since l was a wee lad, l had always been an avid patron of 'floydie's family-fun pizzeria'. since the first location opened, introducing it's state-of-the-art animatronics, floydie and chauvin, it had been a building containing so much joy and wonder. naturally, when l heard the night guard job was open, l decided to put in an application. the next day, l received a call stating that l had gotten the job.
the next night, l arrived to my job, and went to the office. when l sat down at my desk, the phone rang, and l picked up.
"Hello? Hello, hello? Uhh, I wanted to record a message for you..." the caller began, "to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I’m... finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact, so... I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I’m here to tell you: there’s nothing to worry about. Uh, you’ll do fine! So... let’s just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?"
immediately bored, l turned my attention to the security cameras situated on the desk.
the caller continued, "Uh, let’s see. First, there’s an introductory greeting from the company that I’m supposed to read. Eh, it’s kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, 'Welcome to floydie's family-fun pizzeria: a magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. floydie pizza is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovery of damage or if death has occurred, a missing person’s report will be filed within ninety days or as soon as property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached and the carpets have been replaced.' Blah, blah, blah..."
on the monitor, l saw three animatronics standing on the stage. floydie, a black man wearing a black tanktop, chauvin, a cop guy, and shreka, a shrek with a pair of tits nailed on. they all looked.. dead inside. very unnerving, compared to their daytime appearance.
"Now that might sound bad, I know. But there’s really nothing to worry about."
l now remembered the guy was talking still.
"Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit, erm.. quirky.. at night, but do I blame them? No! If I were forced to sing... those same stupid songs for twenty years, and I never got a banana? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too. So remember: these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children, and you need to show them a little respect. Right? Okay."
the mention of a banana seemed.. off.. to me. why would animatronics need a banana? maybe the guy was a fan of bananas, and was just saying a food he liked.
"So just be aware: the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uhh, they’re left in some kind of "free-roaming mode" at night. Uhh... something about their knees locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uhh... they used to be allowed to walk around during the day, too, but then there was the arrest of 2020. Yeah... I-It’s amazing that the human body can live without the fental lobe, you know?"
this guy must have been on drugs. fental lobe??
"Now concerning your safety: the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uhh, if they happen to see you after hours, probably will think you are a.. dealer. Th-They’ll most likely see you as a person selling drugs or what-not. Now, since that’s against the rules here at floydie's family-fun pizzeria, they’ll probably try to... forcefully retrieve a package from you. Um, now that wouldn’t be so bad if the packages themselves weren’t illegal, especially around these here parts. So you can imagine how having your neck forcefully kneed on could cause a bit of discomfort... and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your wallet, heh. ...Y-Yeah, they don’t tell you these things when you sign up..."
that is correct, they never mentioned this in the interview.
"now.. chauvin is a bit different. he and f-floydie tend to stay away from.. each other. when they meet, there may be.. complications. chauvin only wants to search you for drugs, and on the other hand, f-floydie wants drugs from you. so, as a s-solution, we have left a bag of fentanyl in the desk drawer. use it sparingly. you can also use those.. doors and lights as well, however shreka likes to.. bang things. But hey! First day should be a breeze; I’ll chat with you tomorrow. Uhh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power."
the guy hung up, leaving me in eye-damagingly dim light to ponder if he was a stoner or just pulling my leg. l let my eyes drift to the camera, and almost jumped out of my cheap office chair. chauvin.. was gone. l immediately flicked through the cameras, finding him in the parts and service room. this was not funny! l stood up from my chair and stepped out into the hallway. the parts and service room was down the hall, and to the left. "hello? whoever is moving these things, l am asking you to come out into the open!" l waited a minute, and no response. l, against my better judgement, continued down the hall. once l arrived at the main room, filled with rows of tables, almost pitch black, l turned my eyes to the show stage, and sure enough, four dim lights could be seen. l breathed a sigh of relief, knowing only chauvin was out and about. l walked about thirty feet to the parts and service room, nearly tripping on a chair more than once. when l arrived, l saw that the door was ajar. l reached my hand to the knob, and heard a whisper from a few feet to my right.
