Knights of Badassdom (2013) EN

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In the 16th Century,
the mystic John Dee wrote

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the "Sigillum Aemeth",
a book of musical chants

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that were meant to summon angels,

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but brought forth demons instead.

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Fearing the unholy power of his
dark songs, Dee tried to destroy

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the book, but failed.

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Sought by sorcerers and
dark rules for centuries,

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the book had been lost

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...until now.

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Bequeath protection upon
thine followers who walketh

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in the footsteps of--

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And your appeasement of the gods of --

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Have failed.

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What seven blood packs not enough, Ronny?

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Yeah, this shit's never coming
out of my tunic, by the way.

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I don't know what to tell you guys, okay?

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The appeasement fails?

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It's bullshit. You failed, Eric.

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Okay?

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Maybe if you made a meaningful sacrifice.

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Hey, that's bullshit, Ronny.

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We're over here in the woods
in the middle of the night.

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We nailed the chant.

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Come on.

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Had everything that game plan laid out.

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Can't keep just failing
my appeasements forever.

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I'm sorry.

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F you, Hung.

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The appeasement fails because
Eric wasn't meaning it.

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He wasn't being meaningful.

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Bullshit, Ronny.

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I don't know what to tell you guys.

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Sometimes I don't know who's
harder to appease, Ronny.

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If you don't stop complaining,
the gods of --

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are going to curse all your characters

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with a case of evil herpes!

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Eric, you failed.

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Maybe if you made a meaningful sacrifice.

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Guys, how will we ever taste
triumph at Evermore with this

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weak bullshit?

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Fear not, Sir Reginald,
for I have just the magic needed.

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Excuse me while I whipeth this out.

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What was that?

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Hey, Dude, what's that?

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What?

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Oh shit!

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Oh!

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Eat paint, -- fuckers!

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This'll teach you to play your

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fucking wizard game in our woods.

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Run!

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Run, you freaks.

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Don't ever come back.

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Hey, check this shit out.

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Harry Pooper dropped his book.

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Yeah, tear that shit.

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Come on, man.

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Destroy the book.

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Rip it open.

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What the fuck?

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Fuck.

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Jesus motherfucker.

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The book fucked up your face.

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Ahh!

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Be strong, Sir Reginald.

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Be strong, I say.

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Oh man.

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Fuck.

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Shit!

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We gotta go back for the book.

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What book?

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I brought that kickass old book
I was gonna use for my spells!

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Fuck!

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I must have dropped it when
those people attacked us!

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Shit!

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Fuck!

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Is this it?

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That's it.

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Whoo.

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Thank God.

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Sorry about freaking out.

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No problem.

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Ronny Kwok, he's gonna
shit when he sees that.

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We'll be back, you redneck cocksuckers.

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This I vow.

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**

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Bleh.

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Turn off the music!

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Turn it off!

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What?

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Turn this music off!

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Joe, come on.

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Come on.

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You are this close.

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How close?

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Damn, man.

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That shit is tight.

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It's called "Your Heart Sucks My Soul."

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It's kind of a love song, you know?

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Mm-hmm.

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I wrote it as a surprise for Beth.

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Yeah? Yeah.

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Listen, if that song doesn't
say love and commitment,

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I don't know what does.

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We need to have a talk.

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I am way ahead of you.

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How about you, me, dinner, tonight?

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Somewhere with a tablecloth?

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I got a little something
special I want to give you.

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Wait.

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Don't tell me it's--

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Is it what I think it is?

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No.

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Yes.

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I don't know.

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What do you think it is?

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Don't do anything big
involving jewelry, okay?

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I mean, I need to concentrate on my career.

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It's not the right thing for
that sort of commitment.

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Oh, no, no, I get it.

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Whoa.

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It's cool.

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It's cool.

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I mean, why mess with a good thing, right?

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Time out here, Joe.

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You're breaking up with me.

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Will you listen to me?

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You have a college degree
in communications studies.

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You could be doing anything you wanted.

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Hold up.

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I am doing what I want.

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You live in a fake castle
leeching off your accidental

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millionaire loser friend playing
black metal in your bedroom.

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You will never change.

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Uh, it's doom metal.

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Who the fuck asked you?

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Well, he's right.

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Gilberto, you're the fucking man.

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It was black.

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Then we went through a sludge phase.

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Now it's more doom.

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I need to focus on my future, my career.

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It's important that I align myself

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with successful people, Joe.

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I'm sorry, but that's just how it is.

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Hey, dude, where's my plus-3 mace?

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Am I thy weapon's keeper?

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Hey, man.

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Found it!

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Oh, hey, dude.

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You bent my mace.

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That's not cool.

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Sorry, man.

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My mom made me this mace.

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It's still fierce.

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**

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Ahh!

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**

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That's a power ballad.

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What's wrong with him?

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Oh.

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She dumped you, didn't she?

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Fuck off!

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Whoa, nice shot.

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So your body is already
subconsciously moving on.

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I knew that this day would come.

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You had a vision of her just
ripping out my heart, huh?

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Yeah.

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Thanks for the heads up, mighty warlock.

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I'm a 26-level wizard, buddy.

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I know that you know that;
you're just trying to be

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hurtful.

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Fucking Beth.

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Dude, look, I'm sorry for what happened,
but you two hadn't

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been right for each other for a long time.

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It's only the rejection that hurts.

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You'll get over that.

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Maybe she's right.

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Maybe... I should be making some changes.

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Maybe I should move out of here.

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No, there's no need for drama.

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You always have a place
here at meine castle.

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I still love her.

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We can't leave him like this.

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I know.

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I'll be fine.

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Just go.

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Go.

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Kill your fake dragons.

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This is awkward.

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I know what you need.

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Come on.

193
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Come on!

194
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I told you, I don't do that shit any more.

195
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Yeah and the reason you quit
just kicked you to the curb.

196
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So I think it's high time that
you got back in the saddle.

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It's a sativa, dude.

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It'll lift your spirits
but not knock you out.

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Just do it.

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**

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I love you.

202
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I love you too, Joe.

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Sweet Jesus.

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Wait.

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Oh no.

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Fuck me.

207
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Aye, Sir Dragonoth have
been detained by Minerva,

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the sea hag.

209
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His bewitchment by the siren's
song shall be the nail thine

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army --, King Diamond the Red.

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We shall see.

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Until Evermore.

213
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'Til Evermore.

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Eric!

215
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Hung!

216
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Where the fuck are we?

217
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'Tis the kingdom of Eliphaz,
my naïve friend.

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-- and dress me.

219
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Aye.

220
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It just felt right.

221
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Adventuring is exactly what thou needst.

222
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"Needst" is not a word.

223
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Where we are, it is.

224
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I'm taking this shit off.

225
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Whoa!

226
00:15:00,476 --> 00:15:02,542
Now is not the time to lose thy nerve,

227
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brave and scorned warrior.

228
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Thou has been recruited to
fight in the glorious army

229
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of Kabedrah.

230
00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:11,148
The epic battle of Evermore.

231
00:15:14,585 --> 00:15:17,052
Come, Sir Hung.

232
00:15:33,398 --> 00:15:34,731
That looks terrible.

233
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:37,133
My three-year-old nephew
could make a better map.

234
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:40,535
He's got learning disabilities.

235
00:15:40,537 --> 00:15:43,638
It'll have to do.

236
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,306
You, my friend, are on dragon duty.

237
00:15:46,308 --> 00:15:52,344
Take these and make sure
that weeee are good to go.

238
00:15:52,346 --> 00:15:55,279
And Dragon Rider!

239
00:15:55,281 --> 00:15:56,514
Just don't fuck with my stereo.

240
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The dead meadows of Bodom.

241
00:16:05,056 --> 00:16:07,321
Grass is nourished by the blood of heroes.

242
00:16:07,323 --> 00:16:08,523
Hmm?

243
00:16:08,525 --> 00:16:09,723
Are you listening?

244
00:16:09,725 --> 00:16:11,124
Yes.

245
00:16:11,126 --> 00:16:12,324
Uh-huh.

246
00:16:12,326 --> 00:16:13,793
Continue.

247
00:16:20,165 --> 00:16:23,633
And here we have Fengyrian Falls.

248
00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:29,571
Oh.

249
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:33,373
Remember, gentlemen,
your supervision of this script and

250
00:16:33,375 --> 00:16:37,376
the monsters contained within
make this event come alive.

251
00:16:37,378 --> 00:16:38,776
Follow me now.

252
00:16:38,778 --> 00:16:42,246
Adventures lie waiting
like sleeping dragons!

253
00:16:42,248 --> 00:16:45,182
Hah?

254
00:16:51,454 --> 00:16:54,788
And here we have Novum Castellum!

255
00:16:54,790 --> 00:16:57,123
Ah, each band of heroes will complete

256
00:16:57,125 --> 00:16:59,225
a Class Three quest this eve.

257
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:02,227
By gathering at the plains of Evermore,
the battle betwixt

258
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,795
the realms of King Diamond --

259
00:17:06,865 --> 00:17:11,134
Though there will be a big
surprise in store for all.

260
00:17:11,136 --> 00:17:16,770
And as game master,
I will be watching over all of this.

261
00:17:16,772 --> 00:17:19,239
You can think of me as God.

262
00:17:33,183 --> 00:17:34,783
Excuse me a minute.

263
00:17:43,524 --> 00:17:45,158
Ah, Gwen.

264
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,227
Just whom I wanted to see.

265
00:17:48,229 --> 00:17:51,596
I have been watching you these
battle-swept nights of the

266
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campaign and you have shown your mettle.

267
00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:56,866
So verily, the time has come for

268
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,868
you to ascend to the upper realms.

269
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Oh God.

270
00:18:01,771 --> 00:18:03,871
The game hasn't started already, has it?

271
00:18:03,873 --> 00:18:07,173
We don't have to talk
in Dorkinese yet, do we?

272
00:18:07,175 --> 00:18:11,343
I thought maybe you'd want to
be my assistant head game master

273
00:18:11,345 --> 00:18:13,745
and you could be my right hand,
my right hand--

274
00:18:13,747 --> 00:18:15,678
Ow!

275
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,547
Ooh.

276
00:18:17,549 --> 00:18:18,847
I have an idea of what
your right hand spends

277
00:18:18,849 --> 00:18:20,249
a lot of time doing, Ronny.

278
00:18:20,251 --> 00:18:21,817
That's really personal, Gwen.

279
00:18:21,819 --> 00:18:23,251
Come, Gunther.

