>...and I need help.

"So, what are you going to do?"

>...I'm gonna go get Diamond Tiara.

"Good job!"

>I guess, but... DAMN IT DISCORD!

"IT WASN'T ME!"

BLOOP!

>...I'm still gonna go through with it. Now, if I was DT, where would I be...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Chitania
"Sunset"
~~

>...Heh.

"Oh, sure, you find the complete collapse of all your species carefully built trust funny. Of course you do! Of course you do, because you are terrible, and only not-terribles think that. And, as we have established, you are not a not-terrible, you're a terrible."

>Nobody ever trusted me.

"Because you are a terrible. Also, irrelevant to the discussion, so you are a dumb terrible too."

>It's entirely relevant. While all of you are freaking out, I'm completely in the same place I was before this all started. A reveal that has thrown so much awry, and yet I remain unaffected. Spearproof... or bulletproof, I guess is the current vernacular.

"..."

>Oh, what now?

"I was almost the one who caused all of this."

>And? What, you want credit?

"It's just... I was sure doing this was the right thing.'

>Now who's the dumb terrible.

"...I still think this is the right thing. Lying to everyone just causes... this."

>No, according to cause and effect, lying to everyone resulted in someone doing their job very well, and nobody being any worse off for it. Telling the truth is what caused this chaos.

"Weird, coming from you."

>You think it's weird a changeling sees the benefit of lying to the stupid masses?

"...Point."

>...

"They aren't stupid."

>My evidence to the contrary, all of this.

"They're not stupid, they're just afraid. And if they are stupid, it's our job to make them smart."

>Your job. My job is to laugh at this, and I am damn good at my job. I'm employee of the fucking year.

"Don't you care a little bit about your species?"

>I did once. Didn't work out so well.

"...Fair enough."

>...Some of them won't get smarter, you know, ever.

"Yeah... but some of them will."

>If they live that long.

"Sure."

>...

"...You're pretty terrible, you know."

>Well then, I fit right in with the other royals, don't I?

"...Guess you do."

>Though, not too much. At least I do my job.

"..."

>HA HA!

