Things Chrom is not allowed to do in Ylisse


1: Chrom is not allowed to make ANY kind of pun using his name

2: Chrom is not allowed to to eat what is inside a reeking box, not even if he’s starving

3: Chrom is not allowed to develop a time machine under any circumstances

4: Lucina should never be used as a hostage to make ANY party surrender
   4A: Making older Lucina threaten to kill    young Lucina is even worse, it was never funny

5: Do not give Henry an energy drink, last time Chrom did that 7 villages were wiped out in under a minute

6: Don’t make pancakes on Emmeryn’s birth or death day, she was your sister, that’s fucked up man

7: No Chrom, you cannot bring anomalous beings back to the barracks, not even if Vaike asks nicely

8: This list was made for the safety of the troops and you, Chrom, it’s not to limit your, “Infinite power”
  8A: Yes it is
      8B: No it’s not

9: Chrom we give you crayons to write with because the last time we gave you a normal pen you drank the ink and threw up in a world record 5 seconds

10: No you may not recruit SCPs for Ylisse’s army

11: Chrom is not allowed to sacrifice Tharja to SCP-682 for any reason whatsoever, even if both Robins threaten to kill themselves
   11A: “She might just want a big tiddy goth gf” is not a valid reason

12: Chrom can not duel Robin in Yu-Gi-Oh to decide who gains custody of Lucina

13: Baby Lucina is not a weapon, I thought this was self explanatory

14: Chrom cannot divorce Robin so he can “Go fuck the evil one instead”

15: Chrom is not everyone’s daddy

16: “Pocket Sand” is not a viable escape tactic even though it worked on Frederick several times, it was momentarily funny the 8th time before the scent of human feces radiated from Chrom after he tripped on a villager Henry had just murdered

17: The Falcion is not to be used to slice bread, any kind of food, or Virion’s Skull, what do you even have against him man?
18: Trying to force the male and female versions of Robin to have sex is just wrong

19: Letting Grima “Babysit” Lucina was a terrible idea

20: SCPs are now illegal in Ylisse

21: Chrom, Vaike, Virion, and Anna are not “The four horsemen of the Chrompocalypse”. Also that name is god awful

22: You will not get your chance another day
   22A: I stand corrected

23: Chrom cannot ban certain anime in Ylisse just to piss off people with “shit taste”

24: 4chan is not a credible source for military tactics

25: Chrom cannot show Lucina, The Room and or Human Centipede at max volume at the same time.  Most of the troops are still in therapy and Henry will not stop laughing maniacally, leave her out of this, please
   25A: Chrom can no longer show Lucina any movie
      25B: Chrom is not allowed within 1 mile of Lucina because of [REDACTED]

26: Chrom can not swallow swords no matter what he tells you

27: Chrom, SCP-049 is not a trusted pediatrician

28: Chrom is no longer allowed near any school building

29: Chrom do not give Lucina a gun
  29A: Rocket launchers are not an exception

30: Chrom is no longer allowed to carry any sort of weapon, except a foam pirate sword
   30A: How the fuck did you kill someone with a foam sword

31: “Fuck bitches get money” is not a viable political decision in any land

32: Chrom, a microwave is not a safe place for a baby
33: Chrom is not allowed to live without trusted adult supervision
     33A: Vaike, Henry, Virion, Anna, and baby Lucina are not trusted adults

34: Chrom is not allowed to take off the cock cage

35: Chrom can not run away from Robin trying to hit him

36: Chrom should be instantly sedated if he does “The Mario”

37: Chrom is not allowed to declare war on the kingdoms of Nohr and or Hoshido to conquer them and name them “The Salty Spittoon” and “Weenie Hut Jr’s” respectively

38: Chrom is no longer allowed to watch My Little Pony

39: Chrom, Nagito Komaeda is not real
    39A: Chrom, Sans The Skeleton is not real
          39B: Kanye West being real is not sufficient proof that the two above are real

40: You must give Chrom alll of you’r money and bitches, though he will tace crayons as temporarry paymint

41: If Chrom edits this document he must be put in the time out corner for an hour, and all edits he make are voided, it’s not hard to tell what he writes and what anyone else writes apart.

42: Chrom is no longer allowed to reference anything from pop culture

43: Chrom, not everything is a JoJo reference

44: Chrom, making Dr. Bright your role model was a terrible idea

45: Chrom can not invade Bulgaria to find “the knowledge of the gods”
46: Chrom is no longer allowed to watch The Big Bang Theory
     46A: Bazinga
            46B: Not you too Anna

47: Playing only small parts of JRPGS and having knowledge from the series only from crossovers isn’t enough to formulate a valuable opinion, Chrom

48: Joker is not Chrom’s “Little Dinky Twinky Child”

49: Chrom is not allowed to clone anyone under any circumstance
    49A: Cloning Lucina to inflate the population is not a valuable excuse
          49B: There are now 99 copies of both Henry and Vaike, Chrom must remain in the time out corner with the extra small cock cage for a week

50: Chrom is not allowed to remarry after his and Robin’s, ahem, “unfortunate” divorce
   50A: We will let you marry a body pillow though Chrom, we aren’t that cruel

51: No Chrom you cannot buy a Kanna Body pillow
   51A: Chrom what Kanna are you talking about Corrin is quaking please I need an answer
        51B: Both >w<
              51C: Oh dear god no

52: Chrom is not baby

53: No Chrom, you cannot play Sburb