280
00:18:30,558 --> 00:18:32,725
I'll take that as a no for now.

281
00:18:32,727 --> 00:18:34,393
You okay?

282
00:18:34,395 --> 00:18:35,626
Shut your mouth.

283
00:18:38,263 --> 00:18:39,529
Onward.

284
00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:44,199
You shut your mouth.

285
00:18:44,201 --> 00:18:47,435
Where the fuck are the keys?

286
00:18:52,473 --> 00:18:58,242
Whoa.

287
00:18:58,244 --> 00:18:59,744
Hey.

288
00:18:59,746 --> 00:19:02,479
Thought you guys only used foam weapons.

289
00:19:02,481 --> 00:19:04,680
In this world, young Jonen,

290
00:19:04,682 --> 00:19:07,616
you can only put your trust in steel.

291
00:19:07,618 --> 00:19:12,253
My elite clientele is willing to
pay a premium for authenticity.

292
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:15,222
Where the fuck are the keys?

293
00:19:15,224 --> 00:19:16,422
Come on, Joe.

294
00:19:16,424 --> 00:19:18,190
You played D&D.

295
00:19:18,192 --> 00:19:19,391
Live action role play is the next level.

296
00:19:19,393 --> 00:19:20,592
D&D was a long time ago.

297
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:21,792
Yeah.

298
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,194
And you were a legend.

299
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,795
These people here?

300
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:28,264
They sing songs about the time
that you gave Ronny Kwok's

301
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:36,903
paladin demonic syphilis.

302
00:19:36,905 --> 00:19:40,673
Do you remember, remember when
we caught Ronny spanking it to

303
00:19:40,675 --> 00:19:43,241
the succubus picture in
the old monster manual?

304
00:19:43,243 --> 00:19:44,475
Good times, man.

305
00:19:44,477 --> 00:19:46,310
Yeah, and some of us are still having 'em.

306
00:19:46,312 --> 00:19:47,578
Come on!

307
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:49,613
Eric's about to level up to Grand Sorcerer.

308
00:19:49,615 --> 00:19:52,381
I'm packing an ounce of killer 'shrooms.

309
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:55,517
And there be monsters in need of pummelin'!

310
00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:59,886
You have a choice: Join us in
tasting the sweet nectar of

311
00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:03,255
victory or mope around an empty
house all week like a bitch.

312
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:10,995
You guys do actually look slightly badass.

313
00:20:10,997 --> 00:20:12,896
It's like a metal-- cover.

314
00:20:12,898 --> 00:20:14,331
Without the muscles.

315
00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:20,000
All right.

316
00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:21,401
I'm in.

317
00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:22,803
Huzzah!

318
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,003
Please.

319
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,404
Don't make me rethink this.

320
00:20:25,406 --> 00:20:26,639
Nah.

321
00:20:36,413 --> 00:20:39,648
Welcome to the fields of Evermore!

322
00:20:45,886 --> 00:20:47,287
Um, Ronny?

323
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:48,488
Yes, Travis.

324
00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:49,788
Where are our costumes?

325
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,824
There is no end to the tricks up my sleeve.

326
00:20:51,826 --> 00:20:53,024
Wardrobe?

327
00:20:53,026 --> 00:20:54,425
Yes, sir.

328
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:55,627
Got it.

329
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,027
42 regular.

330
00:20:57,029 --> 00:20:58,427
42 reg, I think you'll find it snug.

331
00:20:58,429 --> 00:20:59,996
Great.

332
00:20:59,998 --> 00:21:01,396
I think you'll find it freshly laundered.

333
00:21:01,398 --> 00:21:02,831
I'm a trained actor, man.

334
00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:06,367
Not some fucking stunt monkey.

335
00:21:06,369 --> 00:21:09,502
Weekend improv workshop, my ass.

336
00:21:09,504 --> 00:21:11,004
Ungrateful.

337
00:21:11,006 --> 00:21:14,339
Ah, greetings, enchanter.

338
00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,675
I have some surprises in store for you.

339
00:21:16,677 --> 00:21:20,410
Some creatures with a taste
for flesh of the lowest order.

340
00:21:20,412 --> 00:21:21,678
Hmm?

341
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,712
Parasites, charlatans.

342
00:21:23,714 --> 00:21:25,781
War profiteers of forbidden weapons.

343
00:21:25,783 --> 00:21:27,382
Verily, I say, let it go, dude.

344
00:21:27,384 --> 00:21:28,916
Well.

345
00:21:28,918 --> 00:21:32,319
Marketplace is a battlefield and
to the victor go the spoils.

346
00:21:32,321 --> 00:21:33,820
Agreed.

347
00:21:33,822 --> 00:21:36,956
I bring news of a legendary
warrior long absent from this

348
00:21:36,958 --> 00:21:40,791
realm who returnth to replace
the estimable Sir Reginald.

349
00:21:40,793 --> 00:21:44,427
The new warrior is of course welcome.

350
00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:45,628
Wonderful!

351
00:21:45,630 --> 00:21:46,828
Jobreyth of --

352
00:21:46,830 --> 00:21:48,397
shall once more fight by my side.

353
00:21:48,399 --> 00:21:49,598
Joe Revitt's here?

354
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,799
What the frack, Eric?

355
00:21:50,801 --> 00:21:51,999
I hate that guy.

356
00:21:52,001 --> 00:21:53,968
Ronald, Ronald, why be so petty?

357
00:21:53,970 --> 00:21:55,502
I mean, surely, you're not still sore about

358
00:21:55,504 --> 00:21:57,070
your syphilitic paladin.

359
00:21:57,072 --> 00:22:00,838
Perhaps, the pages of your monster manual

360
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,408
remain stucketh together?

361
00:22:08,945 --> 00:22:10,513
For old time's sake, he's in.

362
00:22:12,014 --> 00:22:17,751
But... you must accomplish
a level 12 summoning spell

363
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:21,353
to animate Joe's character
with Reginald's life-force.

364
00:22:21,355 --> 00:22:24,588
Consider it done, my liege.

365
00:22:28,427 --> 00:22:29,759
Okay, that was a bit much.

366
00:22:29,761 --> 00:22:32,095
Show-off.

367
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,966
Lo, the adventure begins!

368
00:22:40,968 --> 00:22:43,336
Please report for quest assignments.

369
00:22:43,338 --> 00:22:45,704
Step forward when your group is called.

370
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,342
Freakend Warriors!

371
00:22:51,344 --> 00:22:53,377
The Medieval Kenevils!

372
00:22:54,878 --> 00:22:58,046
Gnomeland Security.

373
00:22:58,048 --> 00:23:00,649
Fair-Leather Friends.

374
00:23:00,651 --> 00:23:03,016
The Norse Whisperers.

375
00:23:04,618 --> 00:23:06,418
Heed this reminder.

376
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:09,388
All guilds must complete their
quests prior to tomorrow's

377
00:23:09,390 --> 00:23:10,988
battle at Evermore.

378
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,458
Also, Ryan the Necromancer
beseeches thy help in finding

379
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:14,658
his inhaler.

380
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:15,859
What?

381
00:23:15,861 --> 00:23:17,060
Oh.

382
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:19,895
His inhaler of doom!

383
00:23:19,897 --> 00:23:22,730
And to the owner of the
sperm-white Toyota Tercel,

384
00:23:22,732 --> 00:23:24,932
thy chariot is blocking the witches' coven.

385
00:23:24,934 --> 00:23:28,835
Move it or you'll be faced
with a hex of great dark magic.

386
00:23:28,837 --> 00:23:30,370
And you'll be towed.

387
00:23:36,608 --> 00:23:44,379
**

388
00:23:50,618 --> 00:23:54,086
It's a lot like you remember it,
except for sitting around

389
00:23:54,088 --> 00:23:56,421
a table, we do it for real.

390
00:23:56,423 --> 00:23:57,622
For fake.

391
00:23:57,624 --> 00:23:58,823
Fake-real, dude.

392
00:23:58,825 --> 00:24:00,024
Don't fuck with me.

393
00:24:00,026 --> 00:24:03,025
And this fake-real involves, uh, yoga?

394
00:24:03,027 --> 00:24:05,627
Laugh now, but a structured
warm-up routine helps prevent

395
00:24:05,629 --> 00:24:07,129
injury later.

396
00:24:07,131 --> 00:24:09,930
All right-- I'll show you.

397
00:24:09,932 --> 00:24:11,432
Come on.

398
00:24:14,101 --> 00:24:15,602
What?

399
00:24:15,604 --> 00:24:17,436
All right.

400
00:24:17,438 --> 00:24:18,971
Arms and legs, one point.

401
00:24:18,973 --> 00:24:20,773
Torso's two.

402
00:24:20,775 --> 00:24:24,441
Limb takes a hit, it's useless
until healing's been cast.

403
00:24:24,443 --> 00:24:27,977
Parry disarm can be used once
per melee unless you're up

404
00:24:27,979 --> 00:24:29,611
against a two-handed weapon.

405
00:24:29,613 --> 00:24:31,045
Grab your sword, I'll demonstrate.

406
00:24:48,993 --> 00:24:52,528
**

407
00:24:56,932 --> 00:24:58,732
Finish him!

408
00:25:15,211 --> 00:25:16,678
Got an idea.

409
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,913
How about I just forget the count

410
00:25:17,915 --> 00:25:19,713
and start wailing on people!

411
00:25:19,715 --> 00:25:21,148
Dude! Dude!

412
00:25:21,150 --> 00:25:23,483
It's honor system, man.

413
00:25:23,485 --> 00:25:25,617
Okay, you're all set to join the battle.

414
00:25:25,619 --> 00:25:27,019
I just spoke with Ronny.

415
00:25:27,021 --> 00:25:29,787
Oh, except lose the sword. Huh?

416
00:25:29,789 --> 00:25:31,522
Yeah, newbs don't get swords.

417
00:25:31,524 --> 00:25:33,790
Uh.

418
00:25:33,792 --> 00:25:38,093
Wait, I have to earn the
right to carry a foam stick?

419
00:25:38,095 --> 00:25:42,163
'Tis not the size of the young
knave's blade, but the lust in

420
00:25:42,165 --> 00:25:44,731
his thrust by which legends are made.

421
00:25:47,034 --> 00:25:48,234
Oh!

422
00:25:48,236 --> 00:25:50,035
Jobreyth!

423
00:25:50,037 --> 00:25:53,704
There is one more thing
you're going to need to do.

424
00:26:04,180 --> 00:26:05,912
Verily?

