Proud-Dust

Perception Check

Apr 30th, 2023 (edited)
61
0
Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
text 0.48 KB | None | 0 0
  1. Better first-POV voice than Cute Mutants, but still wonky in chronology.
  2. Dower, should be dour.
  3. Violet's got a pretty solid character.
  4.  
  5. May isn't that defined, for such importance.
  6.  
  7. Kai = nonbinary.
  8. The noted of lack of gender pronouns in history.
  9.  
  10. Another grammar "I wish could."
  11.  
  12. Too many em-dashes.
  13.  
  14. Welp, that ending didn't hold back. Earth-cast is definitely allowed to be flawed and complicated, Velaryma's cast members are notably weaker. Character voice wasn't bad at all.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment