Chapter 2: The Down Fall

We continued on to talk for many weeks eventually our first month would arrive. We had our first kiss in a book store,
she's a big reader I always told her I would buy her a book store. I'm not much a reader myself I prefer to write if
that isn't evident. I didn't reveal much about my life to her other than my endless stream of love. On the inside I
was angry and anxious I hated everything and everyone that must be why she draws me so close because she has such a
calming essence a look into her eyes and everything was alright. Deep breaths never worked for me until she was the
one telling me to take them, but she started to learn more and more as I became distant she was the last person I
wanted to hurt if only she knew I was protecting her, but from what I didn't even know myself. She continued to talk
to her ex until I pushed him completely out of her life. My anxiety began to get to me I would always find myself
asking is she really the one for me. I know she is but I'm just trying to mask the real question that scared me so
so much was I really the one for her. I hadn't had an onslaught of depression in quite some time since we started
dating, but people started to get aggressive against her and me "break up with her she's gross", "I'm surprised
you're dating a girl faggot" even "Rope yourself you have the perfect neck for it." I've always been targeted
with slurs and hatred, but they usually had a purpose. They stopped after I learned to ignore them but that was
months ago, they have a new purpose it's almost like they just don't want to see me happy. Their words began to
get to me, the questions spun faster and faster in my head. What if I really am not the one for her. What if,
what if, what if I'm so tired of hearing those word in my head. While on the inside it was destroying me I
told her nothing. In fact, I told her I couldn't be with her anymore because I knew if I did what I wanted to
do when we were dating she would never forgive me. I grabbed the stool and went into the bathroom tied the
shower hose in a loop around my neck, they were right it is perfect. Then... I just... stopped I put everything
went in my room turned off my clock I can't stand the ticking. I laid in my bed and staring at the wall
letting the tears form a water mattress. Finally, a new word entered my head, how.