425
00:26:05,914 --> 00:26:08,548
This is retarded. Guys, pentagrams?

426
00:26:08,550 --> 00:26:10,082
We don't roll that way here.

427
00:26:10,084 --> 00:26:12,585
This is the LARP,
not the Wicker Man Wiccan cosplay.

428
00:26:12,587 --> 00:26:13,852
Nay.

429
00:26:15,154 --> 00:26:16,754
'Tis in the book, dude.

430
00:26:18,957 --> 00:26:20,190
Okay.

431
00:26:24,828 --> 00:26:27,595
Um, Eric.

432
00:26:27,597 --> 00:26:31,831
They be the rest of our
traveling companions.

433
00:26:31,833 --> 00:26:38,536
Stand back and witness the
spectacle of my animation spell.

434
00:26:38,538 --> 00:26:42,006
Ready? Oh, for God's sake.

435
00:27:41,849 --> 00:27:43,716
Ahh!

436
00:27:47,754 --> 00:27:49,686
Beth?

437
00:27:49,688 --> 00:27:50,987
Beth?

438
00:27:53,157 --> 00:27:55,758
Ahh!

439
00:28:07,034 --> 00:28:08,833
How awesome was that!

440
00:28:13,204 --> 00:28:14,904
Arise, Jobreyth.

441
00:28:14,906 --> 00:28:16,973
Breathe fresh the air once again.

442
00:28:20,210 --> 00:28:24,979
Me thinks you should not
be so much of a pussy.

443
00:28:24,981 --> 00:28:26,746
Don't tell me you've never
played with fireworks before.

444
00:28:26,748 --> 00:28:28,348
Not like that.

445
00:28:28,350 --> 00:28:32,250
What was with the faces,
the smells, everything?

446
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:34,252
What was that?

447
00:28:34,254 --> 00:28:36,253
I tell you what I see.

448
00:28:36,255 --> 00:28:39,121
A warrior...

449
00:28:39,123 --> 00:28:43,858
who can't let go of his past.

450
00:28:43,860 --> 00:28:47,128
What are you doing?

451
00:28:47,130 --> 00:28:48,329
Wow.

452
00:28:48,331 --> 00:28:49,729
What was that?

453
00:28:49,731 --> 00:28:50,930
Ex-girlfriend!

454
00:28:50,932 --> 00:28:53,198
Jobryeth needeth closure!

455
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,067
It's not like that.

456
00:28:55,069 --> 00:28:56,634
'Tis no matter to me, apprentice.

457
00:28:56,636 --> 00:28:57,835
What the shit is going on?

458
00:28:57,837 --> 00:29:00,136
Why is there smoke?

459
00:29:00,138 --> 00:29:03,039
Eric, I said a basic summoning spell,
not one of your

460
00:29:03,041 --> 00:29:04,940
non-regulation pyrotechnic displays.

461
00:29:04,942 --> 00:29:08,276
This was more befitting
a 27th level sorcerer.

462
00:29:08,278 --> 00:29:10,377
Which you are not yet.

463
00:29:12,180 --> 00:29:14,814
What's up, Joe?

464
00:29:14,816 --> 00:29:17,716
Needst I remindst thou the temple

465
00:29:17,718 --> 00:29:18,984
of awaits.

466
00:29:18,986 --> 00:29:20,185
Don't be a buzzkill, Ronny.

467
00:29:20,187 --> 00:29:21,385
Ah.

468
00:29:21,387 --> 00:29:22,886
Come, Gunther.

469
00:29:26,357 --> 00:29:27,757
Buzzkill.

470
00:29:27,759 --> 00:29:28,957
What?

471
00:29:28,959 --> 00:29:31,892
Buzzkill.

472
00:29:48,272 --> 00:29:50,039
How you doing there, Captain Trips?

473
00:29:50,041 --> 00:29:51,740
Verily.

474
00:29:51,742 --> 00:29:54,408
There be a fungus among us.

475
00:29:54,410 --> 00:29:57,378
Is it your fungus that's fucking with me?

476
00:29:57,380 --> 00:30:00,847
'Cause if you did slip me some 'shrooms,
why's it feel like

477
00:30:00,849 --> 00:30:03,181
I got bent over and taken
advantage of back there?

478
00:30:03,183 --> 00:30:06,751
Perhaps thine reach exceeds thine grasp, --.

479
00:30:06,753 --> 00:30:09,420
So who are our comrades, Enchanter?

480
00:30:09,422 --> 00:30:10,887
Right.

481
00:30:10,889 --> 00:30:12,688
That be Lando, the pious.

482
00:30:12,690 --> 00:30:13,889
Watch him in battle.

483
00:30:13,891 --> 00:30:15,957
Complete weasel, but entertaining.

484
00:30:15,959 --> 00:30:17,158
You'll see.

485
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,159
Sir Gunther, the mighty.

486
00:30:19,161 --> 00:30:20,927
Head case with a big stick.

487
00:30:20,929 --> 00:30:23,396
He is unique and crazy.

488
00:30:23,398 --> 00:30:27,966
And Guinevere the fearless,
who's plus-three ass perfection

489
00:30:27,968 --> 00:30:29,167
should keep the memory of

490
00:30:29,169 --> 00:30:31,435
She Who Shall Not Be Mentioned at bay.

491
00:30:31,437 --> 00:30:33,436
Plus-three?

492
00:30:33,438 --> 00:30:36,138
Clearly you underestimate my endowments.

493
00:30:39,309 --> 00:30:41,676
Look, your party has disturbed a nest!

494
00:30:41,678 --> 00:30:42,877
Demon apes!

495
00:30:42,879 --> 00:30:44,077
What the fuck?

496
00:30:44,079 --> 00:30:45,311
Play on!

497
00:30:47,915 --> 00:30:50,449
One of the beasts deals Sir Hung
the Glutinous a stunning blow!

498
00:30:50,451 --> 00:30:55,318
**

499
00:30:58,388 --> 00:30:59,822
Haha!

500
00:31:02,224 --> 00:31:04,858
Great way to spend the weekend.

501
00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:09,028
Sweating my balls off in a monkey outfit.

502
00:31:09,030 --> 00:31:10,930
I don't know where the hell I am.

503
00:31:16,001 --> 00:31:17,701
Who's there?

504
00:31:17,703 --> 00:31:19,335
Hello, apelings?

505
00:31:25,241 --> 00:31:29,110
Dude! Joe! Little help here. Huh?

506
00:31:29,112 --> 00:31:30,944
Help us kill some freaking apes!

507
00:31:30,946 --> 00:31:34,079
You here for the LARP?

508
00:31:34,081 --> 00:31:37,749
The live, the LARP?

509
00:31:40,819 --> 00:31:43,286
Do you maybe have a map?

510
00:31:43,288 --> 00:31:44,887
Oh, wow.

511
00:31:44,889 --> 00:31:50,825
'Cause I, um...I sort of lost my way.

512
00:31:50,827 --> 00:31:52,827
Separated from the group.

513
00:31:57,430 --> 00:31:59,497
Oh... kay.

514
00:32:03,468 --> 00:32:06,503
Jobryeth!

515
00:32:10,340 --> 00:32:13,475
Gonna... kill... your... monkey... asses!

516
00:32:13,477 --> 00:32:15,275
Jobryeth takes a lethal strike to the back!

517
00:32:15,277 --> 00:32:16,476
Huh?

518
00:32:16,478 --> 00:32:18,845
Bullshit-- 'Tis a lie! Halt!

519
00:32:21,180 --> 00:32:23,482
Game master saw a palpable hit
and an unconscious man throwing

520
00:32:23,484 --> 00:32:25,483
weaponry, weaponry that is
beyond the expertise of your

521
00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:28,451
lowly character.

522
00:32:28,453 --> 00:32:31,387
I don't understand what you said,
but I'm gonna sit down.

523
00:32:31,389 --> 00:32:33,055
Three, two, one, play on!

524
00:32:35,858 --> 00:32:38,191
Got separated from my group.

525
00:32:38,193 --> 00:32:40,060
You too?

526
00:32:40,062 --> 00:32:43,996
Uh, well, maybe then we should
stick together and both look.

527
00:32:43,998 --> 00:32:45,497
Oh.

528
00:32:45,499 --> 00:32:47,332
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

529
00:32:47,334 --> 00:32:48,832
If this is some sort of Furry fetish,

530
00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:50,501
then I don't mind at all!

531
00:32:50,503 --> 00:32:52,302
Oh wow!

532
00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:53,536
Oh wow!

533
00:33:00,208 --> 00:33:03,076
Oh, okay, sure.

534
00:33:06,079 --> 00:33:09,181
From the ground, thy wounds be bound.

535
00:33:09,183 --> 00:33:11,082
Regeneration spell successful!

536
00:33:13,951 --> 00:33:15,886
Still thy tongue lest I remove it!

537
00:33:17,487 --> 00:33:18,920
Lightning bolt!

538
00:33:20,322 --> 00:33:21,523
Lightning bolt!

539
00:33:21,525 --> 00:33:22,990
You my bitch-- Ow!

540
00:33:22,992 --> 00:33:24,424
Same side, same side!

541
00:33:24,426 --> 00:33:26,392
Be gone, demon apes!

542
00:33:31,964 --> 00:33:33,198
Oh shit.

543
00:33:35,167 --> 00:33:36,933
Damn.

544
00:33:40,970 --> 00:33:42,870
Lando has been dealt a
mortal blow. 'Tis a lie.

545
00:33:42,872 --> 00:33:45,940
I had a spell of simian protection.

546
00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:56,514
Fine, kill the brown guy first.

547
00:33:56,516 --> 00:33:58,382
The great ape has been vanquished!

548
00:33:58,384 --> 00:33:59,916
Huzzah!

549
00:33:59,918 --> 00:34:01,217
Yeah.

550
00:34:01,219 --> 00:34:03,352
Now remember, before
convening at the battle,

551
00:34:03,354 --> 00:34:05,420
this party has a quest
to loot the temple of --

552
00:34:05,422 --> 00:34:09,056
which needeth completion,
so... Perhaps the party should split

553
00:34:09,058 --> 00:34:10,257
up for to cover more ground.

554
00:34:10,259 --> 00:34:11,592
Capital idea, Sir Lando.

555
00:34:11,594 --> 00:34:14,160
Take Sir Hung the capable
and explore yon forest

556
00:34:14,162 --> 00:34:15,929
for the fabled temple.

