Hi, I'm here.

Hi, I'm here.

Across all my socials I have been pretty quiet, so I wanted to at least say hey and let you know how I've felt and what I've been up to.

After announcing my break from everything in Mid-July, I took a solid couple weeks to just enjoy myself and focus more on my actual real life (family, friends, etc.) Entering August, I continued to do the same, but things definitely felt different. Since finally realizing my YouTube burnout, I put everything off the table and gave myself virtually nothing to do. While this wasn't really an issue in the 1-2 weeks following, this eventually lead to me...just doing nothing. Sure I had some select days during August where I did get bits and pieces done with my next project, as well as some other personal stuff, but looking back..it really wasn't much.

The reason I took this break in the first place was to prevent myself from burning out so much that I wouldn't want to come back to the type of content I built ever again. Since doing that, I have really struggled to give myself even a fraction of the motivation that I had going into anything I did before. I can't tell you how many days over the past month I just sat there and virtually did nothing. Again, I did have some alright days, but looking at the big picture: I did close to nothing. I originally wanted to get this giant project done by the end of August, maybe the first week of September at the latest...and then that exact time came around.

In recent weeks I have been honestly hoping that entering my 3rd year of college would put me back in a productive zone, and this would help motivate everything in general including my content. I did just go back last Thursday so it's still sort-of early to tell, but right now I still don't have the greatest amount of motivation. I really have had to push myself the last couple days to actually start working on things again because I actually need to (school is something I generally never let slip)

For the rest of the month, I really want to push myself to get into the zone, and once again be happy at what I achieved once I look back on it. I can say when I look back at August that I am quite disappointed in my overall achievement. I am going to try my best to get this giant video I've been working on all together and out within the next couple of weeks or so. I appreciate the fact that anyone at all sticks around even when I am inactive. I opened up my youtube stats for the first time in a month and I was amazed at what was still there considering. I also noticed the 6 people I had on patreon in August decided to contribute again in September even though I'll be honest and say: I really didn't put anything worthy out.

This isn't even just about video stuff either. This has leaked into every corner of my life. I've gained weight, my diet's been quite poor, my mood has waved all over..it's not good. I'm not looking for sympathy, just stating what is in front of me. I'm definitely trying to turn that around step by step, it ain't easy.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart whoever is reading this, I may be busy, but I'll be back bigger than ever. School and personal health take priority for me, but I'm always striving to do way more than just that. My biggest project to date (which is only part 1 of a longer series), will be out sometime this month, and I'll try to say hey a little more often! Thanks everyone.