"hey.. you peddling drugs out here?"
my spine straightened out immediately, and threw my body in the opposite direction, running as fast as l could back to the office. halfway out the room, l tripped on a chair and slammed onto a table. letting loose a groan, l noticed the absence of sound from the room. l strained my eyes, searching for any movement in the room. none to be found anywhere, l climbed off the table, and with a thud from my shoes hitting the floor, l took off back to the office.
when l got back, l shut the left door, and watched the right one. after nearly an hour, a light flashed on my desk. upon further inspection, l saw the light was a low power notice. l hesitantly opened the door, and descended back into panic. eventually, the clock beeped, notifying me my shift was over.
the next night, against any common sense, l drove back to the pizzeria, and got ready for my shift. tonight, l would man up. when l sat back down in that office chair, l was sweating. after a few minutes, the phone rang. l picked up.
"Uh, hello? Hello! Uhh... Well, if you're hearing this, and you made it to day two, uhh, congrats!" he sounded so cheerful l wanted to punch him.
"hey dipshit," l began, "how about you get your ass here, in person, and explain what the hell happened last night??"
"I-I won't talk quite as long this time, si-since floydie and his friends tend to become more active as the week progresses. Uhh... it might be a good idea to peek at those cameras while I talk; just to make sure everyone's in their proper place, ya know?"
"wait a minute! you are going to answer me what is going down in this place.. now!"
"I also want to emphasize the importance of using your door lights. Uhh, there are blind spots in your camera view, and those blind spots happen to be right outside your doors. So i-if you can't find something... or someone... on your cameras, uhh, be sure to check the door lights. Uhh, you might have only a few seconds to react, uh... Not that you would be in any danger, of course, I-I'm not implying that."
"listen! stop moving your lips! what is going on?!"
"alright, a-alright.. l will tell you.. it is a l-long story! basically, if you were p-paying attention to the secret easter egg newspapers.. you would understand that a few years ago, chauvin and floydie got into.. an accident. after that, they s-started acting up."
"is that it? what was this accident?" l questioned, fear in my voice.
"Uh, also, check on the curtain in little saint james cove from time to time," the guy continued on, "the character in there seems unique in that he becomes more active if the cameras remain off for long periods of time. I guess he doesn't like being watched. I don't know."
"what is going on in this place!?" l yelled into the phone.
"A-Anyway, I'm sure you have everything under control. Uhh... talk to you soon!” the guy hung up, leaving me distraught.
l banged my fist into the desk, filled with rage. when l raised my hand, l caught a glimpse of the show stage out of the corner of my eye. chauvin and shreka were gone. my eyes widened, and l sat up, my eyes shooting between both doors. l then turned back to the monitor, and flicked through the cameras. chauvin was in parts and service again, and shreka was in the dining hall. suddenly, my bladder felt full. l decided to risk it, and go to the bathrooms, instead of finding an alternative in the office. l trod down the right hall this time, and decided to take a shortcut through the kitchen. inside the kitchen, it was completely dark. l had to take a few steps at a time, and kept banging into pots and pans. l was sure that the animatronics had heard me, so l continued on, just a little bit faster. when l had reached the other door, l thrust it open, and ran for the bathroom.
halfway through pissing, l heard the bathroom door swing open, then shut. my blood froze. footsteps could be heard, heading towards my stall. l was still pissing loudly. the footsteps stopped, and l heard a knock on the stall door, behind me.
"go away! l am in here!" l shouted to the thing on the other side of the door.
"oh, sorray, lad! l was wonderin' if some trickster customer had locked the door earliah! carry on then!" the voice of a scotsman boomed back. the footsteps picked back up again, and l heard another stall door open.
after washing my hands, l left the bathroom and decided to go down to little saint james cove, since apparently somebody there was self-concious. l tiptoed across the dining hall, cautious of the other two animatronics roaming about. through the darkness, l saw floydies eyes peering out over the room, reflecting dim light back. little saint james cove was across the room, near parts and service. this time, l was extra careful not to walk into any chairs. the night was dead silent. when l had reached the other side, l heard something rustling near the parts and service door. l took a step back.
"freeze, or l shoot!" chauvin shouted at me.
my feet froze. chauvin stepped closer to me, and l saw a long black object, reflecting the most dim light from the hall, in his hand, pointed at my chest.
"is that a gun?" l shuddered.
chauvin responded, barking loudly, "it is. l found it out in the open."
l took a second to regain my train of thought. "what is the meaning of this?" l asked.