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>18
"???"
~~~

She was angry.

>Love-damned-skull-fucking-stupid-ass-moronic-little-

If she hadn't had the furious scribbling of paperwork to keep her occupied, it was likely she would have gone mad.

>-thinking-she-needs-to-help-fuck-you-wrecking-my-shit-not-helping-so-fucking-not-helping-

She should, by all measures, be getting ready for bed, not that she thought for a second she would actually be going to sleep, but the fury had taken hold, and rest was simply not meant to be.

>-fuck-you-fuck-you-fuck-you-I-was-happy-I-was-fine-my-date-was-going-fine-fuck-you-fuck-you-fuck-

Which is why, in her bitterness over her lost time of joy and yet another 'magical' night ruined by idiots who she now loathed, she didn't even notice when her door creaked open ever so slightly.

Now, this was something most changelings would gawk at, it was a sign of nothing less than reckless stupidity that a changeling would allow any to sneak up on them, even if they are lost in themselves. That an infiltrator, especially a top infiltrator, would let this happen was madness.

But madness was about where the poor thing was at by now, and miss it she did when someone walked up to her desk, and cleared her throat.

"A-hem."

She tensed, but she did not jump, nor look up. If nothing else, she could keep the shock from being seen in her eyes.

>If you're here to tell me to get out, be warned, I have lasers.

"...Was it you?"

It was going to be one of those nights.

>Yes, whatever the 'it' was, no matter how horrible, that was me.

"It wasn't horrible. It was... amazing. Was it you?"

She sighed, deciding she could keep her eyes glued down below no longer, and instead looked up to meet the other's uncertain gaze.

A gaze she recognized, though she had not seen it in so long.

>...Oh, right, you.

It was, indeed, her.

The temp.

"Was it you?"

>When I did what, exactly?


Her brow furrowed, and the memory came back.

"When you all came back after that vacation that went wrong. She, er, you? Someone stopped that... thing."

>Ah.

"It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life. I... I struggled for days to keep up, just to keep my head above the water with it, but I couldn't handle even half. None of us could, all three of us, we couldn't even break even... but then it got stopped, it obeyed, and the next day... it was all gone."

>..

"Was that you, or her?"

>...Me.

It was simultaneously exactly what she had been expecting, and the last thing she wanted to hear.

"I see..."

>Does that bother you?

"...I idolized her for a while after that. I... heh, I joined a fanclub. Really! I was part of the Princes Power fanclub. I thought she was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, when she just... stopped that thing, when she looked at all the worst parts of the Empire, all the work that goes in to making it function, and just... made it stop. Just told it to stop, and it obeyed, and by the next day something I couldn't handle in three was just... gone. I thought it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen."

>You didn't answer my question.

The mare sucked in breath deeply through her nose, letting it out in slow, cool breaths.

"...yes, it bothers me. She was my idol, the best princess to ever be, and now she's..."

>A changeling.

She didn't want to admit it, obviously.

But it was the truth.

>Why didn't you ever come back to try again? After that temp job, I mean. I offered you a full time work, and you turned it down, why?

"Are... are you kidding? I took one look at that stuff and I said... I said, "I can't be that, I can't do that, that's for the princess." I quit this in general, I've been working as librarian's assistant for months now. I hate the job, but... I thought that nobody by a princess could ever do something like this. Be that important, or strong."

>And now?

"...You're just a changeling."

'Just' was a bit harsh, Eighteen felt, but she didn't fight it.

"Why did you do it? Why do... all of this, for no thanks, no glory, no nothing. You're not a crystal pony, you don't owe this place anything, you could have taken everything and nobody would argue. Why... why do it?"

>...Because this is my home, and I love it.

That's it, that was all she had to say. That was everything, and they both knew it.

>You didn't answer my question again, by the way, very rude. What about now?

She didn't answer, yet again. Very rude.

Instead, she simply put something on the desk. A small piece of paper, very formal, very crisp and proper.

A resume.

"Do... do you still need help?"

>...I'll look it over, and get back to you in the morning. If I'm interested, we'll go from there.

Nothing more to be said. It was up in the air, and fate would decide. Nothing more to be said, and towards the door the mare went.

"...Thank you, by the way. I don't know if anyone else has said it yet... thanks."

She left without another word, leaving Eighteen alone in nothing but silence.

It was only then, in that silence, that the changeling realized the subject of infiltration had never come up once in her questions.

>...Nobody needs to.

Professionally, she put the resume in the "To do" pile. She would get to it, when she had the time.

It was only after she had gotten back to work that she realized that, never before had she interviewed someone for a job.

>...first time for everything...

She wasn't angry anymore.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>AJ
‘Spike’

‘Hey, AJ. You wanted to see me?’

>’Yer late.

‘…for?’

>’Yer job loverboy.

‘Buuuut, I’m on sabbatical?’

She slammed her hooves onto the desk and stood up on her chair.

>Not anymore y’all aren’t! What’s this I hear about ya’ll going down into the caves again? Alone with Chrysalis? And nearly getting’ killed!?

‘Well…I mean it wasn’t on purpose…’

>’Cuz that makes it better! I don’t know if I’m madder at you or Celestia ‘fer not tellin’ me. Ya’ll couldn’t even send a dang ‘ol letter!? Just one lousy ‘heads up AJ, may be headin’ to mah death, maybe ya’ll’d like to see me off’? What the hell Spike!?

‘I…I’m sorry. I didn’t think it’d get so dangerous.’

>Well it did! We nearly lost ‘ya. *I* nearly lost ‘ya! An’ I wouldn’a even had a body to bury this time!

‘How’s that different for all the other times I’ve gone out!? Alone or with the A-Team!? Celestia handed me a weapon and now dangerous situations are what I do! How can I be of any use in them if you don’t allow me the time I need to train myself to be effective!?

>YER’ MORE THAN JUST A DANG ‘OL GUN HAND YOU THICK HEADED LIZARD!

He jerked back at the epithet.

Seeing his reaction, she felt ashamed and slumped down into her desk.

>I…I’m sorry spike. I didn’ mean…

‘AJ…’

>It’s just..you do more around here than that y’know? We got plenty of other fighters. Not near so many planners, organizers, or folks who understand all this mess. An’ I can’t do it all alone.

He walked over to her and put a claw on her shoulder.

‘It’s…it’s ok. You’re stressed and I screwed up. But look at me I’m fi-glk!’

In an instant she had him in a bone crushing hug.

>No. No it ain’t sugarcube. It ain’t ok when you nearly get killed and I don’t even know about it!

She released him, planted him at his own desk, next to her’s as always.

>So ya’ll are gonna sit here, an’ help me, an’ stay where I can see ya’. You wanna work out in yer’ own time that’s fine, but don’t you dare disappear on me! Ya’ hear? …That’s an order.

‘…Can’t order me. I’m on sabbatical.’

>I got powers beyond just bein’ a princess loverboy. Do I have to play the marefriend card?

‘Now that’s!...that’s…’

Finally, spike slumped in defeat.

‘sigh…that’s just cheating.’

>Element o’ Honesty. Not fair play.

‘You’re really upset about this aren’t you?’

>What was ‘yer first clue?

‘…I’m sorry?’

She stared at him

‘I…won’t do it again?’

More staring

‘…Alright, Applebutt. You win…I’m back to work.’
>Hmph. Good Dragon. Now c’mon, there’s plenty t’do.

With that they both fell to. An orange wing draped around the lavender drake just to remind the mare he was where he belonged.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>AJ
"Sunset"
~~~

