A Walk in the Woods (2015) Eng

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(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

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STAGE MANAGER:
Okay stand by everyone.

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WOMAN: Five, four, three, two...

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At 52 minutes past the hour
on this Thursday morning, welcome back.

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Joining me now is author Bill Bryson.

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So, travel writing.

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-I'm sorry, is that a question?
-(CHUCKLES)

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Noel Coward once said,
"Why do the wrong people travel,

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"and the right people stay at home?"

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(BRYSON scoFFs)

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Now, tell us about this
Collector's Edition Box Set.

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"An elegant reissue of old favorites."
(CHUCKLES)

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Riveting stuff.

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Now, in your books, you've written
about Europe, Australia, the British Isles.

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You actually lived there briefly.

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Briefly. 10 years.

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Mmm, but never America.

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You've never written
about your home country.

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-No, that's not exactly right...
-Why? Why nothing more personal?

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I see. So you've moved back,
or is that just temporary?

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No. Yes. (STAMMERING) My family,
we moved back. To New Hampshire.

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Twenty years ago. And... And we're still here.

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"Still"? Interesting choice of words.

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Uh, what else are you working on?
Are you writing something new?

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No.

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Not thinking of retiring on us, are you?

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(CHUCKLING) No, writers don't retire.

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We either drink ourselves to death
or blow our brains out.

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And which will it be for you?

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After this interview, maybe both.

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(CHUCKLES)

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-Bill Bryson, pleasure to have you with us.
-Ah. Thank you.

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(\/IDEO GAME PLAYING)

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CHILD; om (LAuGHING)

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(\/ACuulvl vvHIRRING)

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-Oh. Hello, stranger.
-BRYSON: Hello, yourself.

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How'd it go?

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-You saw?
-IVlmm-hmm.

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-That good, huh?
-Hey, Gramps_

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-Hi.
-I saw, too.

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-Oh, yeah? How'd I look?
-Do you want my honest answer?

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Never mind.

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-Gramps, I made it to level six.
-Level six? Way to go.

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Did you get my message
about Earl McGregor?

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Services are on Saturday morning.

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Can't we just send flowers?

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We could.

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You two, hands washed,
dinner's nearly ready. Let's go.

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(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)

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(BRYSON slGHING)

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Makes you think about slowing down,
doesn't it?

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I'm so, so sorry. My condolences.

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Deborah, we're so sorry.

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Thank you so much for being here.
It really means a lot to me.

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It's our pleasure.

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Uh, I mean, not our...
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Pardon me.

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Uh, I mean, it's, uh, not a pleasant time,

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-and it's not a time...
-No, we're just very sorry.

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-We're very sorry.
-We're very sorry.

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-I'll get my jacket.
-We just got here.

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What? We've already paid our respects.
I mean, what else are we supposed to do?

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Talk to people. It's good for you.

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I don't like talking to people.

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Go on.

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-How are you? How good to see you.
-(SIGHING)

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I'm gonna go for a walk.

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Okay.

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(CLEARS THROAT)

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(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

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(CHUCKLES)

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(FAINT HAMMERING)

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CATHERINE: What On earth?

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-You want to hike it?
-Yes.

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CATHERINE: Two thousand miles.

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2118, actually.

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No. You can't.

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Why not?

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Seriously, Bill.
Even for you this is ridiculous.

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(CHUCKLING) Why?
Because you think I'm too old?

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No, it's not because I think you're too old,
it's because you are too old.

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(CHUCKLES)

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Oh, God, is this because of the funeral?

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-No.
-What then?

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Listen, I can't explain it.

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Have a go.

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It's just something I feel I have to do.

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I want to explore nature.
I want to get back to my roots.

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-Roots?
-Yeah. You know, push myself.

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I mean, really, really hike.

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(CHUCKLES)

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Hike? You haven't hiked in 30 years.

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-BRYSON: Exactly.
-Can't you just do this in the Volvo?

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Catherine.

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What if I say you can't go?

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Well, if you felt that way
then we would discuss it.

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You mean I'll yammer on
and you'll nod away,

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and then you'll go ahead and do whatever
you were going to do anyway

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without having heard a word I've said.

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(slGHING)

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-What?
-(CHUCKLING)

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Am I just supposed to stand here

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and accept these obvious signs
that you have gone mad?

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It's my old pup tent. What do you think?

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Well, I think it's the perfect place
for you to spend the night.

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SAIVI: You realize we all think
this is a terrible idea, right?

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BRYSON: It's certainly been brought
to my attention.

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-SAM: But you're still going to do it?
-Yes.

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(SAM CHUCKLING)

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It's just kinda insane, Dad.
The whole thing, at your age?

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Fit people in their 20's can't do it, Dad.

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It takes five months and five millions steps.

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-Of walking.
-Yes.

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I've been doing it for a while, you know.

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Dad, hiking is not walking.

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Two thousand people a year try to do this.
Less than 10% make it.

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You ought to see the statistics
on how many people finish writing a book.

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(SIGHS) There's somebody
I want you to meet. All right?

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Hey, Dave.

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How's it going?

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This is Dave.

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-Dave.
-Hello.

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He has hiked everywhere

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He can answer any question
you have about anything.

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Okay. Can he tell me
why the caged bird sings?

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Can you give us just a second? And can I?

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Can we keep a lid on the jokes, please?

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Pay attention while he's talking,

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and don't say,
"You've got to be shitting me"

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when he tells you the price of something.

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Sam, you act like I've never camped before.

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A tent is a tent.

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This also has a 70 denier,
high-density, abrasion-resistant fly

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with that same rip stop weave.

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And just look at these seams.

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All lap-felled.
No bias taping on the whole tent.

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And the poles. Color-coded, DAC aluminum.

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It's the finest craftsmanship.

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Yeah, I've carried this one
on several sections of the trail myself.

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For your purposes,
cannot go wrong with this monster.

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All right, how much is it?

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This one here is 289.

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You've got to be shitting... Oh, okay.

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I see what you're thinking,
but out on the trail, you're gonna thank me.

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Are you coming?

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You'll need a rain cover too, of course.

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-A rain cover? Why?
-To keep out the rain.

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-The backpacks aren't waterproof?
-Not 'I 00%.

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The rain cover weighs four point six ounces.

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You know how much weight it would add
to fully waterproof an 85-liter pack?

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Well, I'll tell you. (CHUCKLES) It's a lot.

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Let's not forget...

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Oh, let me guess, in case you want
to do a little impromptu gardening?

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No. You know the saying,
"Take only memories, leave only footprints."

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Poop.

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(LAUGHS)

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-Oh, shit.
-Exactly.

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CATHERINE:
Thought you'd End these interesting-

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A Virginia man's remains
left undiscovered for 18 days

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after he suffers
a catastrophic medical condition

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just one week into his solo trek.

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Most commonly spread through
infected rodent saliva, urine, and feces,

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which become airborne particles...

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Several law enforcement personnel
have expressed concern

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about the gruesome nature
of these latest murders,

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including dismemberment
and ritualistic savageiy.

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You are not doing this alone.

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BRYSON: This is Bryson.

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How would you like to join me
for a little stroll?

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It's a chance to grab some fresh air,
while there's still some left.

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You know, studies show
Americans need to walk more.

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Our forefathers, they walked everywhere.

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It'll give you something to do
for the next six months.

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Let me know if you're interested.

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CATHERINE: Rabies, crazed skunks,
raccoons, and squirrels,

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merciless Ere ants, and ravening blackfly.

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Poison ivy poison sumac, poison oak,

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poison salamanders,
even a scattering of moose?

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(PHONE BEEPS)

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MAN 1: Bryson, four words:
Not in this lifetime.

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(BEEPS)

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MAN 2: I wish I could, Bill,
but I just switched to a new beta blocker:

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I barely have enough energy

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-to get dressed in the...
-(BEEPS)

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MAN 3: Next time, call me for something fun.

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-Like a colonoscopy.
-(BEEPS)

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MAN 4: Bill, I think you've been the victim
of identity theft.

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I got the most ridiculous message

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-from someone claiming...
-(BEEPS)

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MAN 5: Bill, you know you can see the whole
trail online in less than four minutes?

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00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:14,690
You know, you can't count Dan Budge.
Dying is not the same as saying no.

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(BRYSON lvlulvll3LEs)

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Did we know about that?
About Dan's death?

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00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,445
Yeah, I think
it was in Janice's Christmas card.

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Well, that explains why she was so miffed
about my invitation.

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(PHONE RINGING)

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lfsintheH_

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00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,323
-(BEEPS)
-Hello?

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00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:44,807
Hello?

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00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,490
KATZ: Hey it's me.

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00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,841
I'm sorry?

201
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,482
Bryson, it's Katz.

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-it's Katz?
-Yeah.

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00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,249
-Stephen?
-Yeah.

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00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,045
-(KATZ LAUGHS)
-Whoa.

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You're in the States?

206
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,964
Yeah, yeah. Where are you?

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00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,886
(CHUCKLES) I'm in Des Moines.
Where the hell else would I be?

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00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,683
Well, it's good to hear your voice.

209
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:13,284
Yeah. Hey Doug told me about
this Appalachian Trail deal of yours.

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00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:14,851
Are you serious about that?

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00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,169
Yes, I'm very serious.

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00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,721
You think maybe I could come with you?

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00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,291
(STAMMERS) You wanna come with me?

214
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,844
Yeah, if it's a problem, I understand.

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00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:33,847
-No, no, no, no.
-I mean, I understand if you don't want me.

216
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,242
No, why... Why wouldn't I want you?

217
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,521
Because, you know,
I still owe you 600 bucks from Europe-

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00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,401
Well, that was forty years ago, Stephen.

219
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,570
Yeah, but I still intend to pay you.

220
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,565
Well, I know you're good for it.

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Ah, great, great.

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00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,409
BRYSON: So, what kind of shape you in?

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00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:56,241
Well, I'm in good shape.
I walk everywhere these days.

224
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Really?

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Yeah, since the bastards
took away my license.

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00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,605
(CHUCKLES)

227
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,680
Um...

228
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,964
So, how are you with bears?

229
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,882
Well, they haven 't gotten me yet.
(LAUGHS)

230
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:14,524
Well, you know there can't be a black bear
within 1,500 miles of Des IVloines, Katz.

231
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,844
That's what I'm saying, man.
Those fuckers keep their distance.

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00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,242
(BOTH LAuGHING)

233
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,044
You'll never guess who just gave me a call.

234
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,487
No, no, no. Not Stephen Katz.

235
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,526
IVlmm-mmm.

236
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,523
You said I couldn't go alone.

