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[RGRE] Moondancer prequel to Ogres and Oubliettes

Jun 27th, 2016
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  1. Complete as of July 5th, 2016
  2.  
  3. >You are Moondancer, and your friends are all plotholes.
  4. >You were preparing for another night with your good friend Rosy Hooves, but Minuette and Lemon Hearts somehow convinced you to go with them to a bar.
  5. >And now you've found yourself in a mildly humiliating situation: sitting by yourself nursing a rum and horsecola so slowly that it isn't even getting you buzzed.
  6. >"Hey there, cutie."
  7. >A stallion sits next to you and smiles.
  8. >"What are you doing here all by yourself?"
  9. >But not just any stallion.
  10. >Lemon Hearts' friend Anonymous.
  11. >You know, the human creature.
  12. "Whu-I-not much. Just..."
  13. >You make a vague hoof gesture towards the dance floor you have never stepped hoof in.
  14. "Enjoying.... things.
  15. >Beautiful.
  16. >Absolutely wonderful.
  17. "Y-you?"
  18. >Anonymous chuckles and waves down the bartender, who appears immediately.
  19. >Anonymous takes a sip of his drink while you gulp down the remainder of your own.
  20. >You try to wave down the bartender like Anonymous did, but she ignores you in favour of a group of drunk colts who can barely keep themselves upright.
  21. >Of COURSE she'd give the COLT his drink before anypony else's.
  22. >Bucking colt-catering stallionists.
  23. >"You look a little bit down in the dumps."
  24. >Anonymous reaches out and grabs your hoof; you fight the instinct to tug your hoof free so that you don't get normie germs.
  25. >"Wanna come with me? I think I can fix that."
  26. >....
  27. >Let's think.
  28. >A colt is being nice to you.
  29. >He's holding your hoof
  30. >He's ACTING interested in doing dirty things to your tuft
  31. >....
  32. >Are you drunk?
  33. >You look over at your growing collection of mugs and glasses; 4 drinks spread over about 2 hours.
  34. >You look back to Anonymous, who's rubbing his thumb in circles on the frog of your hoof.
  35. >Yeah, you're drunk.
  36. "Maybe some other time, Anonymous."
  37. >You remove your hoof from his grasp, stand up, and walk out the door.
  38. >Celestia, how much did you have to drink if you actually thought a colt was interested in you?
  39. >You wonder what he actually wanted.
  40.  
  41. ---------------------------------------
  42.  
  43. >Ah, the library. The one place where nopony will judge you behind their backs.
  44. >You know they are.
  45. >They might not even LOOK at you.
  46. >They might not show any outward indication that they're even THINKING about you.
  47. >But there is nothing in this world that will convince you that they aren't secretly thinking about what a fatty fat-flanks you are.
  48. >You're still reeling from your run-in with Anonymous last week.
  49. >The way he paid attention to you...
  50. >They way he had the ovaries to act interested in you...
  51. >The way he h-held your hoof...
  52. >You sniffle and furiously wipe your hoof against your dripping nose.
  53. >Why are colts so mean?!
  54. >"Oh, hey! It's you!"
  55. >WHAT
  56. >oh mare oh jeez oh mare oh jeez
  57. >Did he see you crying?!
  58. >Oh, Luna, this is just the worst.
  59. "H-hey! Hello, Anonymous."
  60. >That's it, Moonie. Pretend it didn't happen.
  61. >[spoiler]Pretend that there's no hurt in your heart.[/spoiler]
  62. "What're, uh.... you doin' here?"
  63. >Anonymous opens your mouth just a half-second after you decide to speak again.
  64. "I-I mean, besides...."
  65. >Your mind catches up to you and you realize that you interrupted Anonymous before he even had a chance to speak.
  66. >Buck.
  67. >You weakly gesture with your hoof to all the books, already receding in on yourself.
  68. "...you know... all these... all these books..."
  69. >You want to go home now, please.
  70. >You're going to order a pizza and make your roommate answer the door for you.
  71. >Anonymous just laughs, though.
  72. >Laughing at YOU?!
