oregairu-vnc3

Chapter n3. Whatever Happens, Komachi Hikigaya is Always Going to be on her Big Brother’s Side
Having said goodbye to Taishi Kawasaki I entered the convenience store and roamed between the aisles a little. One could feel the New Year mode here too. Like all these red shoes filled with sweets anime characters-themed kids’ champagne in the 50% discount corner. There were also red flyers for the New Year soba preorders scattered around, and the stand near the fridges was filled with empty packages from the New Year food. Small trinkets were placed on the side of it.
Next  was the bento aisle, with various curry packages and a hand-drawn poster that read “Tired of New Year food? You never get tired from curry!”. Probably drawn by one of the employees. Yeah, it’s not often that employees are ordered to draw those posters. I regularly see such posters during various events and new arrivals. But you can’t make people do it all the time, you know. Or maybe the managers got strict orders from the head office and they themselves are overworked. They’ll have to prepare for Setsubun after the New Year celebration, make the ordered ehomaki and eho-rolls and immediately after that is Valentine’s day. What’s eho-rolls, by the way?..
I’ve seen this all a hundred times and I’m still not used to all this New Year hassle. Everything’s turned into something else in one day, and that makes me feel the dullness of my usual life even more. Moreover, I can’t resist the flow of time. No doubt I’ll spend both this and the next year lazily traversing days until it’s spring already. Whether I want it or not but there’s only a handful of days left of this year, and only three months till my school year ends.
Although just to sit and do nothing while the world spins around you is the biggest luxury you can ever have. I’m saying that for a long time already. Don’t rush, the next year will come. What is it, world’s end already? Hahaha! Should I make a wax figure out of you?
This thought made me laugh creepily, and several customers looked at me. I had to move to different aisle. I looked at some magazines on the shelf while passing by; next was an aisle with some sweets and cup noodles. Finally I’ve stumbled upon the beverage aisle. The slapped a “New Year” label over usual “popular” one, while the contents of the aisle stayed the same.
And so I reached the goods labelled as seasonal winter arrivals.  While the nomenclature is very diverse, there are goods that are so popular they’re bought out instantly. I forgot about that entirely and hadn’t bought it as a result. This happens pretty often, I guess. When will I be able to taste my favourite Haagen-Dazs, I often thought. And finally I’ve got my chance. It’s very tasty for its price, so I took one box. Gotta buy one more for Komachi. Right now she was probably lazing out under the kotatsu and wanting some ice cream. The best winter ice cream probably would be yukimi daifuku[as in “daifuku while looking at the snow”. Yes, it does exist]. If it had the corresponding anthropomorphized mascot, it probably would be a classical Japanese beauty with snow-white skin and large chest. I know that for sure. I’m a Chiba Lotte fan, so I know. Go, Marines, Go! I’m with you!
x x x
After paying for the ice cream I leisurely walked home. It was winter now, so the ice cream won’t melt. But the wind was cold, so my feet moved faster on their own.
It was quiet inside the house, so quiet that my footsteps fell awfully loud. As mom said at lunch she was working late today. I entered the living room and found Komachi there, just like I expected. She was lying under the kotatsu, petting Kamakura and watching TV. Probably taking rest after exams preparation. I called her:
“I’m home. Want some ice cream?”
Komachi turned to me and mumbled in agreement. Strange, she’s more glad usually. I sat at the kotatsu, crossed my legs, and lay my phone, wallet and the store package.
“Here,” I fetched yukimi and handed it to Komachi.
“Thanks, I’ll eat it later,” she briefly replied, took the ice cream and went to the fridge. Then she returned to the kotatsu. Seems like she was in bad mood. Watching her cautiously I grabbed my yukimi and started eating.
After I finished it Komachi abruptly turned to me and tapped her hand on the floor.
“Bro, sit.”
“M? I am already.” I looked at my legs to check if I wasn’t just in case. Well, yes, my legs were crossed and I was sitting on the tatami chair. That’s what Komachi probably meant.  She was telling me to get off it and sit beside her.
“Sit.”
“I’m sitting already,” I said. You want me to stand beside you? What for? Fine, I thought, why not sit there. Some serious talk? If so then the ice cream will melt, so I tossed the last bit into my mouth and readied myself for the upcoming talk. She coughed and looked at me, her eyes squinted.