557
00:34:15,931 --> 00:34:18,496
Verily-- We shall meet thee
at Evermore if not before.

558
00:34:18,498 --> 00:34:20,164
Godspeed to you and thy servant.

559
00:34:20,166 --> 00:34:21,364
Servant?

560
00:34:21,366 --> 00:34:22,566
I'm an apprentice.

561
00:34:22,568 --> 00:34:23,967
Fucketh you very much.

562
00:34:23,969 --> 00:34:25,568
Easy.

563
00:34:25,570 --> 00:34:29,404
I beseech thee to give him wide
berth as he is pained by a riven

564
00:34:29,406 --> 00:34:32,173
heart torn asunder by the
cruelty of an untrue maiden.

565
00:34:32,175 --> 00:34:33,941
Enough with that shit, please.

566
00:34:33,943 --> 00:34:35,142
Easy, my liege.

567
00:34:35,144 --> 00:34:37,577
I told these guys that thou were cool.

568
00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:44,114
Ah, at last.

569
00:34:44,116 --> 00:34:48,484
The simpletons and heretics
have left our brotherhood.

570
00:34:48,486 --> 00:34:50,953
However, it occureth to
me that mine apprentice

571
00:34:50,955 --> 00:34:52,287
has forgotten something.

572
00:34:52,289 --> 00:34:53,555
Yeah?

573
00:34:53,557 --> 00:34:57,024
Thou must return to the kingdom of Eliphaz.

574
00:34:57,026 --> 00:34:59,458
Uh... Parking lot.

575
00:34:59,460 --> 00:35:01,026
Parking lot.

576
00:35:01,028 --> 00:35:03,928
And fetch the amulet of
Kokun from our transport,

577
00:35:03,930 --> 00:35:07,264
for it shall be needed at
the battle of Evermore.

578
00:35:07,266 --> 00:35:10,167
So go to the parking lot to
get something you forgot.

579
00:35:12,603 --> 00:35:14,003
Aye.

580
00:35:14,005 --> 00:35:17,205
I shall join you on your mission.

581
00:35:17,207 --> 00:35:20,139
The forest is no place for
an unarmed adventurer.

582
00:35:20,141 --> 00:35:21,341
Let's go.

583
00:35:21,343 --> 00:35:24,643
Act-- It's this way.

584
00:35:24,645 --> 00:35:26,178
Yes.

585
00:35:33,384 --> 00:35:34,985
Hey, man.

586
00:35:36,953 --> 00:35:38,554
Attention all teams.

587
00:35:38,556 --> 00:35:41,555
Upon completion of your quests,
you may head to the battlefield

588
00:35:41,557 --> 00:35:43,656
to prepare your camp for the night.

589
00:35:43,658 --> 00:35:47,326
But as always, be on guard for
the evil scourge from beyond

590
00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:49,027
our borders.

591
00:35:49,029 --> 00:35:51,429
You know, those redneck
paintball jerks who crashed

592
00:35:51,431 --> 00:35:53,497
our centaur hunt last week.

593
00:35:53,499 --> 00:35:55,933
Prithee, take care.

594
00:36:01,069 --> 00:36:04,471
Is that you, fellow
denizens of Elves' realms?

595
00:36:04,473 --> 00:36:06,573
Speakers of Elvish?

596
00:36:23,619 --> 00:36:27,221
Um, do you have a map maybe?

597
00:36:27,223 --> 00:36:29,555
Do I know you?

598
00:36:29,557 --> 00:36:32,392
Are you here for the LARP?

599
00:36:32,394 --> 00:36:36,628
Was it the robes or the
pointy ears that gave it away?

600
00:36:36,630 --> 00:36:41,431
'Cause I sort of lost my way and
got separated from the group.

601
00:36:41,433 --> 00:36:43,132
Oh, no.

602
00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:46,100
You're one of those freaky
vampire LARPers, right?

603
00:36:46,102 --> 00:36:48,269
Wrong weekend, honey.

604
00:36:48,271 --> 00:36:51,338
I don't mind at all.

605
00:36:51,340 --> 00:36:57,143
I think thou art marching down
the wrong battlefield, sweetie.

606
00:36:57,145 --> 00:36:59,277
Now if you'll excuse me.

607
00:37:01,247 --> 00:37:07,015
**

608
00:37:20,427 --> 00:37:23,194
If I didn't know better,
Jobryeth, I'd say you were

609
00:37:23,196 --> 00:37:24,394
having fun back there.

610
00:37:24,396 --> 00:37:26,964
Ooh, no I wasn't.

611
00:37:26,966 --> 00:37:29,265
Okay, a little.

612
00:37:29,267 --> 00:37:32,200
But you can't tell anyone.

613
00:37:32,202 --> 00:37:36,003
I wouldn't even know what LARP
was if it wasn't for Gunther.

614
00:37:36,005 --> 00:37:39,173
He's a little hardcore with this.

615
00:37:39,175 --> 00:37:42,041
Well, at least you're supporting
your boyfriend's interests.

616
00:37:42,043 --> 00:37:44,042
A lot of girls-- Boyfriend?

617
00:37:44,044 --> 00:37:46,043
God, no.

618
00:37:46,045 --> 00:37:48,478
Gunther's my cousin.

619
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:53,515
He's a good kid,
but he never breaks character.

620
00:37:53,517 --> 00:37:56,085
Whoa, whoa, wait.

621
00:37:56,087 --> 00:37:57,585
He never breaks character?

622
00:37:57,587 --> 00:38:03,689
He truly believes he's in
another time and place.

623
00:38:03,691 --> 00:38:06,491
But his folks don't let him
come to these things alone.

624
00:38:06,493 --> 00:38:08,393
So you're warrior-sitting then?

625
00:38:08,395 --> 00:38:11,495
Well, after the Medieval Times incident,

626
00:38:11,497 --> 00:38:14,697
I seem to be the only one he listens to.

627
00:38:14,699 --> 00:38:17,333
The Medieval Times incident?

628
00:38:17,335 --> 00:38:22,069
Mom thought it would be
cute to take him there.

629
00:38:22,071 --> 00:38:26,005
He jumped the wall and sent the
Red Knight to the hospital.

630
00:38:27,441 --> 00:38:29,041
Sorry.

631
00:38:29,043 --> 00:38:30,575
Not funny.

632
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:39,382
**

633
00:38:41,718 --> 00:38:44,084
I've got this.

634
00:38:45,453 --> 00:38:51,757
**

635
00:39:17,710 --> 00:39:19,677
Ooh!

636
00:39:23,815 --> 00:39:25,580
Um, miss.

637
00:39:28,351 --> 00:39:31,285
The fuck?

638
00:39:31,287 --> 00:39:35,055
Spell of protection.

639
00:39:35,057 --> 00:39:36,722
It's too late.

640
00:39:36,724 --> 00:39:38,624
Drop.

641
00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:40,325
To the nether realms.

642
00:39:55,470 --> 00:39:57,071
My lady?

643
00:40:05,678 --> 00:40:08,778
All I'm saying is we'll be taken
more seriously if we refer to

644
00:40:08,780 --> 00:40:10,179
ourselves as sprites.

645
00:40:10,181 --> 00:40:11,713
Can we please stay in character?

646
00:40:11,715 --> 00:40:13,382
You guys sound like a bunch of little girls.

647
00:40:13,384 --> 00:40:15,783
If anyone would know about
little girls... Okay.

648
00:40:15,785 --> 00:40:18,186
I tried to handle this in private,
but if you wanna

649
00:40:18,188 --> 00:40:20,720
do this here now, standing in the woods,
dressed like fucking

650
00:40:20,722 --> 00:40:22,488
fairies, so be it.

651
00:40:22,490 --> 00:40:25,758
Lo, perhaps thou art having thine monthlies.

652
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,157
Out of game.

653
00:40:27,159 --> 00:40:28,826
Out of game? Okay.

654
00:40:28,828 --> 00:40:31,160
Fine-- What the hell's your problem?

655
00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:33,262
You're the one who wanted to experiment.

656
00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:35,630
Don't blame me if you can't
handle the consequences.

657
00:40:35,632 --> 00:40:37,566
It was fine as long as it was all about you,

658
00:40:37,568 --> 00:40:39,266
but heaven forbid I enjoy it.

659
00:40:39,268 --> 00:40:41,368
You saw her without me.

660
00:40:41,370 --> 00:40:43,336
That wasn't part of the deal.

661
00:40:43,338 --> 00:40:46,506
I'm heading back to camp. Go.

662
00:40:46,508 --> 00:40:47,805
Someday someone's gonna tear
your heart out and you'll

663
00:40:47,807 --> 00:40:51,576
know exactly how I feel.

664
00:40:51,578 --> 00:40:53,376
Sprites!

665
00:40:53,378 --> 00:40:54,744
Let's fly.

666
00:41:31,171 --> 00:41:33,271
You look like one of those...

667
00:41:33,273 --> 00:41:36,274
freaky vampire LARPers.

668
00:41:42,146 --> 00:41:46,381
Maybe we should stick together.

669
00:41:46,383 --> 00:41:48,349
Maybe.

670
00:42:47,826 --> 00:42:50,760
As you approach the Exalted
Township of Valinore, you notice

671
00:42:50,762 --> 00:42:54,362
that your own path intersects with another.

672
00:42:58,867 --> 00:43:01,668
Sir Hung, he is rustling
just across the way.

673
00:43:01,670 --> 00:43:05,671
I can hear the breeze on my skin.

674
00:43:05,673 --> 00:43:07,372
'Tis burnt orange.

675
00:43:08,541 --> 00:43:09,740
-- English.

676
00:43:09,742 --> 00:43:10,941
The fuck's he saying?

677
00:43:10,943 --> 00:43:12,342
I don't know.

678
00:43:12,344 --> 00:43:16,445
There is electricity in the air.

679
00:43:16,447 --> 00:43:18,279
Okay, Ronny, so if he goes insane,
can I inherit his

680
00:43:18,281 --> 00:43:19,981
experience points? You're
obsessed with experience points.

681
00:43:19,983 --> 00:43:21,615
No, let's not talk about that now.

682
00:43:21,617 --> 00:43:22,816
I'm just saying,
that's a waste of experience.

683
00:43:22,818 --> 00:43:24,218
I can use it.

684
00:43:24,220 --> 00:43:27,920
Kill thy cowardly tongue.

685
00:43:27,922 --> 00:43:29,555
Oh, holy shit.

686
00:43:31,323 --> 00:43:34,424
Prepare thineself for battle, wench.