237
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,923
Well, presuming you were going
to get somebody responsible.

238
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,521
You don't even know him.

239
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,967
Well, I know the stories.
Didn't he have a drinking problem?

240
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,127
We all had drinking problems.

241
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,043
Well, you two ended up
on each other's nerves in Europe.

242
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,805
No, no, no, no.
We started out on each other's ner\/es.

243
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,970
We ended up despising each other.

244
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,611
<scoFFs>

245
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,562
You know I hate this, right?

246
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,604
Sweetheart, I really don't think
you have anything to worry about.

247
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,246
No. Just my husband wandering off
into the woods,

248
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,527
surely to be maimed or killed

249
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,843
or contract some ghastly
parasitic disease which,

250
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,328
if lucky, will leave him propped up
in a chair, drooling into his own bib.

251
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,130
But there's nothing to worry about,
because of course

252
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,363
I'll be the one expected to stand
by your side, feeding you ice chips

253
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,650
until you capitulate to this unnamed malady,
and then what?

254
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,406
I get to stand in front
of some gaudy church saying,

255
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,887
"He was a loving husband and father,

256
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,086
"once considered to be
a man of reasonable intelligence,

257
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,889
"since revealed to be nothing more

258
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,648
"than a daft and utter fool."

259
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,563
Well, it's a shame I won't be there to hear it.

260
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,362
Look, I know what this seems like, okay?

261
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,482
Have you actually
thought this through at all?

262
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,726
Of course not.

263
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,887
WOMAN: (ON PA) Lebanon Airport welcomes
Cape Air Flight 106.

264
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,923
Travelers arriving from Springfield

265
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,844
can claim their baggage
at Baggage Claim Carousel Four:

266
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,441
(GRUNTS)

267
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,561
(GRUNTS)

268
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,205
You are shitting me.

269
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,731
(BRYSON CHUCKLES)

270
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,924
-Hey, Stephen.
-Bryson.

271
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,731
How are you?

272
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,320
Hello, Steve-o.

273
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,561
This is my wife.

274
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,404
You're the British nurse
I've heard so much about.

275
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,290
-I certainly hope so.
-Yeah.

276
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,761
Good to meet you.

277
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,243
That's a little bit like a bear hug.

278
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:46,761
Are you limping?

279
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,929
Oh, that's a titanium knee,
and this one's a trick knee, you know.

280
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,920
-BRYSON: Oh.
-Let me see, I've got to get...

281
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:58,966
(GRUNTING)

282
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,884
(CRANKING VENDING MACHINE)

283
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,886
I gotta eat every hour or so,
otherwise I get these, uh...

284
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,807
-What, episodes?
-No, no, they're.__

285
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,849
-BRYSON: Seizures?
-Seizures, that's right.

286
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,281
-You get seizures?
-IVlmm-hmm.

287
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:21,049
Yeah. You know, I ate some contaminated
phenethylamines about 10 years ago,

288
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,647
and it totally jacked up my system,
you Know.

289
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,851
-I thought you said you were in shape?
-I am.

290
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,484
KATZ: So the two of them take off
on a motorbike

291
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,641
and we have no choice but to hitchhike
all the way back to San Sebastian.

292
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:40,163
We go into the first pub, and boom,
there they are.

293
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,131
So, six hours later
we stumble out to the beach,

294
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,249
and Bryson insists on having the pretty girl,

295
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,481
-of course, the redhead.
-Ooh.

296
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,287
And I get the horse-faced blonde, you know.

297
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,126
Uh, Bryson!

298
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,206
I can't believe... Come on, sit.

299
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,888
I can't believe
you never told Cathy about Spain.

300
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,326
Oh, it must have slipped my mind.

301
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,324
Hmm, I wonder why?

302
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,205
Anyway, the next day
we're on a train to Madrid.

303
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,166
Bryson goes to the head
and I don't pay any attention to it,

304
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,004
and he's in there a long time.

305
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,602
Finally, I look up,
and he's coming out toward the seat

306
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,489
and he's just scratching and scratching...

307
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,370
-Got it. Got it.
-(CATHERINE EXCLAIMING)

308
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,606
I said to him,
"Hey, Bryson, what's going on?"

309
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,684
And he says,
"Next time you can have the red-head."

310
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,209
(SAM LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)

311
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,208
-Is there a picture of the red-head?
-KATZ: I think so.

312
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,123
I'd like to see the redhead.
I'd love to see the red-head.

313
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,089
-That's a really great story.
-CATHERINE: She's not in here.

314
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,367
-Thank you for sharing that with my family.
-CATHERINE: Where is she?

315
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,930
Well, I have more of them, Bryson.

316
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,281
No, no, that's great.

317
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,971
-No, no, I think we should have a few more.
-All right.

318
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,966
We were in Nice, and Bryson goes to this

319
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,044
very famous hotel there
called The Mayflower...

320
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,008
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

321
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,406
(GASPS)

322
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,688
Mmm, the Cubbies.

323
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,851
(LAUGHS)

324
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,085
(slGHs)

325
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,568
Oh, decomposed.

326
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,411
Oh, my God.

327
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,130
(CHUCKUNG)

328
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,721
(GRUNTING)

329
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,724
(PLAYING TUNE)

330
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,126
You still playing that thing?

331
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,528
Oh, yeah. Not good, but I'm playing.
(CHUCKLES)

332
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,929
How about you, still playing the drums?

333
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,690
Oh, God, no. I gave that up years ago.

334
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,406
Oh.

335
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,166
Is that your daughter?

336
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,169
-Yeah.
-Takes after her mother. Lucky break there.

337
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,171
(BOTH LAUGH)

338
00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,650
-How many grandchildren in all?
-Three, and another one on the way.

339
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,247
You really pulled it off, Bryson.

340
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:04,641
You know?

341
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,368
No, I mean that. I'm happy for you.

342
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,965
Well, how about you, Stephen?
You... You been okay?

343
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,128
IVle? Oh, hell, yeah.

344
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,651
I spent half my life getting drunk,
chasing pussy.

345
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,371
The other half I wasted. (LAUGHS)

346
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,524
-Have you seen these things?
-Yeah.

347
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,771
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

348
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,041
Fucked.

349
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,641
Hey, you know,

350
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,168
everyone thinks
we're going to go onto that trail

351
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,766
and quit after a week, like most people do.

352
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,248
We're not most people, Bryson.

353
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,968
No. No, we're not.

354
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,242
-So, good night.
-Good night.

355
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,686
(LAUGHS)

356
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:00,768
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)

357
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,366
All right then.

358
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,086
-Thank you, IVlrs. Bryson. Bye.
-You're welcome. Good luck.

359
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,041
I'll meet you inside. Right?

360
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,922
-I will miss you, you know.
-I hope so.

361
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,491
(CHUCKLES)

362
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,765
I just want to go on the record one last time

363
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,570
and say, I do love you.

364
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,644
Try not to die, okay?

365
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,281
I'll do my best.

366
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,330
Go on. Bugger off.

367
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,210
I remember this one guy that I picked up.
He came off the Trail.

368
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,209
He's not like you guys, a lot younger.

369
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,682
He got back there and just started crying.

370
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,607
I'm serious.
Cried all the way back to Atlanta.

371
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,448
Sat back there whimpering like a child.

372
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,246
When you drop people off,

373
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,607
can you tell whether
they're going to make it or not?

374
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,164
Oh. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Every time, pretty near.

375
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,560
How about us?

376
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,690
Oh, well, here we are. (CHUCKLES)

377
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,006
Thank you.

378
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:03,521
-Here you go.
-Okay.

379
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,446
-Breakfast at seven.
-Seven.

380
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,050
-Yeah. Okay.
-Okay.

381
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,202
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

382
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,642
I hope you don't mind my saying,

383
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,646
but these are about
the best damn pancakes I ever had.

384
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,885
Is that right? Well, I like a man
who appreciates his pancakes.

385
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,248
-Well, I sure do appreciate these, honey.
-(LAUGHS)

386
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,089
-Would you like some coffee?
-Yeah.

387
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,605
And I'll get you a menu.

388
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:48,571
No, no, I've already eaten. Thanks.

389
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,246
Not bad looking, huh?

390
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,606
That depends.

391
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,085
You know what I look for
in a female these days?

392
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,122
A heartbeat and a full set of limbs.

393
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,048
Well, most people lower their standards
as they age.

394
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,208
-Yeah?
-You've actually raised yours.

395
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,090
(CHUCKLES)

396
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,530
You know, Bryson, I've been thinking.

397
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,489
Let's stay here another night.

398
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,927
-You kidding?
-No. No. It is cold outside.

399
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,401
It's warm in here.

400
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,566
-I am going.
-Wait a minute. (GRUNTS)

401
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,568
We go. We go.

402
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,124
Hey, hang on. I'd like to say a few words
if you don't mind.

403
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:40,801
Au right.

404
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,645
-I don't want to reach for metaphors, but...
-No, reach, Bryson, reach.

405
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,848
Well, they say
the Appalachian Trail is like life.

406
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,047
Uh-huh.

407
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,566
You don't know what's ahead, you don't
know what's going to happen next,

408
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,130
but you give it your best shot.

409
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,407
Your best...

410
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,611
So, on that note...

411
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,970
-We 90?

412
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:01,521
Au right.

413
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,247
(KATZ l=>ANTING)

414
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:21,766
You keeping up?

415
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,330
Yeah. Keeping up.

416
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,365
(slGHs)

417
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,564
Are we hiking or strolling?

418
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,445
What, is this a race?

419
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,004
We're trying to do 11 miles.

420
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,086
Slow and steady, pal.
You wanna burn out your legs, go ahead.

421
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,161
(GRO/\NING)

422
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,210
-Just be nice to get there before midnight.
-Yeah, well.

423
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,965
(GRUNTS) That would be nice.

424
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,243
Go ahead. Help yourselves.

425
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,040
Oh, jeez

426
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,204
Okay, complete the following sentence.

427
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,884
What goes up must come

428
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:10,966
down.

429
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,768
What the hell happened to down?
It can't be uphill all the way to Maine.

430
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,531
Coming through.

431
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,681
Oh, my God. All right.

432
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,410
-What's up?
-Not much.

433
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,489
-Beautiful day.
-Yeah, it sure is.

434
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,891
-Excuse me.
-Okay.

435
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,166
Little fuckers.

436
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,326
MAN: It's just over the hill, guys.

437
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,242
(KATZ l=>ANTING)

438
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,246
(GRUNTING)

439
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:49,686
-KATZ: Boy.
-You okay?