“Might explaining yourself?”
“What?” I asked after swallowing my yukimi. Explain why I bought the ice cream for you? Because I love you of course, though I won’t say that aloud: it’s too embarrassing.  One could already recognize I was embarrassed, but Komachi just stared at me coldly. Meant it wouldn’t be a pleasant talk. But I still didn’t understand what Komachi wanted to hear, so I tilted my head quietly. Komachi made a small sigh.
“I mean Orimoto-senpai. What was that?”
“What? We’re just former classmates from junior high.”
“I know that.”
“Then why are you asking?” I said in irritation. Komachi simply continued to stare at me with some discontent. I felt I had to say something.
“Nah, there’s nothing between us, honest.” I said meekly. I somehow felt I was lying. I wasn’t, of course, but it’s hard for me to talk about it since I had confessed to her in junior high and got rejected. That’s why I abruptly shut up now. I could have told about this male suffering of mine and that would be enough, but no way I’d tell it all to my little sister. And she wouldn’t want to hear Bro’s love stories anyway. At least I don’t want to hear my family members’ love stories for sure. If I had an older brother who would constantly talk about his relationships with girls, I’d have thought like “what the hell’s he yapping about?”. And if Komachi starts talking about her love life, I’ll cry immediately.
Sensing my silence, Komachi moved closer to me while still burning holes in my head with her stare.
“Just!.. Just former classmate? Why’s she come to us then?” Komachi demanded. She knows what I was like in junior high.  And for me to friendly chat with someone of my former classmates was… too unusual.
“She hadn’t. She just walked me home. She works at the cafe I had visited today. We met on the way home and had some smalltalk.”
“So you’ve accidentally met, went to your home and talked on your way?”
“Well, yes.”
“Hm...” I couldn’t say if Komachi was satisfied with the answer. She slowly looked around and calmed down.
“All right. So she hadn’t entered then.”
“Do I look like I let random people inside?” I countered and remembered that Yuigahama actually had been here once. Though that didn’t count: Komachi invited her, after all. Anyway, it’s Komachi’s problem, not mine. Currently she was looking around the room with the eyes of a wild animal tied with the ropes. Or like a detective looking for clues. I felt I had to say something.
“Listen, Sister-in-Law-chan...” I started. Komachi shot me a glare.
“What sister-in-law? I’m your actual sister?”
“You sister-in-law, you. Why are you bothered by this? You behave like a jealous girl who restrains her boyfriend’s freedom. Are you that madly in love with me? You know no one likes such girls?”
Komachi smiled.
“You know, my trashy Big Bro…” said Komachi in an unpleasant tone. Hm… Ah, got it. It probably hurt to hear it from a guy who’d never had a girlfriend. But apparently Komachi meant something else.
“I’m worried about you, Bro. It’s ok if you’re not popular among girls. Worst case, I’ll just have to take care of you till the old age. But if you become too popular you’ll be fought upon, and that’s a problem.”
“Nah, ain’t happening.” I replied. Komachi made a tired sigh.
“If you’re caught while I’m not looking, I won’t be able to do anything,” Komachi said and slowly shook her head, meaning she did everything she could but it was too late already.
“Stop worrying about me that much.”
Nothing will change regardless of you looking after me or not.
“Don’t worry. There’s nothing between me and Orimoto. You treat this problem more seriously than it deserves. You’re on bad terms with her?” I asked. Komachi’s shoulders quivered.
I remembered her strange behaviour when she met us at the door. I got a different impression of her then. So it wasn’t my imagination. Komachi has great communication skills and treat everyone more or less equally friendly.  It was obvious when she talked to Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, and even Haruno-san, so I always thought she could talk to an unknown person just fine. Even during that summer vacation when we went to Chiba village Komachi, being the only junior high student back then, naturally mingled with both our club and Hayama’s clique. That’s why I couldn’t comprehend what was her problem with Orimoto. For Komachi to treat something so seriously… Most probably someone stepped on someone else’s landmine. But it’s impossible to take your words back, only to add something and thus fix things.
“You don’t like people like her?” I carefully masked “you hate her?”. Komachi shook her head and continued, as if wanting to add to the words:
“No, it’s not like that. I don’t hate Orimoto-senpai, on the contrary I like open people like her.”