>...

"Wow, that is an angry mob."

>....

"Very angry."

>...

"We, uh, we gonna do something about this?"

>...

"I think we should."

>...ah' understand, Celly...

"What's that?"

>...ah' understand....

"Riiiight, Maybe-"

>Oh hey!

"GAH!... Sure, fucking NOW you move!"

>Ah' just realized!

"Yeah?"

>Ah' gotta rope.

"...annnnd?"

>And that means Ah' can use it!

"F-for... for what?"

>This!

VRRRP!

"To... hang from a tree? What, are we going to swing?"

>Somethin's gonna be hangin' and swingin', alright.

"Wait, what-"

>WHOOP!

"APPLEJACK NO-"

CRACK

"...Wow, this is going to be hard to explain."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 OOCO
>Spike
‘Thoughts’
“Responding thoughts”
(mirror)
~??~


Spike lay in his basket, tossing and turning. No matter which way he twisted he could simply not get comfortable as thoughts raced through his head.

‘I just keep screwing up…’

‘More than just a gun hand!...’

‘always handled wrong’

‘sometimes, experience is what’s needed’

‘notice me!’

‘do you have any idea how rare that was back then!?’
“don’t die on me now!”

‘Why tell me?’
“…I wanted you to trust me”

‘twilight…please stop. Please…come back’
“like, oh mah gosh!”

‘AJ lookout! <Bang!>’
“Spike!”

‘I’ll keep coming down here until you’re ready to talk’

‘Equestria needs you to win the money from this tournament spike’

‘Rarity…you’re not the mare I thought you were…’
“But..Spikey-wikey!”

‘AJ…give me the gun.’
“…<Click>”

>ENOUGH!

He threw off his covers and stumbled to his feet wandering over to his mirror and sink, he rinsed his face off then looked up, catching his own eye.

>…

>I don’t like you.
(Of course not. I’m you. And you suck.)

>No. No I don’t. but you’re always trying to convince me of that. Always in the back of my head whispering about how inadequate I am, what a failure I am, how I can’t possibly succeed…I hate you.

(You hate the truth. You hate me because I speak the truth)

>NO YOU DON’T! You always talk about my mistakes, but you never remember the things I got right!

(Pheh. What’s the miniscule pile of things you get right compared with the mountain of your failures?)

>AGAIN! That’s a lie! I get way more right than I do wrong!

(But you’re never the one who saves the day are you? Always second fiddle at best, often just in the way or barely a speedbump. Face it. You’re almost always out of your league.)

>So what!? Even if I am out classed I can slow them down. Even if it’s just for a second, that second could be the difference between life and death for somebody else!

(Or it could mean nothing.)

>But you don’t know that. You Can’t know that. Because the future is unknowable!

(Hmph. Whatever. You’re just trying to-)

>I’m done.

