How to feed your Human

(Food, supplements, drugs and when/why to use them.)

Many people have a dysfunctional understanding around the concept and purpose of real food.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s43016-019-0005-1

They have a misguided or oversimplified understanding of what their body needs each day to keep it working and therefore consume food items which do not deliver their daily nutritional requirements, leading to avoidable and predictable poor health & performance outcomes.

As this can generally take some time for diseases / issues to manifest, there is often confusion created around the root cause, leading to months of research and complicated, radical diets / supplements / pharmaceuticals being used in an attempt to treat the symptoms, often with only moderate success.

A perhaps more life-relatable way of looking at this is via narrative:

“Congratulations, xir on taking possession of your new Human – the latest in biological transportation devices.

Here at NatureCo, we pride ourselves on evolving to meet your needs and we hope you’ll thoroughly enjoy your new vehicle.

Your new vehicle is a highly complex piece of hardware and needs thousands of different consumable macronutrient, micronutrient, phytonutrient, alkaloid, bioflavonoid and other products to keep it and the built in service microbes we installed in various parts of the Human working smoothly.

To make this process user-friendly, we’ve combined all of these consumable items into self-contained growing packages, carefully formulated to also provide convenient fuel to keep your Human moving.

In case of any fuel and/or consumable shortages, we’ve incorporated a built-in storage system called ‘fat’, where you can store a flexible amount of surplus converted resources, however you’ll then need to carry that around all day, impacting performance and aesthetics, so it’s best not to overuse this function.

Within reasonable limits, your vehicle will automatically adapt to the environment, self-repair and although we don’t offer any warranty, if you follow the instructions in the user guide, fuel and operate the vehicle appropriately each day, using the growing array of fuels and consumables supplied by NatureCo (we have outlets all over the planet), you can expect to get 70-90 years of serviceable life out of your new vehicle.”

While driving your new Human out of the store, you notice that in addition to NatureCo refuelling stations, there are are shiny advertisements everywhere for “Nestlay McTuckyfried Sugar Sodium Hut” (NMSSH) which appear to offer tastier and somehow cheaper alternatives to NatureCo fuel products.

The NMSSH fuels claim to maintain your Human’s hardware to the same standard as the ones from NatureCo, even though NMSSH use formulations that do not conform to NatureCo’s specifications, are missing 3950 of the 4000 consumable micronutrient products and include dangerously high amounts of sodium, sugars and vegetable fats that have been damaged by heat.. but wow, are they tasty.. and hey, saving money is good, right?

For a while, things seems okay, as your Human hardware is highly adaptable and does its best to compensate for the shortages in consumables and toxicity from the damaged fuels, but eventually the hardware starts having difficulty performing, the good service microbes in the GI tract die off, leaving angry and unhelpful microbes behind and you observe that movement and/or problem solving skills are no longer functioning correctly and you’re getting warning messages all over the dashboard in the form of aches, pains, depression and anxiety.

As the Human is now having difficulties moving, you spend more time with it parked, sitting in front of a computer, looking for ways to fix it.

Possibly relating to the impaired problem solving skills, you’ve forgotten that your Human just needs NatureCo fuels to repair itself and so you look for alternative solutions that allow you to keep using that very tasty NMSSH fuel that is now conveniently being home delivered to your computer station by OobaReets (have you tried the new NMSSH McCheeto Chicken Tendies?)

Your Human is now storing more fuel as fat each day, because it’s sedentary, hungry for the missing NatureCo consumable products and you’re only feeding it cheap NMSSH knockoffs.. but that’s fine – no one is seeing your Human these days, because you aren’t going outside and instead, just spending all day sitting in front of the computer.

The Human also starts adapting to its new role as office chair ballast and decides it’s now okay to start scavenging missing dietary consumables from unused muscles around the hips, glutes and thoracic spine, trying to keep the rest of the hardware operating while chronically deprived of essential resources.

Movement is getting incrementally more difficult for your Human each day, so you’re less inclined to pursue those activities. Meanwhile, your Human is continuing to do its best in adapting to the shape required to operate a computer all day, resulting in postural issues called Upper and Lower Crossed Syndrome.

You discover that over the last hundred years, scientific groups working for governments in different countries have been studying Humans, the vast array of fuel products and from their growing body of research, identified perhaps 100 of the consumable items Humans need each day to operate. Unfortunately, as this represents lost income for NMSSH, they funded studies intentionally showing that their products don’t cause Human malfunctions, slowing down research globally and creating confusion.

During time spent researching your Human issues online, you find a website forum with a name that sounds a bit like an unfortunate and terrible set of instructions.. “RapeEat”, “Wrappit”, “RayPeet” or something, where many other obese, broken Human operators are trying to troubleshoot their hardware issues.

They’ve concluded that the current hardware status is actually normal and that using knockoff NMSSH fuels isn’t the problem, you just need to consume garage-made RapeEat thyroid products or a handful of specific pills that will replace perhaps 30 of the missing consumables to fix your problem solving issues and energy usage.. Movement is overrated, anyway. Don’t worry about the excessive fat storage, inflammation and water retention – these are normal for hardware of your Human’s age, so relax – #healthyateverysize.

You don’t really understand the technical details, but these RapeEat people are so emphatic about being right, they must know what they’re doing! They’re so confident that they ban anyone from participating who thinks otherwise.

After a year of trying these RapeEat ideas, you’re puzzled and disappointed to find they don’t work, so eventually you waddle your Human down to a NatureCo service centre and ask for assistance.

