Bed Shilling

“Boy, I sure am lucky. Well, I don’t know how lucky I am to have started talking to myself when I’m alone, but most people do that, right?” Monika said to herself. “I finally have my husband, we finally live together, and most importantly, we can afford the new bed I ordered, and it comes in today!~”

She howled with laughter, probably not a good sign. “Of course, the best part about getting a new bed is getting to break it in!” she winked to herself.

When the doorbell rang, she was prepared. Sports shorts, hair tied back, a full tool set, tank top, she was ready for the great feat of athleticism that came with moving a new bed into a home, made easier by that there hadn’t been a first bed to remove.

As it turned out, the postman had left by the time she had opened the door. Wary of new people due to having been isolated for so long, she had elected to install it herself. “Plus, this will be a nice workout to get me ready to nap while I wait for anon to get home from classes!”

A great feat of strength was required, like the Beowulf hero of legend, she managed to wrestle the heavy king sized Casper™ mattress into their new bedroom. “It weighs more than I do, but I have more determination than it does; I provide a home for myself and my husband!” It was really that simple for her.

The unassembled frame was brought in next, unwieldy, but it was brought in along with the headboard. It turned out that all her tools were unneeded, because it had come with its own tool, and the set up was very easy, once it had been brought inside.

“Gah! How neat! The mattress really does unfold!” She exclaimed as she opened it from its cellophane and cardboard sarcophagus. With a very long hiss and a strong scent of rubber, the mattress unfolded right on top of the newly build frame. “Alles klar!” she said in a bit of German she had learned from her favorite Nazi documentary series, ‘Majestic Tanks and Where to Find Them’.

“I know people aren’t supposed to like them, but those uniforms are just so spiffy! Oh, and here are the sheets in, and the comforter. That Cariloha™ store really did give me a good deal when I visited, so those towels I bought then and the sheets just arriving now are so soft. “ she tutted.

“Anon prefers dark colors for sheets, but I am the one who made the smart microinvestments with MY supercomputer brain, so I get to choose what we get, and I prefer white. It’s light and airy.”

Monika threw the white bamboo sheets in the wash, along with the white duvet cover of an enormous Gravity™ blanket, which was a pain to untie all those clasps, but it was worth it. “You have to wash everything before you use it.” She had been told… somewhere. She liked to think that Mom told her, but she didn’t have a proper mother anyway.

This was all rather expensive, but she had no worries. She was making a ton of money every day, so she could afford to do what she wanted. She did like to make Anon worry though, just a bit, because it meant that he cared a great deal about them, but she never let stress affect him. “A woman has ways of helping with that~”

While she waited for the poor straining washer to clean all that heavy bedding, she cooked herself a little lunch of grilled asparagus, a baked potato, and a large helping of animal crackers.

DING!

“Oh, my sheets are done!” Monika noticed, and being a firm believer in air drying in the Texas heat, went about hanging up the sheets outside, which would ensure they came back soft, fluffy, and warm. With that done, she went to go to the bed. It still smelled a little like rubber, so she endeavored to put a scented candle on the desk, which would help. “Well, maybe a quick nap wouldn’t hurt, even without sheets.” She sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the give and support. Very good. Laying back on the pillows, she quickly found herself comfortable, and fell asleep.

Anon came home from classes a few hours later, seeing the sheets still on the line, the dishes not done, and a candle burning while Monika slept, looking so much like Goldilocks. He kissed her awake, because he loved her so much, even if she were a bit forgetful.
They had the nicest night of their lives when they slept later under the nice heavy blanket, the new sheets, and the very comfortable bed that they had gotten a good deal on.