(Excuse me?)

>I’m done. With you. With your attitude. I’m not listening to you anymore.

(So what? You’re just going to ‘believe in yourself’ never question your ability? Gee…that’s not arrogant)

>And loathing myself and pretending I don’t have the capabilities I do isn’t humility! You…you’re poison. I don’t need you.

(Yes you do. I tell you the truth.)

>No. You make me feel like shit. You make me afraid. You make me desperate and reckless when I don’t need to be. You make me weak and I don’t need you.

>I’m tired of being depressed, and scared, and melancholy. I’m going to choose to be happier. More upbeat. Optimistic.

(Pffft! HAHAAHAHA! Oh really? And just how are you going to do that?)

>Well for one, I’m going to remember my life is pretty great. I have talent, satisfying work, a family who loves me, and most astonishingly more than one mare who…y’now…*likes* me….how many dragons get that?

(So what? Frankly-)

>I wasn’t finished. That’s just first. Second…

From the shelf beside him he drew charity and leveled it at the mirror.

(…you can’t be serious.)

>Nonsense. I’m serious most of the time. Too much really.

(So what? You pull the trigger and you think I’m just gone? That’s just it? Don’t make me laugh!)

>No. I pull the trigger and I stop listening to you. I stop feeding you my fears. Then you starve, wither away, and die.

(THEN WHAT’S THE POINT OF PULLING THE TRIGGER IN THE FIRST-)

<BANG>

The bullet shattered the glass which flew everywhere around the small closet the dragon called home in Canterlot.

>It’s symbolic asshole.

~Spike? Spike darling are you all right?~

>…oh. Hey Rarity…didn’t realize this thing was on…

~It came on when you pulled the trigger darling. …What are you shooting at 2 in the morning?~

>Nothing! Nothing at all! Just uh…y’know…practice?

~…Spike dear are you alright?~

>…fine rarity…just…dealing with some personal problems.

~…do you…er that is…Shall I get a shovel?~

>Wha-? NO! Nonononono! No shovels needed. No bodies, no injuries, nothing like that.

~Well that’s a relief.~

>YES. Yes I’m sure it is.

~Um…Darling could I ask a favor?~

>…Now?

~Well…I’m worried about you. Shooting things at random at this hour is a bit odd don’t you agree?~

>…maybe a little…

~I want you to come spend the night in my room. Just to set my mind at ease you understand.~

>Oh? A young mare summons me to her budoir in the dead of night? What will the neighbors think.

~That he’d better bring his basket and keep his claws gentledrakely or he’s in for a cold shower.~

>Says the incorrigible tease.

~Teasing is a lady’s privilege darling. Now get up here so I can set my mind at ease and go back to bed would you?~

>Fine. Fine.
Rarity would never admit he had forgotten to turn charity off again and she heard the whole thing. It isn’t ladylike to snoop after all.
He looked back over the shattered remnants of his mirror as he collected the basket and headed for the door, and hoped he had left more than just shattered glass behind him. It was time for a change.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Dream Eater]
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but we guess who's back!
The club looks at the dream eater for a moment.
>"'...a what?'"

[...A Dream Eater. Used to eat the dreams and nightmares of ponies before Luna and her goons drove us to eat the dreams of animals.]

>Then why eat our dreams?

[For some reason, eating the dreams of animals started making us sick. Can't tell what's safe to eat yet. Nothing personal, I'm just hungry...I do miss your taste though. Got any skeletons in the closet, so to speak?]

"Wait what happens when you eat our dreams?"

[It maaaaaay leave you a little empty. You ponies can be such dreamers, you know? So motivated by them. It's like you can't even find a will to live without them...I look foreward to eating the little one's dreams. She looks like the ambitious type.]

'Then eat this! HOMING ROCKET!'

[Oh, more?]
Sucks the rocket up and explodes in his mouth.
[Spicy.]

"LOVELY ARROW!"
He sprouts a longer tail, grabs the arrow, and uses it as a toothpick.
[Curious, how you even see through my disguise? Is your perception different from the others?]

>ANVIL TIME!
A giant anvil drops from above. He sucks it up in a whirlwind. The anvil breaks apart into little pieces and he gulps it down.

