Mah epic story

   It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Rainbow Dash, woke
up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the third time it had happened.
Feeling abnormally angered, Rainbow Dash deflowered a dull pencil,
thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not).
Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, she realized
that her beloved eyebrow was missing!  Immediately she called her
overtly elitist, rich friend, Pinky Pie. Rainbow Dash had known Pinky
Pie for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were exotic
ones.  Pinky Pie was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a
little... oafish. Rainbow Dash called her anyway, for the situation was
urgent.

   Pinky Pie picked up to a very angry Rainbow Dash. Pinky Pie calmly
assured her that most man-eating capybaras turn red before mating, yet
Indonesian devil cats usually sassily grimace AFTER mating. She had no
idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Rainbow
Dash.  Why was Pinky Pie trying to distract Rainbow Dash?  Because she
had snuck out from Rainbow Dash's with the eyebrow only nine days prior.
It was a sassy little eyebrow... how could she resist?

   It didn't take long before Rainbow Dash got back to the subject at
hand: her eyebrow. Pinky Pie shuddered. Relunctantly, Pinky Pie invited
her over, assuring her they'd find the eyebrow. Rainbow Dash grabbed her
rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone,
Pinky Pie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to
hide the eyebrow and she had to do it carefully. She figured that if
Rainbow Dash took the time machine, she had take at least two minutes
before Rainbow Dash would get there.  But if she took the poopmobile?
Then Pinky Pie would be barely screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Pinky Pie was
interrupted by two dimwitted platypi that were lured by her eyebrow.
Pinky Pie shuddered; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling displeased, she
skillfully reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and fearlessly
slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate
deterrent, the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the
imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.
That's when she heard the poopmobile rolling up.  It was Rainbow Dash.

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Donut King to pick up a 12-pack of white pencils, so
she knew she was running late.  With a inept leap, Rainbow Dash was out
of the poopmobile and went jaunting toward Pinky Pie's front door.
Meanwhile,  Pinky Pie was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the
eyebrow into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her
microwave. Pinky Pie was angered but at least the eyebrow was hidden.
The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Pinky Pie purred.  With a quick push, Rainbow Dash opened
the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid
noobcake in a deliciously practical 4-door,' she lied.  'It's fine,'
Pinky Pie assured her. Rainbow Dash took a seat alarmingly close to
where Pinky Pie had hidden the eyebrow. Pinky Pie sighed trying
unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?'
she blurted.  But Rainbow Dash was distracted. Heart filled with earnest
fortitude, Pinky Pie noticed a selfish look on Rainbow Dash's face.
Rainbow Dash slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Pinky Pie felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Rainbow Dash asked
this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the
eyebrow right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell
anything..!'  A lie.  A oafish look started to form on Rainbow Dash's
face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place.
'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have
pet venomous koalas.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Rainbow
Dash nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Pinky Pie could
react, Rainbow Dash aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it.
The eyebrow was plainly in view.

   Rainbow Dash stared at Pinky Pie for what what must've been ten
microseconds. Ever so extemperaneously, Pinky Pie groped
indiscriminately in Rainbow Dash's direction, clearly desperate. Rainbow
Dash grabbed the eyebrow and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Pinky
Pie let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective
of that thing, none of this would have happened, Rainbow Dash,' she
rebuked. Pinky Pie always had been a little insensitive, so Rainbow Dash
knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before
Pinky Pie did something crazy, like start throwing the ninja stars at
her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased
diety, she gripped her eyebrow tightly and made a dash toward the
window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Pinky Pie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.
The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Rainbow Dash. 'And to
think, I varnished that window frame seven thousand days ago...it never
ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Rainbow Dash. 'Oh.  You
..okay?' Still silence. Pinky Pie walked over to the window and looked
down. Rainbow Dash was gone.

   Just yonder, Rainbow Dash was struggling to make her way through the
imaginery desert behind Pinky Pie's place. Rainbow Dash had severely
hurt her mane during the window incident, and was starting to lose
strength.  Another pack of feral platypi suddenly appeared, having
caught wind of the eyebrow.  One by one they latched on to Rainbow Dash.
Already weakened from her injury, Rainbow Dash yielded to the furry
onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing
consciousness was a buzzing horde of platypi running off with her
eyebrow.

   About seven hours later, Rainbow Dash awoke, her taint throbbing.  It
was dark and Rainbow Dash did not know where she was.  Deep in the
inhospitable magical cornfield, Rainbow Dash was abundantly lost. Ever
so extemperaneously, she remembered that her eyebrow was taken by the
platypi. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life.  That's
when, to her horror, a bloated platypus emerged from the bush.  It was
the alpha platypus. Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to scream but was cut
short when the platypus sunk its teeth into Rainbow Dash's armpit. With
a faint groan, the life escaped from Rainbow Dash's lungs, but not
before she realized that she was a failure.

   Less than eight miles away, Pinky Pie was entombed by anguish over
the loss of the eyebrow.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for
a ripened avocado.  With a mighty thrust, she buried it deeply into her
kidney.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Rainbow
Dash... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved
her.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the
eyebrow that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing
their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to
reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the
chilling cry of distant platypi, desecrating all things sacred to
virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to
come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too
busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :P

LMFAO IM RETARDED.