Unfortunately, a subsidiary of NMSSH called PharmaCo bought out NatureCo’s service business in America, so the quality of care you receive is now a prescription service of specific drugs designed to treat single hardware issues (with limited success or additional problem created) and this requires healthcare insurance and an additional monthly cost to purchase these PharmaCo drugs.

They do suggest that you move your Human more each day and to reduce the fat storage, but they’re quite happy to sell you an additional prescription to counteract some of the negative effects of the excess fat storage and blood transport system degradation, enabling you to continue with your current schedule containing inadequate daily movement / activities, as well as prescribing drugs to treat the depression and anxiety.

This is the new “normal” for you – your Human is not operating at more than 30% capacity, is still unhappy, still unable to move without difficulties. Surely this isn’t right? The NatureCo salesperson said you’d get 70-90 years of service life out of your Human and it’s already looking like it needs replacing.

What to do? You think the depression and anxiety issues seem to be the major part stopping you from using your Human, because they’re the most noticeable symptoms now, but they didn’t seem to respond to PharmaCo products, so maybe there’s another solution?

You waddle your Human back to the computer chair, dust some powdered McCheetos off the keyboard, drink a whole bottle of MountAndDo for energy and find another website called “Dreadit”, where many Human operators share information and then spend the next 3 days “dreading” the responses they have to deal with.

On the Dreadit website, you find various Subdreadits called ArrrghNooptropics, ArrrghSupplements and ArrrghPeptides, where there are some really smart operators and thousands of other Human operators just like you.

Some of them have spent countless years understanding all of the ways the Human stops working and tries to adapt, when deprived of specific individual and various combinations of consumable products. As a consequence of this, these operators now consume these specific consumables in pill, capsule or injectable form and some of them have seen some improvements to their various Human problems.

After a lifetime of chasing down these rabbit holes of inquiry, some of these operators are highly educated on the pathology of specific diseases and malfunctions that manifest from using the knockoff food products, but they believe they are feeding their Human “healthy food”, and the only source of micronutrient products is via synthetic pills, which still only contain a fraction of the thousands of consumable items contained in the NatureCo food products.

Partial successes are now observed for various problems, causing the demand for a new industry and new billion-dollar companies to arise such as “GlobalSupplementCo” (GSC), who sell much less regulated consumable products that function comparably to PharmaCo’s drugs, but cheaper and made from food extracts.

Human operators are now spending more than four times as much money each week on a cocktail of cheap NMSSH knockoff foods, expensive PharmaCo drugs, services and GSC food extracts, yet their Humans are still only operating at 50% efficiency.

Some Human operators conclude that they’re being conned and rebel against this system by only feeding their Human NatureCo products, by this stage with varying degrees of success.

Unfortunately, as a way of expressing their complete disgust with the previous system, some choose a lifestyle which brands them as “hippies” and insufferable outcasts to other operators, making NatureCo fuels seem unappealing, by association. It becomes “not cool” to eat NatureCo products, as you are now a filthy hippie.

Additionally, some of these “rebels” decide that only some of NatureCo’s products are healthy and some aren’t, leading to further segregation and large arguments between “carnivores” and “plant-based” Human operators.

Moving forward, there are daily arguments between operators about the best way to feed their Human..

Obese RapeEaters arguing that malfunctions are normal.

NMSSH arguing that cheap food is healthy.

PharmaCo arguing that drugs are the answer.

Dreadittors arguing that food extracts are the answer and trying a new one each month to solve their depression.

Hippies arguing that the whole system is broken, man.

Carnivores arguing that NatureCo plants are bad because their now-damaged Human gut microbe populations can’t process the plant fibres.

Plant-based operators arguing loudly all week that NatureCo meats are bad because of philosophical and emotional reasons, then sometimes sneaking in a turkey sandwich on the weekends. As some of these operators haven’t figured out how to incorporate sufficient protein into their Human feeding program, they simply declare protein is bad and unnecessary.

Ketogenic Human operators blaming sugar for all the issues, with some noisy advocates encouraging vastly over feeding their humans sodium to offset glycogen and water losses.

..In short, the situation is now a total clusterf*ck.

To restore optimal functional levels in Humans requires repopulating the service microbes in the GI tract and other places, then feeding the Human just the manufacturer specified fuels and consumables, which allow it to begin repairing the previous damage, while operating the Human normally again each day, triggering it to adapt to your desire for it to move around freely.

In all this confusion, how do you know you’re feeding your Human the right amounts of NatureCo products? It all seems too hard.

Thankfully, some governments, using the best information the scientific research groups have provided, create and maintain “dietary guidelines” and charts about how much of each food to use.. however this is still a work in progress and sometimes difficult to fumble through. It turns out that small amounts of tasty NMSSH foods are tolerable, if balanced with sufficient NatureCo foods.

Additionally, there are tools like “Cronometer” available, which allow you to delegate the task of summarising, validating and visualising your Human food decisions in a functional and convenient way, although Cronometer assumes you are consuming the other thousands of non-tracked nutrients by just eating NatureCo foods, at the same time as hitting the 76 targets it actively monitors. Cheating, by using and logging GSC food extracts largely defeats the purpose of the tool.
You can pair this tool with a wearable fitness tracker for your Human which monitors your energy usage and updates your Cronometer targets appropriately.

https://i.imgur.com/rITsP9j.png

Changing your Human feeding and movement habits may appear to be a challenging task, but the perception is far from reality.. it’s just a process to follow and a function of time to undo the damage.

The more damage you accumulate, the longer the process will be and you may have additional difficulties to battle from the diseases being created, however this is the optimal way to restore normal, natural functionality in your Human vehicle.

Good luck on your journey operator, whichever path you choose.