wtf is this shit brendan

Mason, seeing Brendan harshly berate him, becomes instantly aroused. Mason tackles Brendan, furiously kissing him with a burning intensity. "Oh Brendan... I hope you know that I only stay here for you, these other people are losers" Mason says while staring lovingly into Brendan's eyes

DM - BrendanToday at 12:05 AM
Brendan, who actually happens to be a mecha gundam in disguise, hurls Mason off his chest with an exploding armor plate. Mason, tatters and ribbons remaining only, just manages to see the white light of his doom, as Not-Brendan powers up his laser gun, obliterating Mason into atoms. “This isn’t even my final form!” Not-Brendan says triumphantly.

Meanwhile, Brendan is sitting at his table, happily sipping tea, and reading some articles on Avernus and Ravenloft, forging new ideas in his mind for the players to experience and explore.
[12:05 AM]
Blissfully unaware of Mason’s eradication, Brendan laughs at a funny idea one Redditor posts, dismissing it as a possibility to RP.
[12:06 AM]
Amber, lamenting her clogged toilet, dreams of a man capable of removing clogs not only in her toilet, but in her heart. “Oh, when will a real man show his face.” she complains to the mirror in her bathroom.
[12:09 AM]
Over a thousand miles away, Mark, studiously working on his game, looks out towards a full moon and sighs. “Oh Amber, if only you knew my best trait was freeing clogged objects from things, we’d be together by now.” With another sigh, he turns back to his monitor, and resumes typing. “One day...” he says smiling at the picture of Not-Amber. “One day I’ll see what you really look like.” The silent image of Beard-ber does not reply, as Mark drifts off to sleep, dreaming of vanilla skies and marmalade rivers, as he floats amongst sushi and sashimi slices, on his gondola of love and hope.

Gale - MasonToday at 12:11 AM
i didn't even get any fuckin death saving throws :(

DM - BrendanToday at 12:12 AM
From the gases and wisps of aether  in the void, the Mason re-coalesces as a new specter of love, lust, and rage. “I am not so easily defeated, Not-Brendan...” it says in a shadowy voice.(edited)

Gale - MasonToday at 12:13 AM
(insinuating that i am not already a specter of love, lust and rage)

DM - BrendanToday at 12:14 AM
“I shall soon reform myself, stronger than before and all shall know of my love for Amber!” the specter says. “Mason I am called and Mason I am. Markus, of the House Cookie; thy time as a challenger to my love and rightful claim to Amber’s heart is nearing its end. I shall soon resume my corporeal self and challenge you to battle for this maiden of the Internet!” the voice explodes across the nether. “Fear me and obey! I am death!”