  73. >"Not much, not much. I was actually looking for one of those, 'do-it-yourself' books, you know?"
  74. >He lifts up the stack of books he has in his arms for you to see.
  75. >There's "No Colts Allowed: How to Construct the Perfect Marecave", "Marely Mares fixing Marely Things", "How to Fix your Sink and Impress your Mate with your Chest-Tuft", and a few others.
  76. >Anonymous notices your extended staring and goes on to elaborate.
  77. >"Yeah, I think I got shafted by that plumber a few months ago. His uniform kept slipping off of him, and he always seemed to be losing tools."
  78. >Anonymous thoughtfully scratches his chin.
  79. >"He was always bending over with his ass stuck up in the air. The little weirdo kept flashing me his junk."
  80. >Yo.
  81. >Yo!
  82. "No kidding? That's, uh... what place was that?"
  83. >Anonymous opens his mouth again, and you interrupt him.
  84. >Again.
  85. "C-cuz my sink's broken and I don't want to hire a stallion who doesn't know how to do his job!"
  86. >....Is he going to think that you're biased against stallions in the workplace?
  87. "N-not that a colt can't do a mare's job like that."
  88. >That's even worse!
  89. "Which is to say that plumbing isn't necessarily a mare's job!"
  90. >Luna's moon, just stop talking.
  91. >Why did you have to ask who did Anonymous' plumbing?!
  92. >Anonymous tactfully ignores your slipup, thankfully.
  93. >"Some place called, 'Thick Pipe-Layers'."
  94. >....
  95. >That's the place you get your porn from.
  96. >How can Anonymous not know that?
  97. >The pipes on their logo are TOTALLY arranged to look like a cock and balls!
  98. >He has to know.
  99. >Dammit, he knows and he's using it to tease you!
  100. >Why won't Anonymous leave you alone?!
  101. "A-anyway, I think I need to get home. My, uh... that sink won't fix itself, you know."
  102. >Why are colts so mean?!
  103.  
  104. >You are Anonymous, the twice-rejected.
  105. >This isn't over yet, tiny adorable pony.
  106.  
  107. ------------------------------------------------------
  108.  
  109. >You are Moondancer
  110. >You have locked yourself in your room to mope and generally be useless.
  111. >You feel awful.
  112. >Not in the sense that you did something wrong and somebody's feelings got hurt, but awful in the sense that you.... just feel bad.
  113. >Like, really REALLY bad.
  114. >You've been laying on your bed since you woke up four hours ago and you really don't feel like doing anything else.
  115. >You had brief thoughts of reading through your Dungeon Mare guide book for Ogres and Oubliettes, but decide not to.
  116. >What's the point?
  117. >There IS none; it's pointless.
  118. >YOU'RE pointless.
  119. >You're pretty hungry, but you're content to let your stomach eventually start eating itself.
  120. >Maybe you'll lose a bit of weight, for once.
  121. >Fat-flanks.
  122. >........
  123. >What is Anonymous' problem?
  124. >Why does he keep finding you and talking to you?
  125. >What does he want?
  126. >They ALWAYS want something.
  127. >Why else would anypony talk to you?
  128. >Luna's Moon, YOU don't even want to talk to you.
  129. >You're just thankful that your roommate doesn't care enough about you to do anything when you're in one of your moods.
  130. >You're just fine with being alo-
  131. >BANG
  132. >"Moondancer!"
  133. >Your door swings open and slams into the wall with a loud SLAM!
  134. >Light pours in from the hallway lamps, blinding you.
  135. >You're overcome with the urge to hiss, but you tuck your horseautism away at the last minute.
  136. >"Moondancer, get up right now!"
  137. >What's your roommate doing here?
  138. "C-colgate?"
  139. >Your voice is rough from thirst (you didn't feel like getting up to refill your water bottle), and you're suddenly aware of how bad your mouth tastes.
  140. "Wh-what do you wa-what can I do f-for you?"
  141. >Keep it polite, Moonie; if you aren't, then your roommate will just get mad at you.
  142. >"You and me are going to have a talk!"