687
00:43:34,426 --> 00:43:36,259
Do I know you?

688
00:43:36,261 --> 00:43:37,694
All right, Hung, I don't know
what you're on, but I think

689
00:43:37,696 --> 00:43:38,894
it's clouding your judgment.

690
00:43:38,896 --> 00:43:40,295
She looks--

691
00:43:40,297 --> 00:43:41,930
Nay, game master.

692
00:43:41,932 --> 00:43:46,000
The scales have finally
fallen from mine eyes.

693
00:43:53,372 --> 00:43:55,439
Miss, are you okay?

694
00:43:55,441 --> 00:43:56,640
Have you been in an accident?

695
00:43:56,642 --> 00:43:57,841
'Tis no accident!

696
00:43:57,843 --> 00:43:59,842
Go no closer!

697
00:43:59,844 --> 00:44:04,512
Although I have gazed upon thy
visage before, 'tis only by the

698
00:44:04,514 --> 00:44:10,851
light of yon moon has thou
true nature revealed itself!

699
00:44:10,853 --> 00:44:12,251
Okay, Hung, ease up there, buddy.

700
00:44:12,253 --> 00:44:13,585
I think she really needs some help.

701
00:44:13,587 --> 00:44:15,487
Excuse me, my lady,
do you really need some help?

702
00:44:15,489 --> 00:44:19,523
Fuck you and the moustache you rode in on!

703
00:44:26,730 --> 00:44:27,930
Oh, fuck!

704
00:44:27,932 --> 00:44:29,797
I'm... outta here.

705
00:44:52,548 --> 00:44:58,050
'Tis a cruel act of the gods to
waste such a sweet backside...

706
00:44:58,052 --> 00:45:00,786
on such a filthy beast.

707
00:46:48,697 --> 00:46:50,397
It gets me every time.

708
00:47:01,506 --> 00:47:03,639
The noise came from around here somewhere.

709
00:47:03,641 --> 00:47:05,408
Just keep your wits.

710
00:47:14,782 --> 00:47:16,015
Oh God.

711
00:47:17,784 --> 00:47:21,719
Oh lord, he's dead.

712
00:47:27,491 --> 00:47:31,893
Oh shit.

713
00:47:31,895 --> 00:47:36,497
What the hell?

714
00:47:36,499 --> 00:47:39,965
I don't understand.

715
00:47:39,967 --> 00:47:41,767
All right, we gotta keep going.

716
00:47:41,769 --> 00:47:45,636
We gotta get Eric, your crazy
cousin and call the cops.

717
00:47:48,172 --> 00:47:50,640
What was that?

718
00:47:54,110 --> 00:47:56,178
Shit.

719
00:47:59,414 --> 00:48:01,080
Joe, what are you doing?

720
00:48:01,082 --> 00:48:03,115
There's someone in there.

721
00:48:03,117 --> 00:48:05,083
I know, that's what I'm worried about.

722
00:48:31,537 --> 00:48:32,737
You're not sing, Joe, are you?

723
00:48:32,739 --> 00:48:34,004
What?

724
00:48:34,006 --> 00:48:36,006
Tell me you're not gonna sing.

725
00:48:38,641 --> 00:48:41,509
Not right now, baby.

726
00:48:53,186 --> 00:48:54,685
No, no, no.

727
00:48:54,687 --> 00:48:57,688
No, no, no, no!

728
00:48:57,690 --> 00:48:58,887
Gunther!

729
00:48:58,889 --> 00:49:00,088
Gunther!

730
00:49:00,090 --> 00:49:01,657
Ease up!

731
00:49:01,659 --> 00:49:03,724
Stay your hand, mighty warlord.

732
00:49:05,661 --> 00:49:07,594
Evil has befallen him.

733
00:49:07,596 --> 00:49:08,962
His handiwork is all around us.

734
00:49:10,798 --> 00:49:14,467
We heard you and we thought it
might be whoever... did this.

735
00:49:23,706 --> 00:49:26,007
Where's Ronny?

736
00:49:26,009 --> 00:49:28,142
Lando?

737
00:49:28,144 --> 00:49:30,211
Do not enter.

738
00:49:30,213 --> 00:49:33,146
One cannot cheat death forever.

739
00:49:41,853 --> 00:49:43,954
This is not good.

740
00:49:48,124 --> 00:49:50,859
Joe, what the fuck is going on here?

741
00:49:50,861 --> 00:49:52,060
I don't know what's going on.

742
00:49:52,062 --> 00:49:53,260
But I want to talk to Ronny.

743
00:49:53,262 --> 00:49:54,661
Ronny?

744
00:49:54,663 --> 00:49:57,530
You think Ronny is responsible for this?

745
00:49:57,532 --> 00:49:59,198
What am I supposed to think?

746
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,899
You guys and your quest for authenticity.

747
00:50:01,901 --> 00:50:03,100
Oh, come--

748
00:50:03,102 --> 00:50:04,502
Real weapons.

749
00:50:04,504 --> 00:50:05,935
In-game bullshit.

750
00:50:05,937 --> 00:50:07,136
Archaic books.

751
00:50:07,138 --> 00:50:09,938
Ugh, the evil book again, huh?

752
00:50:09,940 --> 00:50:12,508
It would surprise me not, wizard,
if thou has not brought

753
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:15,543
forth something vile and unholy,
a pox upon mankind.

754
00:50:15,545 --> 00:50:20,547
Gunther!

755
00:50:20,549 --> 00:50:22,547
We're out of game here, man.

756
00:50:22,549 --> 00:50:24,849
Somebody tell me what the
hell's going on here.

757
00:50:24,851 --> 00:50:27,518
Hell, indeed, is going on.

758
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:29,253
The wizard has summoned evil.

759
00:50:31,121 --> 00:50:32,922
And most likely while they
apprentice was in the circle,

760
00:50:32,924 --> 00:50:34,123
he has been made unholy.

761
00:50:34,125 --> 00:50:35,757
Gunther.

762
00:50:35,759 --> 00:50:37,692
I cannot tell you whether
'twas man or beast,

763
00:50:37,694 --> 00:50:40,761
but I can tell you surely
it was not Jobryeth.

764
00:50:40,763 --> 00:50:42,562
We need to get out of here.

765
00:50:42,564 --> 00:50:46,598
What we need to do is avenge the
poor souls taken here this eve.

766
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:48,266
With what?

767
00:50:48,268 --> 00:50:50,001
Foam sticks?

768
00:50:50,003 --> 00:50:51,601
Jobryeth is right.

769
00:50:51,603 --> 00:50:57,907
We need weapons from my
private reserve of steel.

770
00:50:57,909 --> 00:51:00,909
Thou speakests sense.

771
00:51:00,911 --> 00:51:04,777
Let us return to camp.

772
00:51:04,779 --> 00:51:08,146
And arm ourselves.

773
00:51:08,148 --> 00:51:14,151
While they call for help...reinforcements.

774
00:51:17,721 --> 00:51:20,856
Very well.

775
00:51:20,858 --> 00:51:22,857
I am watching you.

776
00:51:22,859 --> 00:51:25,992
We all feel safer for that.

777
00:51:31,731 --> 00:51:33,998
Oh fuckity fuck.

778
00:51:41,104 --> 00:51:42,305
Get a hold of yourself, man.

779
00:51:42,307 --> 00:51:43,838
Get a hold of yourself, man!

780
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,906
What the fuck was that, man?

781
00:51:45,908 --> 00:51:47,575
Oh my God, she was not normal!

782
00:51:47,577 --> 00:51:51,678
She was like some kind
of she-beast from the--

783
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:54,313
Oh, my sweet shit.

784
00:51:54,315 --> 00:51:56,181
Oh my sweet, sweet shit.

785
00:51:56,183 --> 00:51:57,815
Eric, you fucking asshole.

786
00:51:57,817 --> 00:52:00,117
I have to warn him.

787
00:52:00,119 --> 00:52:01,352
Where the fuck am I?

788
00:52:07,723 --> 00:52:09,924
They suck at making maps!

789
00:52:09,926 --> 00:52:12,593
Where the hell am I!

790
00:52:15,228 --> 00:52:17,096
Why is there no one here?

791
00:52:17,098 --> 00:52:18,797
Shouldn't someone be here?

792
00:52:18,799 --> 00:52:20,999
Come on, the best way for us
to help is to drive somewhere

793
00:52:21,001 --> 00:52:22,200
and get some.

794
00:52:22,202 --> 00:52:23,866
That's not what was agreed upon.

795
00:52:23,868 --> 00:52:25,935
We were to seek vengeance.

796
00:52:25,937 --> 00:52:27,169
Where are the weapons?

797
00:52:29,939 --> 00:52:32,139
Weapons are in here, okay?

798
00:52:32,141 --> 00:52:33,841
Now come on, let's go.

799
00:52:42,682 --> 00:52:44,881
Where the fuck is my phone?

800
00:52:44,883 --> 00:52:46,683
Anyone?

801
00:52:47,918 --> 00:52:50,886
Sweet Jesus, man.

802
00:52:50,888 --> 00:52:52,220
Sorry, dude.

803
00:52:52,222 --> 00:52:55,657
There's some weird shit
going on out there, man.

804
00:52:55,659 --> 00:52:56,890
Oh... kay.

805
00:52:56,892 --> 00:52:58,092
We gotta call 9-1-1.

806
00:52:58,094 --> 00:52:59,393
Do you have a cell phone?

807
00:52:59,395 --> 00:53:01,694
9-1-1 is just gonna route a cell call.

808
00:53:01,696 --> 00:53:05,029
What you ought to do is call the
Sky Valley Sheriff directly.

809
00:53:05,031 --> 00:53:07,765
I can get the number.

810
00:53:07,767 --> 00:53:09,766
Call Sky Valley Sheriff.

811
00:53:18,273 --> 00:53:20,642
Sky Valley Sheriff.

812
00:53:20,644 --> 00:53:22,776
<i>There's been an accident at the
state park campgrounds.</i>

813
00:53:22,778 --> 00:53:24,077
<i>You gotta get here as soon as you can.</i>

814
00:53:24,079 --> 00:53:25,744
Hold up now-- What kind of accident?

815
00:53:25,746 --> 00:53:27,178
<i>Well, there's this LARP event going on--</i>

816
00:53:27,180 --> 00:53:28,380
Wait a minute, LARP like,
like dressed up like wizards

817
00:53:28,382 --> 00:53:29,780
and shit?

818
00:53:29,782 --> 00:53:30,981
<i>Yeah, like that.</i>

819
00:53:30,983 --> 00:53:32,783
<i>But this is serious.</i>

820
00:53:32,785 --> 00:53:33,983
<i>It wasn't just one of those
paintballer pranks,</i>

821
00:53:33,985 --> 00:53:35,184
<i>people are in danger.</i>

822
00:53:35,186 --> 00:53:36,386
You stay put.

823
00:53:36,388 --> 00:53:37,786
We'll be right there.

824
00:53:37,788 --> 00:53:39,021
<i>Oh, thank god.</i>

825
00:53:40,189 --> 00:53:41,789
Tommy!

826
00:53:41,791 --> 00:53:43,257
Tommy, get your ass up.

827
00:53:43,259 --> 00:53:44,959
We gotta get going.

828
00:53:52,831 --> 00:53:54,297
Hey, Randy.

829
00:53:54,299 --> 00:53:55,966
Rise and shine, buddy.

830
00:53:55,968 --> 00:53:58,668
We got a cold dish of get
back that needs serving.

831
00:53:58,670 --> 00:53:59,969
Get your cousin and get your gear.

832
00:53:59,971 --> 00:54:01,971
Imma pick you up in 10.

833
00:54:11,978 --> 00:54:15,279
Whoa, this does not look
like regulation game play.

834
00:54:15,281 --> 00:54:18,049
Are you guys out of game or not?

835
00:54:18,051 --> 00:54:21,751
We're so far outta game,
we're somehow back in it.

836
00:54:21,753 --> 00:54:23,952
I thought you said there were bodies.

837
00:54:23,954 --> 00:54:25,354
What are you guys up to?

838
00:54:25,356 --> 00:54:26,954
Where be the game master?

839
00:54:26,956 --> 00:54:29,823
Where be our hordes for glorious combat?

840
00:54:29,825 --> 00:54:32,158
Everyone else completed
their mission and camped out

841
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:33,926
on the battlefield.

842
00:54:33,928 --> 00:54:38,196
Are you guys gonna camp
or just stay up all night?

843
00:54:38,198 --> 00:54:40,998
I must fight the evil at its source!

844
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:42,866
No!

845
00:54:42,868 --> 00:54:44,400
Gunther!

846
00:54:47,171 --> 00:54:48,936
You guys are on another planet.

847
00:54:48,938 --> 00:54:51,105
You know drugs are off-limit out here.

848
00:54:51,107 --> 00:54:52,440
How far's the battlefield?

849
00:54:52,442 --> 00:54:53,840
Ronny Kwok's gonna hear about this.

850
00:54:53,842 --> 00:54:55,041
How far!

851
00:54:55,043 --> 00:54:56,242
Take it easy.

852
00:54:56,244 --> 00:54:58,077
Halfway through the forest.

853
00:54:58,079 --> 00:54:59,978
I'm out.

854
00:54:59,980 --> 00:55:01,245
Great.

855
00:55:01,247 --> 00:55:02,747
Now can we get the hell out of here?

856
00:55:02,749 --> 00:55:03,948
You kidding?

857
00:55:03,950 --> 00:55:05,182
We can't leave Gunther.

858
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:10,719
No.

859
00:55:10,721 --> 00:55:12,287
Joe.

860
00:55:12,289 --> 00:55:14,121
Goddamn it, Joe!

861
00:55:22,328 --> 00:55:25,230
Hey, what is that?

862
00:55:28,933 --> 00:55:32,234
Are they... I think they're...

863
00:55:35,404 --> 00:55:37,338
...is that Eddie?

864
00:55:43,176 --> 00:55:45,377
Beth?

865
00:55:47,279 --> 00:55:48,846
Beth!

866
00:55:48,848 --> 00:55:51,247
Holy shit, that's your psychotic girlfriend?

867
00:55:51,249 --> 00:55:53,015
Ex-girlfriend.

868
00:55:56,886 --> 00:55:59,820
This is so fucked up.

869
00:56:02,257 --> 00:56:04,090
Guys.

870
00:56:05,459 --> 00:56:06,993
Dude, what...

871
00:56:08,795 --> 00:56:10,294
Hey.

872
00:56:21,837 --> 00:56:23,037
I'll tell you what I see.

873
00:56:23,039 --> 00:56:24,271
Tell you what I see.

874
00:56:24,273 --> 00:56:25,873
A warrior. Warrior.

875
00:56:25,875 --> 00:56:28,075
Who can't let go of his past.

876
00:56:28,077 --> 00:56:29,308
Oh shit.

877
00:56:30,910 --> 00:56:32,110
This has something to do
with the photo of me and Beth

878
00:56:32,112 --> 00:56:33,310
at Prom.

879
00:56:33,312 --> 00:56:34,512
What?

880
00:56:34,514 --> 00:56:36,547
In the book, the fucking eBay book, man.

881
00:56:36,549 --> 00:56:37,947
What?

882
00:56:37,949 --> 00:56:39,415
Get the fuck out, man.

883
00:56:39,417 --> 00:56:42,184
No, I had the photo with me
when you summoned this...

884
00:56:42,186 --> 00:56:44,887
whatever this is with the book.

885
00:56:44,889 --> 00:56:46,120
Eric, use the book to send
that bitch back wherever

886
00:56:46,122 --> 00:56:47,321
she came from!

887
00:56:47,323 --> 00:56:48,523
I don't know how?

888
00:56:48,525 --> 00:56:52,158
I just picked a page at random earlier.

889
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:54,192
Well then, just pick another...

890
00:56:54,194 --> 00:56:57,262
pick another page and hurry the fuck up.

891
00:56:59,331 --> 00:57:00,531
Sing it.

892
00:57:00,533 --> 00:57:01,998
Sing it, wizard.

893
00:57:28,919 --> 00:57:30,119
That was for Hung!

894
00:57:30,121 --> 00:57:31,318
Take that, bitch!

895
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:32,519
That was--

896
00:57:32,521 --> 00:57:35,588
served by Eric the Enchanter.

897
00:57:38,091 --> 00:57:39,291
What?

898
00:57:39,293 --> 00:57:40,492
You just let her get away.

899
00:57:40,494 --> 00:57:42,327
Excuse me?

900
00:57:42,329 --> 00:57:44,128
She just went off into the woods
to die like a wounded animal.

901
00:57:44,130 --> 00:57:45,329
Gimme the book.

902
00:57:45,331 --> 00:57:46,530
Fuck!

903
00:57:46,532 --> 00:57:48,364
God.

904
00:57:48,366 --> 00:57:50,200
This is the "Sigillum Aemeth."
Where did you get this book?

905
00:57:50,202 --> 00:57:51,401
Uh, why?

906
00:57:51,403 --> 00:57:52,834
Shut up, never mind.

907
00:57:56,838 --> 00:57:58,839
Did you read this page?

908
00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,007
Um.

909
00:58:02,009 --> 00:58:03,209
Why?

910
00:58:03,211 --> 00:58:04,409
Did you read it?

911
00:58:04,411 --> 00:58:05,610
Yes, yes!

912
00:58:05,612 --> 00:58:07,312
Holy fuck, yes.

913
00:58:07,314 --> 00:58:10,581
We read it and it scared
that crazy chick back to hell

914
00:58:10,583 --> 00:58:12,380
or wherever the fuck she came from.

915
00:58:12,382 --> 00:58:14,883
If that doesn't get me to level 27,
I don't know what will,

916
00:58:14,885 --> 00:58:16,084
Kwok, so why don't you pony up.

917
00:58:16,086 --> 00:58:17,585
No, no, no, no, no, okay.

918
00:58:17,587 --> 00:58:18,986
That all makes sense.

919
00:58:18,988 --> 00:58:20,187
It makes no sense.

920
00:58:20,189 --> 00:58:21,387
It's gibberish--

921
00:58:21,389 --> 00:58:22,922
It makes sense!

922
00:58:22,924 --> 00:58:24,390
It makes sense that you speak Enochian.

923
00:58:24,392 --> 00:58:25,591
Enochian, what?

924
00:58:25,593 --> 00:58:27,492
You made that up.

925
00:58:27,494 --> 00:58:30,528
This is the "Sigillum Aemeth."
It is the only one of its kind.

926
00:58:30,530 --> 00:58:33,562
It was handwritten in the 16th
Century by the mystic John Dee

927
00:58:33,564 --> 00:58:35,931
and it has been lost for generations.

928
00:58:35,933 --> 00:58:37,299
Uh, bullshit.

929
00:58:37,301 --> 00:58:39,601
It came from the internets,
not the 16th Century.

930
00:58:39,603 --> 00:58:42,402
If you're trying to get out of
admitting how awesome I am--

931
00:58:42,404 --> 00:58:45,905
John Dee was trying to summon angels,
but evil travels under

932
00:58:45,907 --> 00:58:48,341
its own power and he
actually summoned demons

933
00:58:48,343 --> 00:58:51,042
and the demons forged this book.

934
00:58:51,044 --> 00:58:52,477
What are you saying, Kwok?

935
00:58:52,479 --> 00:58:55,178
Dee tried to destroy, but he couldn't.

936
00:58:55,180 --> 00:58:58,247
So he sealed it and he hid it
deep underneath his manor estate

937
00:58:58,249 --> 00:59:00,382
and it has been lost for generations.

938
00:59:00,384 --> 00:59:04,986
But here it is in your incapable
hands and you summoned

939
00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:07,187
a succubus from hell!

940
00:59:21,031 --> 00:59:22,598
And then this lat passage that you read,

941
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,033
the herald of Abominog.

942
00:59:25,035 --> 00:59:29,603
And in the language lay the name
of the hell lord Abominog and

943
00:59:29,605 --> 00:59:34,172
I hath spoken the name and
hell has raineth down.

944
00:59:40,044 --> 00:59:43,213
You didn't injure it, you ignorant fuck!

945
00:59:43,215 --> 00:59:44,980
You transformed it!

946
00:59:49,351 --> 00:59:51,586
Sorry.

947
00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:55,354
Transformed into what exactly?

948
01:00:09,265 --> 01:00:11,300
What?

949
01:00:11,302 --> 01:00:13,035
What the fuck was that?

950
01:00:13,037 --> 01:00:15,669
I don't know.

951
01:00:15,671 --> 01:00:18,470
Ronny Kwok's dragon!

952
01:00:18,472 --> 01:00:20,339
Shit, shit!

953
01:00:20,341 --> 01:00:22,941
Oh my God, we overslept again.

954
01:00:22,943 --> 01:00:24,142
It's time for Evermore.

955
01:00:24,144 --> 01:00:26,076
Come on. Grab the fucking horn.

956
01:00:26,078 --> 01:00:28,378
The thing eats souls, you guys.

957
01:00:28,380 --> 01:00:30,379
We are gonna die.

958
01:00:31,582 --> 01:00:32,982
Shit!

959
01:00:32,984 --> 01:00:34,416
Shit. What?

960
01:00:34,418 --> 01:00:36,283
It's the horn of war.

961
01:00:36,285 --> 01:00:39,052
It means that the battle of
Evermore is going to start

962
01:00:39,054 --> 01:00:40,386
in 10 minutes.

963
01:00:40,388 --> 01:00:42,487
Why now-- It's like three
in the fucking morning.

964
01:00:42,489 --> 01:00:44,056
It's not supposed to happen
for another few hours,

965
01:00:44,058 --> 01:00:45,991
but Ira is a dick and did it early.

966
01:00:45,993 --> 01:00:49,026
There's a LARPer buffet on
that field and all those poor

967
01:00:49,028 --> 01:00:51,561
bastards have is foam sticks.

968
01:00:55,498 --> 01:00:57,098
We have to save them.

969
01:00:57,100 --> 01:00:58,599
Are you fucking nuts?

970
01:00:58,601 --> 01:01:02,035
No.

971
01:01:02,037 --> 01:01:04,503
I think I've done enough damage already.

972
01:01:06,373 --> 01:01:10,976
You-- that thing-- that's real!

973
01:01:10,978 --> 01:01:16,678
That thing slaughtered our best friend.

974
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:21,248
You gonna let that stand?

975
01:01:21,250 --> 01:01:24,551
You been out here practicing
this shit every weekend

976
01:01:24,553 --> 01:01:26,653
for years.

977
01:01:26,655 --> 01:01:28,253
Face it, man.

978
01:01:28,255 --> 01:01:31,390
You've got everything
but you earned nothing.

979
01:01:34,994 --> 01:01:38,094
Are you gonna hide from
that thing the way you hide

980
01:01:38,096 --> 01:01:41,029
from real life?

981
01:01:41,031 --> 01:01:47,167
Or are you gonna man up and
avenge the death of our friend?

982
01:02:04,047 --> 01:02:08,349
The time has come to earn our valor, people.

983
01:02:14,621 --> 01:02:20,424
**

984
01:02:31,733 --> 01:02:33,300
For Hung.

985
01:02:34,469 --> 01:02:41,672
**

986
01:02:53,549 --> 01:02:55,582
Steel thyselves, adventurers.

987
01:02:55,584 --> 01:02:58,152
The time for battle is nigh.

988
01:02:58,154 --> 01:03:00,719
The fate of the glorious
kingdom of Evermore rests

989
01:03:00,721 --> 01:03:02,621
in the balance.

990
01:03:02,623 --> 01:03:06,524
Two armies fighting for one prize--
bragging rights on

991
01:03:06,526 --> 01:03:09,692
the Evermore LARP Alliance message board.

992
01:03:09,694 --> 01:03:11,528
Diamond starts speech.

993
01:03:11,530 --> 01:03:14,596
He rouseth the troops.

994
01:03:14,598 --> 01:03:20,533
I am well aware that words
cannot inspire courage,

995
01:03:20,535 --> 01:03:27,172
render a timid army valiant and
perhaps words are unnecessary

996
01:03:27,174 --> 01:03:32,543
for you, my brave lot,
for there is no timidity within you.

997
01:03:32,545 --> 01:03:33,843
Oh, wow.

998
01:03:33,845 --> 01:03:35,278
You know, I worked with him last year.

999
01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:36,712
He's got such a gift for the theatrics.

1000
01:03:36,714 --> 01:03:38,113
Yes, he loves it.

1001
01:03:38,115 --> 01:03:39,314
Oh, here goes Cary.

1002
01:03:39,316 --> 01:03:41,115
Here goes.

1003
01:03:41,117 --> 01:03:44,617
Some of you are gentle souls in peace,
but when that horn of

1004
01:03:44,619 --> 01:03:49,188
battle blows, we must
disguise our fair nature,

1005
01:03:49,190 --> 01:03:53,424
summon up our blood!

1006
01:03:53,426 --> 01:03:57,761
Draw up our most terrible aspect!

1007
01:03:57,763 --> 01:04:01,296
Unleash our rage!

1008
01:04:01,298 --> 01:04:06,265
Fortune is on our side,
but if that fickle bitch should prove

1009
01:04:06,267 --> 01:04:13,105
unjust, then go down fighting
like gods and leave your enemies

1010
01:04:13,107 --> 01:04:17,108
a bloody and mournful victory that tastes

1011
01:04:17,110 --> 01:04:19,609
like ashes in their mouths.

1012
01:04:19,611 --> 01:04:22,711
I covet only one thing.

1013
01:04:22,713 --> 01:04:24,779
Honor and victory!

1014
01:04:27,516 --> 01:04:28,715
Wait.

1015
01:04:28,717 --> 01:04:30,650
Verily, that is two things.

1016
01:04:30,652 --> 01:04:36,421
Join me in coveting those same
glories for if it be a sin,

1017
01:04:36,423 --> 01:04:40,824
let us be the monks of --!

1018
01:04:44,695 --> 01:04:48,796
They shall curse themselves for
not being here, for not being

1019
01:04:48,798 --> 01:04:55,735
able to say they fought with
us upon the field of Evermore!

1020
01:04:56,903 --> 01:05:01,772
**

1021
01:05:05,809 --> 01:05:09,310
Warriors are reminded to remain
honorable in their combat.

1022
01:05:09,312 --> 01:05:11,546
No strikes to the codpiece.

1023
01:05:11,548 --> 01:05:13,647
Kwok's gonna be so pissed he missed this.

1024
01:05:13,649 --> 01:05:14,915
No shit.

1025
01:05:19,186 --> 01:05:20,720
The horn bloweth.

1026
01:05:20,722 --> 01:05:23,654
The battle of Evermore has begun!

1027
01:05:26,423 --> 01:05:27,690
What the hell is that?

1028
01:05:27,692 --> 01:05:31,460
I kind-- I lost the official horn of battle.

1029
01:05:31,462 --> 01:05:34,795
This is the shofar from my temple, so...

1030
01:05:41,703 --> 01:05:43,568
Evermore.

1031
01:05:59,948 --> 01:06:01,749
The battle is upon us.

1032
01:06:01,751 --> 01:06:04,883
Which army shall reap the
spoils of the conquest?

1033
01:06:18,528 --> 01:06:22,263
King Diamond's army doth fight
with power and opening a can

1034
01:06:22,265 --> 01:06:25,631
of yon whoop-ass upon their foes.

1035
01:06:25,633 --> 01:06:30,535
**

1036
01:06:42,245 --> 01:06:45,545
The king's army is holding their ground,
matching them hit point

1037
01:06:45,547 --> 01:06:46,780
for hit point.

1038
01:06:46,782 --> 01:06:48,381
Calling Ronny's dragon.

1039
01:06:48,383 --> 01:06:51,283
Get the hell out here already.

1040
01:06:51,285 --> 01:06:52,951
A dragon hath appeared.

1041
01:06:52,953 --> 01:06:55,987
A bounty of experience points
await the brave souls who dare

1042
01:06:55,989 --> 01:06:58,355
take on this ferocious beast.

1043
01:07:00,792 --> 01:07:03,426
And please, don't be
douchelords with the wings.

1044
01:07:03,428 --> 01:07:05,226
The papier mache is still drying.

1045
01:07:09,232 --> 01:07:10,463
This is the best!

1046
01:07:16,603 --> 01:07:17,835
What was that?

1047
01:07:20,505 --> 01:07:21,871
Those fuckers didn't wait for me!

1048
01:07:21,873 --> 01:07:23,873
It took us two weeks to build that thing.

1049
01:07:27,643 --> 01:07:28,876
What was that?

1050
01:07:31,479 --> 01:07:32,980
Get points, you get points.

1051
01:07:36,416 --> 01:07:38,384
Run, puny humans!

1052
01:07:43,455 --> 01:07:44,655
That's perfect, that's perfect.

1053
01:07:44,657 --> 01:07:45,855
Oh, it's getting down.

1054
01:07:45,857 --> 01:07:47,789
Hit this one. Yeah.

1055
01:07:54,029 --> 01:07:55,862
Motherfuckers.

1056
01:08:05,738 --> 01:08:06,937
Oh yeah.

1057
01:08:06,939 --> 01:08:08,638
I got the crip.

1058
01:08:10,807 --> 01:08:12,574
We're back, bitches!

1059
01:08:14,410 --> 01:08:15,910
These people are not part of the game.

1060
01:08:15,912 --> 01:08:18,479
Repeat, not part of the game!

1061
01:08:18,481 --> 01:08:19,780
I'm so outta here.

1062
01:08:19,782 --> 01:08:22,582
Guild-- Stand and fight those red of neck!

1063
01:08:22,584 --> 01:08:26,018
Together, attack!

1064
01:08:29,754 --> 01:08:30,987
Triangulate!

1065
01:08:32,756 --> 01:08:35,924
**

1066
01:08:35,926 --> 01:08:38,693
Not so fast, Meals on Wheels.

1067
01:08:44,332 --> 01:08:45,531
Ahh!

1068
01:08:45,533 --> 01:08:47,766
Ahh!

1069
01:09:15,653 --> 01:09:23,558
**

1070
01:09:32,832 --> 01:09:34,633
Oh God!

1071
01:09:36,501 --> 01:09:37,702
Did it see us?

1072
01:09:37,704 --> 01:09:38,903
I don't know.

1073
01:09:38,905 --> 01:09:40,103
Ahh!

1074
01:09:40,105 --> 01:09:41,504
What was that?

1075
01:09:41,506 --> 01:09:42,739
I don't know.

1076
01:09:44,941 --> 01:09:46,642
What's going on?

1077
01:09:46,644 --> 01:09:48,742
Holy shit, what is that?

1078
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:54,880
Fuck, fuck!

1079
01:09:54,882 --> 01:09:56,081
Holy shit!

1080
01:09:56,083 --> 01:09:57,882
What the fuck!

1081
01:09:57,884 --> 01:10:00,818
Shit!

1082
01:10:00,820 --> 01:10:02,486
Oh shit!

1083
01:10:08,059 --> 01:10:10,591
It's some sort of giant monster.

1084
01:10:10,593 --> 01:10:11,859
Looks maybe like a --

1085
01:10:11,861 --> 01:10:13,059
I don't know.

1086
01:10:13,061 --> 01:10:14,461
Maybe an --

1087
01:10:14,463 --> 01:10:16,396
Or a -- it could be a rage Gollum.

1088
01:10:16,398 --> 01:10:17,596
Look, it's got the deadly
tentacles, just like

1089
01:10:17,598 --> 01:10:18,797
the monster manual--

1090
01:10:18,799 --> 01:10:19,998
Shit, how is this even possible?

1091
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,399
I don't know.

1092
01:10:21,401 --> 01:10:23,534
Ahh!

1093
01:10:27,372 --> 01:10:28,605
Fuck this.

1094
01:10:40,749 --> 01:10:41,980
Fuck!

1095
01:10:43,683 --> 01:10:44,883
Fuck!

1096
01:10:44,885 --> 01:10:46,083
Okay.

1097
01:10:46,085 --> 01:10:47,485
Hold on.

1098
01:10:47,487 --> 01:10:49,019
All right, I got a plan.

1099
01:10:49,021 --> 01:10:50,919
On the count of three,
we're gonna make a break for the path,

1100
01:10:50,921 --> 01:10:52,121
all right?

1101
01:10:52,123 --> 01:10:53,522
One-- hey, focus!

1102
01:10:53,524 --> 01:10:54,722
Two.

1103
01:10:54,724 --> 01:10:56,491
No, fuck this shit!

1104
01:10:56,493 --> 01:10:58,859
I am not moving another
step until somebody tells

1105
01:10:58,861 --> 01:11:00,794
me what the hell--

1106
01:11:02,397 --> 01:11:04,096
There's something really
terrible coming, you guys,

1107
01:11:04,098 --> 01:11:07,399
and we're here to save-- Oh shit.

1108
01:11:12,069 --> 01:11:13,503
Oh.

1109
01:11:24,845 --> 01:11:30,048
Gwen, if the world isn't
swallowed up into hell,

1110
01:11:30,050 --> 01:11:33,450
you wanna go see a show sometime?

1111
01:11:35,919 --> 01:11:37,720
Nice timing, warrior.

1112
01:11:40,823 --> 01:11:42,657
Sure.

1113
01:11:42,659 --> 01:11:43,858
Yeah.

1114
01:11:43,860 --> 01:11:45,058
Yeah, sure.

1115
01:11:45,060 --> 01:11:46,493
A show would be good.

1116
01:11:48,762 --> 01:11:49,996
No, demon!

1117
01:11:51,465 --> 01:11:54,565
You shall not harm this quivering boy!

1118
01:11:56,868 --> 01:11:58,101
Hey!

1119
01:12:00,504 --> 01:12:04,706
Thank you, mighty warrior!

1120
01:12:04,708 --> 01:12:07,842
Can thoust be Enochian?

1121
01:12:22,820 --> 01:12:25,921
Give us a smile, sweet cheeks.

1122
01:12:29,859 --> 01:12:31,058
Oh yes!

1123
01:12:31,060 --> 01:12:34,593
Yes!

1124
01:12:34,595 --> 01:12:36,929
Fuck.

1125
01:12:36,931 --> 01:12:38,863
God, what is that?

1126
01:12:38,865 --> 01:12:42,666
What is that sound?

1127
01:12:42,668 --> 01:12:44,134
She's laughing at us.

1128
01:12:44,136 --> 01:12:46,569
Enough, you bitch!

1129
01:12:46,571 --> 01:12:48,704
Fuck.

1130
01:12:48,706 --> 01:12:50,939
Find it, fuck.

1131
01:12:50,941 --> 01:12:52,507
Ronny, what are you doing?

1132
01:12:52,509 --> 01:12:53,707
I drive a hybrid, Eric.

1133
01:12:53,709 --> 01:12:55,074
There's no on button in this thing.

1134
01:12:55,076 --> 01:12:57,510
You can speak Enochian
but can't drive a truck?

1135
01:12:57,512 --> 01:12:58,778
It's not my fault.

1136
01:12:58,780 --> 01:13:00,779
Ronny, I can't find the spell, where is it?

1137
01:13:00,781 --> 01:13:01,980
It's in the back of the book!

1138
01:13:01,982 --> 01:13:03,481
I marked it clearly!

1139
01:13:03,483 --> 01:13:05,583
It is in the back!

1140
01:13:05,585 --> 01:13:06,817
Find it, find it, fuck.

1141
01:13:06,819 --> 01:13:08,585
Oh, hey, I got this going, guys.

1142
01:13:14,623 --> 01:13:20,759
**

1143
01:13:23,196 --> 01:13:26,831
This shall not hold the beast for long!

1144
01:13:29,834 --> 01:13:31,835
I got it, I got it, I got it!

1145
01:13:48,548 --> 01:13:49,747
The gem!

1146
01:13:49,749 --> 01:13:52,083
The gem!

1147
01:13:52,085 --> 01:13:57,219
**

1148
01:13:59,622 --> 01:14:01,622
Choke on it.

1149
01:14:04,859 --> 01:14:06,158
No, watch out!

1150
01:14:17,301 --> 01:14:19,234
No!

1151
01:14:19,236 --> 01:14:22,737
I'm on fire!

1152
01:14:24,940 --> 01:14:27,807
I'm on fire!

1153
01:14:31,144 --> 01:14:33,112
Gwen, I need you!

1154
01:14:39,783 --> 01:14:40,983
You okay?

1155
01:14:40,985 --> 01:14:42,718
Why the fuck would you do that?

1156
01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:45,754
I'm gonna stop saving your
lives if you don't show me

1157
01:14:45,756 --> 01:14:47,155
some fucking gratitude!

1158
01:14:47,157 --> 01:14:48,722
Okay, okay, focus!

1159
01:14:48,724 --> 01:14:49,924
Where is the book that you
were just reading from?

1160
01:14:49,926 --> 01:14:51,125
We need the book?

1161
01:14:51,127 --> 01:14:52,325
No, shit!

1162
01:14:52,327 --> 01:14:53,726
No, that's okay.

1163
01:14:53,728 --> 01:14:54,928
This is good.

1164
01:14:54,930 --> 01:14:56,193
This is the gem.

1165
01:14:56,195 --> 01:14:58,095
When he read the "Sigillum", the gem glowed,

1166
01:14:58,097 --> 01:14:59,730
so that is the source of the power.

1167
01:14:59,732 --> 01:15:01,331
So the book is like an instruction manual?

1168
01:15:01,333 --> 01:15:02,732
Yes!

1169
01:15:02,734 --> 01:15:05,334
But it's more like a recipe booklet.

1170
01:15:05,336 --> 01:15:06,969
What does thou need?

1171
01:15:06,971 --> 01:15:09,938
I need a banishment spell
but the book is ruined,

1172
01:15:09,940 --> 01:15:11,139
so we don't have one!

1173
01:15:11,141 --> 01:15:12,706
I'll get your book.

1174
01:15:12,708 --> 01:15:14,908
Guys, whatever you're doing, do it faster!

1175
01:15:17,810 --> 01:15:19,010
I don't know, I can't remember!

1176
01:15:19,012 --> 01:15:20,211
There was a --.

1177
01:15:20,213 --> 01:15:22,780
There was like a --.

1178
01:15:22,782 --> 01:15:24,248
Game master!

1179
01:15:25,816 --> 01:15:27,650
Here be your spell!

1180
01:15:30,253 --> 01:15:32,287
Oh my God, fucking gambit!

1181
01:15:32,289 --> 01:15:33,955
It's a dead head!

1182
01:15:33,957 --> 01:15:35,156
What does it say?

1183
01:15:35,158 --> 01:15:36,857
It's hot and it's awful.

1184
01:15:36,859 --> 01:15:38,057
I can't...

1185
01:15:38,059 --> 01:15:39,258
Calm down now.

1186
01:15:39,260 --> 01:15:41,226
Calm down!

1187
01:15:46,631 --> 01:15:48,932
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

1188
01:15:48,934 --> 01:15:50,166
Crap!

1189
01:15:57,039 --> 01:15:59,272
Ronny!

1190
01:16:02,109 --> 01:16:04,343
It's up to you, Jobryeth.

1191
01:16:19,153 --> 01:16:20,921
Eric, the gem combined with signing,
that's what makes

1192
01:16:20,923 --> 01:16:22,789
the magic work, right? Fuck if I know, man.

1193
01:16:22,791 --> 01:16:23,990
Are you a wizard or not?

1194
01:16:23,992 --> 01:16:25,191
Yes, yes, yes.

1195
01:16:25,193 --> 01:16:27,192
It's definitely the catalyst.

1196
01:16:27,194 --> 01:16:28,660
I think this song will work-- Fire it up.

1197
01:16:28,662 --> 01:16:29,861
Track two.

1198
01:16:29,863 --> 01:16:31,096
Go.

1199
01:16:35,766 --> 01:16:43,204
**

1200
01:17:00,384 --> 01:17:01,783
What's he singing?

1201
01:17:01,785 --> 01:17:03,284
Sabbath?

1202
01:17:03,286 --> 01:17:04,718
Is it Motorhead?

1203
01:17:04,720 --> 01:17:07,287
No, that's a -- Stalker original, son.

1204
01:17:35,977 --> 01:17:37,843
It's working!

1205
01:17:37,845 --> 01:17:39,244
It's working!

1206
01:18:23,943 --> 01:18:30,413
**

1207
01:18:44,292 --> 01:18:45,990
Finish it!

1208
01:19:05,173 --> 01:19:13,144
* Before a blazing funeral pyre for you *
Before a blazing funeral pyre for you **

1209
01:19:19,082 --> 01:19:23,117
Drop to the nether realms, bitch.

1210
01:19:28,188 --> 01:19:30,922
You have questionable
taste in women, my friend.

1211
01:19:30,924 --> 01:19:33,492
Apparently.

1212
01:19:33,494 --> 01:19:37,762
But I have excellent taste
when it comes to music.

1213
01:19:37,764 --> 01:19:39,863
Apparently.

1214
01:19:39,865 --> 01:19:45,399
**

1215
01:19:47,435 --> 01:19:51,337
**

1216
01:19:51,339 --> 01:19:53,239
You're a terrible bass player!

1217
01:19:53,241 --> 01:19:55,406
I know, isn't it awesome?