stiv's explanation

I've been seeing a lot of information tossed around regarding what happened between me, Tolki, and others at SGDQ. Some of it is true, and some of it isn't. I'm not sure if this is the best course of action, but I figured it might be good to let you all know what EXACTLY happened so that all of this speculation can stop and the issue can be put to rest.

First of all, the pastebin in which I apologize to Sam is real. I wrote it the other day because I felt really bad for what happened and wanted to do my best to apologize to him. I could have sworn that the apology pastebin was unlisted, but for some reason it's appearing as public. I clearly remember checking multiple times to see if the pastebin was unlisted. Maybe I made it public by accident. Otherwise, somebody who had it revealed it. I don't even know, I'm so confused.

Now, for what happened. This has obviously been blown out of proportion. Some of these extreme stories I'm seeing are completely false. Everything happened between us and the couple other guys I was rooming with. It began one night when Tolki, the couple other guys and I decided to drink. Sam didn't drink, and actually clammed up and became silent while we were just hanging out and drinking. Eventually, he wound up leaving the room without saying anything, and he didn't come back for the remainder of the night. As the night went on and we all got drunker, things started getting crazier. We were cuddling and such, and by the end of the night we all wound up kissing Tolki.

The next day, we were all trying to process what happened and what would happen from there on. We still didn't know where Sam was, but he did come back in the room once or twice to get some things. It was apparent that he was still mad. Later on, we found out that Sam left SGDQ. He took the car and left for home, leaving Tolki and their stuff at the hotel. This was pretty shocking, and we didn't really know what to do. As far as I know, he didn't know that anything went down the previous night, but he might have found out. In any matter, we discussed the ordeal throughout the day and thought about how Tolki would get home and what she would do after that. For the next few days we all just hung out as normal and got drunk a couple more times, similar to the first night I described.

Now, I know there's a lot of talk about her and I having sex. And I will confirm that this is true. During the last couple of days of SGDQ, Tolki and I started to talk a lot more personally and become closer with each other. One night we wound up alone in the hotel room, and it happened. This is hands-down the worst thing that happened. It was wrong on both of our parts. We both consented to it being 100% aware that she was married. We both betrayed Sam on a whole different level. I don't know what came over us, but it happened, and we are both sorry beyond belief for it.

That basically sums up the entirety of what happened between Tolki, the other guys, and I. To speak for myself and the other guys, we just plain weren't thinking straight and made some really dumb mistakes. To speak for Tolki, I'm sure the reasons she acted the way she did are due to factors that we don't completely understand. All I know for sure is that the two married very young, and that they are both undergoing changes as they grow older. I also know that Tolki just wasn't very happy with how things were going in their marriage, but she didn't really know how to approach this. They were going through some really rough patches in their relationship, and all of the stuff that happened was sort of an outlet for Tolki, I guess.

I would like to say a few words about Tolki and Sam now. People are making Tolki out to be this giant whore and ultimately the bad guy in this situation. She is neither of these things. I'd like to let you all know that she is a very intelligent, attractive individual with a lot of potential. She thinks so much about other people, and would help anyone with anything.  As I said before, she was just very confused with the way things were going in her marriage, and she didn't know where to turn. There wasn't much she felt she could do. this built up over time and what happened was an outlet. I'm not saying that what happened was acceptable. I'm just trying to put this in her perspective for you and help you be a little more understanding. Sam is also an awesome guy and didn't deserve any of this to happen to him no matter what. I don't want him being singled out as the bad guy either. He is also going through a lot of stress trying to figure out his life. He is one of the nicest, most inspirational guys I've ever met with an ambition to break the mold. The fact of the matter is they are both two amazing people and even though Sam doesn't want me in his life anymore, they will still remain in my heart as close friends.

In conclusion, we screwed up terribly, and the repercussions will remain for a long time, if not forever. I really wish I could make things right again, but I can't. I have not been in contact with Sam for obvious reasons. Tolki also hasn't gotten back to me, I'm sure because she feels extremely guilty and Sam doesn't want her to. I don't know what is going on between them, but all I wish for is happiness for the two of them, whether they stay together or not. I really do hope I hear from them again someday. I hope this has shed some light on the situation, and that you all have gained a better understanding.