Gale - MasonToday at 12:14 AM

DM - BrendanToday at 12:16 AM
Far off in a tower of ivory amongst the pearlescent clouds, sits a wizened man, of Fuzzy inheritance. “Oh dear.” he says to no one in particular. “It seems my dear brother may be in danger.” He cracks his neck a few times as he rolls it around his shoulders, a motion meant to awaken his muscles from centuries of lying dormant. A deep inhalation and sigh emits from the ancient figure, and with a groan, he pulls himself upright from the rocking chair.
[12:19 AM]
“Come Azeraphael, my trusted friend.” The Fuzzed one commands. A diminutive creature of reptilian descent stirs near the feet of the old man, and growls a low whine of protest. “I’ll not have a word of it. I will not call you Squall, no matter how you beg and cry.” The creature, a bluish lizard with yellow stripes stretches and flicks its tail back and forth, annoyed. “You know as I, you are only powerful in a fantasy world little friend, for skinks such as you are all too common in the mortal world. Cheer up, we can get some Cheetos and Mountain Dew for breakfast. And if you’re good, I’ll even allow you one Dorito.”(edited)
[12:20 AM]
The pair descend smooth stones of garish coloration, mimicking the mood of the sky above. “Lackluster morning for us old folk...” he says to the no one. “We best be getting a pen and quill to our friend The Brendan... he’ll know what to do.”(edited)
[12:23 AM]
As the pair make their way down the tower, far off in another land, the Brendan is putting away his mug and stretching before bed. “Ah, what a delightful day. Playing in the snow, good dinner, and a chance to play some Dungeons and Dragon’s with my pals.” He pulls out his phone, eager to catch up on the RP that occurred while he was away.
[12:24 AM]
With a frown, and a confused look, Brendan tries reconnecting his phone to his WiFi, and then eventually to his cell carrier on the LTE network. “That’s odd.” he says disappointment coloring his words. “Either my phone isn’t updating or they didn’t RP today.”
[12:26 AM]
He sets his phone down, and wanders into his office, powering up his computer. A soft “oof” emits from his lips as he drops into his comfortable Aeron chair at his desk. “Now then...” he says pushing worn spectacles up his nose slightly. “Let me login here...” as he deftly types in his password, a routine bourne of habit and comfort, and pulls up his discord. “Oh.” he says flustered. “They didn’t...” he looks at people’s statuses along the side of his chat screens.
[12:26 AM]
“They’re all online. But no one’s played.” he says clicking between channels.
[12:27 AM]
“Maybe my responses didn’t go through...” he says hopefully, looking for an explanation to why his friends didn’t play.
[12:27 AM]
“Oh my.” his voice taking on a defeated tone. “No, they just um...”
[12:28 AM]
Brendan’s eyes mist over like the clouds near The Fuzzed One’s tower windows do on warm summer mornings.
[12:28 AM]
A deep, sad sigh releases itself from the depths of Brendan’s soul, expelling the breadth of loss and disappointment in an audible “mmmmmmm” of regret and loss.
[12:29 AM]
Three realms over, the Mason smiles.
[12:29 AM]
“Good, GOOD!” glowing red eyes light up as the dark voice echoed around. “Let thine sadness fill thy body! For none are allowed to love until Amber and I are unified into a single soul!”
[12:30 AM]
A flickering storm of swirling energies pass by the shadow, casting illumination within the dark morass of hate, lust, and love.
[12:32 AM]
“My time is neareth. Come Bartleby, mine plunger skills are growing more powerful by the second. That Markus shall not know what hit him!” a vile laugh oozes from the decrepit form of a human, roughly hewn from the despoiled tree of Mason.
[12:33 AM]
A lightning bolt, as black as the darkest night strikes once from the void and straight into a steaming pile of dogshit. The mut, alarmed by the jolt flees, barking madly as the form of a man, first no bigger than a child’s doll, begins to materialize out of the discarded food that once passed for a meal.
[12:35 AM]
Corn, scraps of chicken, and a few twizzlers slide off the brown shape as it takes a more humanoid form, sprouting limbs and a head, untwisting from partially digested hair and an old toothbrush.
[12:36 AM]
“I aM mAsOn!” a demonic voice calls forth from lips shaped of the remains of a rubber chew toy and a half dissolved jelly bean.(edited)
[12:36 AM]
With the flick of an arm, a large plunger flies out from no where and lands sickening in the beings out stretched hand, with a plop-splat sound.
[12:37 AM]
“Jesus Christ!” says a man’s voice from behind the fecal demon.
[12:37 AM]
The malignant creature whirls, splattering discolored, what one hopes is only water, around it as it turns to see the newcomer.
[12:38 AM]
A man, dressed in plain blue overalls, an orange reflective vest and hard hat is looking down at the beast.(edited)
[12:39 AM]
“Oh fuck no, I ain’t paid enough to deal with this shit.” he says, aiming his flame thrower down upon the creature. With a snap-hiss of escaping gas and a whoosh-fwooump of incinerating purification, the demon is burned into cinders as falls apart with the wind pressure created by the explosion of gasoline and oxygen.
[12:40 AM]
“I must be dreaming...” the man says. “Fuckin pile of trash looked like a god damned shit demon made from a stray dogs’s dinner!”
[12:40 AM]
A voice on the breeze whispers: “Mason...” as the man uses his workbook to kick aside the dust pile.
[12:44 AM]
The man gets back into his white truck, slamming the door with a little more gusto than he intended. “Gawt damn, must be losin’ my mind.” he says with a slight drawl. “Takes me fo’ eva to into this job as shit-buster, an first day on tha’ jawb, I’m seein motha fuckin’ shit demons. Fuck this city, I need a beer, or my name isn’t Skyking McRoodles!”
The man starts the trucks engine, drops the automatic into drive and speeds away, to find the nearest Cash n Beer Quickie Mart, his divine duty completed.
[12:45 AM]
As the dust from the trucks tires settles on a long and abandoned city street, a raven caws low and long.
[12:46 AM]
So ends the first chapter of this new worlds day, only to begin with a sunrise that heralds more problems for its inhabitants.