440
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,603
KATZ: Yeah. I almost fell off the log.

441
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:58,766
(PANTS)

442
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,089
How far do you figure we've gone?

443
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,244
Oh, about a quarter of a mile.

444
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,164
IVlotherfuck

445
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,408
We're going already?

446
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,289
(GRUNTING)

447
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:23,891
Just kill me now.

448
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,170
I don't care how you do it,
but please, just kill me now.

449
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,485
(GRO/\NING)

450
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,482
(l=>ANTING)

451
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,321
-What, that's it? No dinner?
-(GROANING)

452
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,448
(ZIPPING UP TENT)

453
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:04,926
(KATZ GROANS)

454
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,161
KATZ: Hiya.

455
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,885
-KATZ: You remember the Randall Farm?
-Of course.

456
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,250
KATZ: Super-Walmart now.

457
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,681
BRYSONI Christ.

458
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,083
KATZ: The old drive-in theater?

459
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,488
-BRYSON: Don't tell me.
-(CHUCKLES)

460
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,531
-KATZ: Subaru dealership now.
-No.

461
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,042
KATZ: Yeah. I got my first blowjob there.

462
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,044
-BRYSON: In the Subaru dealership?
-(CHUCKLES)

463
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,208
-Bit of a late bloomer, huh?
-(LAUGHS)

464
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,206
I bumped into Jimmy Duncan
a few weeks back.

465
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:04,891
You remember him?

466
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,691
-Yeah. His mom worked at the library?
-(LAUGHS)

467
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,002
'Course you remember his mom.

468
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,451
BRYSON: Yeah, she was nice.

469
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,044
KATZ: And she didn't own a bra.

470
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,324
-BRYSON: Well, if she did, she never wore it.
-(LAUGHS)

471
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,685
KATZ: Man, I loved that library.

472
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,368
(HARMONICA PLAYING)

473
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,402
(CoNTINuEs PLAYING)

474
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,766
-KATZ: Hey, Bryson?
-Yeah?

475
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,361
KATZ: Have you really kept in touch
with Doug Glawinski all these years?

476
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,529
BRYSON: No, not at all. Why?

477
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,330
KATZ: You invited him,
so I was just curious.

478
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,688
BRYSON: Well, yeah.
I invited everyone I could think of.

479
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,762
KATZ: No, not everyone.

480
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,091
I heard about it from Doug.

481
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,409
BRYSON: I don't think I had your number.

482
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,165
KATZ: You had Doug's number?

483
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,251
BRYSON: Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I really don't like Doug.

484
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,921
KATZ: (LAUGHING)
Well, I don't blame you.

485
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,964
I'm not sure how that's supposed
to make me feel better, though.

486
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,127
BRYSON: Yeah.

487
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,921
I guess I really didn't think that through.

488
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,281
Good night.

489
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:23,721
KATZ: Good night.

490
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:30,803
(TENT UNZIPPING)

491
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:52,611
You burying your shit?

492
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,087
YSS.

493
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,561
-In the woods?
-Yeah.

494
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,645
Oh, Bryson, I've missed you.

495
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,367
Thank you. (LAUGHING)

496
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,527
Can't wait to read about this in the book.

497
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,001
BRYSON: I'm not writing a book.

498
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:32,806
Hi.

499
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:34,891
You guys camping here?

500
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:37,726
No, we live here.

501
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:39,884
(LAUGHS)

502
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,091
What are you guys eating?

503
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,722
Noodles? Ugh, big mistake.

504
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,522
Noodles have got, like, no energy in them.
I mean, like, zero.

505
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,249
I'm Mary Ellen. Is that your tent?

506
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:54,607
BRYSON: Yeah.

507
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,289
Oh, big mistake.

508
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,405
They must have seen you coming
at the camping store.

509
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,926
-How much did you pay for it?
-I don't remember.

510
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,970
Too much. That's how much. (LAUGHS)

511
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,607
Shoulda got a three-season tent, my friend.

512
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,565
It is a three-season tent.

513
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,561
Pardon me for saying so,
but it is, like, seriously dumb

514
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,923
to come out here in March
without a three-season tent.

515
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,084
It's April. (CHUCKLING)
And it is a three-season tent.

516
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:23,924
That's a three-season tent.

517
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,084
No, no. Those are both three-season tents.

518
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,367
No. I don't think so.

519
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:33,601
(GRUNTS)

520
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,048
How many miles did you guys do today?

521
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:37,801
Around 10.

522
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,443
Ten? Oh, you must be really out of shape.

523
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,050
I did fourteen-two. Started at Gooch Gap.

524
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,330
Well, so did we. And it's eight point four.

525
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,126
-No.
-(CHUCKLING) It is. it's eight point four.

526
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,801
Excuse me. But I think I ought to Know.
I just walked it.

527
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,130
So did we. And it's eight point four.

528
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:02,726
Tomato, tomahto

529
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:05,290
You know what your problem is?

530
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,366
You're too fat.

531
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:09,481
Excuse me?

532
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,411
You should have dropped some
of that tonnage before you hit the trailhead.

533
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:15,962
I mean, you're liable to have some sort
of serious heart thing out here.

534
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:17,963
(GRUMBUNG)

535
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:22,884
And so I just walk alone,
because everybody I know is boring.

536
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,368
I'm the only person I know
who doesn't bore myself to death.

537
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:28,444
Also, if I walked with someone else,

538
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:32,241
I'd have to watch them make, you know,
mistake after mistake after mistake,

539
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,803
and I'd go crazy, and then I'd not be sane
on the trail, you know?

540
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,565
I was like, "Mary Ellen,
wno's the only person you know

541
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:41,648
"who doesn't mess up?" and it's like, me.

542
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,682
I went through this person,
it was, like, dumb.

543
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:48,207
That person, boring. This person, dumb.
Dumb, dumb. Boring, boring.

544
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,602
I know what you're thinking. I'm not married.

545
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:51,921
BRYSON: I wonder why?

546
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:57,006
Well, I do have a boyfriend,
but he's in Florida and he's in prison.

547
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,408
I wouldn't hike with him even if he wasn't

548
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,723
because you can't trust a convict,
and he's dumb.

549
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,769
And boring, actually.

550
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,569
What's your star sign?
I bet you're a Gemini, aren't you?

551
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,842
Ah, I'm really good at this. I have a gift.

552
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,361
-No, I'm not a Gemini.
-I think you are.

553
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,531
Actually, I'm a Leo.

554
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,881
I don't think so. I'm really good at this.

555
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,291
I was born in August.

556
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,203
Mmm, check your birth certificate.

557
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,847
-And you? You're a Libra.
-(SCOFFS)

558
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,725
Definitely a Libra.
I could make a living doing this.

559
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,891
You're zero for two, honey. Zero for two.

560
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,565
Can you guys guess what I am?

561
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,728
-Couple of thoughts come to mind.
-Yeah?

562
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,402
MARY ELLEN: (SINGING)
She's up all night to the sun

563
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,562
I'm up all night to get some

564
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,642
She's up all night for good fun

565
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,245
We 're up all night to get lucky

566
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,281
(coNTINuEs SINGING)

567
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,081
KATZ: Fuck.

568
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,848
God damn it. Damn it!

569
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,049
(GRO/\NING)

570
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,486
(uNzll=>l=>lNG)

571
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,484
I swear to God I'm gonna rip her larynx out.

572
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,850
I'm not sure that's going to do it.
I got a better plan.

573
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,240
Go on, lay it on me.

574
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,563
Okay, according to the map,
we get to Hiawassee tomorrow.

575
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,441
We get an early start and we hike hard,
we can put some distance between us.

576
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,730
Yeah, that's probably better than my plan.

577
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,087
What's your plan?

578
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,123
Kill her. Take her Pop-tarts.

579
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:29,722
-Hey, good morning.
-BOTH: Good morning.

580
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,601
You guys heading out?

581
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,289
Yeah. You want us to wait for you?

582
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:36,441
Yeah, we'll wait.

583
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,440
Nah, I'll catch up. I'm pretty regular.

584
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:45,886
(WHISPERS) We go.

585
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,685
BRYSON: We've still got a couple more miles.

586
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,041
How far back is she?

587
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,526
She's gaining.

588
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,250
-I don't think...
-I don't... (YELPS)

589
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:39,241
We need a new plan.

590
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,648
-Yeah, we do. We need a new plan.
-Yeah.

591
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,608
(l=>ANTING)

592
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:49,567
Shh.

593
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,165
I didn't say anything.

594
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,051
-Well, you sound like a DC-10. Keep it down.
-Oh.

595
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,050
-(l=>ANTING)
-(FOOTSTEPS Al=>l=>RoACHING)

596
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:57,201
Here she comes.

597
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,209
(KATZ vvHEEzlNG)

598
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:04,531
-Hold your breath.
-(GASPS)

599
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:16,847
(WHISPERS) Hold it, hold it.

600
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:21,201
(slGHs)

601
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:28,890
(SINGING) We've come too far to give up
who we are

602
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:33,166
(GRUNTS)

603
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:34,481
We go, we go!

604
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,450
-Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
-Hey!

605
00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:45,563
Wait, stop!

606
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,526
Who the hell's gonna stop for us?
We look like shit.

607
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,249
KATZ: Hey, stop!

608
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,090
(TIREs sCREECHING)

609
00:38:58,680 --> 00:38:59,761
They stopped!

610
00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:01,890
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

611
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,041
(TIRES SCREECH)

612
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,205
Hey, you boys want a ride?

613
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:06,881
Sure do!

614
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,444
(LAUGHS)

615
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,767
Y'all have to excuse us. We are celebrating.

616
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,043
Yeah? What are you celebrating?

617
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,402
We are getting married tomorrow.

618
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,486
-Great, great.
-Congratulations, you guys.

619
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:27,929
Yeah, Darren is making
an honest woman out of me.

620
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,365
-Ain't that right, baby?
-Yes, I am.

621
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,525
-Uh, you wanna watch the...
-(TIRES SCREECH)

622
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:33,641
(DON NA SQU EALS)

623
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,125
(LAUGHS)

624
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,244
(uNHooKING BELT)

625
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:44,761
DARRENZ Yeah.

626
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,325
Holy shit. I wish I was still 20.

627
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,730
I wish I was Still 50.

628
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,809
DONNA: See y'all later.
DARREN: Bye, y'all.

629
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,446
What can I get you boys to drink?

630
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,922
The tallest and the coldest beer
you can offer.

631
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:13,081
Coke.

632
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,603
-Just Coke, nothing in it?
-Just Coke. I'm reformed.

633
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,683
-Okay.
-Uh, you know what?

