Competition

“Your hair is ugly.”
“At least I have hair.”
“Yeah, well that turtleneck is ugly.”
“This turtleneck’s fashionable, damnit!”
“Last time they were in, I was still in gradeschool.”
“Was Jesus a good classmate?”
Seth and Devon watched on as their drunken fathers degenerated into childish insults.
“They’re grown men, yet act like 5 year olds.” Devon sighed,
“You’d think it were the booze, but they’re no better sober,” Seth added, “I mean, remember that ‘show’ they put on at the family festival.”
Devon covered his face in shame, “Oh god, don’t remind me.  How did they even sting up the teachers like that, anyways?! Like, it looked like they were hanging from their—”
“I don’t know and I don’t want to ever know.”
By now, their fathers had descended into childish slapping. Taking that as their cue to leave, the two boys retreated to Devon’s room.
---
“Are you sure we should do this, Dev? They may be drunk off their asses, but they’re still here.”
Seth shifted a bit underneath the teen as Devon tried pulling at his shirt.
“Don’t worry. Plus, what’s the worst they can do like that?”
As if the heavens had been waiting to prove them wrong, the door from the room next to Devon had been slammed open, followed by sounds of scuffling.
“You taste like pisswater.” A high voice muttered,
“Same for you,” a gruffer responded.
Suddenly, a cold chill ran down both teen’s spines,
“Oh god.”
The two prayed that the older men weren’t doing what they thought they were doing. But again, heaven laughed at their pitiful prayers .
“You sure you can make it stand, old man?”
“Oh, I can make it stand, alright.”
A gasp came from the other room. A single tear of shame streaked down Seth’s cheek as he realized that it was his dad getting felt up.
“Sure you won’t break your hip.”
“It’s gonna be you that’s going to have the broken hip when I’m done with you.”
Now it was Devon’s turn to weep.
--
The sounds of the two grown men grunting in the next room made the two youths try in vain to silence the horrid sexual noises, but nothing worked.
“C’Mon, is—nng—that all you got, you old perv?”
“I don’t want to break such a fragile—haah—thing so easily.”
“In that case…”
The sounds of bodies being flipped, followed by another groan from both men.Devon and Seth were both sure that some god above was laughing. Probably at them and their ‘misfortune’.
--
When morning came, the two were dead silent. Their backs were to each other, and a look of both shame and horror were engraved on their faces. The looks only worsened once Devon had asked,
“So, who’s was bigger?”