"l recieved an anonymous tip that you were peddling drugs out here. is that true?" chauvin interrogated.
"no, sir!" l pleaded with him.
"take me to where you are staying, l am conducting a search." chauvin's cold, glossy eyes turned red for a moment.
l had no choice. a simple search would be better than getting shot. chauvin and l plodded down the hall, back to the office. the gun was aimed at my head all the while. it was only halfway down the hall that l remembered the bag of fentanyl in the desk drawer. l continued walking with chauvin, panicking within my mind. l wondered what would happen. what was l supposed to do?
when we arrived at the office, l stepped in first, and immediately shut the door. chauvin shouted, and began banging on it.
"when l get in there, l will find those drugs!" chauvin's cries sounded.
l turned on the door light, and chauvin took a step back, blinded. l turned my attention to the cameras, and checked on little saint james cove that way. an animatronic, an older looking man, was staring into the camera, halfway out of the curtain that surrounded the cove. a sign was in front of the curtain, reading: 'out of order'. looking away from the monitor, l turned the door light on again, and chauvin was nowhere to be seen. checking the cameras, l saw chauvin back on the show stage. l breathed a sigh of relief, and re-opened the left door. right after, l heard a footstep from my right. l swung around in my chair and slammed the door, to shreka's surprise.
"laddie! open da door now! l needa talk to ya before it gets too late!" a deafening shout erupted.
l stayed silent, not wanting to take a chance. it was moments after shreka's footsteps could be heard retreating when l heard the clock beep. l was joyful to leave.
the next night, l arrived once more. l had only come back because the guy running the place had refused me any pay until l finished the week. sitting back in the chair, l waited for that phone call, which eventually came through.
“Hello, hello!" the call began, "hey, you’re doing great! Uh, most people don’t last this long! I mean, you know, th-they usually move on to other things by now... uhh, I’m not implying that they overdosed. Tha-that-that’s not what I meant... Uhh, anyway, I better not take up too much of your time. Uh, things will start getting real tonight."
"l thought they were already real," l muttered, bitterly.
"what was that? you sound like a bitch, you know that? anyways, l w-wanted to speak with you about the whole door situation.."
"l do not care. what is going on here?! l need to know."
"Uh, h-hey listen, I had an idea. If you happen to get caught and want to avoid getting begged for fentanyl, uhh, try playing dead. Ya know, go limp. Uhh, then there's a chance that... maybe floydie will think you had an o-overdose. then again, if he thinks you overdosed, he might try to.. take your wallet. l wonder what he will do with that.."
"answer the damn question!"
"..y-yeah never mind, scratch that. i-it’s best just not to get caught."
l bellowed into the phone, "what is going on?!"
"um, well, okay. l-l will leave you to it. see you on the flip side.”
he hung up, and for the first time, l thought l no longer needed him droning on and on. flipping through the cameras, l saw that no one had moved yet. another sigh of relief. l continued to watch the cameras, and after a while of no movement, l turned away, and began looking for some way to entertain myself. l watched tv, l browsed the internet, and eventually grew bored once again. l decided to take a risk. sliding the desk drawer open, l retrieved the packet of fentanyl in it.
"aha! you sneak!" l heard chauvin shout.
l flung my hand to the door button and it slammed shut, blocking chauvin from me. my heartbeat was uneven now, and it kept getting higher. he had been so close, for who knew how long. l turned my eyes to the right door, and turned on the door light. shreka was not there, luckily. l laid the fentanyl packet back into the drawer, and slid it shut. after catching a look at the time, l saw l was halfway through my shift. l could wait that long. after l was sure chauvin was gone, l opened the door back up.
l knew l had to find a way to survive, and there were many options. however, l wanted to gain an upper-hand against these foes. my thoughts led me to the conclusion that l needed that pistol. l stood up, and made my way to the dining hall.
when l had arrived, l saw epstein's curtains shut. that would make the perfect hiding place, l thought. epstein was out of order, so l would not need to worry about him. l slipped in through the curtains, and was shocked by what l saw. epstein had been bashed open by someone. l should have checked the cameras more. l had to look past it though, and continue with my plan. crouching in the corner, l strained my ears for any movement in the dining hall.
after quite a while, l heard footsteps a distance away. l shook the sleep from my eyes and crept to the curtains. peeking out through a tear in the fabric, l saw chauvin moving around across the room. he was looking for something, most likely me. l turned back to epstein, and searching him, all l could find to help myself was a robotic arm. l slid out from the bottom of the curtain, and crawled my way to where l had seen chauvin. when l was nearing that area, l stopped moving, put my back against a table, and listened for movement. nothing. l slowly lifted my head above the table, looking for the cop animatronic. immediately, something yanked on the back of my shirt, and lifted me up, off the ground, dangling me above the floor. l shouted and flailed my limbs, yet my captor would not let me go. he carried me to an open spot of the floor, and threw me onto my stomach. l squeezed my eyes shut, anticipating pain, and met with nothing of the sort. instead, the dining hall clock chimed, signaling the end of my shift. what a coincidence. l then watched chauvin return to the showstage. on my way back to the office to pack up my things, l dropped epstein's arm off at the cove, knowing that l would bring a real weapon for my next shift.
l returned that night, with a bag of supplies. when l got to the office, the phone was already ringing. l picked it up.
"hey.. b-buddy. how is your night g-going?"
"fine," l answered, wanting this conversation to be over with.
"good to hear. now.. l was wanting to s-speak with you about a.. new challenge tonight. l know you have p-probably been wondering about floydie, since he has been.. a little on the inactive side this w-week. not to worry, uhh.. today we tested out a new software for him! maybe he will.. come by the office t-tonight, asking for.. a banana. umm.. no need to worry, we have removed any aggression from him.. as long as he does not take any.. f-fentanyl. so keep it hidden!"
"and what about chauvin's aggression?" l asked.
"well.. uhh.. he has been coded to keep druggies and d-drug dealers out of the p-pizzeria, so.. uhh.. just do your job! maybe t-tommorrow.. the staff can take a l-look at his code. that should.. be all for t-tonight!"
he hung up, to my relief. so floydie would not be aggressive? that helped me to relax, seeing as his inactivity had made me worry about how aggressive he might be later in the week. l turned my attention to the monitors, and saw no one had moved yet. after a moment, l slid the desk drawer open, and withdrew the fentanyl packet. chauvin would be off my ass, if l took it, l imagined. however, l did not want to end up a degenerate druggie, so l slid it into the vent behind the desk. l shut the drawer, and decided to get something to eat from the kitchen. l left the office and strode down the hall, happy that there would be less problems tonight. when l got to the kitchen, l flicked the light switch on, now that l had ample time to look for it. at the moment, l was in the mood for a pizza, and so that was what l would make. halfway into making the dough, l heard a noise from the hallway.
"hello?" l called out, and heard no response, so l kept preparing the dough. once l had prepared it, l threw on some cheese and meat, and popped it into the oven.
another noise from the hall. this time, l could hear it clearly. it was something muttering in a low voice.
"l need one."
"who is there?" l called out.
"it is me," the voice growled.
"who are you?" l questioned.
no response came.
the door was locked, so l felt l had nothing to worry about. l continued waiting for the pizza to be done. l turned my attention away from the door, and after a moment, my attention was drawn back to it, at the sound of something being slid under it. l hesitantly stepped closer, and saw that a piece of paper, with a dollar sign drawn on, had been slid under the door. there appeared to be smaller writing on it. the writing read: 'need banana!'. l chuckled, and unlocked the door, since l recalled what the guy had said about him being peaceful. however, when l opened the door, the thing in front of me did not appear to be peaceful. floydie's eyes were a deep red, and there was a white powder speckling his face. his yellow teeth were bared.
"give me banana!" he shouted, lunging at me with lightning speed.
l raced him to the other door, and he beat me to it. when l turned, l felt his metallic hand swing past my head, almost ripping it off. l dove behind the center counter, and flung a cabinet door open, which, when he ran at me again, he tripped over, crashing into the oven, his head going through the glass. l picked myself up, and ran to the open door. in the hall, l reached my top speed, arriving at the office in seconds. slamming the door behind me, l turned to my bag, and drew an axe out of it, along with a bandolier of hand grenades, a flashlight, a shotgun, and a machine gun. this bitch was going to get smoked. noting that part of the vent had been ripped open, l knew chauvin could likely use some sort of sense to detect the few bits of fentanyl left in there. l had to act fast. l threw the monitor off the desk, and pushed the thing out into the hallway. the chair followed. while l was busy doing this, something began thundering down the hallway. turning to the foe, l saw shreka holding an axe. l dropped down into the chair.
"get outta me pizzeria!!" shreka bellowed.
l opened fire, blasting shreka's head open, revealing bill gates to be piloting it as a springlock suit. l continued to hold down the trigger of the machine gun, hyper-realistically watermeloning it's head. after it collapsed on the floor, l began to realize that now no animatronic would be stupid enough to come down the hallway. l would need to go to them. l rose from the chair, and made my way down to the dining hall.
when l arrived, l turned the flashlight on, and shone it over the whole room. nobody there. l turned my attention to the area near parts and service, where l had encountered chauvin the first two nights. l walked over, continually looking over my shoulder. when l got the parts and service door, l noticed it was open just a crack. something had to be in there, and from the absence of epstein from his cove, l could only guess. l counted to three, then kicked the door open,  threw an active grenade in, and slammed the door shut, all in the span of around four seconds. immediately, l was thrown into the air, along with parts of the wall. everything seemed to be in slow motion, until l landed on a table, almost knocked unconcious. blood spurted from my mouth, and l could hardly move. l felt my vision grow fainter, and fainter. a hand flung out from under the table, and cut into my chest with it's metallic claws. it was chauvin. he had hidden under a table from me.
"l got you now," he sneered.
suddenly, floydie called out, "l still need that banana!"
chauvin dragged me under the table, and removed his hand from my chest. as my vision slowly crept back in, l could hear him whispering.
"l guess you are not a drug dealer, just simply a man framed. we need to kill floydie now," he whispered.
l could hear floydie walking closer and closer. it would only be a matter of time. l slid out from the other side of the table, and chauvin burst out, in front of floydie. as l ran to the remains of parts and service, l could hear the two fighting. when l ducked into the smokey cloud, l searched for epstein's remains, to make sure he was dead. after almost a minute, l had found nothing. a tap on my shoulder alerted me to the fact that l had been looking in the wrong place.
"hello there," epstein cackled, grabbing my arm, and beginning to pull at it.
l swung my shotgun's barrel around, landing a hit on epstein's waist. he tried to block, and dropped my arm. l pulled it back in close to my body, and readied myself for the next attack. epstein flung his clawed hand at my stomach, which l was too slow to react to, only managing to tilt back enough that he clipped my bandolier instead of any flesh. a grenade flew off when he hit it, and blew another wall out.
epstein crouched down next to me, and l could see a smile upon his face, "they repaired me," he laughed, "good luck destroying my head so easily!" then, l noticed epstein's arm readying to swing around to hit my head.
l shoved the object in my hand into epstein's open mouth, and raised my shotgun again, blasting his arm away. l then dove behind a pile of rubble, as the grenade went off. when l rose again, l saw epstein was no more, and his parts were spread thinly across the floor. only bits of his legs were intact enough to be considered a real body part. after a minute of searching, l saw a charred piece of the back of his suit. gazing around the remains of parts and services, l knew that no spare animatronics in there were intact to any extent, after three grenades.
l stepped out into the dining hall, and saw chauvin laying on the ground, his head seperate from the body. floydie was crouched over, near the halls to the office, making weird sounds.
l stomped my foot into chauvin's head, smashing the endoskeleton head inside. l knew what to do to kill floydie. l ran at the animatronic, and threw the last banana from the kitchen at it. floydie dived at it, and l took my chance. l stood above him, and dropped my knee onto it's neck. l had read those newspaper clippings, and knew what had happened in '2020. floydie had been built to run off oxygen, and without it, his endoskeleton brain would cease it's work. l held my knee down for as long as l could, and soon, the dining hall clock chimed, letting me know that my shift was over. l stood up to leave, and double tapped floydie with my shotgun.
the next night, l came in for the last night. when l arrived, a few staff members were taking the remains of golden floydie out of the vents, because he had overdosed on fentanyl in the vents. that night was a breeze without any animatronics, and after my shift ended, l blew the pizzeria up.

the end.