634
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,523
Make mine a Coke also.

635
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,650
All right. Just a second.

636
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,643
Oh, wow. l'm....I'm impressed.

637
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,484
Well, you know, ever since
I rolled my oar on route six,

638
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,605
-I had to rethink some things.
-Yeah, that'll do it.

639
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,522
A lady cop came up to the window
and she knocked.

640
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,603
I was hanging upside down by the seatbelt
and I said, "What's the problem, officer?"

641
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:51,807
(CHUCKLES)

642
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,201
She just stared at me and walked away.

643
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:58,244
So I haven't had a drink since.

644
00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:01,607
-Really?
-Yeah.

645
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,206
Well, that's good.

646
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,685
-Good for you.
-Yeah. Good for me.

647
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:10,367
Really.

648
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:15,646
Ah.

649
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,601
You know, Bryson,

650
00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:24,726
I keep looking at the door over there and
I keep seeing Mary Ellen coming through.

651
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,285
I hope you're not going to tell me
you miss her?

652
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,490
Oh, no, no. Hell no,
I'm not going to tell you that.

653
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,365
I mean, we did Kind of ditch her though,
didn't we?

654
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,046
No, we didn't just kind of ditch her,
Stephen. We ditched her.

655
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,091
Yeah. We left her all alone in the woods
by herself.

656
00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:42,446
She came into the woods by herself.

657
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,211
It's not like we signed a contract
to look after her.

658
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,011
No, but she's probably scared out
of her wits.

659
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,210
What are you so interested in her for?

660
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,800
I'm not interested in her at all.

661
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,922
The damndest thing, Bryson, is I am a Libra.

662
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:00,966
She got it right.

663
00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:05,722
Maybe she has a gift.

664
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,011
What are the chances?

665
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,370
One in 12, actually.

666
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:14,128
One in 12. That's pretty damn good.

667
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,642
Oh. Southbound, coming through.

668
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,006
MAN: Mary Ellen?
Oh, yeah, she talked about you guys.

669
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:30,360
KATZ: Yeah? What did she say?

670
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:32,451
-Well, her words, right?
-KATZ: Right.

671
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,802
She said you guys
were a couple of overweight wimps

672
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,445
who didn't know the first thing about hiking.

673
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:38,766
And she was tired of carrying you.

674
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,164
Oh, Holy Christ Almighty.

675
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,567
Actually, I think she called you
a couple of pussies.

676
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,205
-Pussies?
-Pussies?

677
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:47,646
After all we did for her?

678
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,090
You guys know it's supposed
to snow tonight, right? Six to eight inches.

679
00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:53,004
-Really?
-MAN: More higher up.

680
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:56,130
That's what they're saying.
You're going to be climbing right into it.

681
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:57,481
-Yeah? Oh.
-Yeah.

682
00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:03,248
-Well, I gotta keep moving, guys. Be safe.
-BRYSON: Thanks.

683
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,126
KATZ: Snow?
That guy's out of his fucking mind.

684
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,682
(WIND \/vHoosHING)

685
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,363
(SCREAMING)

686
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,407
You okay?

687
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,251
Never better.

688
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,005
Goddamn things are useless.

689
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,451
What I'm thinking
we could do is follow this logging road,

690
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,282
get to the other side of this ridge,
and get out of the wind

691
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,931
where we can set up our camp.
What do you think?

692
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:47,205
Me? I think I'd rather have a nice hot soak
in a Jacuzzi.

693
00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:51,566
But if you're dead-set on following
that logging road, we can do that, too.

694
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:56,204
We can save the Jacuzzi for another time
when things aren't going so well.

695
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,486
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

696
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,164
-I'll follow you.
-Okay.

697
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,365
Katz, you still there?

698
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,881
-KATZ: Unfortunately.
-(CHUCKLES)

699
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,364
Just like you said, Bryson.

700
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:35,370
The AT. You never know what lies ahead.

701
00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:37,926
So it appears.

702
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,848
WOMAN: I promise you, if there was heat,
it would be on, honey, all right?

703
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,168
Use the talcum powder, that helps.

704
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,410
Hi. We'd like a cabin.
Preferably with a private bath.

705
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,721
The cabins went two days ago.
But I do have two spaces in the bunkhouse.

706
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:17,801
(KATZ GRUNTS)

707
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,327
KATZ: I don't know
if you're aware of this, Bryson,

708
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,485
but every time I hear the word "bunkhouse"

709
00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:28,210
my testicles shrink up inside my body.

710
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,161
Welcome to the Stalag

711
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,601
There's a meeting of the Escape Committee
at 1900 hours.

712
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:43,841
Oh, okay.

713
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,131
Hey, are you liking that XT-85?

714
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,406
Your pack.

715
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:02,687
Oh.

716
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,123
-I got a Gregory.
-Oh, yeah?

717
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,766
Yeah. I looked at the XT-85, solid pack.

718
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,041
But the quad access points,

719
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,401
dual hydration ports in the Gregory,
they sold me.

720
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:14,850
What made you buy an XT-85?

721
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,207
I thought it was easier
than carrying everything in my arms.

722
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,328
-How come you're up top?
-Well, heat rises, pal.

723
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:34,047
(KATZ GRUNTING)

724
00:46:41,720 --> 00:46:43,051
Oh, yeah.

725
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,641
(BED CRE/\KING)

726
00:46:48,720 --> 00:46:50,051
Hey, you know...

727
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,645
KATZ: (GROANS)
Hey, Bryson, are you all right?

728
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,410
BRYSON: Oh, never better.

729
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,081
(MOTIVATIONAL SONG PLAYING)

730
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,805
We can start, maybe, right there and...

731
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,930
Hello, there.

732
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,889
You guys, uh, doing all right?

733
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:03,966
Yeah, we're fine.

734
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:05,771
Because, look,
when we get over to the other side,

735
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:07,968
we can just come back
and grab your packs if you want?

736
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:10,481
You know, it's easy for us.

737
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:11,926
-Not a problem.
-Happy to help.

738
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:15,926
We like hard, we don't like easy.
But thanks a lot, you know.

739
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,403
-All right, then.
-Okay.

740
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:22,009
-Excuse us. All right.
-Yep.

741
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:35,324
-Nice guys.
-Yep.

742
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:37,763
-I hate 'em_
-Me, too.

743
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:40,441
Well...

744
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:58,207
(GRUNTS)

745
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:06,127
(GRUNTS)

746
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:07,840
(GRUNTING)

747
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,691
-That went well.
-It was refreshing.

748
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,367
Bryson, you've got everything
a man could want.

749
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:34,522
And here you are,
tramping around in the woods with me.

750
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:36,886
Seriously, what gives?

751
00:49:38,240 --> 00:49:39,844
I don't know.

752
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,611
As John Muir once said,
"Sometimes a man just has to

753
00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:49,361
"get a loaf of bread and throw it into a sack,
and jump over the back fence."

754
00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:51,563
Oh, I got you.

755
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,411
Life's a little too perfect
inside that fence, huh?

756
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,281
-No, no, no...
-Oh, you made sense, Bryson.

757
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:58,970
You're a caged animal.

758
00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:02,323
You wanna get back into that forest.
Live a little.

759
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,331
-That's not it.
-No, that's got to be it.

760
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,845
So why'd you come?

761
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:13,087
KATZ: I guess I didn't want to spend
the rest of my life in jail.

762
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,888
-BRYSON: What?
-(CHUCKLING) it's nothing, really.

763
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:21,209
Just a couple of outstanding warrants
I didn't show up for and stuff like that.

764
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,927
Jesus, Stephen, that's really not something
you can run from.

765
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:26,531
(KATZ LAUGHS)

766
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:28,848
KATZ: Actually, you kind of can.

767
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:31,888
BRYSON: Same old Stephen.
Always running from something.

768
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,686
KATZ: Oh, really? You're one to talk.

769
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,486
Not you.

770
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,883
Remind me again why we're out here?

771
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:42,366
It's was not like you had something better
to do.

772
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,966
As I recall, in fact, you begged me to come.

773
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,964
I begged? I begged to come? I asked.

774
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,048
You know what cracks me up, Bryson?

775
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:56,487
Is how predictable your whole life
has become, right down to the Volvo.

776
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:58,403
God forbid somebody should evolve

777
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:00,284
rather than squandering away
their existence.

778
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,768
I mean, look at you. All these years
and you're still stuck at square one.

779
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:06,243
Hey, Bryson. Are you happy?

780
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,004
What the hell kind of a question is that?

781
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,322
Pretty important question, I'd say.

782
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:11,646
What, do you think you're happy?

783
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:13,366
I think...

784
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:27,371
Wow.

785
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:30,330
The Smokies

786
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,443
BRYSON: Now this is interesting.

787
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:40,770
Oh, God, this is amazing.

788
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:43,207
From here you can see
all three kinds of rock.

789
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,161
There, you see that layered section
across that slant?

790
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:48,805
-KATZ: Yeah.
-That's sedimentary.

791
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,442
And the dark stuff here, pushing up
from underneath, that's igneous.

792
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:55,681
Think volcanic.

793
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,202
How do you know all this stuff?

794
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,044
Well, there are these things called books.

795
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,281
-Oh. No kidding, they're called books?
-Yeah, they're like TV for smart people.

796
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,726
See, what we're talking about here,
Katz, is time.

797
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:09,646
Geologic time.

798
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:14,602
Hundreds of thousands of years
of enormous, shifting tectonic plates.

799
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,924
It's like the world being reborn from below
while it's being eroded from above.

800
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:19,971
Yeah. Well,

801
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:22,687
when we get back I'm gonna buy you a TV.

802
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:29,051
Because nobody gives a fuck
about shifting tectonic plates.

803
00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:30,241
Well, I do.

804
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,040
You know why?

805
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,086
Because I'm curious,
and I love being curious.

806
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,927
I like knowing things about the world
that we're living in.

807
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,641
Well, I think it's all fucking rock.

808
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:42,371
Oh, yeah?

809
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,687
I don't get bogged down in the minutiae.

810
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,440
-I'm above the details.
-(CHUCKLING) You are?

811
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:49,927
I'm big picture, Bryson.

812
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,731
Oh. How's that working out for you?

813
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,246
Ah, pretty, uh, fucking good.

814
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:02,731
(HoNKING)

815
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:26,966
Hello.

816
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:28,646
We'd like a room, please.

817
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,410
Two rooms.

818
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:35,443
Oh, the Cubbies lost a double header,
and they're 11 games back.

819
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,006
Don't act surprised.

820
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,164
Tonight would be preferable.

821
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:43,651
Hello there?

822
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,442
Where are the Red Sox?

823
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:49,965
Red Sox? Are you fucking kidding me? Whoa.

824
00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:51,366
Excuse me, ma'am_

825
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,442
-Red Sox?
-I live in New England.

826
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,161
Yeah, but Bryson, it's not about
where you live, it's about who you are.

827
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,290
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm the kind of guy
that likes it when a team wins now and then.

828
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:01,851
Well, you don't.

829
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:06,082
You don't give up on a team just because
they've had a few bad years.

830
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,322
(SCOFFING) A few bad years? Jesus.

831
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,648
KATZ: Baseball is about loyalty.

832
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,124
Like, she knows what I'm talking about.
Don't you?

833
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,085
Would you two like a minute?

834
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,002
Hi, I'm Jeannie. How can I help y'all?

835
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,443
Mother, let go of the man's hand.

836
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,485
-Hi.
-Hi.

837
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,207
Um, we'd like a couple of rooms. Please.

838
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:32,608
Oh, sure. Where are you all from?

839
00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:36,562
Uh, I live in New Hampshire,
but I spent over 10 years in England.

840
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:39,126
-Mostly in the north countryside...
-He's from Iowa.

841
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:44,044
Well, the rooms are 40 a night
and you can pay when you leave.

842
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:48,204
Mother, I said, "Let go of the man's hand."

843
00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:53,006
Thank you.

844
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,047
Helluva grip.

845
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:57,806
BRYSON: The Cubs should sign her.
She'd be the youngest in their bullpen.

846
00:54:57,880 --> 00:54:59,325
(KATZ LAUGHS)

847
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,244
-BRYSON: I guess this is me.
-Yeah, okay. I'm right here.

848
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:06,251
-BRYSON: Yeah.
-Yeah. All right. I'll see you.

849
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:08,366
Yeah.

850
00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:27,371
(lvloANING SOFTLY)

851
00:55:35,240 --> 00:55:36,446
Ah!

852
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,444
(lvloANING)

853
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:06,131
(COUNTRY lvluslC PLAYING)

854
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:12,604
-Hi.
-Hello, again.

855
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:15,961
-How can I help you?
-I just need some towels.

856
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,288
-Oh. I'm sorry about that.
-That's fine.

857
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:20,925
-Here, come with me.
-Okay.

858
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:23,006
(CLEARS THROAT)

859
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:34,051
Yeah, it's family owned and operated.
For three generations, if you can believe it.

860
00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:35,687
Oh, Ioan.

861
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,729
It has a personal feel to it.
That's pretty rare these days.

862
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,045
Eighty-three years.

863
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,161
Wow.

864
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:50,483
We, um... We added the restaurant
10 years ago.

865
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,802
-So you manage that, too?
-Yeah.

866
00:56:54,840 --> 00:56:56,171
Somebody's gotta do it.

867
00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:01,888
It's not so bad.
I get to meet interesting people.

868
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:06,010
(CHUCKLES) I'm not sure
I qualify as interesting.

869
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:07,691
Oh, I wasn't talking about you.

870
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:13,211
(LAuGHING)

871
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,648
Sorry. Could not resist.

872
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:21,164
-I'm glad I'm here to amuse you.
-Yeah, yeah. Me, too.

873
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:24,366
This is you.

874
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:27,331
You must be exhausted.

875
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,000
(GASPS)

876
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:32,570
KATZZ Holy Shit.

877
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,371
I... I gave you a couple extras.

878
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:39,281
Enjoy your shower.

879
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:41,166
I will, thanks.

880
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:44,610
Do you need anything else?

881
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:46,966
No. Not at the moment.

882
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:48,526
Okay.

883
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,289
Well, you know where I am. All right.

884
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:00,686
CATHERINE: We're not here right now,

885
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:03,889
but please leave a message
and thank you for calling. Bye.

886
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,206
(BEEPS)

887
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:09,331
Hi, sweetie. It's me.
Uh, just calling to say I love you.

888
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,641
-(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
-Right, right. That's the one.

889
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,486
Nice, iSn't it? I like it.

890
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,688
KATZ: Everything good
on the home front?

891
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:33,604
(CHUCKLES) She's impressed
we haven't killed ourselves yet.

892
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,604
(CHUCKLING) She's not the only one.

893
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:39,248
Did you tell her about last night?

894
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:40,966
What?

895
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:42,451
You in a robe?

896
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,483
The proprietress,
I'm sure, was looking to hand over

897
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:48,444
more than just towels.

898
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:49,967
You're out of your mind.

899
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:51,487
KATZZ Am I?

900
00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:54,805
Sure will make a steamy chapter in the book.

901
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:56,525
Katz, I told you I'm not writing a book.

902
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,568
Listen, I'm going to go over to, uh, K-Mart.

903
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:02,647
Get a couple of things. You okay?

904
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,241
Oh, I'm in my happy place.

905
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:07,126
Good.

906
00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:30,048
{HONWNG)
-WOMAN; Idiot!

907
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,170
Oh, wait, wait.

908
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,880
(G RU NTS) Here, here.

909
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:54,284
-Here you are, ma'am_ Here you go.
-Oh, thank you.

910
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:23,521
(GRUNTS)

911
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:28,325
(GRUNTING)

912
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:32,041
(lvluTTERING)

913
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:35,410
-Pardon me.
-Hmm?

914
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:38,526
I'm so sorry. Do you think
you could give me a hand here?

915
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:42,249
Well, certainly. I'd be happy to.

916
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,723
What seems to be the problem?

917
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:52,764
I'm having a difficult time
removing my panties.

918
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:57,405
Well, luckily you're

919
01:00:57,480 --> 01:00:59,482
-in the presence of an expert.
-Oh.

920
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:01,411
(KATZ CHUCKLING)

921
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:03,245
May l<>

922
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:10,089
-Oh, they're silk, aren't they?
-IVlmm-hmm.

923
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,047
-(MACHINE CREAKS)
-I'm a pantyologist

924
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:18,122
Really? I've never heard of that.

925
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:20,801
-(lvlAcHINE CRE/\KING)
-(GRUNTS)

926
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:22,166
(CLANGS)

927
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:25,965
-Oh.
-Oh.

928
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:28,760
Well,

929
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:32,447
these aren't gonna do you much good.

930
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:36,762
Well, they might not do me
much bad, either.

931
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:39,360
(LAuGHING)

932
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:41,085
No.

933
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:53,769
-Jesus, Bryson.
-Don't ask.

934
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:55,810
You been screwing hogs again?

935
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,286
You're just jealous.

936
01:01:57,760 --> 01:01:59,285
Actually, I'm not.

937
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:04,248
In your absence, my romantic life
has taken a turn for the better.

938
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,486
Remember the laundromat?

939
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:09,129
Her name is Beulah.

940
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:10,721
Seriously?

941
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:14,089
Yeah, seriously.
And she's got a beautiful body.

942
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:17,767
Buried under two hundred pounds of fat.

943
01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,404
But then, you know I kinda like
a little meat on the bone.

944
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:26,280
Sure, as long as you don't have
to remove a wall to get her out of the house.

945
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:28,040
How did this happen?

946
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:31,363
She asked me if I would come
take a look at her panties.

947
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:35,687
-What?
-They were caught in the agitator.

948
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:37,286
And they were shredded.

949
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:41,241
So I'm gonna meet her this afternoon
in front of the fire station.

950
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:43,364
Is that where she keeps
her spare underwear?

951
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:48,847
I'm telling you, man,
I felt a stiffening of the old resolve.

952
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:50,765
(CHUCKUNG)

953
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:53,320
-Oh, yeah?
-I got her these.

954
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,005
Oh, she's a big woman.

955
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:01,361
Where'd you get these?

956
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:03,364
K-Mart. I took a cab.

957
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,731
Um, I thought I'd give 'em to her at dinner.

958
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:08,326
As an ice-breaker.

959
01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:10,649
You're gonna give those to her
in a restaurant?

960
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:11,801
Yeah.

961
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:13,882
Unless you think it's a bad idea.

962
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:17,564
No. I think that's a great idea.

963
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:19,206
(LAUGHS)

964
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:20,486
Good.

965
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:29,280
Hey.

966
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:31,810
-You had the turkey, right?
-WOMAN: Yes.

967
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:35,245
-Enjoy.
-WOMAN: All right.

968
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:41,886
(POUNDING ON WINDOW)

969
01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:50,891
We go. We go.

970
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:53,486
-What are you talking about?
-There's some guy looking for me!

971
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:54,726
Some guy?

972
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:55,926
Beulah's husband.

973
01:03:56,240 --> 01:03:57,810
-Beulah's got a husband?
-Yeah.

974
01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:01,602
I mean, there's only two guys on the planet
that would go to bed with ner,

975
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,167
and here we are in the same damned town!

976
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:05,605
So what happened?

977
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:09,365
I'm standing in front of the fire station
like we planned.

978
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:10,521
Yeah.

979
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:14,924
And then around the corner comes
this red pickup and it screeches to a halt.

980
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:18,250
And this big guy, he's angry, he gets out,

981
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,490
and he's walking up towards me,
and he's going like this.

982
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:22,806
"l want to talk to you."

983
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,364
-So what did you do?
-I ran.

984
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:27,047
You ran?

985
01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:29,805
Yeah. I can move like ajack-rabbit
if I have to.

986
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:33,726
-So he didn't catch you?
-No, no. He's 600 pounds.

987
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,047
He's not exactly a track star.

988
01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:39,681
He's cruising around now in his red
pickup truck looking for me.

989
01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:44,163
I been running through back yards,
clothes lines, all sorts of shit.

990
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,201
-Well, you're safe now.
-This guy is...

991
01:04:47,320 --> 01:04:48,685
(HORN HONKS)

992
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:51,126
Red pickup!

993
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:54,331
And there's another one!

994
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,363
Come on, Bryson, we need a plan!

995
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,330
Why don't you go out and talk to the guy,
huh? I'm sure he's reasonable.

996
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:02,321
That's your plan?

997
01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:05,570
(CHUCKLING) I don't need a plan.
I'm not being chased.

998
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:08,806
Now, come on, Bryson,
we gotta get outta here.

999
01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:11,326
-Yeah.
-Come on, don't mess around with me.

1000
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,006
Please?

1001
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,411
-Come on!
-Yeah, yeah.

1002
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:27,971
(FAKE ACCENT)
Hey buddy, you in there?

1003
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:33,161
It's Bubba T. Flubbal Are you in there, boy?
Come out, you chicken shit!

1004
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:35,482
KATZ: Come on! Don't mess around!