[You 3 must be fairly experienced if you know about calling your attacks...too bad it telegraphs your moves.]

"Uh what now?"

'Pinkie?'

>Change of tactics. Surround and hit him at the same time!
They move.

'BURNING ROCKET!'
"DOUBLE PASSION!"
>SURPRISE CANNON!

They fire at the same time. He swallows the rocket and catches both of the arrows with his tail, but the cannonball with a bowler hat hits and explodes at his side leaving him smoking.

>Yes!

"It worked!"

'...he's standing back up.'

He grows even larger and he's visibly angry.
{You just had to make this hard didn't you?}

>"'...eeep.'"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"SA"
'Cadence'
[42]
{18}
~Celestia~
^2^
(Mane-Iac)
=Sombra=
-Spitfire-
~~~~

>Do we have any idea what the damage is going to be?

"...have a seat."

>Damn it all.

'This is all my fault...'

[No, it isn't.]

{Who else could you possibly blame here?}

[...]

~...Not a word.~

^It ain't that bad, I've been runnin' around the whole day ta' say you were sorry. They knew yer' sorry!^

'Thank you Sweetie, that is a big help.'

>For her. Public image of the changelings is...

(EEEEEVVVVIIIIIILLLLAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA! AHHHHHAHAHAHAAH!)

>...

=...She isn't wrong. She thinks it's good, and that's wrong, but on the whole she is accurate.=

-Except the guards, they're cool with... pretty much all of this. And Shiner came out as gay finally.-

>...

-That's not important, I just wanted everyone to know.-

>His name is SPEAR SHINER, what the fuck did he... nevermind.

"Yeah, his parents kinda pigeonholed him into that-"

>NEVERMIND I SAID. We need a plan to change public perception, now.

=You could try giving up some of your secrets, that might help.=

>How would telling them we have more powers possibly help!?

=Try giving them a non-power related and non-horrible secret?=

>... have we met?

"Come on, there's got to be something you can tell them, just to show you're not all bad."

>...have WE met?

[Ahem, Majesty?]

>Yeessss?

[There is... the technique.]

>... Okay, I thought I was being perfectly clear when I said no prostitution-

[NO! The... OTHER technique?]

>How is setting everyone on fire going to help?

[...]

{She means your Hive's special power.}

>Oh... OHHH... No.

'Wait, what is her hive's power?'

=I'm lost too.=

^I don't even know that, and she's my not-mom!^

-Missing something here.-

"...Wait a minute, did you ever tell ME? I honestly can't remember!"

~...Do it.~

>Celly, shut the Eff up.

'Thank you.'

~No! I'm serious! Do it! Show everyone, you absolutely have to!~

>... Forty Two-

~Ohhhh no, you do it! Come on, it might be the only thing that cheers up Cadence right now!~

>...

"...Please? If... if it'll cheer her up a bit-"

'Shiny! I'm not feeling that bad...'

~Raise your hoof if you bought that.~

>"[{~=-^...^-=~}]"

'Traitors.'

(I BELIEVE YOU!)

'I'll take it.'

>...sigh... Annnd a one two three four-

TAPPPATAPPATAPPATAPPA!

=Are... are you tapdancing with your forelegs? THAT is your hives special power!? THAT!?=

-...this is amazing.-

(AHHHHHAHHAHAHAH! THE POWER OF DANNNNNCEEE! What a useful technique!)

>"[{~=-...-=~}]"

(...Well it is!)

^I believe you!^

(I'LL TAKE IT!)

"It's... mesmerizing."

TAPPATAPPPATAPPP!

'...Hee hee!'

"Holy guacamole, it worked!"

^KEEP DANCIN' NOT-MOM!^

>...Friggen feel like a dancing clown...

'Heee heee heee! This is amazing!'

=Huh... I can't even bring myself to mock her. Good work?=

-...Anybody else wanna try that too?-

"[{(~=-...Yes.-=~)}]"

^EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!^

TAPPATAPPATAPPA

"Heh... good job, Chrysalis."

>...notafriggenclown...friggenwantedhertosmile...

^Yer' the best, not-mom!^

>...friggenIknow...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________