  143. >Oh mare, she sounds REALLY pissed.
  144. >You nod, not really wanting to hear the sound of your own voice.
  145. >Your roommate, Colgate, nods back and walks away, leaving your bedroom door wide open.
  146. >....well, you might as well get up.
  147. >You've got no excuse not to talk to her.
  148. >You get out of your tangle of bedsheets and walk out of your room, marvelling uncomfortably at how the air suddenly smells much cleaner as you enter the hallway.
  149. >You quickly grab a sweater that you're PRETTY SURE isn't dirty and trot over to your bathroom.
  150. "I'll be down in a few minutes, Colgate! I just wanna take a shower first, okay?"
  151. >"Okay."
  152. >You'll only be, like, five minutes anyway; you're not a stallion.
  153. >[spoiler]They're much cleaner.[/spoiler]
  154.  
  155. >Five minutes later, you step out of the bathroom and tug your (probably) clean sweater over your head.
  156. >You hope the shower got rid of your smell
  157. >It probably didn't.
  158. >Now you're going to have to sit down next to Colgate and she's going to smell you and then she'll KNOW that you're some kind of disgusting creature whose stench is so powerful that not even soap and water can get rid of it!
  159. >Oh, why did you even get out of bed?
  160. >Maybe it isn't too late to pretend to be sick.
  161. >You approach your roommate and sit down on the cushion across from her, making sure to suck in your gut as you do so.
  162. "Y-you, uh... wanted to talk?"
  163. >Colgate just nods.
  164. >"You need to get out of the house more, Moonie."
  165. >Oh, Luna; not THIS talk again.
  166. >"I know that you're upset about Anonymous - "
  167. >WHAT
  168. "How did you know about that?!"
  169. >Colgate quirks an eyebrow at you.
  170. >"Anonymous is my friend, Moonie. He told me all about you."
  171. >Buck.
  172. >BUCK.
  173. >It's still not too late to pretend to be sick!
  174. >"But you can't just sit around and mope all day."
  175. >Don't tell me how to live my life, Colgate.
  176. >"Look. I apologized already for tricking you and your friends with that fake cock a few weeks ago."
  177. >Bitch.
  178. >You'd raised your tail for her and everything.
  179. >She magicks a bit bag out from behind her cushion and fishes out a small stack of bits.
  180. >"Let me make it up to you."
  181. >She floats the bits over, but you don't grab them out of her magical grip.
  182. >You just hover your own magical field below hers and wait for her to drop the coins.
  183. >T-two mares with their magic so c-close to each other's?
  184. >That's borderline gay.
  185. >It would be different if a colt was here with his OWN magic floating around, but not even Colgate can fool you into thinking she's a stallion.
  186. >Not again.
  187. >"Why don't you take a trip down to that Ogres and Oubliettes place you like? Buy a book - it's on me."
  188. >Oh, shoot, really?!
  189. >That's mighty tempting.
  190. >You're pretty deep in a campaign right now with Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, and Twilight, but it never hurts to have something new to choose from once you're finished.
  191. >Besides, who are you to turn down a free O&O book?
  192. >You mumble off a "thank you" in a way that only the socially-awkward can and walk out the front door, your personal failings temporarily forgotten.
  193. >You're so caught up in the excitement of a brand-new book that you don't notice the red flare launch into the air behind you.
  194.  
  195. >You are Anon
  196. >That's your signal.
  197. >You're going to net Moondancer and turn your couple into a herd if it KILLS you.
  198.  
  199. >"Hey there, cutie. What're you looking for?"
  200. >You are Moondancer, and that one human creature is talking to you.
  201. >While normally a colt talking to you would be cause for celebration, you're more focused on WHERE he's talking to you.
  202. >In the Games and Hobbies store, home for permavirgins and kissless tuftbeards everywhere
  203. >(AKA you)
  204. >Play it cool, Moonie. Don't buck this up.
  205.  
  206.  
  207. The End.
  208. In case it wasn't obvious (and knowing my writing, it probably wasn't), Moondancer being an awkward fuck is what leads up to Ogres and Oubliettes.
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