1005
01:05:41,040 --> 01:05:42,087
(CAR Al=>l=>RoACHING)

1006
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:43,207
(TIREs sCREECHING)

1007
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:53,041
MAN: Open up!

1008
01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:55,441
I know you're in there, you son of a bitch!

1009
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:56,767
Holy shit.

1010
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:58,206
He's here!

1011
01:05:58,360 --> 01:05:59,885
MAN: I don't care where the hell you are,

1012
01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:01,883
I'll knock every one
of these damned doors down!

1013
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:05,210
Come on, I know you're in here somewhere,
you son of a bitch!

1014
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:09,729
I don't care where you are,
I'm gonna find you!

1015
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:13,163
I want to know who's been messing
with my Beulah!

1016
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,681
-Bring your ass out here!
-Come on, Bryson!

1017
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:17,882
Pull me through! He's at the door!

1018
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,089
-(l=>ouNDING AT DOOR)
-(BOTH GRUNTING)

1019
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:23,125
Open the goddamned door!

1020
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:24,691
BRYSON: Come on, move it! Move it!

1021
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:26,490
(POUNDING CONTINUES)

1022
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:38,884
(KATZ LAuGHING)

1023
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:42,410
KATZ: But what about Basel?
When we stole the boat?

1024
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:45,041
BRYSON: (LAUGHING) We didn't steal
the boat, we borrowed the boat.

1025
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:50,001
KATZ: Yes, well, the girl's uncle
with the shotgun, he saw it differently.

1026
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:51,761
BRYSON: He sure did.

1027
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:55,008
(MELLOW SONG PLAYING)

1028
01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:31,090
(BOTH LAuGHING)

1029
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:33,527
KATZ: You know,
you missed out in Greece.

1030
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:36,210
BRYSON; rd kind of had my fill by that point.

1031
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:39,968
When you said you were gonna go
to England, I thought you'd last,

1032
01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:41,725
one week. Tops.

1033
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:44,129
-Well, I meta gal.
-Yeah.

1034
01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:45,201
And that was that.

1035
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,130
Well... Yeah, thank you.

1036
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:55,121
Cathy seems great. But obviously
you've been with other women.

1037
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:00,406
Never?

1038
01:08:01,320 --> 01:08:02,685
In the last 40 years?

1039
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,047
Nope.

1040
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:08,969
(LAuGHING)

1041
01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:12,562
Bullshit, you son of a bitch.

1042
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:17,482
I saw you undress that proprietress
six ways to Sunday.

1043
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,371
-You can't tell me you didn't.
-Well...

1044
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:23,329
One woman all these years?

1045
01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:25,487
Yep.

1046
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:27,409
That can't be good for you.

1047
01:08:28,360 --> 01:08:29,691
(LAUGHS)

1048
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:34,364
I mean, when was the last time
that you even got a, uh...

1049
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:40,805
Well, never mind.
I know how married women are.

1050
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:42,880
Really? Is that so?

1051
01:08:43,040 --> 01:08:47,443
Yeah. Trust me. I've been with way more
married women than you have.

1052
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:03,569
(LEAVES RUSTLING)

1053
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,087
(RUSTLING CONTINUES)

1054
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:16,284
Hey, Katz, you awake?

1055
01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,209
-KATZZ NO.
-(RUSTLING CONTINUES)

1056
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:21,401
What was that?

1057
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:24,209
How the hell should I know?

1058
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:25,685
(SNUFFLING)

1059
01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:27,765
It sounded big.

1060
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:31,089
Everything sounds big
in the woods, Bryson.

1061
01:09:31,680 --> 01:09:34,331
It's probably just a skunk. Go to bed.

1062
01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:40,281
Did you pack a knife?

1063
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:42,641
No.

1064
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:43,921
BRYSON: Nothing sharp?

1065
01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:47,768
(SIGHING) Nail clippers.

1066
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:49,251
<scoFFs> Swell.

1067
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,924
KATZ: Just leave it alone, Bryson.
It will go away.

1068
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:56,244
Oh, yeah, well if it is a bear
and it comes toward you,

1069
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:58,209
what are you going to do?
Give it a pedicure?

1070
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:03,243
Jesus! Two fucking bears
staring right at me.

1071
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,365
Oh, god dammit, Bryson, get some sleep.

1072
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:08,285
(BEARS GRUNTING)

1073
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:09,441
Holy shit.

1074
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:11,281
(GRovvLING)

1075
01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:14,125
If they come for us, play dead.

1076
01:10:14,360 --> 01:10:16,806
KATZ: If they come for us, we are dead.

1077
01:10:17,240 --> 01:10:18,651
No, wait, wait, wait.

1078
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:21,531
That's grizzlies. Wait a minute.

1079
01:10:21,960 --> 01:10:24,406
KATZ: IVIotherfuck
They're tearing everything apart.

1080
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:28,283
Okay. "Stand up as tall as you can
to intimidate the bear."

1081
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:32,043
Intimidate the bear? They're fucking bears!

1082
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:36,810
BRYSON: We've got to scare them off.

1083
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:38,291
Get! Scat!

1084
01:10:38,440 --> 01:10:40,647
(BOTH YELUNG)

1085
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:42,286
(PLAYS HARlvloNICA)

1086
01:10:42,640 --> 01:10:44,130
(ROARS)

1087
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:46,009
<sHouTING)

1088
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:48,210
(RoARING)

1089
01:10:48,560 --> 01:10:50,210
(YELUNG)

1090
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:02,128
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1091
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:11,364
You gotta put this in the book.

1092
01:11:11,640 --> 01:11:14,211
-There's not going to be a goddamned book.
-Oh.

1093
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,242
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

1094
01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:46,366
Jeez_ Damn.

1095
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:54,802
(GRUNTING)

1096
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,244
Come on, we're having fun.

1097
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,686
Holy shit.

1098
01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:05,729
-Look at this.
-What?

1099
01:12:06,040 --> 01:12:07,769
KATZ: This is the trail.

1100
01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:11,722
Here we are. We're not even halfway there.

1101
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:13,928
-This can't be right.
-Son of a bitch.

1102
01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:15,605
No way that's to scale.

1103
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:18,606
It says, "IVIap to Scale".

1104
01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:21,888
That's it. New plan.

1105
01:12:23,160 --> 01:12:24,685
God damn it.

1106
01:12:28,480 --> 01:12:29,811
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1107
01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:33,203
KATZ: I'm telling you, Bryson,
there's a lot of advantages.

1108
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:37,728
You want to drive the Appalachian Trail?

1109
01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:41,725
No, no, justjump ahead.
Pick up the trail a little further north.

1110
01:12:42,440 --> 01:12:46,126
You know, we can rent a car over here.

1111
01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:48,408
Then we're mobile, we'll see more.

1112
01:12:49,440 --> 01:12:51,602
Check out local points of interest.

1113
01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:55,723
Bigger field of vision.

1114
01:12:59,440 --> 01:13:02,649
Bryson, as a friend,

1115
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:05,888
do this for me.

1116
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:27,368
(KATZ LAuGHING)

1117
01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:32,442
Hey, you're not gonna believe the deal
I got on this.

1118
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:34,801
Katz...

1119
01:13:34,880 --> 01:13:38,123
This beauty represents not one,
but two upgrades.

1120
01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:43,286
Satellite radio, leather seats, sunroof.
Same price as a Camry.

1121
01:13:43,640 --> 01:13:44,687
If you can believe that.

1122
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:47,366
Here you go, IVIr. Katz. Just three quick
initials and you'll be on your way.

1123
01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:48,726
We can't do this.

1124
01:13:49,440 --> 01:13:51,010
Of course we can.

1125
01:13:51,120 --> 01:13:52,690
I came out here to accomplish something.

1126
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:54,842
Not to just give up
when things got a little tough.

1127
01:13:55,800 --> 01:13:57,962
We're not giving up, Bryson.

1128
01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:01,850
What does it matter
if we skip the shitty parts?

1129
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:04,443
-No one's gonna know.
-Well, lwill_

1130
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:06,849
I'm not a quitter.
I know it served you well in your life,

1131
01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:09,327
-but I finish what I start.
-Bryson.

1132
01:14:10,440 --> 01:14:13,364
-Did we not both see the same map?
-Yeah.

1133
01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:17,208
You have no chance of finishing this trail.

1134
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:20,126
None. Zero. Zilch.

1135
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:21,690
Well, I'm sure as hell gonna try.

1136
01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:24,368
Hike until you die.

1137
01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:26,046
Where do I sign up?

1138
01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:31,170
We're two old men, Bryson.
You gotta quit thinking otherwise.

1139
01:14:31,320 --> 01:14:32,401
Speak for yourself.

1140
01:14:33,320 --> 01:14:37,211
Just because you don't accept something,
Bryson, doesn't mean it's not true.

1141
01:14:37,440 --> 01:14:40,330
-Well, that's interesting, coming from you.
-Just three initials is all...

1142
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:41,845
It's everything with you, Bryson.

1143
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:45,561
Christ, if someone asks you
where you're from, you can't even answer.

1144
01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:48,928
Oh, so I'm the one in denial, huh?

1145
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:51,651
When you're the one
hiding whiskey in your pack.

1146
01:14:51,840 --> 01:14:52,921
-Oh.
-I saw the bottle.

1147
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:56,404
So I guess neither of us
can accept who we really are.

1148
01:14:56,880 --> 01:14:59,531
Oh, I know who I am and why I'm here.

1149
01:15:00,600 --> 01:15:02,250
I came out here to be with you,

1150
01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:05,244
to sneak in one last adventure
before it's too late.

1151
01:15:05,520 --> 01:15:07,761
Well, this is my adventure,
and you signed on.

1152
01:15:08,560 --> 01:15:11,450
You can do whatever you want,
but you're not going to drag me down.

1153
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,288
-If you could just use that pen to sign...
-(SHOUTS) Fine!

1154
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,402
-I don't want your car.
-Excuse me?

1155
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,080
I don't want your goddamn car.

1156
01:15:20,960 --> 01:15:22,371
Fine!

1157
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:26,251
-Well, that's the spirit.
-Yeah. Fuck.

1158
01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:28,640
(KATZ GRUMBLES)

1159
01:15:32,680 --> 01:15:35,411
KATZ: I sure am glad
we aren't driving right now.

1160
01:15:36,120 --> 01:15:38,088
-You?
-BRYSON: I couldn't be happier.

1161
01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:39,486
(KATZ sCoFFING)

1162
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:43,250
You know, 50 years ago,

1163
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:47,803
one in every four of these trees
was an American Chestnut.

1164
01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:50,971
-You know what that is? You ever seen one?
-I think so.

1165
01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:53,086
It's incredible.

1166
01:15:53,240 --> 01:15:56,722
They rise from the forest floor,
clear to the top. 100 feet.

1167
01:15:57,040 --> 01:16:00,283
And their branches contain
an acre of leaves. An acre.

1168
01:16:01,320 --> 01:16:02,845
You look into these woods

1169
01:16:03,120 --> 01:16:05,441
and you think they've always been there
and always will be,

1170
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:07,404
like this old oak tree here.

1171
01:16:07,800 --> 01:16:10,849
And then you think about
the poor unsuspecting American Chestnut,

1172
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:15,727
and thinkjust in a lifetime... Poof. Gone.
Just like that.

1173
01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:20,161
What happened to it?

1174
01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:22,081
A fungus.

1175
01:16:23,080 --> 01:16:25,321
You know. Just, you know, time. Nature.

1176
01:16:39,560 --> 01:16:41,528
(MELLOW SONG PLAYING)

1177
01:17:49,480 --> 01:17:50,766
(KATZ slGHING)

1178
01:17:59,600 --> 01:18:02,922
You know, Bryson,
I wasn't actually hiding this.

1179
01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:06,921
I wasn't lying about being dry either.

1180
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:15,211
The thing is, Bryson, I love to drink.
Everything about it.

1181
01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:18,089
I love the taste.

1182
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,850
And that buzz you get
after you've had a couple.

1183
01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:25,921
I love the smell of the tavern,
right down to the urinal cakes.

1184
01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:27,446
Hmm.

1185
01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:31,128
But instead of going into the taverns
like everybody else,

1186
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:35,726
I go home to my little apartment,
and heat my TV dinner,

1187
01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:39,090
and feel all virtuous like I'm supposed to.

1188
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:41,441
(slGHs)

1189
01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:45,122
But you know, night after night
it's hard to persuade yourself

1190
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:48,961
that you're living a rich
and thrilling existence.

1191
01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:54,131
I mean, if they had a fun-o-meter

1192
01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:58,924
the needle wouldn't exactly be jumping
into the orgasmic zone.

1193
01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:01,250
You know what I'm saying?

1194
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:03,081
(slGHs)

1195
01:19:05,320 --> 01:19:09,848
I mean, there's just this hole in my life
where drinking used to be.

1196
01:19:11,040 --> 01:19:12,280
(slGHING HEAvlLY)

1197
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,523
I know I can't drink.

1198
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:18,088
I mean, one drink will lead to 10.

1199
01:19:19,320 --> 01:19:24,360
And the next thing, I'll find myself
underneath a bridge somewhere.

1200
01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:35,170
That's why I carry this.

1201
01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:38,051
To remind myself that I can.

1202
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:44,361
Or maybe I carry it in case I can't.

1203
01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:47,721
HSFS.

1204
01:19:49,360 --> 01:19:50,361
Open it.

1205
01:19:57,360 --> 01:19:58,805
It's sealed.

1206
01:20:04,440 --> 01:20:05,680
Give it to me.

1207
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:11,005
(CHUCKLING) it's shaking.

1208
01:20:13,960 --> 01:20:15,849
(sNIFFING)

1209
01:20:17,680 --> 01:20:18,886
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1210
01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:25,164
Do you think I have it in me

1211
01:20:25,240 --> 01:20:28,403
to never have another drink
for the rest of my life?

1212
01:20:32,280 --> 01:20:33,566
Yeah. I do.

1213
01:20:37,560 --> 01:20:39,244
(PouRING)

1214
01:20:46,600 --> 01:20:47,931
(slGHs)

1215
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:50,525
That was a nice moment.

1216
01:20:51,440 --> 01:20:53,283
Real dramatic. (CHUCKLING)

1217
01:20:55,760 --> 01:20:58,286
Christ if I don't already regret it.

1218
01:21:00,480 --> 01:21:01,891
BRYSONI Ain't that life.

1219
01:21:02,840 --> 01:21:04,604
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

1220
01:21:17,800 --> 01:21:19,564
-Watch it.
-(STONES CLATTERING)

1221
01:21:24,400 --> 01:21:29,327
You know, Bryson, I still dream
about Amorina. You remember her?

1222
01:21:29,800 --> 01:21:32,963
BRYSON: Oh, God, can't forget a girl like that.

1223
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:37,403
You know guys like us aren't supposed
to meet women named Amorina

1224
01:21:38,280 --> 01:21:39,805
Disturbs the natural order.

1225
01:21:41,120 --> 01:21:45,330
Still the best boobs I've ever seen,
and I've seen a lot of boobs, Bryson.

1226
01:21:45,440 --> 01:21:46,566
BRYSONI Yeah, I'll bet.

1227
01:21:48,560 --> 01:21:50,005
Hey, you remember her sister?

1228
01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:53,643
Oh, God, that poor girl.
They couldn't have been sisters.

1229
01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:56,208
If you're going to be ugly,
you better be funny.

1230
01:21:56,320 --> 01:21:58,527
And if you're ugly and you're not funny,
you better have money.

1231
01:21:58,840 --> 01:22:02,526
And if you're zero for three,
you better be slutty.

1232
01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:03,966
(CHUCKUNG)

1233
01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:08,370
-She was.
-Wait a minute, how did you know that, huh?

1234
01:22:08,560 --> 01:22:09,721
Well, actually...

1235
01:22:10,720 --> 01:22:11,801
(SCREAMS)

1236
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:13,325
(BOTH GRuNTING)

1237
01:22:16,520 --> 01:22:18,249
(GRO/\NING)

1238
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,530
KATZ: Jesus Christ.

1239
01:22:31,360 --> 01:22:34,842
Next time you do that, let me know, okay?

1240
01:22:36,400 --> 01:22:38,050
It's more fun if it's a surprise.

1241
01:22:41,680 --> 01:22:42,966
-You all right?
-You okay?

1242
01:22:43,040 --> 01:22:44,166
Yeah.

1243
01:22:45,640 --> 01:22:47,722
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1244
01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,486
Jesus.

1245
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:10,206
Oh...

1246
01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,166
We are fucked.

1247
01:23:19,920 --> 01:23:21,410
IVIonumentally

1248
01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:30,490
There's no way out over here.

1249
01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:35,560
Uh...

1250
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:38,127
-What are you doing?
-I'm gonna get us out of here.

1251
01:23:41,480 --> 01:23:43,209
-Give me your pants.
-Uh,no,no.

1252
01:23:43,920 --> 01:23:45,809
You've been planning this
the whole time, Bryson.

1253
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:47,848
Just give me your pants, okay?

1254
01:23:49,440 --> 01:23:50,601
Okay.

1255
01:23:51,040 --> 01:23:52,451
(GRUNTING)

1256
01:24:05,960 --> 01:24:08,531
Okay. Knot this thing.

1257
01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:13,811
-KATZ: All right?
-Okay.

1258
01:24:14,760 --> 01:24:15,886
Here we go.

1259
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:26,570
It is embarrassing, Bryson.
Give me that thing.

1260
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:36,286
(YELLS)

1261
01:24:41,440 --> 01:24:43,807
You gotta admit,
pretty good aim, though, huh?

1262
01:24:44,840 --> 01:24:47,810
Yeah. But you're supposed to hold on
to one end of it.

1263
01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:52,445
Well, you know, it's not that high.

1264
01:24:53,240 --> 01:24:56,050
Here, I got it. You see this?
You could come up here.

1265
01:24:56,240 --> 01:24:59,562
I'll be around like this
and you could climb up on my shoulders.

1266
01:25:01,360 --> 01:25:03,010
-Wanna try it?
-Okay.

1267
01:25:06,120 --> 01:25:07,167
Okay. Hang on.

1268
01:25:11,880 --> 01:25:12,961
(BRYSON GRU NTS)

1269
01:25:13,040 --> 01:25:14,041
-Okay?
-Yeah.

1270
01:25:14,120 --> 01:25:15,724
We can make it. Hold...

1271
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,409
-You all right? What?
-Yeah, hang on. You know...

1272
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:24,521
This isn't... You've got to get lower,
so I can get on your shoulders.

1273
01:25:26,800 --> 01:25:28,211
Fuck. Fine.

1274
01:25:29,160 --> 01:25:30,650
(BRYSON CLEARS THROAT)

1275
01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:34,251
(GRUNTS)

1276
01:25:34,880 --> 01:25:35,881
Okay.

1277
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:37,161
-Okay?
-Yeah.

1278
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:41,923
Okay. There we go.

1279
01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:46,561
Bryson, I really don't like this.

1280
01:25:46,680 --> 01:25:49,763
No, no, it's good, it's good.
Now, you stand up. Stand up.

1281
01:25:53,880 --> 01:25:55,166
(GRUNTS)

1282
01:25:57,280 --> 01:25:58,520
Jesus!

1283
01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:00,721
Who are we kidding?

1284
01:26:00,840 --> 01:26:04,561
For Christ's sake,
I can't even get myself up from that position.

1285
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:08,043
-All right, then. I'll stand on your back.
-How about I stand on your back?

1286
01:26:14,160 --> 01:26:15,366
You know,

1287
01:26:16,560 --> 01:26:17,971
I think we're really stuck here.

1288
01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:22,083
Yeah. Yeah, we are.

1289
01:26:26,960 --> 01:26:28,883
BRYSON: You know, on the East coast
hardwoods are dying.

1290
01:26:31,120 --> 01:26:33,122
Not just the chestnut,

1291
01:26:33,720 --> 01:26:35,882
but the elm's on its way, too, you know.

1292
01:26:37,920 --> 01:26:40,366
Fifty years, this could all be gone.

1293
01:26:42,160 --> 01:26:43,764
Thirty days.

1294
01:26:44,960 --> 01:26:46,086
Hmm?

1295
01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:50,290
Thirty days in jail. I was afraid of 30 days.

1296
01:26:51,000 --> 01:26:53,446
(SIGHS) Compared to this,

1297
01:26:54,560 --> 01:26:58,042
I mean, it's like a goddamned trip
to the spa.

1298
01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:06,043
God, all I've done is write forewords
for books

1299
01:27:06,120 --> 01:27:07,531
for the last four and a half years.

1300
01:27:09,160 --> 01:27:10,321
I should have just retired.

1301
01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:13,165
Catherine was right,
what the hell am I trying to prove?

1302
01:27:15,280 --> 01:27:18,648
Women love a felony record.

1303
01:27:20,200 --> 01:27:24,171
Maybe not up in New Hampshire,
where you are.