Of course. Kind and open Orimoto shouldn’t be hated by Komachi. And here I thought stuff...
“But the people surrounding her… you know… like… left a bad impression.” Komachi uttered lowering her head. Because of this I couldn’t see her expression. Ah, that was the reason Komachi kept her distance with Orimoto. Even these scattered replies were enough to get what she wanted to say. I think the funny story of me confessing to Orimoto got spread among many people. Nothing surprising about Komachi, who attended the same school, hearing the rumors too. She probably didn’t like listening to someone speak with laughter about her rejected brother. She probably felt ashamed and had bad memories because of it. She didn’t say it clearly but I see it in her behaviour.
She had many friends, in other words many people to communicate with. Many people with various values systems, including those who could mock someone for their amusement. What’shenameMachi, a Kaihin Sogo student, is one of such people. They mock not just one person, but their contacts as well.
“Sorry,” I blurted. I should have noticed it way earlier and then say it. Probably it’s meaningless to talk about it already. So it’s not an apology or atonement, just a promise.
“Well, no worries. It’s not like that anymore. I won’t let you suffer. High school is wholly different from junior high,” I soothingly said and put my hand on her head. I don’t want to live or make others live through that.  The most important for me is to live the way I feel necessary and protect my surroundings. I won’t express my thoughts or desire, won’t shape them. Maybe, when I get older, I’ll think of what to do with it. But it’s probably going to be too late, and I’ll remember these times with pain and sadness.
While I was pondering about it Komachi stared at me with the empty eyes. Looks like there was a huge question mark over her head and my hand. But after I had shaken her head lightly she sighed and looked at me strangely.
“Ah… That’s how it is… That’s how Bro thinks, huh...” Komachi said and put my hand off her head.
“Listen up, Bro,” Komachi said. She sat in the same position as I did earlier, coughed as if to check her throat, raised her finger and said:
“I think you got me wrong, so let me explain. Orimoto-senpai’s friends just plain piss me off. I can’t stand them. But them mocking you doesn’t bother me at all. I even agree with them on this.”
“Aaaa...”
A-Agreed?! Komachi went on:
“Because you’re a walking joke for everyone without even needing to do anything. Even I was spreading the jokes about you.”
“Aah….”
That’s how it is?! I’m crushed. That’s so cruel, Komachi. I sagged my shoulders and stared at the floor. I even got mad. Oh that’s how you treat me. I shot an angry look at Komachi. She looked back.
“So no matter what stupidity you ever do, or whatever dumb look you have, I’ll acknowledge you. I’ll always be on your side. Because I’m your little sister.” Komachi finished and looked down in embarrassment while making that cute smile. But that smile was way more mature that mine.
“I won’t do stupid things or have a dumb look. I got it, fine, thanks.” I replied, my answer crude and child-like.  Komachi nodded in response, looking like an older sister.
“Good. Do your best and don’t think about this stuff for Komachi’s sake. All right?”
“I don’t anyway.”
Komachi clicked her tongue and smile in satisfaction.
“Now time for some ice cream, I think,” she said and rose while using kotatsu as a support. The kotatsu tilted a bit, then stood straight again, its cover jittering. I wondered why, but then notice my vibrating phone.
I grabbed it, looked at the screen and saw the called ID, ☆★ Yui ★☆. It was Yuigahama calling. I threw a glance at Komachi. Well, I could have picked up the phone here but Komachi’s words were still lingering inside my head: don’t think about this for Komachi’s sake. As I made Komachi my reason to run away. But I couldn’t just rely on Komachi all the time. Besides, I wanted to talk to Komachi right now just because she was nearby. No, I’ll deal with it alone.
I exited the living room and stepped into the cold corridor. Standing on the freezing floor on one leg like a flamingo I propped myself up against the wall. I felt the ringing phone’s vibration. It didn’t stop. I made a small sigh as if to pacify the vibration and pushed the call answer button.
“Hello...” I said. By the way I still hadn’t figured out what she wanted to talk about; too late anyway. There’s no point thinking about it anymore. If I think of an answer and the correct words in advance, it’ll be a lie and nothing but a lie. It’s just prepared answers aren’t felt as a lie at all.
“Ah, Hikki! Can you talk?” The familiar voice called. It crossed my mind that I didn’t have to answer with prepared replies, or lie at all.