1304
01:27:25,280 --> 01:27:29,046
But in Des Moines,
it would have served me well.

1305
01:27:29,960 --> 01:27:31,325
Do you just get to the point where

1306
01:27:32,320 --> 01:27:36,006
it's all about ailments,
and medications, and funerals,

1307
01:27:36,680 --> 01:27:39,126
and who's being diagnosed with what,

1308
01:27:40,400 --> 01:27:42,846
and everyone's just waiting around
for the end.

1309
01:27:44,160 --> 01:27:45,969
-Holy shit.
-What?

1310
01:27:46,040 --> 01:27:49,886
I just realized, we're the guy in the article.

1311
01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:55,370
You know, the, uh, decomposed guy.
Remember that?

1312
01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:57,405
That'll be us.

1313
01:27:58,120 --> 01:28:00,771
How long does it take a body
to decompose?

1314
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,404
Well, you don't have to worry.

1315
01:28:03,640 --> 01:28:07,087
You're so chock-full of preservatives,
you'll be on this ledge forever.

1316
01:28:07,160 --> 01:28:08,889
(CHUCKUNG)

1317
01:28:09,280 --> 01:28:13,922
Well, scientists will come from
all over the world to study me, you know.

1318
01:28:15,480 --> 01:28:16,891
I miss Catherine.

1319
01:28:17,360 --> 01:28:19,169
I miss Des Moines.

1320
01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:23,884
You know, I haven't missed a State Fair
in 39 years.

1321
01:28:25,880 --> 01:28:29,248
I always say, "When I miss one,

1322
01:28:31,240 --> 01:28:32,526
"I'll be dead."

1323
01:28:32,600 --> 01:28:35,683
You know, she makes this little sound
whenever I hug her.

1324
01:28:35,760 --> 01:28:37,524
I don't even think she knows it.

1325
01:28:39,200 --> 01:28:42,443
I've never told her how much I love that.

1326
01:28:46,320 --> 01:28:50,405
I just don't want her to think this trip
had anything to do with her.

1327
01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:53,245
She knows.

1328
01:28:54,640 --> 01:28:58,361
Believe me, women have a way
of knowing these things.

1329
01:28:59,240 --> 01:29:01,129
Yeah, but still, I'd like to tell her.

1330
01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:05,569
Well, write her a note.

1331
01:29:06,920 --> 01:29:08,809
People love to get notes.

1332
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:13,489
-Hey, you know, you're right.
-Yeah.

1333
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:16,371
Hey, that's a great idea.

1334
01:29:24,120 --> 01:29:25,451
(PEN CLICKs)

1335
01:29:26,080 --> 01:29:31,291
You know, Bryson, you're the only guy
I'd risk my life with.

1336
01:29:33,120 --> 01:29:34,610
I want you to know that.

1337
01:29:38,320 --> 01:29:42,325
And the only asshole who can get me out
on a ledge in the middle of nowhere.

1338
01:29:42,640 --> 01:29:43,971
(CHUCKLES)

1339
01:29:46,960 --> 01:29:48,644
I'm sorry we lost touch.

1340
01:29:52,520 --> 01:29:54,329
I know. Yeah, me too.

1341
01:30:03,360 --> 01:30:06,011
Goddamned gorgeous night.

1342
01:30:09,560 --> 01:30:11,005
It sure is.

1343
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:14,320
KATZ: You think
there's anyone else on Earth

1344
01:30:15,000 --> 01:30:18,846
looking up at the sky and seeing
as many stars as we are?

1345
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:21,360
I don't know.

1346
01:30:24,960 --> 01:30:27,281
I gotta be looking at a million.

1347
01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:31,802
The naked eye can see 2,000.

1348
01:30:34,120 --> 01:30:38,250
Well, then I really got great eyes
'cause I'm looking at a million.

1349
01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:43,728
Alpha Centauri's the closest.
That's four and a half light years away.

1350
01:30:45,000 --> 01:30:47,082
Four and a half? That's not bad.

1351
01:30:47,480 --> 01:30:50,484
Each light year is six trillion miles,
so that's...

1352
01:30:52,160 --> 01:30:54,208
Twenty six trillion miles.

1353
01:30:55,200 --> 01:30:58,682
-Twenty-six trillion. That's the closest?
-Yep.

1354
01:30:59,520 --> 01:31:03,320
And there's one hundred billion stars
in our galaxy.

1355
01:31:04,720 --> 01:31:08,088
There's more galaxies in the universe
than there are grains of sand on earth.

1356
01:31:10,000 --> 01:31:11,445
That is big.

1357
01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:19,201
-And we are small.
-Yeah.

1358
01:31:34,920 --> 01:31:37,082
(BIRDS cl-llRl=~lNG)

1359
01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:40,921
(PEBBLES CLATTERING)

1360
01:31:41,920 --> 01:31:43,160
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1361
01:31:44,200 --> 01:31:45,406
What the...

1362
01:31:47,080 --> 01:31:48,366
People?

1363
01:31:49,440 --> 01:31:51,920
People? People?

1364
01:31:53,160 --> 01:31:54,605
-People?
-People?

1365
01:31:55,520 --> 01:31:56,646
(GRUNTS)

1366
01:31:57,560 --> 01:31:58,800
People! Hello!

1367
01:31:59,280 --> 01:32:01,931
-Hello! Hello, down here!
-Hello!

1368
01:32:02,440 --> 01:32:03,965
Help, please!

1369
01:32:05,080 --> 01:32:06,127
Help!

1370
01:32:11,640 --> 01:32:12,926
Hey, down there.

1371
01:32:14,120 --> 01:32:15,201
You've got to be shitting me.

1372
01:32:16,240 --> 01:32:17,446
What happened to your pants?

1373
01:32:18,640 --> 01:32:21,291
-Uh, it's a long story.
-MAN: Copy that.

1374
01:32:22,000 --> 01:32:24,082
You guys just stay put.
We'll get you out of there.

1375
01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:28,690
-Nice fellas.
-Yeah.

1376
01:32:30,120 --> 01:32:32,327
-I love those guys.
-Me, too.

1377
01:32:43,280 --> 01:32:46,011
-You still got some of that jerky?
-Yeah.

1378
01:32:47,240 --> 01:32:48,730
You still good on water?

1379
01:32:48,800 --> 01:32:51,963
-About three-quarters. You?
-Yeah, same.

1380
01:33:00,640 --> 01:33:02,051
-Hey, Stephen?
-Yeah?

1381
01:33:03,040 --> 01:33:04,405
Do you want to go home?

1382
01:33:09,400 --> 01:33:12,802
Yeah, I do. I really do.

1383
01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:24,484
We weren't even close, were we?

1384
01:33:24,800 --> 01:33:28,009
What are you talking about?
We did it, Bryson.

1385
01:33:28,960 --> 01:33:31,406
We never even laid eyes on Mount Katahdin_

1386
01:33:32,040 --> 01:33:35,931
Another mountain?
How many mountains do you need to see?

1387
01:33:36,000 --> 01:33:37,525
(CHUCKLES)

1388
01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:41,402
-That's one way of looking at it.
-That's the only way of looking at it.

1389
01:33:42,080 --> 01:33:45,562
As far as I'm concerned,
we walked the Appalachian Trail.

1390
01:33:45,680 --> 01:33:47,967
We walked it in the heat,
we walked it in the snow,

1391
01:33:48,040 --> 01:33:50,122
we walked it until our feet bled.

1392
01:33:51,160 --> 01:33:54,369
We hiked the Appalachian Trail, Bryson.

1393
01:33:57,760 --> 01:33:59,250
Maybe you're right.

1394
01:34:01,040 --> 01:34:03,566
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

1395
01:34:15,600 --> 01:34:17,682
-You guys called a cab? All right.
-BOTH: Yeah.

1396
01:34:18,400 --> 01:34:20,164
This thing's heavy.
You been carrying it awhile?

1397
01:34:20,320 --> 01:34:21,970
All the way from Georgia.

1398
01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:25,403
You don't say. Good for you, fellas.
Hey, where you guys from?

1399
01:34:25,760 --> 01:34:26,966
Iowa.

1400
01:34:28,120 --> 01:34:29,406
That's not possible.

1401
01:34:29,600 --> 01:34:32,922
No such thing as a Red Sox fan from Iowa.
(CHUCKLING)

1402
01:34:35,360 --> 01:34:36,691
(CHUCKUNG)

1403
01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:44,085
Here you go.

1404
01:34:45,800 --> 01:34:48,406
"Dearest Catherine..."
That's as far as you got?

1405
01:34:49,760 --> 01:34:51,444
It's lucky we were saved.

1406
01:34:52,520 --> 01:34:54,761
There are certain things
you just can't put into words.

1407
01:34:58,120 --> 01:34:59,610
Safe journey, okay?

1408
01:34:59,960 --> 01:35:01,121
Yeah.

1409
01:35:13,240 --> 01:35:15,208
You still owe me 600 bucks.

1410
01:35:15,920 --> 01:35:17,729
You know I'm good for it, right?

1411
01:35:18,440 --> 01:35:19,487
Oh, yeah.

1412
01:35:20,240 --> 01:35:21,287
(CHUCKLES)

1413
01:35:46,520 --> 01:35:48,045
Remember me?

1414
01:35:55,320 --> 01:35:57,163
Oh. (sNIFFLEs)

1415
01:35:58,080 --> 01:35:59,844
(lvloANs SOFTLY)

1416
01:36:10,640 --> 01:36:12,290
(slGHING)

1417
01:36:38,320 --> 01:36:42,211
KATZ: She had one hell of a stack
of pancakes. Katz.

1418
01:36:45,560 --> 01:36:46,846
I hate your guts.

1419
01:36:47,120 --> 01:36:48,201
(CHUCKLES)

1420
01:36:51,600 --> 01:36:54,729
Never buy underpants
for a woman you don't know.

1421
01:36:58,560 --> 01:37:00,403
Fuckers still didn't get me.

1422
01:37:00,560 --> 01:37:01,721
(CHUCKLES)

1423
01:37:06,760 --> 01:37:09,570
Bryson, just wondering,
what's next?

1424
01:37:16,880 --> 01:37:18,450
(SH U FFLING POSTCARDS)

1425
01:37:18,840 --> 01:37:20,205
(STACK THUDS)

1426
01:37:24,600 --> 01:37:26,170
(CLEARS THROAT)

1427
01:37:32,920 --> 01:37:35,241
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

1428
01:37:38,080 --> 01:37:39,650
(MELLOW SONG PLAYING)

1429
01:37:40,080 --> 01:37:42,650
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